This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
And all week has been nuts at work...Mr. M has had this catheter problem since they put it in over a week ago.. have had to call the daughter to take him to the ER three times... and of course it's usually early am, like three or four when he finally decides to admit he is hurting..... so I am in there every 15 minutes trying to get the damned thing to drain, I am getting frustrated because he is not letting me know if he is hurting.... THEN when it's HIS idea, I call the daughter..... I know she is exhausted also, she works everyday, but this is also where I have to bite my tongue in half, and not offer 'suggestions'...... the hospital they go to is 85 miles from here....so apparently THIS time, the Dr. decided this catheter isn't working..... I don't have an MD.... and I KNEW that... !!!!
And of course last night L decides she is 'going home' and then she got nauseated and I was running between them for over an hour, waiting for MrM to say ok, call the daughter... I was NOT a happy camper by the time the day lady got there.....AND the girl that was supposed to take that last day for me, won't be coming in for two weeks..... so ya, if I didn't keep my mind on that little precious gift from God on it's way.... I'd f'king kill someone.....
I am tired, sore, you would think with this much fat I'd bounce, but noooooo, but am grateful I didn't break anything, just my pride.... thank God I was alone...my cat came running over and I swear she had a smirk on her face... !!!!
Anyway, thanks again for the well wished , will make sure my daughter knows how many people are grateful for this little miracle.... that baby will have soooo many grannies..... what a blessing!!!!
So, need to get ready for work now, but wanted you all to know that I DO have 'conversations' with ya'll while I am at work.... lol.... in my head.... but if I feel the need, I will start having them out loud..... love and hugs to you all....
So, I was brainstorming and wondered if hydrogen peroxide would do the trick. I googled the info to see if I use the pure form or mix it with water. Hmmm. Actually, White Vinegar is even better. I will need to remember to do it tomorrow night after I shower. Just fill up halfway those ziploc sandwich bag, wrap it around the head, and rubberband it into place. Give it 12 hours and it is as good as new.
She even recommended using 1 cup of white vinegar on your laundry rinse cycle (if you have the top drop machine) and a few drops of peppermint oil (antibacterial). I'd like to give that a try.
Love you to bits.
LadeeM... congrats!! :)
Do not give up on the disability. It usually takes at least three tries before you get it. That's just the way the system works. Once dad passes away and it does not sound as though it will be a long way away you will loose his income then too so if you can summon the strength go to social security and ask for help now. Have you considered consulting hospice for your Dad. Why not give them a call and they will come and visit and explain their services to you. Also contact your Area on aging office and see what help they can offer. You are both probably able to qualify for meals on wheels. Catholic Charities may also be able to help. Re reading your post you must have some help to have the equipment for dad be it public health or hospice. give either a call and talk to their social worker.
Loose the shame and guilt you were pushed beyond your limit and you did not run away or slit your wrists you wrote to use and it takes a strong woman to do that.
lots of people will be here for you and ready to advise. it is your sisters who should be feeling the shame and guilt. By their inattention they are abusing both you and their father and should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves. Blessings
The family of an elderly called 911 for a wellness check. Their father was not answering the phone. The fire dept sent 4 men to check it out. They saw thru the window his legs on the ground. They break into the house. He was slightly bluish and the house smelled terrible. 1 + 1 = 2. One man even checked his wrist and couldn't feel a pulse. So, they called dispatch and requested the coroner. Just as he was done. The old man suddenly sat up. All 4 men screamed and flew backwards. One knocked down the table and vase. The captain flew backwards to the wall and got knocked out. The man was angry that they were in his house. He's mad that he wakes up to hear screaming. Like little girls. It was hilarious.
The other one was a couple who were stuck inside deep. The female's body clamped down hard on him, and then got stuck - clamped. She suggested that he hit her with the frying pan. If she is unconscious, her body would relax and release him. Whack! on the head. She's unconscious and he's still stuck. So he calls 911. She came to, saw the EMTs and started hitting him for calling 911. The EMT said that when the female body clamps like that, there's nothing that the participants can do. Just call 911 and let the doctors undo it.
Lavender, i will feel the same way when my mom goes. Hugs to you.
My mom lives in thornton and i took her to church yesterday even though it was snowing and to church.
Question is it normal for them to argue to get their own way. She argued with me
Today about what she wanted to do andit was all about her. I finally toldher I hadd to go.