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Wanting don't let your sister take Mom it will be a disaster If you can get her into the hospital she can go to a NH straight from there but you may not get a choice if it is a Medicaid placement. They usually take the first available bed.
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Red BK is right about the applesauce. I hate it unless it is with roast porkt! Check with the pharmacist that none of Mom's pills are long acting. they can not be crushed because the patient gets too much med at once. I guess Mom just used up another of her nine lives. You will know if it is the real deal if the dog velcro's himself to her side.
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Red: Glad the whistle blowing took a sabbatical for a few hours...and she slept well which also gave you some respite time. Applesauce is quite acidic for taking the crushed pills, and that is what Hospice told you to do? I would use pudding or yogurt instead. Applesauce seems to always be the choice, but it is not the best for the tummy. If she likes vanilla, chocolate, or butterscotch pudding, it is easier on the stomach. You can over-ride Hospice, just tell them you're changing. Take care of you and thank you for taking good care of MIL.
Wanting: I'm glad you are setting boundaries with Sis and others. Good for you and stick to it. I'm not sure I'd let Sis take her anywhere because she will be more confused than ever especially if you're not with her. I know it sounds like "hovering" or "mothering", but the roles are now reversed and your Mom needs to know that you are always there. Sis can whistle Dixie if she wants, but you're the one who is with Mom all the time. Tell the doc about all that has gone on, even with the vultures, all of it. Docs can get things done faster than we can if they know the whole story and I'm sure the office can set up a case manager to help you sift through all this "stuff". Blessings and keep the faith! xxxooo
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I'm sorry, I wasnt' clear...she isn't in the hospital, she's at my house...she's sitting in her room all packed to go to a home she only imagines in her mind. I talked to a nursing home, the only one I see now that takes Medicaid, and they put her on a waiting list. I'll keep looking, Id like a choice..
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Wanting-
With mom in the hospital this is the best time to get her placed. Wait lists can be bypassed. Just tell them that with her increasing needs you can no longer take care of her at home. Then if sis takes her it is her problem!
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all I know for sure anymore is that when my mother passes, I will NEVER speak or see these people ever again. I am so over putting up with the pain and drama.
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just got back from lunch. Mother had packed up her room, ready to head home...I told her we were going tomorrow. Sister called and talked to her for two minutes. I called my sister on the way back to work and told her we had to find assisted living for mom, she blew up at me that she had already DONE that six months ago and the waiting lists are long...I said well we have to get her on the list. she said she didnt' remember any of it. Didn't sound interested in making an effort so I said I would take care of it. Sis then started in on me about the visit from the vultures last week....blaming me for mom's sudden downturn and for making her upset. I should have let the relatives taken what they wanted...she has no clue how bad mom is. So I tried to explain..SHE says mom just needs some change of scenery and she's coming to pick her up. I told her no she could NOT just show up and take Mom...I need to tell Mom and get her ready. So tomorrow after the doctor visit, Sis will take her home with her (she says) although she is not happy with ME setting any rules (it's ok for me to take the BRUNT of caring for mom, I am just not supposed to have any say over anything!)

I am shaking anxious and upset. Hard to work like this...I told my sister I was NOT accepting any blame for Mom's condition, I did NOT cause her to have dementia.
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As I said before we think MIL had a TIA 2 days ago...didn't blow that darn whistle for 2 days...slept 12 hours then almost all day off and on in her recliner then slept 10 hours and was so weak she could not stand to transfer so spent all day yesterday in her bed dozing off and on...around 2 am this morning she seemed to have a "miracle cure" blew the whistle almost on the hour till we got her up at 6 am...it did take both me and my husband to get her into her wheelchair but we were able to do it and she' sitting at the table now...they have me crushing her pills now and putting them in applesauce so it's easier for her to get them down...yesterday she only drank 2 Ensures for the whole day...and still only wanted 1 this morning...looks like we may be riding an up and down roller coaster for a few days...not even pretending that she can see her t.v. so we are playing music for her...after 2 days of not hearing it I think I was grateful to hear that whistle again.
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Mom has started her physical therapy, once I get her started in the morning and to daycare she has been doing good. Swelling has gone down in her foot and the bruising is getting better. She can even wear her shoe again. Its not healing fast enough for her but she is improving. Her caregiver is back this week and she is in much better mood. No outburts so far this week,, been sleeping through the night and eating pretty well. Well this is as good it will get for her i call it a good week so far. Hugs to everyone and hope everyone has a good day
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Laura good for you being happy in what you are doing.Lav good wishes n the job hunt how about a life coach with your degree it might be the thing for you. I am so glad many of you have good memories of your family members who have passed on-I still can not get past the anger and it has almost been 5 yrs. with the husband and over a year with my Mom-but have ha a good year with my honey-sometimes I still can not believe how great my life is now-many of you know me for years and of all I went through and am so blessed with my real guanine friends here. Spring has finally come to the Hudson Valley in New York YA.
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Red, I'm really sorry, for all of your family. I understand how hard this is. And how sad. *hugs*
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Wanting, you must feel very anxious, but (I hope) this could be a case of her simply having been extremely upset and taking a while to settle down again. If you're really worried about her condition, call her doctor and tell him what's going on. He'll either want to check her out (which might set your mind at rest) or he'll say wait and see. I always find it reassuring to get a professional opinion, maybe that would help?
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Wanting, sometimes having a mild stroke, or surgery involving anesthesia, or even something as traumatic as your aunt's visit and the resulting chaos - can trigger the downhill or next stage of dementia. NOT your fault. Remember your mom's words to you after your aunt left. I think your mom was stressing within but did not show it. You know, "don't show you're vulnerable" to anyone because they will use it against you. I agree, with your mom's new confusion, I think it's very dangerous to leave her by herself. It's just not worrying about her burning down the house. It's also the thought of her leaving the house, and cannot remember how to return. She might decide that she wants to "go home" and her current home is not the home that is in her head. Just keep us updated on your mom's situation. {{hugs}}
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Wanting: it is a sign of things to come. She really should not be alone all day, especially if she wants to cook. Washing clothes is a pretty easy thing, but she can not think clearly now. Her brain is no longer a solid mass, it is now full of little areas that are no longer solid i.e. little holes; it is like a spark plug misfiring, only this time it is her brain. As I've shared before on this site, my husband could be helping with folding clothes, but it lasted only a few minutes - attention span becomes less and less. He would forget how to find the bathroom. If I was not right beside him, he thought I was not here. He always wanted to help with the dishes, putting them in the DW - maybe 2-3 pieces and then was done even tho' there were more to do, just could not keep his thoughts on track. It is a hard place to be, but imagine what it is like for her, she knows some things i.e. to call you, but does not remember her kids. Sometimes he did not want to get dressed for bed, so I let him sleep in his clothes. In the big picture, it is not all that crucial - best to keep her comfortable, no confrontations, it will only frustrate you, not her. She also might become verbally abusive i.e. "who are you, you can't tell me what to do, I want to get out of this place, you're not my daughter (in my case it was "you're not my wife, you're my mother"); they just cannot comprehend. If you have not read books on Alz. I would recommend: "The 36 Hour Day", "Your Name is Hughes Hannibal Shanks" written by his wife; the library is a great place to find books that will help you now that her stage has advanced. I wish I could come and help you, you'll just become more creative with your conversations with her, get in touch with her doctor and talk things over. Her doc needs to know what is going on with her and help for you too. Blessings and hugs. Tell her you love her as many times a day/night that you can - she wants to feel safe, loved and not alone. Those are the biggest fears for an Alz./dementia loved one. Take care of you. xxxooo
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I don't understand how my Mother went down so fast. I think that visit last week just killed her will. Yesterday she got up, brushed her hair, stripped her bed, washed her clothes, I asked her to put a load of clothes in the dryer...she seemed fine.

Mid afternoon she calls me at work and asks me where the 'kids' are. How can she know where I am and know how to call me, yet NOT know that she doesn't hAVE kids anymore? I come home and she's put the clothes in the dryer but didn't turn it on, her pillows are missing. I found them in the garage, damp...she wanted to cook dinner, so I suggested fish sticks...simple, easy, she's done it amillion times before...she can't figure it out. She asks 'where are they'; I said the freezer, she looks in the pantry, I tell her again (NICELY) that they are in the freezer "behind you mom" and she gets french fries out. Asks me how I cook them. So I cooked dinner...and she was upset about it but there was nothing I could do! She couldn't do it.

Today she got up and cooked herself a grilled cheese sandwich. She couldn't recognize fish sticks but can make a grilled cheese? She's in bed now, laying on TOP of the covers huddled under a throw; I tried to get her to get up and get IN the bed but she wouldn't so I got a quilt and put over her.

I am so confused...I don't know what to do.
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Lav... Take care of you too sweetie! Do whatever job makes YOU happy! It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks about it. I always liked working at the elementary school. It broke my heart that they didn't have a position for me after mother died. :(

I'm not a sales person... but I am enjoying what I'm doing (mainly because I enjoy the $$) :)

Less than a month and a half left til the 1 year anniversary of mother's death. I figure its going to be VERY difficult. I look back and think there is no way its been that long. This past year has FLOWN! Much of it is still a fog... but I also know that during that time frame I took some MUCH needed ME time! I spent a LOT of time on my motorcycle. Spent COPIOUS amounts of time with my family. Also enjoyed a lot of down time! The one thing I learned from taking care of mother and having to be there 24/7... the importance of down time! I never knew how to relax before. I do now.

Have a GREAT evening!
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Red - I am so sorry!! It is hard to watch anybody wasting away. I have no idea what hospice is supposed to do but to make the person as comfortable as possible and it sounds like they are doing that. Sounds like your son will have some good memories to remember her by. Please take care of YOU and know that we are thinking of you.
Laura - great to see you here. I am so glad that you are doing well in the selling business. Take care of YOU!!!
Book - I wish you luck in your future endeavors. It will be alright. I know that you will find yourself in a good position. Take care of YOU!!!!!
Assand - I went out and bought a plastic St. Joseph statue. I did not even think about looking through the Christmas decorations. Well, I sure hope it works. Take care of YOU!!!!
Veronica - I buried the statue in the garden. I had just weeded it out and I read that a garden is a good place and I buried him about a couple of inches down head first. Four feet are they kidding!!!!!!! Our ground sinks around here and I was afraid I would hit water. LOL Take care of YOU!!!!

Hi everyone - I have decided that you all are probably tried of hearing about my brother so I am going to quit talking about him. I am really getting scared about the money situation. I will be looking for a job but I have no idea what. I will definitely not go back to retail. I had a really good session with my counselor today. She was telling me that I have allot to offer. I have a degree in Psychology and a minor in substance abuse. I love helping people. It is almost dinner time and one of my Mom's bridge buddies came by with a spaghetti dinner YUM!! So take care of yourselves all.
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SA... I was VERY concerned about re-entering the workforce after mother died last year. I have a Master's Degree in business, but was unable to find anything where I could actually utilize it... SO... I created my own job! I've sold Tupperware off and on for a number of years. Since I didn't want to work for anyone else... I decided to become active and sell Tupperware.

Am I telling you to do this? No... I'm telling you that you have options available to you. There are literally HUNDREDS of direct sales companies out there that you can get into for little money. Please avoid the ones that want a HUGE buy-in. By going that route... you are in charge of your own business! Be careful... many have quotas (which means you are NOT your own boss).

Since October I have gone from being a Consultant to being a Star Manager with a team of 10 Consultants under me. I'm enjoying a modest income, and work as little or as much as I want. I'm happy... I'm also paying for a brand new Harley with the money I'm earning... so, its all good. :)

Don't worry... I'm not trying to recruit anyone... but if anyone is interested... lol :P

Have a GREAT evening!
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BK is correct about the pulse you often can't feel it at the wrist or even hear the heart beat with a stethoscope. Right at the very end the puslse can rise dramatically as the heart tries to maintain the circulation. non of this causes distress to the patient, it is purel academic.
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Red: blessings on you and your family. Thank you to your son for coming while Gram could still "know" him. He is a gem and we're proud of him too, serving his country. Lots of secrets there. You're doing the very best for your MIL now - when you tell her you love her as much as you can and also tell her that when she is ready to leave you all, it is o.k. Sometimes they just need to know everyone will be o.k. and she can leave you all, because you will be o.k. You can also tell by her pulse rate - it will become so much slower almost to the point where you can't feel it for a while. Know my prayers are with you and your family, for a peaceful and calm journey. xxxooo
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CM-
You are fortunate to have a son that will tell the truth rather than come up with lame excuses! I have heard so many of these lame excuses from siblings, I've lost track. But now with guardian and conservator in place, everyone is now witnessing the lameness of siblings.

Be proud! You brought him up right!
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Book you made me smile, remembering the polite convention that my kids and their peers established: after their exam results came back, one person who'd done well would volunteer her results, and the convention was that if you'd done less well you said what results you'd got, and if you'd done better you just congratulated her and shut up. Your classmate should have known not to go on asking! - any humiliation she felt was her own fault.

Son has just called to see how his granny settled in over the weekend. I think he's feeling that he's disgraced himself, because he was supposed to meet us at the care home to help her settle in but it didn't quite happen. The truth was that his rugby team won an important match on Saturday and the celebrations had gone a bit too well - come Sunday morning he was in no fit state to drive, let alone drive 60 miles down the M4 and arrive with an encouraging smile on his face. Happily, his granny totally agreed that Rugby Comes First and was just pleased that his team had won.

And, besides, you see, here's the difference: Son makes a mess of things, apologises and explains the truth of it without making excuses. That's fine. What I can't stand is lame excuses that try to twist the situation as though it's somehow mother's fault that her children don't visit her, or invite her to things, or indeed demonstrate any care or concern for her at all. "I'm afraid I'm too hungover to drive" is one thing. "You moved so far away it makes it too difficult for us" now… is that why they can't pick up the phone or invite her to family gatherings? It won't wash.

Having said that, Sister relented and went to visit her yesterday, just to check she was settling in. Sister is disappointed that mother 'hasn't made any effort' to socialise with the other residents - I agree it would be great if she would make that effort, and meet them half way, but I can't believe Sister is actually surprised. Mother doesn't make any effort with her old friends; why would she suddenly decide to try to make new ones?

We've just shown our first viewer round the house. Ideal in that she's got two children, aged 6 and 9, because I'd love a young family to move in; but I don't think she was that taken. Secretly I'm not too bothered. If we don't sell I shan't mind; if we do I'll look for somewhere else I like. There's some comfort in that.
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Lav I did bury a St Joseph but he was really slow at selling the house. I guess he had more important things to do. you know they sell them on the web for just this purpose and they come with instructions too. I think you are supposed to bury them about four feet and that wasn't happening. he was lucky if he got four inches over his head
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Red you are doing a fantastic job. This is the absolute hardest part for you just waiting for it to happen. Predicting the end of life varies from day to day. One day it looks like two weeks three days later a couple of days. The next 24 hours and finally a very few hours. look for mottling of her skin. that is a purple pattern that looks like netting, and big purple blotches on parts next to the bed like buttocks.
She will become very pale with cold hands and feet. her breathing may change. She may actually stop for a few seconds up to a minute then resume with a very deep breath then slowly slow again. This can come and go but usually in the last few days.She will stop eating and drinking, don't force it just keep her mouth moist.Her lips may be blue with a white circle round the mouth. the body uses the blood to keep the vital organs going so the skin may feel cold. She won't have a cold sensation herself You can keep track of her drinking and urinating. doesn't really matter but it keeps the hospice nurse happy and is thought to make the caregiver feel they are doing something. You are knowledgeable and mature enough not to need "busy work" The dog may refuse to leave her side for the last couple of days. the truth is there is actually nothing you can do above and beyond what you are doing. She may also start to have very loose stools or frank diarrhea, don't worry about it just keep her clean. her urine will become very dark and finally stop. the hospice nurse should feel her belly to make sure she does not have retention. The skin could take on a yellowish hue as the liver fails.She may wait till she is alone before she takes her last breath that was her choice. She knows she was loved and valued After she takes her last breath there is no rush take as much time as you want with her before you call hospice. Do not call 911. All of our thought and prayers go with you and mom. by the time you read this it may be all over Blessings and many hugs
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Reddog... my son was a navy seal...... He got out in October! Better you not know where he is! He needs to concentrate on his mission. Glad he had a good visit with his grandmother. This is a hard time for you. Try and take one day at a time! Hugs!
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My heart goes out to the many persons who are tirelessly serving as caregivers. My Mom has been living with us for 2 1/2 yrs now and there have been times I was ready to quit! But then other days are better, that seems to be common. This year I choose a word to help keep myself motivated. For 2014 its PERSEVERE, to maintain effort, steadfast in the face of difficulty, Don't give up, Hang in there! 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
It helps me to repeat it , over & over , instead of lashing out at her when I am tired & frustrated. Believe me it feels like it will never end, but then I read the posts of those who are missing their loved ones and know that this too shall pass. It has helped me , so I pass it on as an encouragement to others.
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Veronica, you reminded me of something about psychology. I took basic psychology in college for one semester. Our teacher graded us using the curve system. So, we had one of our tests done and he said that there were 2 people who made it on the 90's. As we walked out of the classroom, a classmate was going on and on, bragging about her grade (in the high 80's). Another classmate & I just let her do all the talking. She turns and asked us what our grades were. I didn't answer. But she kept pestering me, Insisting that I tell. I kept ignoring her. So, she turned to the other girl and finally got her to admit her test result. Of Course, HER score was higher than that other girl. So, she turns to me and tries to get me to reveal my score. sigh... I admit, I was pissed off that she was gloating that she had a higher grade than that other person. So, I told her. (I was one of the top 2.) She immediately clammed up and did not say a single word after that. =)

I don't have the people "insight" nor can read between the lines to help me become a good psychologist. I'm way too trusting of people. I would believe whatever they tell me. I may have doubts inside but the majority of me would believe it. Thanks.
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Red, it sounds like MIL is close to the end. My mom had reached that stage several times. But dad was determined that she live -so several trips to the ER - even though we had hospice service. It must be unnerving to go from the constant whistle blowing and now she just sleeps all day/night. And I agree with you so much that it was best thing to happened that he was able to see his grandmother while she was alert. The "should have" won't be so great. {{Hugs}}
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Lab yup St. Joseph upside down.. I used a little plastic one to sell my MIL house.. Look through Christmas decorations that's where I found mine..
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Oh Red so sorry.. Hugs to you and your family..
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