This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
It's ok to be cranky.... go outside and just set for a few minutes if you can.... just find little things to help you regroup.... you are going to be tired and cranky, the nature of this stage of things.... cut yourself some slack on this one..... no, we don't have to take it out on our elders, but we do need to find a way to express our feelings..... you are in my prayers Red..... and of course you mil and hubby....
CONGRATS Lav !!!!!! Fantastic accomplishment..... see, nothing can stop us once we get our feet under us...... sending you lots of hugs !!!!!
Book 23 years and counting good for you.
The banana bread reminds me of a funny story. When my first two were 3 months and 16 months hubby's company banished us to Nashville from the UK for a year. he was working for the chair of cardiology at Vanderbilt and his wife arranged for us to rent a retired bank managers house while they were in Mexico. Well we were introduced to all kinds of gracious southern ladies and one day one came around and presented us with what sounded like a bacon pie. I was delighted because dinner was solved for that night. So I warmed it up and made potatos and green beans and sat the family down. To our surprise the pie was extremely sweet and we quickly discoved our gift was pecan pie!!!!!!!!!! Sorry Ladee M I just did not speak "Southern"
Patty - Welcome also Caregiving is the hardest job I have ever had. Especailly since we are taking care of someone that we love. Take a breath every now and then and find something that will help with the stress. Take Care Of YOU!!
Wanting - My sister in law brought up to me a couple of years ago that Mom might be happier in a home. I told her over my dead body. I am glad that your mom feel better. When my mom had gone through a rough time would make her favorite food and do something especaliy for her. All they want sometimes is just to see that they matter to you. Take care of YOU!!!!
Windy - I hate nanny states also. I cannot imagine Louiisana being like that. People would revolt. Take Care of YOU!
Red _ i am soo glad that you have hospice now. You will have a lot less on your mind. Take care of YOU!!!
Book - I hope that your car is not that expensive to fix. Sounds like your brother wants to spend time with you and to also give you a break. However, if you are going to be that miserable than it is not worth it. Life is funny sometimes. Your car took the choices you had to make about the trip from you.
SA - I am glad that you got your new sunroom furniture. When it rains it pours with two sets of furniture. I know about vet bills. I cannot afford to take my cat to the doctor anymore. I have spent over what I could afford. That banana bread sounds good. I hope you put pecans in it. take care of YOU!!
Ash - I am so sorry about what you are going through. Take care of YOU!!!!
Chrissy - I am glad that your mom is doing a little better. I know how hard it is to watch someone suffer. Take care of YOU!!!!
ABB - Glad to see you here. Take care of YOU!!!
LadeeM - Hey there!! Take care of YOU!!!!
Hi everyone - I have missed a lot in here lately. Jazzy is still not doing that well. I am trying to do as much as I can for her. I will be having a fight on my hands with my bother. The home insurance premium is due the beginning of the month and he will have to pay half. He will be crying and telling me that he is not making that much money right now,. Well, TOO F----ing BAD. He had agreed that the money that was in my moms checking account would come to me to help me pay bills. Well, since we had a succession done he gets half of everything. So the bank split the amount in half and we each got a check. Before I knew what was happening he had gone home with the money. I am such a wimp. I have a hard time with confrontation. Everytime I bring up money he says that he is not making much money. That is not my fault. I am doing all the pitching and bringing things to the thrift stores and bringing things all over the place. One of my friends sais that he should pay half of it if he got half of the checking account. I had not thought of that. I have decided that I will not pay the premium until he gives me half of it. It is up to him. Good gravy, they found another spot where they think that plane went down. JEEEZ those poor families. Well, on the good side tonight I went and got my 23 year AA medallion form the place where I got help. On the way home I went and splurged on a iced coffee from Starbucks. LOL take care of YOU ALL!!
Hope Mom does not have to kill you. Hospice nurses hate seeing patients that are in prison. They don't quite strip search you but you cant take in so much as a stethoscope.
Keep posting. It really helps. *squish!*
I am tired.
I love my Dad.
I never want him to pass, I will be so totally lost when it happens.
Right this minute all I can say is that I feel like I am drowning.
I ordered a seating set for my sunroom. I wait and the delivery day comes and goes. Two weeks later, still nothing. Ok... So, I finally get hold of someone at Fedex and they didn't receive the order, didn't know anything about it. Great. Finally get hold of someone at Walmart online. According to the girl on the phone, the ticket for the order was printed, but the order was never gotten together and sent off. So, she said she'd send a new one out. That was great and I got it a couple days ago. I still haven't put it together yet. Anyway, someone knocks on the door just a few minutes ago and it's the fedex guy. I wasn't expecting anything. But here he comes...with yet ANOTHER set of furniture for the sunroom! Now I have two identical sets.
What do I do? Do I call them and tell them about the mix up?
Ok, deep breath.... one more for good measure..... mmmm, a little better...
With that little rant over with, welcome.... to our new folks.... and yes, there are two Ladee's.... separate people, but with many of the same answers... I know, we find it weird too.... lol
She has to take deep breaths behind medical professionals and I have to take deep breaths behind just about everything !!!! LOL.... but we BOTH need a vacation.... like a REAL vacation.... not just a day or two off... like everyone on here.....
One of these days, we are going to have a huge 'meet up'... we'll all recognize each other at the airport... we'll be the ones that look older than our age, will have dark circles under our eyes... and a 'twitch'... somewhere... and eye, a shoulder, something.... and it will take us a little time to smile..... but wouldn't that be the greatest thing.... for me to get to meet ya'll would be out of this world a good thing......
Ok, last night to work..... then sleep.....love to you all..... and chocolate... we must consume chocolate...
Blessings and best wishes,
LadeeC (not to be confused with the other LadeeM ::grins::)
Why do you think you would not have acess to MILs breathing treatments if hospice leaves. It is something Medicare or Medicaid should cover. The actual machine probably will be left because they can not usually use it for another patient. You own Dr can prescribe the medications and any other equipment currently supplied by hospice. Talk to your nurse about this she or the social worker should be able to help you with a transition. keep up the good work and return often. blessings.