This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Actually, there is no way of explaining Eurovision to anyone who hasn't seen it. Watch footage by all means, if you're interested, but you have to bear in mind that ONLY Eurocrats steeped in federal ideology actually believe that this is a genuine cultural event. Every normal person knows it's a robo-festival dreamed up and funded by civil servants and has zero to do with music.On the other hand, it's often hysterically funny, and sometimes punctuated by one or two seriously good acts that have been chosen almost accidentally by their respective countries.
The UK came 17th. Alas. I would say why this was terribly unfair to our lovely singer, except I am having trouble remembering which one she was. But they were all pretty good this year so I'm not being rude to her.
Mother sat through this thing and then said she wanted to go back to the news channel. The news was that Chicita Wurst had won the Eurovision Song Contest...
I. Don't. Think. So. But if he wasn't telling who was I to ask?
There were commemorations of the D Day landings a few years back on the BBC, and an excitable children's t.v. programme took a few elderly veterans back to the beaches for their unique perspective on the battle. Some misguided producer had set up a machine gun emplacement for the old men to relive their youth. One of the veterans did take a turn at firing. The young presenter was enthusiastic until the solemn-faced veteran explained that he was remembering what he'd seen, and the penny dropped. Old soldiers know that war is not entertaining.
But the comradeship away from theatre, that's another thing altogether. My FIL, who was only in the forces for the war and left straight after; and my BIL, who was in the Navy but didn't see official action; both hugely valued the lifelong friendships they made. I suppose there's never anything quite like it again.
Ladee M so glad your test results came back ok, and that it was not what you were fearing...
everyone take care of yourselves...I'm trying to get ready for a garage sale so we can get back to a normal routine and take some time to just spoil each other, and enjoy life inside the house again...LOL
I am counting my blessings today. I took the 2 zebra finch babies from my male/female pair's last clutch of eggs to the pet store today, and earned $10 from that. Not much, but it's $10 I didn't have before. Then I had to turn around and spend that $10 on yard waste bags, but hey - easy come, easy go, right?
Mom is smelling particularly unpleasant today, but - surprise, surprise - she just went into the bathroom and I hear water running in the shower! Glory hallelujah, and angels singing! LOL I only had to ask once this time. :-)
It's the little things...never thought I'd see the day when getting my elderly mother to take a shower so the house doesn't smell bad would be something that made me so happy ....
Wanda - I LOVE spellcheck. The image of somebody "posh-poshing the idea" is delightful :) - almost onomatopoeic! But what's less delightful is people who ARE NOT THERE dismissing the much better-informed sense of there being something wrong from the person who is there. If you are worried that your mother is becoming ill with depression, don't wait for permission or consensus - tell her doctor what you've observed.
Bronchitis does take it out of a body, it's true. Are things picking up with the longer hours of daylight and warmer weather? I know it sounds like a cliché but it's still true - a bright sunny day can do a lot to lift the spirits.
Don't be alone - we're only virtually in your home, but we are real. Big hug.
Anne..... the gentleman that I take care of does the same thing about his time in the service.... he never saw action, of any sort, but to hear him tell it , he was on the front lines.... I have learned to 'uh huh, oh really' at all the right times and couldn't tell you a thing he said....sorry you sister is a dolt and won't help.... but that is the main song sung on this site...... pay that 'fortune' and get out when you can.... it's only money, and sanity is scarce.
Our pastor came to visit and yay, it was a chance for the dissertation on WW11 for an hour before I left the room. You tell me folks, how is it that a 90 year spent 4 years in the military and that was the highlight of his life. How about the other 86 years if his life. This WW11 crap was shoved down my throat since I was 3. I am sick of hearing about some by-gone era, I am sick of not having my own life and I absolutely despise my dumb sister who, by the way is a therapist who can't get a job. Funny thing about therapists. Many if them go into that field to address their own problems and find that they are at home in a therapist's office even though they are on the other side if the desk. Pack of nuts.
And I truly appreciate all the support... and ya'll helping me to keep believing in myself..... it's not that so much, as I am simply tired, Apparently I am not making myself clear, about what working for C did to me... what I allowed to transpire.....and my heart has not been the same.... the straw that broke the camel's back????? I own that I stayed too long at that job... but on the other side of that coin.... I do not regret one second with Gene and Stu..... so, since life in general is a balancing act..... that's what I did.... it was selfishness I guess... not wanting to loose any time with either one of them..... and in a matter of months Gene died.... I have such strong feelings about what happened and tho 'hate' is not what I feel.... I don't 'hate' anyone.... but from pure neglect and C's family absolutely aware she could not care for Gene... I will always believe the man died from neglect..... but I had to leave that job.... and I am tired of 'leaving'..... tired of the stupid hassles with family members just to get to do my damned job !!!!! I know I am not conveying how much I need a break from all this.... too many of you know exactly what I am talking about....many of the feelings are the same, paid or not.....but just can't seem to regroup after C..... and the bottom line, I don't have to... it is what it is.... I'll grow wherever I am planted .... and I know a vacation would not help.... ahhh, I'm tired of thinking about it.... going to go make some clay dentures now... lol... love ya'll, and my gratitude for all of you never changes.... and that is a good thing for me..... love, hugs, angels and chocolate....
Book can you hide dads's pills in the fridge or freezer. put it is a food box of something sis would never touch.
Onedoor, ya, you know if I had one bad family, well that is to be expected every now and then... but for me to fall off into one after the other... I just have to question what part I play in it all... my attitude? My tone of voice? something.... or as I choose to see it... it is God telling me.... give it up... let it go... just be the princess you were meant to be. LOL
LadeeM- you are not jinxed, but you have had some pretty bad runs, haven't you? (with clients' families, I mean!) I didnt read back to see what the problem is right now but I know you will work something out. Just make sure you take care of you! I have been pretty lucky with the people who work with my mom but then I am a pretty understanding person anyway.... Too bad you cant come to where i live and help me with my mom!
Book , so sorry you not only have to battle your father but your sister too! Does she just not get it???? or is she too intimidated by your dad? want us to come over there and knock some sense in to her??? wish we could! we would probably form a very long line to take turns!!!
It's morning, time to get up. He is pissed off. He just discovered the pill bottle missing.
Book, would there be any mileage in telling every pharmacist and health food store you know your father goes to that he is allergic to these products and if they sell to him they are risking his health? You've got to cut off supply without its being your fault, somehow. Goodness it must be frustrating.
Just supper to get out of the way (and bath, and t.v., and late snacks, and eye drops, and meds, and the rest… but you know what I mean) and today will be done. "Come what come may, time and the hour run through the roughest day." I wouldn't mind but it started so well.
My test results came back.... I am perfect.... all my numbers are as they should be..... my bad cholesterol is only one point above what it should be.... so not to bad for a fat woman who loves chocolate, but lets stress do her in..... hmmmmm.
Only she doesn't. She's forgotten it. So that was a bit depressing. Daughter and I sat and encouraged her without actually cheating, and eventually she got the corners and edges sorted out. Then it ground to a halt. And she can't remember anywhere she's lived. Or where we born. Or when. Or when she was born. And I'm not sure if she REALLY can't remember or if I've just inadvertently depressed her and put her into a negative tailspin.
Oh well. Might as well go and finish it myself. At least it'll keep me out of mischief for five minutes, me and my bright ideas… :(
I wonder how that happens when you never leave your house without me!!!
I just hate to hide the pills in the bedroom. The only room in the house with air con is the livingroom, where father is with the hospital bed. My room is so hot, it's stuffy. I don't even stay in it too long because I start sweating immediately - even with the fan on. When I touch the prostate bottle, it's hot. And the pills are not suppose to be in a hot room. So, I keep putting it back in the air con room, then sis does this, and then I'm forced to hide it again. Yeah, same crap - different day. It's like the mice chasing it's tail. Or was that the dog chasing it's tail?
Now, sis keeps commenting how forgetful he is. And every time I come home from work, he would ask for his 2 pills - but it's no longer in the dispenser. So I always verify with sis if she gave it to him for dinner. She said yes. So she KNOWS how forgetful he is.
Then one night, I saw him pick up a bottle by his table, opened it, and took pills out. I was shocked and then angry when I saw it was the prostate bottle. Sis gave him the whole bottle! Now he's taking it whenever he thinks it's night time (after he wakes from a short nap.) I took the bottle away and hid in the bedroom. I knew that sis would just go to the cabinet, open a New bottle and give it to him. So, I confiscated all 4 unopened bottles and hid those, too. Terrible arguments from that night on because he wanted that bottle. He was also so mad when sis told him that I also took the bottles in the cabine. He demanded for it. I said no. I will give it to him daily.
So every day, I put aside 2 for dinner. For the past 3 or 4 days, I noticed that the pills remained in the dispenser pill box. I just figured sis did not give it to him for dinner and he 'forgot' to take it.
Tonight, as I was changing his pampers and his shirt, he was scratching himself like crazy. I looked at his back. From this morning to tonight, he has broken out in very bad rashes/hives! I KNEW that he was overusing pills again. I turned to his table by his bed. There! On the table, was a prostate pill bottle! I am just so angry and Disgusted with sis. I can't believe it. I'm tired of all this b.s. I try not to interfere. But if I don't, these pills can damage his insides and then I will have more work to do. Not sis. Me.
She can be eating dinner right here in the livingroom. When I walk in from work at 7pm, father would immediately ask me what's for dinner. Me! So, now I have to find soft food for him, and meat/rice for me. Sis finishes her meal. Does she offer to get him dinner so that I can get mine? No. Instead, she said to just give him banana cake! {{imaginary thunking of my head against the wall}}. I gave him the microwavable Lean Cuisine noodle. He ate all the food from his plate. I don't know anymore. Yep, I did confiscate that other prostate pill bottle. I can't wait until tomorrow when father notices it's missing from his table. Not!!!!