This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
I saw it on TV the other night and they were training female inmates in a prison how to do this and I immediately thought of you. You would use your scultpting skills and be associated with healthcare. Just a thought but have no idea where you could train. Of course it might be deadly boring but not too hard on the body.
Nothing going on that can't be resolved.... so, she also explained that exhaustion and not having time to grieve will make the symptoms of ET even worse... and that part.... whew, was relieved to hear that !!! That is something I can do something about...
Told the daughter last night I want to go to four nights.... what can she do... of course she agreed.... and then, out of nowhere she says I got a dollar an hour raise.....
While that is a good thing, and me cutting back my hours, it will work out about even.... but it had to come to something like this for that raise???? See why I am getting to where I hate my job.... not the people I care for..... the damned politics of my job...
thank each of you for your support and prayers... I know that I don't realize how much I am cared about..... just never enters my mind....just blunder thru life and do what pops up in front of my face....so your love and prayers is acknowledged and appreciated......
Veronica... thank you for keeping me grounded with good information....it did help me to get focused on lesser of many evils in our caregiving lives...
I so rarely post anything about my health... but very grateful I did...wake up call , this was.... so headed toward the future.... love and appreciate you all, just can not imagine doing this journey without my AC family and friends.....
Last time I drove to Connecticut from Maine
I visited my mother in Bloomfield,
then my father in Vernon.
In my mother’s eyes I saw a phoenix rising;
soaring with freedom,
dancing, gardening, loving her many friends.
I savored her stories
as she recounted each blessing.
I held her in my arms
noting that now,
I was the bigger one.
But her former modelesque figure
had transformed into a petite form
graced with overflowing joy.
But my father’s form
was compact
as a snowball.
His pale skin was thin
and though his face was familiar
there was a weariness in his startling blue-gray eyes
and a hoarseness in his voice.
He coughed before he spoke
and thrust his head forward
forcing his words out.
Beyond his jokes, and wry comments,
there loomed gloomy thoughts of defeat.
When I left him
I mourned silently for his saddened soul.
Later that night,
I dreamt that I held him
like the Madonna cradling her dying Christ,
and though he was in my arms
I could not touch him.
The one year anniversary of mom's death is only 2 1/2 weeks away. Please keep us in your thoughts. It will be difficult. On top of that, the day after the anniversary... the body donor program is having a memorial service for all of their donors. We should get mother's cremains approximately a month later.
Today is my hubby's birthday, and he decided he wanted to go play pool... so... I find myself with a little time on my hands... I think I'll go play with my quilting machine. :)
Have a GREAT evening!
Do you think you could qualify for Medicaid or whatever has replaced it.
We know you are going to be alright but we worry and pray just the same. Love you, tough old broard or not.
Hugs to all!!!
It was a mini Christmas. It even included going to a meditation group. I was going to try a walk on the beach but Maine is still too cold. What a good idea though: line up several friends and let someone be hostess to you. How's that sound?
Before I left I made sure my mom had plenty of company and told a few relatives to call her.
So, had to share this with ya'll..... I'm going to be ok, no matter what..... love you all
What I'm trying to say is that you will be fine. I've been the recipient of bad news regarding my health and the Lord has held me up and brought me through it. He'll do the same for you too. Big strong hug.
So many things could cause your symptoms and stress could do it. Are you on any medication for stress? Best wishes at the doc, keep us all posted.
Ahhh Bonni, ya, I'm a tough old broad.... but this is wearing me out, what ever it is..... hopefully something simple and treatable.... I have noticed that I am a lot more rested today so the symptoms aren't as bad....just know that whatever it is, I have to find out and get some kind of meds or treatment... I still have waaaay too many things I want to do in my life...
Thanks for info Veronica....sending you all hugs.