This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
And Gene is with Stu,, and they are both at peace and perfect and no longer suffering any of our earthbound bs....... so I have my memories.... and they are priceless.... and for that I am grateful....
Lav, same thing happened to me with some jewelry I made, with gemstones, no less, and put on consignment.... they never did find that woman.... but , again. there is Karma.....so... it's out of my hands.... all the things going on around me right now.... out of my hands.....
love and hugs to all of you... and LadeeC, thanks for the CHOCOLATE !!!!
So, this morning, I woke up with a stuffed face. I had enough time to open a new 16oz bottled water. I made a mix of 1/4 Cup organic apple cider vinegar plus 1 tablespoon of honey. Poured it into my bottled water. I sipped it throughout work today. Wow! NO stuffy face. NO headache. But, my stomach didn't like it - too acidic. It's 910pm, and I'm still sipping it. I can breathe thru both sides of my nose. Darn! That means I will be able to smell father's poop better, too.
I just came from a dinner function by an airline. Most of the "meat" was shrimp. And the only real meat was so hard and too many chewy fats, I gave up trying to eat it. Everyone was raving how delicious the shrimp shumai and the shrimp sushi was. sniff. sniff. And I couldn't eat it. It's awful to eat a FREE dinner at a hotel and Not be able to eat all that seafood. I think they added that beef as an afterthought. And I'm a meat eater. All well.. they had delicious cheesecake and chocolate mousse cake. Yum!!! I love eating it together. Everyone was stuffed..except me. Being allergic to shrimp in an island surrounded by the ocean sure sucks!!!
Love and hugs to all of you, prayers for the hard times you are experiencing....and deep heartfelt gratitude to all my awesome friends that have my back....
Chrissy - Great news about the job and someone taking the load off of you a little. I hope the chiropractor helps you. Take care of YOU!!!!!
Book - Shame on you for reporting Glad. LOL I hope you will get relief for your pain soon. Take care of YOU!!!!
Assand - It is great that you were able to get out. I had to wait for the right moment to tell mom about Dr. too. Take care of YOU!!!
Monday - A terrific thing to do for your mom. It was so good that you were doing something positive for yourself. How was the Zoo? Take care of YOU!!!
LadeeM - So sorry about Gene. At least he knew you cared for him and have some wonderful memories. They should have told you. I hope the job situation gets better. Tale care of YOU!!!
Hi everyone - I've been looking for a job but it is hard to get back to that. I am soooo lazy. A month ago I brought a painting that was painted by my Great- grandfather and put it on consignment with a antique place downtown. I was on consignment for another month. I called them yesterday and the phone was disconnected. OH NO!!! I went down there and it is closed and the place is cleaned out. While I was there another person had the same problem. Apparently, I am not alone there were numbers listed of other people in the same situation. I will be going down there again tomorrow and file a complaint. This ain't to go away. Don't mess with the potato lady's daughter. I will have to tell you that story another time. Take care YOU ALL!!!
Tell you what, I'll worry about it if it happens and not before.
He is with Stu and that makes my heart rejoice for both of them.... he had no quality of life anymore.... so God blessed him and took him.....
It took everything I had to suck it up and go to work last night.... and of course L had a rough night.... didn't sleep..... just one of those things that life throws at you to see what you are all about.....
And ya'll know how I feel about the family, so no need to beat that dead horse.... so typical... doesn't mean it didn't hurt and make me angry..... but all things happen for a reason..... I have to keep telling myself that....
I appreciate all of you..... and it makes me feel like I 'belong' somewhere being here with all of you..... my heart hurts......
You know his family probably thought they should let you know about the NH. Hope that the current situation straightens out for you.
Then yesterday he's diagnosed with prostate cancer. Of course we need a lot more information than that, fortunately the health services in this area are pretty good so they won't keep him waiting around too long; but… ah. Not sure what this will do to his plans or mine.
At least his kids are being sweet to him for a change.
Well, fingers crossed it'll be the slow never-need-to-know-it's-there kind. Toes crossed too.
I heard this the other day, I've found it comforting: "don't be sad that it's over, be glad that it happened." Be glad you were there for Gene for all that time. Feel better soon xxx
LadeeC
Glad, why would I scare your mom??? Seriously, may be something I need to look at....hugs and thanks for the positive response.... I am so lost right now about this whole care giving thing....
Assa, ya, this was supposed to be 'temporary'...... and as I just shared, I am just lost right now... got an email that Gene passed away Sunday.... no one bothered to let me know he was in a local NH, where I could have gone and told him how much I loved him..... and tell him goodbye....my heart hurts.... and I'm tired.... just tired of all of it....
You sound as if you are getting there. What a great idea to celebrate your mom today!
My mom was very creative; she played the piano, created songs, painted, and wrote.
I took one of the pieces she wrote and had it printed on a big postcard-sized magnet.
I bought different-colored mason jars and put little white battery-operated twinkling lights in each them. I wrapped different-colored ribbon around the top of each mason jar and got little silver hearts and crosses to attach to the ribbon. I designed a little card with her pic in it and dried flowers glued to the front of the little card; I attached the card to the ribbon, too.
I finally finished a 90-minute video/movie maker with pics of my mom and our family and friends and background music of everyone from Sinatra, Bone Thugs 'N Harmony, and Rod Steward to The Piano Guys.
I put the CDs, the big magnets, and the glass jars with their lights and batteries in gift boxes and then wrapped the boxes and made big bows for all of them. I then mailed nearly 50 of these gifts - in celebration of my mom's birthday - to family and friends.
In a few minutes I am on my way to our awesome, pristine ZOO - where my mom and I ventured to once a week for years. Just thinking of going to all our special spots at the ZOO alone, today, is unbearable. I don't know how I'll make it through.
I celebrate the day my mom was born.
LOL! I've done it by mistake as well.
Yes I was at the Marathon last year, it was frightening to say the least.. We had a long but rewarding day yesterday, now I can move past last year and look for to the next...I meet many runners from all over the world, young and old, famous and regular Joe's like us and that day their all just runner's....
But man I'm pooped, you'd think I ran LOL.. Day started at 3am and I got home at 9pm.. My daughter stayed with Mom and she's a bit "off" today.. We'll get back on schedule today I hope.. I was nervous about leaving for so long, but volunteering for the Marathon is something I look forward to and I do not want to give it up. Mom will survive.. Wait till she finds out she has a Dr's appointment today!!!
I had a luncheon function. We took a tour of the LSG Sky Chef facility. Security lockdown, cameras, super hygienic protocols (dealing with food that is served on the airlines - cannot afford food poisoning), etc... They served one of the best strawberry cakes I have eaten in a long time. Delicious!!! We were invited to a meal taste from one of the airlines. I had the choice of omelets or pasta. I chose omelets. There was a side dish of beef and some kind of pickled food. Well, an hour later, I got this really bad pounding headache. I recognize the sudden pounding. I only get this when I've eaten ajijimoto (msg - monosodium glutamate). I grabbed my purse, and found only 1 allergy pill. I took the other pill at a restaurant and forgot to replenish it. The pill had expired since October 2013 - last year. I was desperate. I took it. Whew! that did the trick with the pounding headache. It was still there but at least it wasn't pounding. I'm Now Replenishing my supply that I keep in my purse.
LadeeM, I used to pay my nieces and the former caregiver $10/hour. Then, I got a pay cut, and could no longer pay for them. So, fave sis pays her daughters about $50 for them to babysit their grandfather from 830am-300pm.
Judda, I hope I'm able to follow through with the book on pain. I'm so tired of this daily neck pain. It never goes away. It's my sleeping position and the wrong pillow. It would be perfect if I can sleep flat but due to my acid reflux, I need to sleep elevated. And it's a terrible position that's lousy for your neck when sleeping. I have tried a real foam neck brace, doesn't work. U-shape gel pillow from Macys, didn't work. Hopefully....the book will help.
Chrissy, great that you're now working full-time. It sure does help a lot when it comes to relieving caregiving stress. Very bad when the work stress Adds on to the caregiving stress. But in the long run, it's so worth it.
Rodney, thanks for the info....