This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Still waiting on the carpet...hope to get it installed next week. Went and ordered an OLD PEOPLES BED today...thermopedic and raises up and down like a hospital bed...hope elevating the head a little helps with heartburn...(as would staying away from spicy foods...what fun would that be) has a wooden frame so I won't have to mess with a bed skirt (hate those things) and can still use my old hand carved Indian screen for a headboard...one word to describe my mood today would be IMPATIENT...come on carpet!
the rest of the list is
Liver disease ? due to the alcohol
Brain infection
Brain tumor
Stroke
Carbon monoxide poisoning
Heavy metal poisoning
Psychiatric disease
Essential tremor disorder
Progressive supraneulear palsy
It may be time to give up caregiving but it certainly isn't time to give up on life.
oh yes and # 12 would be the side effects of certain medications
Love and hugs
I'm sorry about your suspicions of Parkinson. I sometimes watch my finger twitch all by it's own. Twice when I was driving, I suddenly realized that my head was swinging left and right as I was driving. Unnerved me - but not enough to go see the doc. I only panicked when one of my eyes would start twitching uncontrollably. I was going to clinic for that when SIL said that it's normal. That that's what happens when you're stressed out. So, I never went and got checked. Anyway, I did see a neurologist when I thought I was gettind demetia due to my forgetfulness.
Since you've been an experienced caregiver for about 30 years, I'm sure you recognize the signs. wow.... (as in unbelievable)... You will update us, right? {{{HUGS}}} of support.
Book...i'm sorry about your siblings sounds like they are just like mine. My sister lives a few hours away and were able to get with her family with mom for easter. But most of the time noone is around the just know i'm here so they think they have no worries. I put updates on facebook for my mom and mostly its just certain friends i know that even comment and funny its never my family. I have tried for years to change them but its all wasted energy. When I was a teenager I remember my father telling me my siblings are lazy and selfish...guess he knew his kids well. My sister's inlaws are getting dementia now and she is in denial. Says its just being forgetful but i think she will have a rude awakening soon. I also understand about the pampers/depends. My mom goes through several a day now, she keeps putting them on inside out too which leaves the padding on the outside. You need to plan your trips give you a break. Going to work is my break right now. Everytime I plan a trip something happens to cancel it unfortunately. Hugs!!
I went to the caregiver's monthly meeting today. A friend told me that if a cg doesn't attend these meetings, the program will not provide respite for them. These meetings are for the cg - and we need to support it by attending these meetings. So, I finally went today - since I'm off. We had bead-making activity for bracelets. I made a colorful one with my favorite color - purple. Since I'm thin, I had small beads in purple, and red, oriental blue.
The beadshop also provides massages. It was covered by the caregiver program but I didn't take advantage of it. I did get a card because the masseuse told me that she does have clients who are very ticklish. She charges a regular massage of $10 for 10 minutes. or $45.00 for 30 minutes. I'm seriously thinking of using her services for my constant neck and shoulder pains. If you want the deeper massage, it costs more. Next month's caregiving meeting will be on Physical Therapy. I work that day. So, I'm going to see if I can get my 1 week off around that time. Except the 17th is close to GRT payment which is by the 20th. So, I need to figure out how to do this.
Red - I hope you get your carpet soon. It will be nice for you to get back to your life. Take care of YOU!!!
Nothing new about the painting. I tried to file a complaint yesterday and police said that they could not do anything. It is really complicated. He told me to get an attorney. Right, I am not rich. I called the local better business bureau and filed a complaint and am waiting to hear back from them. Ya'll take care!!!
yes get away anywhere. Can one of your clients tell you how to get around in some of these exotic places. Why not go to Europe for the whole month there are youth hostels which are cheap and other travelers will help you get around. There are also rail and bus passes that can take you anywhere for a reasonable price.
Ask Country Mouse she at least lives in England. Even take a bus tour of interesting places they do it all. bed and breakfast is a big industry there. Go girl go. You deserve it and you need it
The other day, when he made a mess with his pampers, I just stood there staring. My mind went blank, and I just stood there staring. I Did Not Want To Do It Any More. I stood there without talking or moving for about 2 or 3 minutes. And the mess wasn't that bad. I don't know how far I can go before I break. I can't stand him. At least mom couldn't talk and call me names. I'm going to be okay.
I think I'm going thru menopause. For the past few days, everywhere I go, it's hot. It's so hot. I might have the beginnings of hot flashes. I'm not sweating. My body's temperature is not hot. I'm just hot inside, uncomfortable hot. I think I will need to go and dig up my Japanese folding fan and carry it in my purse. I'd better go now and look for it. I might forget. Later... thank you!!!
Hate yourself? You have to be kidding! You are a wonderful caring person, it's everyone else that's messed up.. You have no regrets you've managed to dig yourself out and keep going. That is a quality that I envy.. Plan your trips, you deserve each and every one..
When mom passed away last year, all my 7 siblings were going to attend her funeral. No one wanted to stay home with father who did not want to go. Guess who was going to stay? Me!!! Me - who spent the past 23 years of my life staying home to help dad caregive mom. Yet, THEY all were going to her funeral, while I stayed home. I am soooo bitter against all my siblings.
A while back, I wanted so badly to go to the states and be with my siblings. Since then, my mind have been going back and forth. Practical vs Wish. Lately, I've been remembering how my siblings were at mom's funeral. Something in me, the trusting, loyal person - became disillusioned. I truly never thought my siblings would be like the siblings that I read here on AC. I've learned the reality. As I remember mom's funeral, the greediness of my siblings, I realized that deep down, I am no longer the Me of years ago when I flew to Colorado and we took the car ride to Vegas. I realized that I truly have no desire, at this time, to be with my siblings. I'm still hurt and still disillusioned. So, this weekend, I'm going to plan my 4 week vacation and spread it out one week at 4 different months. I was toying with the idea of flying to Hong Kong for the weekend but hotel is expensive now. I've never been to Manila, Philippines but I've heard too many scary stories about going there. Japan is too expensive. Buying a ticket to Hawaii is about $1500.00 and that's not even including the hotel. I could always get the nerve to go to Korea except the political situation is scary. So, I'm stuck to being here. Plus, I need to start saving like crazy.
My daughter is having surgery today (nothing major) and my husband took the day off to bring her.. I wanted to be the one to take her!! BUT NO I have to be here with my Mom. If my husband stayed and I went, then Mom's morning would have screwed up the whole day... I have 6 siblings and can only depend on 1 of them to help care for Mom and she's not available today..I know it's not major surgery but I'm her Mom and she's never had surgery she wanted ME to go with her... This is the stuff that my siblings don't even have to consider when they have to make arrangements. They just do what they want, when they want! It pisses me off....
By the way not 1 of them called Mom on Easter!!!