This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Right now it is the behavioral stuff that's the hardest to deal with. But, no rest, I admit that incontinence is not yet a major issue.
Red: You are doing the Lord's work. Stay with it, how is hubby doing through all of this, you've not mentioned him in a while. I hope he is sharing in this journey or he will have a more difficult time grieving later. I can tell you it won't get any easier as time goes on, but somehow you muster the strength to do what it takes. Play her favorite music - we sat and listened to old favorite hymns and country classics on cable TV.
Fried T: Hospice now has palliative care and you should be calling them in. When you are in danger or he is a danger to himself they will make an assessment. Walk away from him. He does not know what he is doing and he will forget what happened, but you won't. Protect yourself and take care of you. Always know you have friends here who have gone down the road you are traveling right now. Caregiving is not for sissies. I know you can do it. Blessings.
Fried - Yes, wanting has some great ideas. Get some outside help. Teenagers are looking for extra money for the summer and I am sure you can find someone to help you. The Center on Aging are there to help in these situations and they will give you all kind of ideas. Take care of YOU!!!!
I am doing okay. I am looking forward to moving on and I hope it is soon. Take care everyone. I love you all. Oh my, I've got to go walking before it rains.
you need help, contact your local Center for Aging and get some assistance. You can't go this alone.
Sis just called, mother had diarhea last night and she had to wash bedsheets, so she's bringing her back here and NOT taking her anywhere today like she promised. She said they didn't get to bed til 4. Welcome to reality. Of course now, she won't want to take her anymore so that sucks.
And you'll do what's right. .You've been really strong this far and have gotten through so much already. You'll stay strong and you'll do right by your MIL. She's incredibly lucky to have you.
Lav... Sounds like you found a veritable treasure chest! I do believe your mom is with you. Take care of yourself!
All is fine here. Missing mom a LOT today. Probably because one of the Hospice counselors called me yesterday to visit. I'm glad they check on me from time to time though. :)
Have a GREAT evening!
Well, the statue is in the ground and I am ready for him to work. I went through the shed wondering what I could get to sell. Oh my, you would not believe what I found. There is a smoker, indoor outdoor electric grill. Drills, drill bits and the like. I am selling the rake, trowel, shovel anything that will get a price. Of course, brother is goin to go through the shed before I can have a sale. The house is on a corner lot so it will be a good draw of people.
I keep having dreams about Mom. They are good dreams of past good times. Maybe God is telling me that she is still with me. I hope so. I pray every night for her with her rosary. I have not said the rosary for years but when she was in the hospital I said them in her room.. I hope deep down inside that she heard me. I love you all. Take care of yourselves!!!
Thank you lort.
I bet a dollar to a donut sis will call tonight. Mom will be terribly disoriented, agitated and will want to go home. That home is probably not yours, but very likely somewhere in her childhood. My mom will recite her address of the home where she grew up when she wants to go "home".