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About the only thing MIL has been able to do on her own for some time was to get her food from plate to mouth...we've now digressed to sometimes getting a piece of food to mouth if I stab it with her fork...this morning she was shaking so bad she couldn't get her pills in her mouth and I had to put them in and then hold her cup for her and finally having her drink her Ensure through a straw...she is having trouble with a travel mug...going to get her a sippy cup today...I can grind the pills up and mix with her drink but not sure what to do about the caps...any suggestions???
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Glad...I needed that laugh... Oh, lord... XD
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Yeah, my mom didn't get boils, but I got one years ago, on the back of my neck. I thought I had gotten bitten by a spider or something. It went away on it's own eventually, I didn't really do much for it, but yeah, from what I read they thrive in warm, moist body parts.

I think it would be a great idea for your dad to wear a hospital type gown, or at least clothes several sizes too big. The last couple years with my mom I just found that if I bought her clothes a size or two too large, it really was a big help as far as keeping her skin clean and dry went. And larger clothing was just easier to get on and off at that point, too. My mom liked to cover up with a blanket, too, even though the house was plenty warm. With clothes a couple sizes too big she didn't sweat as much and air could circulate much better, even under the blanket. I'd at least think about getting your dad a few BIG oversize shirts if he doesn't have any at the moment. It might help and might be something he'd be willing to wear without too much hassle if he doesn't go for the hospital gown...which are a godsend. But still, my mom didn't like them and didn't want to wear them. Whatever works, right? lol
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Book,
I agree with SA, it sounds like boils. I have had them myself, they are very painful. Once you use the warm cloth, as warm as he can stand, you may be able to drain it yourself. But be careful, stand back, because when it is opened, the pressure release is something like a fire hydrant being opened. Did this for my ex once, OMG! Gross, stinks, stuff launched in the air and ended up in my hair.:-O
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SA, at first, I thought it was bedsores. Then insect bite. Then back to bedsores. So, I decided to post it here in case someone knows what it is - other than bedsore. I didn't even think of boils. I think it's associated to him sweating and the skin is in enclosed area (pampers, pants, and then blanket) 24/7. I'm still trying to get him used to the idea of using the hospital gown. I'm going to check some websites that others here on AC recommended - to see if something will fit father's needs to wear pants while bedridden and in a catheter. Thanks, SA.
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Book, those sound like boils to me. They're very painful. I've heard holding a warm cloth over them to relieve the pressure works, but sometimes they have to be seen by, and lanced by, a doctor if they're big enough. Otherwise, they keep coming back if you don't get that core out. I don't know, though. I'm not sure if they are boils, they just sound like it. I'm sorry that your dad is starting the bleeding again, Book. I'd put this all in the doctor's lap.

Sometimes, yes, I would tell my mom to bend her arm and she'd straighten it instead, or visa versa. I would ask her to lean over one way and she'd lean over the other. Sometimes you just have to have a good laugh or go nuts. At least we still can laugh, thank God.. :)
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Since father is becoming more forgetful, he’s also forgetting to take his 6-8 herbal pills per meal. His rashes are going away. His skin is back to normal. Now, I’m fighting his bedsores. The new one that was bleeding, is coming back. He has a new Big “pimple” bedsore (looks like a giant pimple about to pop) right on his rear. And 2 more that I can see is growing a lump. These are strange bedsores. The bedsores I’m used to, the skin gets abrasion, then it tears, and the skin layers start breaking down, until he has a hole. These new bedsores are like … pimples, or a big insect bite. He’s got that “insect-like bite” on his upper right thigh where the catheter’s stretch band was covering it. Tonight, I saw that his lower left belly has a bulge. I pressed it and asked if it hurt. He said no. The last time he had this, it was painful to the touch. And then he bled real bloody red urine with the stringy tissues coming out. I guess this means he’s going to go through that again.

A little funny story…. as I mentioned before, when it’s time to change his shirt, when I tell him to bend his arm, he straightens it. Well, he’s still doing that. A few days ago, when I tried to fix the pillow behind his back, I told him to sit up. He tried to sit up by pulling with his right hand on the railing. While he was trying to pull himself up, Both of his legs flew up in the air. So, when he pulled himself up, his legs were still up. Because he’s no longer using his legs to anchor him, he fell back on his back, with his legs still up in the air. I told him that he needs to sit up. So he used his arm to pull him up, with his legs still dangling up in the air, he gets himself in seating position…but because his legs are still dangling up, he slams right back down to me. I started giggling so hard. He tried to get himself back up and I had to tell him to stop and to put his feet back down on the bed. Once I was done laughing, I told him to keep his feet down on the bed when he’s going to sit up. Yep, that finally did the trick.
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Photoartc, oh my! I think that your hubby and I would get along fine! Most of the channels I watch is CNN, HLN and Good Morning America, HGTV. If I remember, I also watch Real Life ER, Long Island Medium and Undercover Boss. With regards to MH370, I can’t believe all the different information put out by the Malaysian gov’t. The rate they’re going, no one will believe anything they say. I think one of 2 scenarios: the pilot hijacked the plane, landed it, and now we have 200-some hostages to be released if $$ is paid…. Or… the plane has crashed into the ocean.

Hi Dirtboy, welcome to AC.

Red, if MIL no longer knows that she’s already up, maybe she will no longer remember to blow that whistle.

Assandy, I agree with Glad. I used to give dad a yes or no option when I really wanted him to say yes. Once he says no, it’s a no. I learned from watching Teepa Snow and others here on AC, to don’t give them that option. Stick to one or 2 options. Most times, dad would choose option 3 – which I did Not present. – So, what happened???

Hi Laura. Glad that your Tupperware business is still going strong.
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Let's just say my choices of yesterday have come back and bit me in the a**!
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LM, it's good to see you back here! I am where you are...exactly where you are. I feel you. Its a very odd feeling, feeling so adrift. I'm trying to do things that make me happy, too. I've rediscovered baking, something I used to love to do all the time. My apple bread the other day was a dried up disaster, but my cheesecake yesterday was a winner!

I've also gotten back into my houseplants. Not too many, mostly edible herbs. And my little lemon tree has a tiny lemon on it! I did plant some catnip in a container and the cats are going nuts over it, pushing their noses into it constantly, chewing on it...if it was on the ground they'd probably be rolling around in it. It's hilarious! I hope the little guy survives to get bigger through all this attention. lol

But yeah...the rest of my life. That seems to be a problem atm. :/

I'm glad you got the quilting machine...with that kind of advice, you know you made the right purchase! Love it! I hope you have a lot of fun with that. My mom used to make quilts by hand. I've got 3-4 beautiful ones that she made. I never had the patience for it though...

Book, yeah, that feast sounded good! Made me want to do some fried chicken... I'm glad your brother's visit is going well, too...
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Hi everyone. I just stopped by to say hello! I'm finally starting to feel better. I still miss mother like crazy... but each day is a little bit easier. Sometimes, when I least expect it... I'll start missing her and crying.

For the most part life is starting to become a little more normal. I'm still quite lost though. When you spend that much time focused on one person, and that person is no longer here... you kind of lose who you are. That's where I am.

I'm trying to do things that make me happy... but I'm still not sure what I want to do with the rest of my life. :) I'm sure I'll figure it out sooner or later.

Dirtboy... enjoy the good times while you can... don't feel too guilty about getting angry... anger is a natural reaction... it is often how we deal with the stress of the situation.

Book... I'm glad the memorial anniversary went well...

I'm sorry I'm not on very often any more. I miss every one of you. Trying to build my Tupperware business has taken more time than I thought it would. I'm also trying to learn how to use the new quilting machine. (I can't remember if I told you guys about it or not)... Mother even approved the purchase... that was important to me, as it was her life insurance that paid for it... :) While I was looking at it, I heard her voice, plain as day, telling me this was the right machine! So... I bought it!

Have a GREAT day everyone!
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I think a new scooter costs less than that - probably 2 or 3 of them. That is unless Rolls Royce makes scooters!!!!!!!!!!!!
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$4000 to fix the scooter? Wow! Prices like that, associated with the elderly and prices for just about everything in this world in general, continue to amaze and scare me...
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CM, 'A girl's only got so much sweetie pie about her'... Love it..lol...so true
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Should say mom wants. This week she just wants money. lol me too!
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A&A I completely sympathise. But I think you're only asking because you already know: what you said to her about (basically) "if you're lonely whose fault is that?" wasn't wrong, but it was kind of pointless. I'm really not criticising, I'm afraid this is something I do all the time and dislike myself for - as in

"Call me if you need anything."
"Oh yes, thank you, I will."
"Yes, you won't."

I am correct. She won't. But that's not the point.
You are correct. She's lonely because she won't allow you to arrange t.v. dates with people who have got time to sit and watch telly with her all day. But that's not the point.

I can't stop myself doing it, either. Guess we're just letting off a little harmless steam? Nod and smile, nod and smile would be better - but a girl's only got so much sweetie-pie about her, I find. Sigh.
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Supper is on and wine is poured! Today mom what me to call Firestone for her Scooter and give them 4000.00 and they will come out and fix it. lol
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Dirtboy, you are indeed in a great place. :) Glad you found this site. People deal with a lot in the care giver role. It's nice to have a place to go filled with so many people that know what's up and get it and can give great advice. If I hadn't run into so many good people here, going through a lot of what I was and totally understood some crazy emotions, I really would be in the loony bin. And you're right to worry about your own health in the care giver role. Everybody should. Care giver stress is the scary kind, but at least here you aren't alone in the trenches.
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Thank you ladeeM...I look forward to it
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Welcome Photo...... will talk to you more this weekend.... only tiny little posts for now....come back and let us get to know you... hugs
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I have been bumped FOUR F**KING TIMES !!!!!!! I am ready to storm the bastille of Aging Care;.... later,,,,,,, after I've had some sleep.....you did good Assa, more later when I am not ready to kill someone.... hugs to everyone that isn't admin for AC.....
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A&A-
So many of us would like to give them options, hoping that they will pick the one that is good for everybody. My mom lost her choice two years ago when I started taking her to a day program. She never would have understood that it is very good for her to have this activity and in turn good for me to get a few hours of the day without her. She can rely on other people for a little bit which is a tremendous boost for me. I know there are others that I can count on that I do not have to do this all myself, nor would my mom have ever wanted me to do this without help. She was usually a fair woman and would never have wanted the care of her to fall to just one of her children but, that is what has happened in this family.

A&A, you need to take care of yourself. Do not give your mom an option of having others help you with her. Give her the option of either a facility or you and the team you choose to hire.
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Tell me I handled this correctly..

My Mom wanted me to sit with her and watch TV "because she was lonely" .. I just got up to do some chores... I told her that I can't sit there all day. I also informed her that I have made suggestions for company as in the Senior Ctr or bringing in Home Care but she refuses..

I guess my point is should I have reminded her of her refusal to do other activities? I feel bad but not that bad...
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Sorry, I meant this to be directed to dirtboy...wish there was some way to edit comments:

Photoartc
0 mins ago
So many people on this site so totally understand and empathize with your de lima... I wish I had the answers for you as well as myself.
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So many people on this site so totally understand and empathize with your de lima... I wish I had the answers for you as well as myself.
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MIL keeps calling me to get her up...would not be such a problem but she's sitting at the kitchen table and has been out of bed for hours...I have prayed for patience and she's giving me lots of opportunity to practice it so I guess I shouldn't complain...another day...
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Welcome Dirtboy!! Look forward to sharing and learning with you.. Take time for yourself..
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dirtboy, welcome.... you sound as 'seasoned' as the rest of us, you just didn't know we were here !!!! sure wish I could handle the same questions with such grace.... like all the suggesetions Veronica made, especially the one about getting someone in there to help..... it's a grand calling, this caregiving thing, but take it from all the 'way past tired ones' that getting some outside help is paramount to you not cracking in half from all the stress.... and yes, wife needs some attention too.... you must feel so stretched between the two.....

come back and join us.... you will make some great friends here, we even laugh once in awhile... and hey, you don't want to miss that now do ya???

Hope we see you soon.... sending hugs, prayers, angels, and I usually send 'chocolate' but in your case will send a 'six pack'.... !!!!!! will be great to have a man's perspective.... hugs..
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Dirtboy welcome, you won't be a newbie for long.
First thing you will learn is to take care of yourself. While MIL is still in fairly good health make time to ride your bike and go sailing. Even if you have to hire a caregiver for a day or two try and make the time. Also try and make alone time with your wife. She may not be much fun at the moment but she has been through a lot and needs to be cherished and seeing you haveing fun with her mother must raise some questions in her mind.
Have you made sure that all the paperwork and legalities are in order for all three of you. have you consulted an elder care lawyer,done the wills and gotten POA sorted out both medical and financial. no good waiting till one of you gets too ill to make decisions. Are there other family members who can step in to help from time to time. Just a few thoughts from someone your MILs age. Blessings.
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Newbie with first post. This looks like the place for me. I've been caring for my mother-in-law (dememtia) and my wife (cancer, but not terminal) for about a year and a half. My wife doesn't require much care but she's absolutly no help with her mom. In fact, sometimes she makes things more difficult. Mom is in early stages of vascular dementia; she's at the stage where she constantly asks the same questions and worries about everything. I have not read all previous 17839 posts but I've read enough to realize I've got it much better than many. Hats off to you folks who soldier on in very difficult circumstances.

I'm lucky in that I love my Mother-in-Law. She's only 6 years older than me and we get along great. When we go out together folks assume we're married and we sort of act like it because we're so close. My wife rarely goes with us as her chemo treatments have robbed her of energy. Nothing in my past suggest I'd be any good as a caregiver, but I've surprised myself. I don't know why, or how I do it but I'm really good at "taking" her never ending questions. Telling her it's Monday for the 35th time doesn't rile me like it does my wife. LOL Even after a year and a half of this I can still "take it" and smile.

I retired early to take care of her. My retirement was ment to be spent riding my motorcycle around the country, attending off-road events and sailing around the Gulf. It hasn't worked out that way! We are "joined at the hip" and I rarely get a chance to ride any longer than to breakfast with a few friends on sunday. I'm not bitter but I do miss riding and sailing. Haven't sold bikes or boat yet ...........

What I'm starting to feel is "caregivers fatigue" and I don't know what to do about it. I'm also worried about my own health. I'm very lucky to be very healthy for a 71yo and I'm the type of person who enjoy's stress but, I know I ain't seen nothing yet. I know down the road this job will get a lot ahhhhh "dirtier;" I have no fear about what's going to happen; I just hope I can handle it as well as many of you. Also, when her fear turns to anger, and it's directed at me ..... I have a hard time with that. I know she's got a brain problem yet I let her push my buttons and I end up allowing myself to get angry too; doesn't help at all.
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