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Red,
There have been and number of stories on the news in the past year or so that deaths from Alzheimer's are underreported. Docs are starting to use language that mentions the exact cause and qualifying it as "due to Alzheimer's disease". In order to receive priority for funding research it is very important that Alzheimer's be listed on the death certificate. That is the only method the medical community has to develop statistics from. Alzheimer's will cause bodily functions to shut down. The brain forgets to send the appropriate signals to keep functions operating. Just as many become bed bound because the disease has made them forget how to walk.

So, a lesson for all of us, when our loved one passes, make sure the doc lists Alzheimer's as a contributing factor if not the direct cause of death.
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My first night a free woman... went to my fav Mexican Resturant and treated myself to my fav shrimp dish.... got a call from my great-nephew.. was setting in my car talking to him and these two ladies and a young man came out of the restaurant...I am seeing the young man in distress, problems breathing.... I hung up on my phone call and went running over there... young man was having a panic attack.... got him slowed down and ok and had to go call my poor little nephew back..... just hung on him.... it's funny now, but at the time, Caregiver 101 kicked in...make sure they are breathing.... lol....

So guess if I really want to relax and not think about caregiving.. I will have to stay home.... !!!!!
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Red, your MIL had all that, and they only put Adv.Alzh? You got me curious, so I went to check my mom's death certificate. She passed away last year in March here at home most likely in her sleep because at that time, she was sleeping all day and night. Her DC says that she has Alzheimer disease. Cause of death is arteriosclerotic cerebrovascular & cardiovascular disease. Really? I just thought she died because her body started shutting down. Okay..time for bed. past midnight.
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STP, one thing I can say about the Japanese, they sure have some great stuff! Every time someone comes back from visiting Japan, they have these very pretty souvenirs. I am just sooo envious of them. A client bought some sweet packaged gift pudding and gifted it to me. I'm more into chocolates so I gave it to dad. He loved it! I keep forgetting to stop by the Japanese Market store and see if they have something similar. Another time, when a customer brought the bean something gift, again, my father loved it. Some of my treasured gifts is a kimono girl pencil holder, 3 kimono girls bookmarks, a tiny tea set, and this beautiful small fan. One day, if I can just find a friend whose Japanese and is familiar with the subway/railway, I would love to visit Japan. I've gone there only one time as a tour group just for the weekend. I actually went to the Disney Sea. Needless to say, everything was in Japanese. But the grounds were clean, no trash at all. Amazing...

STP, I saw a documentary in the International channel. It was a program about helping the older Japanese people. Instead of letting them just stay home and do nothing, they set up work programs for them. It was agricultural. They, themselves, harvested/reaped their plantings and made some income. They were so happy to be doing something useful and meaningful in their lives. You can see it when they were interviewed. All I kept thinking was.. if I squatted down like that, I won't be able to stand up. Someone is going to have to pull me up. Stamina....
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Red, there are collectors of dolls, hold out for a good price......
STP, good to see you here, hope you come back and visit....

I am brain dead....closed my eyes at work and woke up when the day lady came in the door.... so going to bed... get caught up with everyone after a good sleep.... love and hugs.
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Well, You know what "laughter is best medicine you could/ can get" something like that!!!??? bookluvr l'm Japanese, too.... When we became caregivers seem to me we do help other anytime and anywhere we are....always aware of our surrounding to assist who need help...
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Got MIL death certificate in the mail yesterday...she had been diagnosed with Parkinson's, cancer, COPD, blindness, she was almost deaf, and bedridden at the end...they listed the cause of death as advanced Alz...not sure what that had to do with vomiting blood 2 feet in the air...I guess it doesn't really matter it just surprised me to see that as the cause of death...will admit that the dementia in the last week had her calling for her mama over and over again...still waiting on the new carpet to get installed so we can move back in the house...decided to paint a Morracan design on a cabinet to keep me out of trouble...found a buyer for all of MIL Lena Liu humming birds...she had 3 pieces, a mobile, a wall hanging and a figurine...got 225.00 for them which is only a portion of what she paid, but the lady came to pick them up and I didn't
have to mess with shipping them. Now if I can just find a buyer for her Dewees Cochran doll, I will really be a happy camper...actually there is more stuff than that but that stupid doll cost 535.00 back in 83 and I can't believe there are that many people out there who would come close to that???? I really hope this is the last time I have to go through all of someone else's stuff and try to liquidate it...
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Reminds me of a woman in the salon the other day. She was waiting for her appointment, me for mom to finish up. This woman was reading something on her smart phone that absolutely kept her laughing for 15 minutes until she was called for her appointment. Did I think she was wacko, hmm, probably yes, but at the same time I thought I wish I could laugh like that. And seeing her laugh that way did brighten my day.
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I'm reading a mystery book #6. I didn't care at all for book 1-4. The past 2 books (5 and 6), I've been chuckling a lot. Yesterday, I went to Pizza Hut to order take outs - 3 personal pan pizzas. While waiting for it, I sat on the other side of the bench from an elderly Japanese lady. I kept chuckling as I was reading. I noticed on the side of my eyes, how she kept eyeing me as I kept giggling. When her take out was ready, I saw that her hands were full. So, still holding my book, I jumped up, rushed to the door and opened it for her. As she turned to the door, she stopped in surprise. I smiled. And she kept thanking me, and bowing, and thanking. sigh... I know that when I giggle while reading, people tend to give me this "look". I've had those 'looks' given to me since high school. I think people just never met anyone who Laughs when they read books. So, I think the elderly lady may have thought I was "cuckoo." When I rushed to open the door for her, she realized that I'm not cuckoo...?? Her look of surprise and repeated bowing and thanking just made my day. It's soooo nice when I open doors for people that Finally someone thanked me. (Most people just walk in without acknowledgment..as if I'm the doorman.)
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jlttks, I'm sorry about your mom. You must feel so awful about what happened. I agree with what everyone said above. You and even the health Professionals were not aware that your mom could no longer swallow liquid. My mom was like that. She would drink and start choking so badly, her face turned dark purple. It was very stressful and scary. It got to the point that I didn't want to give her anything through the mouth. As I read your comment, I felt so bad for you. And I imagined myself with my mom in that situation. The guilt will eat you up. At the moment, you don't give a darn. But when you think you have reached The End, and feel like you're drowning with no way out but .... if there's a teeny tiny bit of spark within you that I call the 'survivor' wants to survive, please, seek help.

Here on island, they have a respite services. You don't have to be dirt poor to qualify. All they look at is how critical is your care receiver and you the caregiver. Since I'm caring for a bedridden parent who is 'difficult', I qualify. Father's retirement and my income would definitely not make us qualify for 99% of these federal fundings for the poor. I call us the poor middle income family. But I am soooo glad that this local/federal program do Not look at income but based on the need. They provide for me about 5 or 6 Free visits to a therapist a year. And I learned a lot from this. {{HUGS}}
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I didnt mean to report a post. I cant sleep tonight.when I talked to mom on the phone. Shesaid sometimes shebdoesnt want to even try to do what shensuspose to do. Ibget so tired of her game so she can have her own. I feel like giving up sometimes. I am on bloodbpressure pills and seizure medication. Today she drove nuts. Anybody have any ideas what to do? Pami
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Jttks - I am so sorry that you are still going through so much guilt. Should, coulda, woulda never helps. How were you to know about the shake. My mom died three months ago. I left my mom in hospital; ward to get her meds straight and seeing that she was looking so weak I asked the nurse is she was okay. they said that she was. I stayed as long as I could and went home. I got a call that she was in CCU. You and I were with our mom in there last hours. A lot of people do not get to be with their loved ones at that time. Sometimes I think about me leaving the hospital and I get really sad. At these times I tell here how sorry I am and it makes me feel better. Please take care of YOU!!!!
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jlttks. I don't know of anything else that Ladee M did not say to comfort you.
Sometimes God works in mysterious ways and this was his way of calling Mom home. There is no guilt about any of your actions either getting Mom the drink or not being there when she took that sip. You would not have been able to save her. The drs and nurses did what they were trained to do but God had other plans. You and your brother were able to share those two last peaceful days before she passed with no suffering. It was very hard to watch but you gave each other strength. you will cry that is a way of washing away the pain but have you thought that maybe Dad is also putting on a brave face every day for your benefit. Can you put your arms around him and let him know how much you miss Mom and maybe you can both grieve together instead of separately. stop dwelling on the way mom died and begin to remember as she was and all the things she used to do. Maybe starting to put together a memory book would help. Certainly some grief counciling would help. Most hospices have a grief councilor and you can use their services even though Mom was not a hospice patient. They also have groups where you can share your experiences or just sit and listen to others. Mom is in Heaven if she is looking down she would hate to see you suffering for something you did not do.
Blessings
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jlttks111 - I am so very sorry for your loss and what you experienced those last few days of your mom's life. Grief goes deep. So very, very deep for those of us whole love so much. It's coming up on 7 months since my mom died in my arms, in our home, in the hospital bed in our living room that I sleep in every night now with our dog. Today is my birthday - April 30. April 22 is my mom's birthday. Our first birthdays without each other. For me, it gets harder every day. I can't go anywhere without crying. I keep the blinds drawn and the curtains closed since she died. I don't want to look outside. The world is going on and I just want to shout STOP. STOP FOR A MOMENT. MY MOM DIED! EVERYBODY STOP! There are so many wonderful caregivers here on this site who understand - we are so different from everyone else. God chose us.
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Wanting. Instead of keeping mom home to spend down her savings why not let her spend it herself on nursing home care, that is if you want her to.

Laura if all else fails put on a short skirt and stand on a corner instead of putting poor hubby out there with a sign around his neck.

If someone told me I was going to daycare my reply would be "over your dead body" now if they said it was a quilting group, or art circle, or maybe learn pottery or perhaps to knit socks for the soldiers in Afghanistan I might be ready well before the bus came. Of course I would know I could show those old ladies a thing or two and probably was better than the instructor - but that's another story.

It's the same thing with "Diapers" That seems such a demeaning word and something to be ashamed of. that actually wouldn't personally bother me but it does others so if the trade names don't cut it how about "protective panties for those of you not familiar they are quite comfortable and the pull ups do come in pink these days.

So Ladee M you are going rock hunting just be careful not to steal anybody's rocks or you will get that training faster than you think!!!!!! Only one more night. that was what I used to tell myself on the last night of my 21 on call. 7 whole nights to sleep.
Don't even think of caregiving for those three glorious days. better fix the scar on the gnomes face too he might cast a spell, he's probably pretty mad already.

Read the article on end of life care for the patient with BPN this morning. that contains so much useful information and I learned a lot. When i was working we had frequent in service training some of which were mandatory such as the yearly infection control but I don't remember anything anywhere near as helpful as this.
I also downloaded the out of the fog book to my Amazon kindle but have not started reading that yet. I am constantly amazed at the new things I learn from the caregivers on this site. You are never too old to learn something new. at least it keeps me out of daycare
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*jlttks'.... sorry.
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ilttks111, please know this could have happened had one of the nurses given your mom a sip of water..... I understand how you feel tho.... and my heart hurts for you for thinking you are responsible for your moms passing..... I pray you get some kind of counseling.... this will be hard to work thru to the other side.... we can tell you all day it wasn't your fault, but one day you will come to understand that it was simply moms time..... sending you lots of hugs and understanding...... let us know how you are doing.... we hope you come back and stay in touch.... everyone of us understand and are here for you...
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ilttks111- Please don't be so hard on yourself!... You're a very loving daughter who went way beyond what most would do. When my father was very sick (a long time ago) I also brought my father a shake from BK, because I knew he wasn't eating and loosing weight (I was only 18!)... At that time, I didn't know if it would be good or bad for him... didn't give it a thought!... I'm only glad he doesn't have to suffer any more and I do feel his presence with me all the time... Dear sweet daughter, please take care of yourself and gentle your mind... I also highly recommend seeing a counselor (church or psychologist) to get over your guilt if need be... You're too young to carry this kind of burden throughout your life and you don't deserve to!... God will help you through it all... Love, Lynn
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Good morning. I continue to struggle with severe depression while being only caregiver for my dad. I put a huge smile on my face around him daily. At night when everyone is asleep...or mornings before he gets up...I cry..a lot. Glad I have this time. Lost mom last year after caregiving for her for 4 years. I feel all the things ..guilt, saddness, emptiness..ect, that caregivers feel..plus the thing I am trying to deal with the most is...I brought mom a milk shake when she was in the hospital recovering from pneumonia. I asked the nurses..they said fine...My dad and brother came to visit her, and I left for a few hours. While I was gone, she took some milkshake and choked and inhaled it into her lungs..she was too weak to cough..they could not save her...she tried and tried to breath..then had a stroke..she laid..peacefully for two days, then passed. I came back right away after she choked..but was too late...The guilt I feel daily hurts to my core. I stayed the entire time she was dying. My brother did too. Dad could not handle it...this pain is unbearable. I am on two antidepressant s....so, that's my day.
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Bonni, LOL, ya that would be my luck wouldn't it.... taking care of PRISONERS.... and no Veronica, haven't had time to get in any trouble.... but maybe now that I am only working four night... hmmmm, who knows..!!!
I asked the daughter last night if she had found anyone yet... a lot of mumble, double talk and avoidance, then I said, well, I won't be here Thrus night, so hope you find someone... she called back about an hour later and has someone!!!!! Isn't it amazing when you just have to get stupid and rude to get someone off their a**.... and she hired the caregiver that I love the most !!! We have worked together before... she is excellent and will be an asset to that family.... so progress in health and work.....

wanting, happy to hear the meds are making a difference....it's good to hear that you will be getting some mental rest for a change...

Laura, maybe it won't take long to get some money put back so you can do what you enjoy doing..... that is the sick part of having to work... we get stuck doing things we don't want to do.... so prayers you get what you are looking for...

So, work tonight and then off for three glorious days.... not going to know how to act... and this weekend is supposed to be nice.... I am actually going to get to go rock hunting..... because I will be rested up some....

so hope you all find one thing to be grateful for today..... thank you all for the awesome support... hugs, love, angels and CHOCOLATE !!!!!
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Assandy, I laughed at your announcement with enrolling your mom in Adult Daycare. Maybe name it another name like Adult Classes. I have read how one poster’s mother would fight her every time before going to daycare. When she picks her up she either had a great time or not. When poster asked daycare, she was told that her mom had a fun time. So, even if your mom tells you one thing, best to get a 2 nd opinion (so your conscience doesn’t bother you for nothing.)

Wanting, don’t know what to say. Assisted living? If not, can you find someone to come to the home and give you respite maybe twice a week? If impossible, how about once a week? Make it a midweek – when businesses have normal working hours – and you can do whatever you want on that 1 day off from caregiving. Too bad family is not as supportive as we all would like.
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on the plus side, the Aricept and Namenda is doing wonders for her...she has regained her hunger and is 'present' with me. Saturday, we were out of the house for several hours and on the way back she said "there's a Denny's lets stop and get something to eat"...I nearly had a wreck...she has not wanted to eat out in over four years. She cleaned her plate and seemed very happy. She's been in a great mood and hungry.
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exhausted.

wound up touring an Alzheimer's unit at the nursing home we selected...and realized my mother is no where near that stage yet. So we are going to try to keep her home. If no other reason than we need to spend down her savings account. We will use that money to hire a sitter..IF I can find one.

In the meantime, I am revolving around three relatives, an aunt, my sister and my niece. My sister is kicking about coming to sit one day a week and I am not getting more than that. She also wants us to try leaving mother alone at least one day a week.

she says "Just because I 'can't' come more often (and gripes about the one day) that doesn't mean I don't WANT to come more!" I am not sure what other spin I could possibly put on it. She doesn't work, she didn't have a problem being out of the house when she was working and had three kids...now that she has only one child at home and no job, suddenly her housework takes days and days...

anyway...SHE doesn't want mother to be in a nursing home (except when I ask her to stay...THEN she's all "are we gonna put her in")..

ugh..

have another niece that will help once school is over...gonna drive up from Houston to stay some. Still looking for a sitter though
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Assandache... SO glad you were able to do this! Mom was in daycare for quite awhile... it was a blessing AND a curse. :) The bus could only take her one direction... so I had to rush around to get her and the grandkids picked up around the same time each day. She enjoyed it for a few years... when she only went part time... when it got bumped up to full time, it was just too much strain for her. We ended up bringing her home, and keeping her with us.

LadeeM... so glad it is turning out to NOT be Parkinson's! Take care of yourself... and enjoy that raise! You deserve it!

I still haven't heard back from the caregiving agency. I'm not sure if the "confirmed" report I have on file will keep me from getting the job or not. If it does... I might just have to go hunt down that hospice nurse who reported that I slugged my mother when all I did was smack her hand for punching me in the face!

Oh well... if its meant to be, it will happen. In the meantime, I plan on applying for a few more jobs. As much as I would love to just sell Tupperware and work on building my quilting business... I need money now! Hubby's SS just isn't cutting it for paying the bills. I might have to put his butt out on a corner somewhere... lol... maybe someone would pay me to take him OFF of the corner... rofl... :P

Have a GREAT evening!
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No Ladee as long as you haven't been doing something we don't know about, you don't have to go to prison.
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A&A-
Great on the day care! I don't know what I would do without it. But, keep I mind those therapeutic white lies to get her out of the house! I have to use them every day. But when I pick mom up, normally she has had a wonderful time and glad that there is this resource.
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I took a day off today and just slept. But i need a whole week to do nothing. Pami
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Your luck you would get stuck care-giving the other inmates! Sculpt what you see beauty in, and keep your nose clean! There is no internet in prison. We would miss you.
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Veronica, does that mean I get to go to prison???? LOL...I will ask about this when I go to WorkForce for info on any training jobs.... sounds boring, but bet the pay is descent..... I feel like I am in prison now.... like most caregivers... and we all wonder what we did wrong to get this punishment... and the really sad part.... I volunteer for this... I think that makes it twice as crazymaking... lots of hugs and chocolate

Assa, better for her not to be happy as opposed to you having to keep doing this until we both end up in the hospital..... she'll get used to it.... she may even enjoy it after awhile... but do it even if she doesn't.... you HAVE GOT to get a break..... sending you hugs and chocolate...
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Well I signed my Mom up for Adult Daycare.. She's not going to be happy!
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