This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
She was moved by the Jewish Family Services huge bag of goodies to celebrate Passover. Mom couldn't believe someone could do that for her. I was happy to be the one to deliver it. Also, a nurse she met last week brought mom a Passover macaroons and wanted to have coffee with her but we were at the hospital. She cheered up at the kindness of others. I too stayed in a good mood. Instead of grumping about loss of work hours, I brought my old cellphone and made a few business calls from the waiting room. It was a good day. Hey, just so you know. They do happen too. Not much, but it does!
Thank you. This will help me as well. Not sure how long I am going to keep doing this. I would love to, but the legal stuff is taking so da*n long! I would definitely increase it to show your actual hours.
For yourself, avoid coffee and drink chamomile tea. Talk to your angel and hers. If you have Ativan, take it. Periodically go outdoors breath deeply and slowly, focus on the joy of her release from pain and her reunion with so many who have gone before her.
I am so sorry, I cannot imagine how difficult this would be. If I am understanding, they will not medically induce a coma since you would not be able to administer this without being a nurse? Would they transfer her to a hospice facility where they could keep her in a coma?
Laddee C most hospices prefer not to use pain pumps because home caregivers may not be able to manage them properly . Also some times the IVs don't work as well as dripping the liquid into the mouth works better because the blood supply remains good where as the circulation may be slowing. it's probably too late in the game to change Red;s MIL to an IV any way and her hospice is so incompetant she"ll probably be dead before they get around to it. So if this sounds as though I am trying to teach my grandmother to suck eggs so as to speak. I realise you are exceptional in your abilities as your mother's caregiver but most people don't have your skills and I am speaking in general. Inexperience and fear as you know can paralyse many people.
This is difficult enough without the people that are supposed to provide end of life care seem to not be doing their job.... but I am glad to hear she is finally settling down..... prayers for a quick end to her suffering... sending you and hubby hugs and prayers today.....
This is bringing back so many memories I am crying too. it is just so sad .I wish I could be there but be sure a higher power is looking after you all. Mom was surely blessed and choose her caregivers well. it will be soon red but you may have another couple of nights yet.
*hugs*