This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Ok,yall have to get on the 'hiway to hell', see ya'll in the morning..... love and chocolate..
Red, hope your sale is a success and bless you for keeping the dog that has driven you insane.....hugs
She said water is too cold, I said have a wipe....she said makes my hands feel wet???? ladeeM, I 'm always reading your post and tell you what this AC site is causing me very addictive..LOL take care!!
I have gotten over my second bout with some enteric bug of some sort. Lost work days each time.
Caught the old cow coming out of bathroom and I know she didn't wash her d*mn hands.
Looked her right in eye when she was out at the table waiting for breakfast and asked 'how often do you wash your hands???'. Not one bloody answer. Usually she gets all huffy and does her little narcissism dance but there was absolutely nothing.
Now, how the h*ll do I protect myself against her?
two cents ¢¢
Ya Shilo, that's what I will do , go to the library if it takes too long... but so far, I am up and running today WOOT WOOT
I read about this all the time on here, have for years, and now I am there myself.... Guess I will have to get in touch with the daughter for using the 'magic pill' tonight..... I absolutely DREAD going to work..... that is my vent for today.....
I know exactly what you mean. Was your dad in the service? Have you checked their Aid and Attendance program?
My turn to vent. I have tried for 2 years now to get paid through this program but I'm not eligible bc I am also my mother's representative. You can't be an attendant and a representative in SC. I do not know of anyone willing to 'volunteer' to be her representative so I can be paid to be her attendant. Her case manager can give me a list of people to call and ask if they want to be my mother's attendant but why would I want to take the time to do that? Only to have someone else be paid to do what I still have to do the rest of the time the attendant is not there, no thank you. Talk about resentment. When you don't have any income at all even alittle bit would help. I have no health insurance and not eligible for help either. Can't even afford to have any needed tests done. So not to be eligible to be paid to be the attendant bc of a technicality really burns. Sorry I have vented but I spent the past couple months writing letters to the state rep's and senate on this issue.
http://www.pascenter.org/documents/paid_family_caregiver_programs.pdf
And Ladybelle, kudos to you for knowing you were in over your head.... working with Alz/dementia is like Dante's Inferno of Alz.... so many levels its daunting....that's why I am so burned out I can only talk to you like YOU are the one with Alz....If I didn't come here, I would not know how to talk to people at all......
Did I tell ya'll I'm gonna be a grandma???? OH Yes, I sure did, but I am sure I will repeat myself again and again and again as this is the environment I am in all the time..... lol.... love and hugs to all of you....
It's bewitching hour.. "You have no sympathy for me" "as long as I'm quiet", " there's no one here " blah, blah, blah...
Assisted living is not as fully staffed as a NH. It is for someone that needs little supervision. Most places have websites were you can gather information before you visit. Type in assisted living or nh in (your area) and see what is available. You don't have to commit to any of them even if you visit.
Shilo8 I think that's a pretty good idea. I know I was appalled when I toured what my sister (the nurse that has dealt with them) termed 'the best she knows of' and found the bed they were offering my mother has sheets on it covered in fecal stains....this is their 'selling' bed? they couldn't find a clean sheet? I don't want my mother in that situation.
I completely misunderstood dementia when I was thrusted into the role of caregiver. Not really seeking to be caregiver, but felt obligated as a daughter. I thought dementia meant loss of memory, and not able to recognize places or people or lack of understanding and physical limitations due to aging. I did not know it came with behavior issues too, such as resisting care, verbal abuse, unjustified complaining , paranoia, delusions, and hitting. I've experienced it all with two parents. Sometimes both going on at the same time. As much as I wanted to be helpful, loving, understanding, I realized that I was way, waaaaaay over my head and need professional assistance. They are both in assisted living. They are angry about it, but it's saving my sanity...Thanks for listening...just needed to vent.
Like 'they' won't be in the nursing home...like she's gonna be SOOO much better off there than with me. She won't be eating what she wants, having her own private room or hoarding money in the damn nursing home. Nor will she have her doctors.
I blew up at her...screamed and yelled and cried. Told her she has never loved me and of course she'd rather have strangers take care of her than me...
it's not been good.