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The night from he double hockey sticks at the hospital with mom. It seems the obstruction has cleared, lesson learned as soon as you think there is an obstruction get to the ER. Do not waste time with laxatives. The doc told me if I had let it go, it could have become much more serious. Well she is feeling so much better she could talk of nothing but coming home tonight, how I should not be home alone with her husband, and her becoming very angry with me for not taking her home. I am pooped:-). The nurses were going to wait until 9 to give her 75 mg seroquel but I told them they best do it at 5, they did, she was still wound up an hour and a half later, so gave her another 25mg. Still wound up an hour later gave her xanax. She finally went to sleep about 8:45. Told them to call me if they needed, but try the Haldol first.

it was a rough one for her last night as well. They had to pump her stomach to relieve the pressure on the intestine. Sometime during the night she pulled it out. So, she got to go through the reinsertion of the tube. She screamed bloody murder with the first one in the ER. She then pulled out the second one as well. At that point they decided to leave it out. And things seem to be moving down there, will try her on solid food tomorrow. I left the room for 15-20 minutes early this afternoon for some air, told nurses I was going out for a bit. During that time mom pulled out her IV and started roaming the halls trying to figure out where she was. Got her back to bed easily enough. Left again to come home for some dinner, to check on her hubby and walk the dog. Again she pulled out the IV and was extremely despondent when I got back with two nurses trying to coax her back to bed. Phew I am freaking exhausted!

Hospital just called to ask me if mom is still DNR, brilliant POA sis was life saving measures administered on one form she filled out today, but on the MOST form, let things happen with comfort measures only. Can anybody believe it?! It is absolutely par for the course around here. I wonder about competency of sis, quite frankly.
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In the middle of everything else going on around here I thought it would be a good idea to paint the big high wall in the family room because it's looking kind of ratty...my husband, to prove he's as big a nut case as I am said ok let's do it. Of course the results of MIL suppositories hit right in the middle of the whole deal...barely got the pot under her ...live and learn...now for the whistle stops but at least she does have things moving again...the window treatments from the family room came through the wash with flying colors...after the disaster with the living room ones I kind of held my breath...
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Thought I would give a Sparky update as so many of you gave wonderful advice, especially Countrymouse and Lavendar with their medical expertise regarding his meds.

Sparky's been in a bit of a narcotic haze for the past couple of days with a Fentanyl 25 mcg patch on his shaved back. No more pain and he can sleep. Yay! Antibiotics were injected into the fat layer to slow release to combat the infection and his face is 'almost' back to normal except for the incision site which we have to drain. It has slowed waaaay down. Can't wait to get the patch off on Monday and get him back to his puppy personality.

I hear fentanyl can be terribly addicting though. He may well be on the corner on Monday trying to score a patch from passing dogs. LOL!

Seriously, thank you friends for all the good words, advice and comfort knowing you are there and it's not all old people all the time. We're multi-faceted individuals with things going on while "at the same time" taking on a huge job.

Bless each and every one of you. I'd steal LadeeM's hugs and chocolate, but I'd rather, er, um, not! Congrats Linda on the raise and time off. You earned it, big time! :)
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Book, How you keep going in this role, I don't know. Your telling of your aunt hugging you gave me a tear. Of course you are not responsible for your mom dying and I hope that you KNOW that now. You are a great person who gave, and is still giving, her all. We can all see that in you and appreciate who YOU are. Please give yourself credit for all the good you do. You are incredibly caring and I hope you recognize that in yourself. (((Hugs)))

Is it tradition where you live that family gathers on the anniversary of a loved one's death? I imagine that would be helpful. Just curious as I have not heard of that here. What are the traditions that go along with the gathering such as food served, etc. if you don't mind me being nosy. It's just interesting to me to learn about the world outside my snowbanks. :)

I loved hearing about the lizards. Oh my! I've been to Florida a few times and the chameleons were everywhere outdoors. I can see how a few could make their way indoors. I find them fascinating. Had a few as pets when I was a child. Maybe that started my frog interest. We have tree frogs all over our deck in the summer, yes, even in this climate. Not too mention Homer who lived in our basement plants last winter. Makes me giggle that bro is skeeved out by them. Hee!

I can see why you have an issue with meds. You're exhausted dealing with your dad's obsession with them. That has to make you more than a little ticked off about pills, even ones your doctor has prescribed for you. Please book, I want you to follow your doc's advice and keep that apart from your dad's weirdness on the issue. We need you here and love you and are concerned for you.
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today my mother refused to eat...well she ate about four bites of soup last night, a fun size Milky Way for breakfast, and when we went to Arby's today she refused to eat her sandwich and ate about four french fries.

About three oclock she came into the kitchen, and just stood there. She was unresponsive to me, and seemed very out of it. She said I'm dizzy..then sat down. I asked her if she would split an orange with me. She didn't respond so I peeled one and gave her a half. She started eating it like an apple instead of seperating into sections like you normally would.

I asked her when she tested her blood sugar last and she said "I don't know"...I got her machine and took her blood sugar for her..she wouldn't even stick her finger, I had to for the first time, she wouldn't even wipe the blood off, she just sat there looking at her hand.

her blood sugar was 46.

I gave her everything I could think of that had sugar in it...COke, Hershey Kisses, some sherbert, she started coming out of it and managed to eat some soup. half an hour later her blood sugar was up to 55, an hour later it was 164.

scary

What if I had not been here? I am going to have to start being really assertive with her...and that's gonna be a fight.

she remembers this but not that, it's completely random...I need to take her car keys, I need to take over her meds but she is going to fight me like a wildcat...
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bookluvr - Please take care of yourself. It is time for everyone to think about AL or Hospice or NH for Dad. You do not need to take that kind of abuse from him or your siblings. It is abuse and you are getting the brunt of it. You are worth more than that and you deserve to have some calm, peace and love of the most special kind - you've been doing for your folks for so many years; I commend your Aunty for giving you those words of compassion and encouragement about your Mom. No one can stop a death, and no one can be held responsible for a natural death. You did it right. Please do not berate yourself for that. You need hugs and lots of love. Blessings and prayers with xxxooo's.
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Veronica, I did tell him that. He told me that he knows that I'm stealing it from him. Can't reason with him. Anyway, I'm not saying that I'm indispensable. I've seen how everyone treats him, including the caregivers. If they can do shortcuts, they will do it. As I change his pampers, I can see how dirty his skin is. The govt caregivers who come here 4 x a week do not scrub or soap him well that he now has dirty skin on his upper legs, stomach, etc... I have to take the time while changing his pampers, to scrub it over and over with the wet wipes soaked in my soapy water mix to get some of the dirt out. I do a little at a time because I know how sensitive the skin is. So, if I ever leave here while he's still alive, he will suffer from Everyone's lack of keeping him clean. I can smell it when he's all sweaty and his clothes/bedding is wet. But, sis will not change his shirt/bedding. I end up doing it - because I know the importance of keeping him dry/clean as much as possible to avoid rashes/bedsores. I've come home, and his nutrient milk cartons are strewn on the floor and not inside the 3 trashcans next to it. The nutrient has dripped out of the carton to the floor, yet no one (sis and now baby bro) stops and picks it up and cleans up the floor. That attracts the lizards and the ants.

With mom's one year anniversary coming up on Wednesday, I now have to really clean the livingroom (for visitors) and the bathroom. I will do the bathroom today. On Wednesday, I will just do the surface cleaning on the livingroom. It is what it is.
I'm dreading meeting with mom's relatives. It seems I touched their hearts last year when mom died. I felt soooo bad that mom died on my watch. At the morgue, the night mom died, I asked one of my aunty (likes to be in the driver's seat) if she blames me for mom dying. She was shocked that I asked her that question. And she gave me this great big bear hug and told me over and over that it's not my fault that mom finally died - on my watch. I remembered having tears when she said this because I really did think I didn't do my best to keep her alive like when father was her main caregiver.

{{laughing}} baby bro trying to do whatever father wants. Dad getting mad at him because he's not doing it "right." I couldn't help it. I started laughing so hard. I told bro that he needs to follow dad's fingers. He said in frustration that how can he follow it when it keeps shaking! Then I said, "I told you. You have to learn to read his mind!" He sassed me back that he can't read minds. Ah, heck, I really need to stop laughing every time father gets mad at him. Although, it's better him than me! =)
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Book tell Dad this is not a "job" people with jobs get paid! You are a volunteer.
Rule #1 in caregiving is "take care of YOU" You can't mess around with prescription medications, they don't do you any good if you only take them when you remember. they are prescribed so you have a constant level in your blood. Get yourself a med box and fill it up each week and put it somewhere you will see it like beside the coffee pot. Oatmeal is a good start. Make a list for oldest sis for Dad's meds and leave her to it. It's time she did something to earn her keep. I am high risk for stroke and make sure I take my meds. My cardiologist said I must have has rheumatic fever as a child because of the damage to my heart.
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By the way, baby bro keeps freaking out about the lizards inside the house. I don't know why he's freaking out about it. We all grew up with lizards inside the house. He keeps telling me that I need to catch these lizards and throw them outside of the house. If I keep doing this, there won't be any lizards inside. Uhm....no, thank you. Those lizards are squishy when you touch it. And when you try to shake them off your leg, they don't fly off because their feet has those suction or sticky pads that prevents them from falling from your leg. The lizards will hop off you when They decide to. He is so paranoid that he will wake up in the morning to find a dead lizard under him, or that it would try to crawl into his mouth while he snores. sigh... I don't do lizards. I may not be afraid of them but... touching them is a whole different story.
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Father got so angry this morning because I refuse to give him 2 pills instead of 1. He said that he's going to "report" me. I told him to go ahead and report me. Because once he "reports" me, I'm packing my bags/books and leaving. Let oldest sis take care of him. I asked him if he truly believes sis can take care of him like I do? I don't think so. Every time he said threateningly that he was going to report me, I told him to go ahead. That he never appreciated all I did for him and mom. No one can take care of him the way I do. I could have just let his rashes fester, grow, etc... But I'm the only one trying to stem the amount of pills he takes.

I just found out lastnight that sis have been giving him Centrum for dinner. I'm so pissed off. I told her that Centrum is for breakfast. She's suppose to be giving him his Caltrate. She just gives in to everything he wants. And NO, everyone, I will NOT confiscate all these pills and dole it out for OLDEST sis (older by 12 years from me) to give to father. She Knows Better. I have enough stress in my life, my caregiving life, and my work life to now also include HERS. Father says I'm F***king up in my job (taking care of his every whim). My job, my foot!

I told bro my prescription pills I'm taking. He said that's for the heart. I said, yes. I'm a high risk candidate for a heart attack. I know. I'm just ... I just live each day as it comes. I don't look into the future because for me, I see darkness and that always seems to bring on my depressions. So, today is what I live for. I do take my pills when I remember to take it - every other day. But, I have been eating oatmeal to help lower my LDL.
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not consignment contingency.
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Oh and Lav, you correct to lab. $5,000.00 per year? For somebody else to do what you have done would be no less than $5,000.00 a month. Go for the big number, then be satisfied with whatever you can get. Maybe you could find an attorney to take it on consignment.

$5,000 a year is only $13.00 and change a day. What you have done is worth much more than that!!!
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Lab let bro hire someone to do the work or tell him how much it will take for you to do it.. I know this will happen here too, but to a lesser extent with conservator in the picture.
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LadeeM - I love it!!! A vacation and a raise. WOW!!! Good for you. You know what to do? Take care of YOU!!!!
SA - Sometimesw it would get soo bad I would get in my car and scream. Go DO IT it will make you feel better. I agree with Veronica too. Let them run out of food, TP and the like. They can get it on their own, don't they have money. Also, let Dylan feed the cat. Do not be so hard on yourself about the Dog. My cat was matted in places and I did not have time to take good care of her. I felt soo bad but now she is happy as a kitten, I think she forgave me. Now she is taking advantage of having me by herself. Take of YOU!!!!
Red - I am so glad that you got a good nights sleep. Take care of YOU!!
Kizna - I am sorry that your Mom is being hard on the decisions. Mom was like this. I think it is because she was trying to hang on to any control she could get. My mom did that and now I have to share with my brother the money I am getting for the house, her bank accounts and anything else he can get his hands on. Whatever you have to do DO IT! take care of YOU!!!
Assand - Good for you. Enjoy!!! Take care of YOU!!!
Hi everyone - Well, I have been working my you know what again. I have been sooo upset about how things are here. Bro and I are now equal partners in my mom's estate. BOOOOO!!!!! He was supposed to give me all the money in my moms checking account. Well, there was more in there than we thought. So he took half of that. I have to use that money to pay bills. He is going to take anything he can get his hands on. My mom should have made me executer for her estate so now I have to put up with him. I had to quit working to take care of her and now look at me. I am selling things out of the house like china and things like that. I am pocketing the money and not letting him have anyting. If he has a problem with this he can sue me. I get mad at mom and cuss her out every now and then. I am also thinking that maybe I should charge the estate for my caring for Mom. What do you think about $5000.00 for three years. I think I will. I have been doing work outside and inside getting the house ready for a realtor open house. Please wish me luck.
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Ohhh Glad, one thing after another.... try not to spend every waking hour at the hospital and get some rest while she is gone....keep us updated and lots of hugs for you this morning.

Have tried four different times to post and get bumped... so hope it works this time.....

I thought I did post this week.... hmmm, dreaming or not enough sleep... lol

L can be a hoot sometimes.... some of the things she says makes me laugh out loud... except for this..... I was putting analgesic rub on her knees before bed.... she looks over at her husband and says, " she is a really good rubber, be careful about what YOU need rubbed"...... I almost died!!!! and not died laughing.... I stuttered and stammered and said something stupid like, not part of my job description.... flash backs to C and her evilness !!! Still a little jumpy about comments like that.... lol

I am still getting used to the hours.... but have two days off, in a row folks.... woot woot.... best thing to ever happen to me was to be accused of something vile to make me leave my last job....

But nothing is perfect... the day time coworker, well, I call her the Caregiver Nazi.....in her mind she is VERY IMPORTANT... so have listened to all her ramblings about her education.... this was the topper.... told me she has a Masters degree in Psychology... hmmmm, I didn't say anything, but was thinking, and you are working for these wages???? I do not volunteer anything about myself... to her or the family.... if they ask questions, the family anyway, I answer... to her.... well, lets say 'mumble , doubletalk and avoidance' works with her.....

Seems she is wanting my night shift.... not going to happen... and if the oldest daughter knew how much bitching she does about days, she would fire her in a heartbeat.... but I stay out of it....none of my business....I want to tell her what a REAL caregiver does on the day shift..... she makes me tired....

We keep a log... so all night time activity is in there... I give her the short version and then leave.... she wants to talk..... uhhhh, no, 12 hours here is enough thank you... I don't say any of that to her.... seems she will call oldest daughter about anything that is said....so, the fly in the ointment... no problem... I just worked for the family from hell, she can't hold a candle to that chaos.... so I just leave.....

I'm lovin' my new attitude about so many things at this job.... who would have thought I would ever add C to my gratitude list....by teaching me all the things I WILL NOT DO OR PUT UP WITH AGAIN.......

Going to do some yard work today.... hope the sun comes out.... need some serious 'outside' time..... sending all of you hugs...... will check back in later...
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Norest. can you have someone send you a video of your grand daughter's ceremony then you and ML can enjoy it together.

Wanting, There is nothing awful about praying for peace for your loved one. I am not sure that everyone is prepared for childbirth. I think we are blessed with memory erasure when we enjpy our newborn. Makes it all worthwhile.

SA what I think you are describing is PTSD. For years after I retiredI I jumped ten feet everytime the phone rang. That old fear about being faced with an unknown situation rose quickly to the fore. Like everything else time has healed.
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SH, yeah, I remember those days. It seemed like entire weeks went by where the only conversation was about my mom's bowel movements...or lack thereof. Activia. Works like a charm.

Wanting, I'd say your feelings are perfectly normal. Watching someone decline on the slow ride to hell that is Alz and dementia isn't for the faint of heart. Just thinking about what my mom went through and what I went through with her, watching it all up close and personal , makes my blood pressure rise even now. Nothing and no one can prepare you for Alz or dementia. Absolutely nothing.

And Glad, I'm so sorry! I hope your mom will be well, and feeling much better very soon. I'm sure that had to be uncomfortable as hell for her. Here's hoping that the issue is resolved quickly and your mom is back to normal very soon! *hugs* I know you'll be relieved.

Take care of YOU everyone...
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It's 5pm. I just got up from a nap. This is my day off from work and I had plans to shop for the house, have my eyes checked again (this time get another eye glass for computer reading - my new eye glass seems to be blurry on That part of my seeing) and have a hair cut. As I was getting ready to leave the house baby bro asked me what I'm doing today. I found out he had nothing to do today. I left but my conscience was bothering me. I didn't get leave from work while he's here for 3 weeks (very busy time for our work) So, while at Kmart, I called him. I swung by home and he jumped in. We went to the Mall, walked around, and then went to lunch at a restaurant I've never dined in, his female friend joined us. And then went to get yogurt for dessert. Came home. While at lunch, oldest bro called him to go to a festival in the other side of the island. Baby bro invited me to go with him but I said that our babysitter leaves at 3pm. I don't have another babysitter after that. So I cannot go.

His female friend told baby bro that we need to do this more - inviting me with them. I would like that. Free food. =) sigh... baby bro has eaten in more restaurants that I have never gone to. I would have loved to tag along and try the different restaurants. {envy}

As for father, when I got up from my nap, I saw that he had his nutrient drink but there were no pills. So I asked him why he was drinking his nutrient and it's not yet dinnertime, 530pm. He told me in a very soft lost voice, with this lost look in his eyes, "I don't know what to do. I can't remember what to do." He was holding his nutrient drink and looked so lost. I felt so bad for him. He knows that he usually takes something (herbal supplements) with that nutrient drink but can't remember what.
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Stillhope-
Similar problem here tonight. Had to take mom to ER, turned out she has a bowel obstruction. For 50-60 years she has had chronic diarrhea. What a change :-O She was admitted and they, right now at least, don't think will require surgery.
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stillhope, you have my sympathy...I just don't know that I'm gonna have the stomach to deal with that when it comes.

Am I awful to pray that she goes before her mind leaves her? Although that idea makes my stomach clinch up. Why is this so hard? It's NATURAL that parents die before us...you would think nature would prepare us for it like it does for childbirth..
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thank you Veronica. I have been trying to not make a big deal out of anything today, but when she says things like "They're all coming over tomorrow", I'll say "We're going to the library tomorrow but I don't think anyone is coming over". She seems to be a little better today.

I just don't know what to do to help her. Or what to expect...I guess part of this is that I worry that I should be DOING something...and I have no idea what to do.
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After a week of driving an hour to and from work, I'm tired, stressed, sad, I need some privacy and some good sleep. This is what my relationship with my mother has come to:
Day one.
-Mami, I'm home
-Maricusa, que linda! (That's mom)
-How was your day at daycare with the Viejitos mom?
-Good but I need to tell you something, I haven't gone to the bathroom.
-ok mom! I'll give you something with your pills tonight.
-ok.
Day 1.
When I call daycare:
Hi there, has my mom gone to the bathroom?
-no, not yet, we gave her some prune juice.
- thanks, I gave her the meds the doctor prescribed for her constipation.
Day 2
When I pick mom from daycare.
-Hi mom
- hiiiiii, you know I can't go to the bathroom. You need to give me something.
-ok mom. We'll repeat the dosage tonight and I will give you a suppository.
Day 3.
- yes, I'm calling to know how my mom is and if she has gone to the bathroom.
-no, not yet, we're giving her lots of water, light food and prune juice too.
-great, I'm sure she'll go tonight.
-oh yes, after everything she's being given I'm sure she will (daycare owner)
Day 4:
Call to the doctor, take notes really quick cause I'm at work and I don't think anyone would really be interested in my 86 year old mother and her constipation. The list is long but I can run to the drugstore right after work
Day 5:
Hello, has my mother gone yet?
Oh yes, it took us almost all day, prune juice, some of her constipation med was given to her with warm water and we changed her, her dirty capris are in a small bag for you.
- oh my, what a relief, my mother finally went! Thank you so much, you guys are great.
Picking up my mother from daycare:
-hi mom, how are you?
- fine but I had diarrhea ( worried look in moms eyes)
- no mom, you just went to the bathroom a lot, aren't you happy?
- I had diarrhea (worried look again)
I keep driving wondering what bottle of wine I will have my husband open for me tonight, after all it is Friday night, or isn't it?
Yup, that would be me and the way I feel just about now.
Hope everyone has a nice weekend.
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Ty each one who has sent me a hug. I haven't gotten to go in and see who did to send one back as im still in a crisis with my mom. It isn't easy when also your mom is stubborn and selfish. I'm sorry but it's true. I will be making huge decisions tomorrow regarding her so prayers are needec or if u can think of me. I will tell u my decision.
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Today mom is driving me NUCKING FUTZt ! But love her to death:)
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I'm.so stressed. I have to decide what to do with my mom, agency which costs money or a home that costs bucks. Who can I talk to for help? I live in Oregon.
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Understand completely...... my son was special ops... so glad he's out!
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norestforweary...I wish it could be, but my granddaughters ceremony is over 14 hours away, one way...in another state. She's 22 and does understand why we can't make the trip. She'll be leaving to start her rotations in May and will be in Oklahoma then...we live in California. Trying to keep up with family who lives out of the area and travels all over is kind of a challenge when you're tied down yourself...tried to call our son, and found out he was stuck in Bogata, Columbia....half the time he can't even tell us where he is because of the secrecy of government contracts, and where their testing grounds are...he's a test pilot...living vicariously through our kids keeps life interesting...we just can't leave to go anywhere right now. Am going to check on palative care for MIL through Hospice.
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OK Windy this one is for you.
I too have had a long term relationship with dogs but like you always big ones and have the advantage of a daughter who is a Vet.
Can you crush the medication and disolve it in some liquid, just a small amount and draw it up in a syringe(no Needle) and squirt it as far back in his mouth as possible. If you can wrap him tightly in a towel that will give better control. If you have a helper and a sturdy pair of leather gloves one of you can hold the dog's mouth open. How do you feel about giving Sparky an injection? The vet can show you. Get a muzzle so he won't be able to bite you.
He is a small dog how would he react to being held by the scruff of his neck like a mother dog or any other mamel doe a puppy. The usual reaction is for them to go limp, I know it works with the cats then you can quickly slip a needleless syringe into the side of his mouth. Of course have a treat ready. He will probably need the antibiotics for a while so if you can manage it may save some $$$$s at the vet's office. You can change the patch yourself or even learn to give a shot for that too.
None of this is rocket science. I used to give the horses, dogs and cats shots when we had the farm. We also gave them wormer every two months and that came as a paste that you have to put in the back of their mouth or they spit it out again. AND THEY HAVE VERY BIG TEETH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! not as sharp as Sparky's though. I hope he feels better soon and you can afford to buy food again
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Sorry Wasting time the post above to Windy was for you. dementis creeps up slowly i had better pay attention. I knew i wanted to reply to both of you
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I know. I really should have paid a whole lot more attention. I will from now on. I can't allow that dog to ever get into such sad shape again, not even once more. That was something I don't want to ever see again, especially because of my own negligence.

It's occurred to me now that I have to treat Reba, well, like I treated my mom. Even though she does act like a puppy at times, she's a really old dog. She's slowing way down and I haven't wanted to see that. I looked away when I should have looked dead on. Big, fat blunder on my part and it never should have happened in the first place. I can forgive myself...eventually...once, but not twice.

And honestly, V, I had that exact same thought myself about my mom.
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