This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
…Anyway, I’m more into sci-fi (space, aliens, etc), fantasy (magic, swords, shapeshifters, witches, etc..), mysteries, Humorous Romances and real-life crime stories….I once bought a book that pictured “magic” and the back read as “magic.” I was so pissed off when I started reading it. Page after page was descriptive sex. I kept turning the page until I finally found some conversations and action, then sex, sex, sex. I was just so irritated because this was all it was on the majority of the book! I noted on my list of authors to Never Ever buy her books. I'm really not into those kinds of books like the "50 Shades of Gray." Don't worry, you are among the majority of women and young girls and teens who love it.
Fifty Shades of Grey!!!!! Holy Sh*t....i havent gotten past the fourth chapter bcuz i keep getting hot flashes!!!! My heart cant take that kind of excitement , anymore.....maybe urs can....check it out....n....keep a fan blowing directly at ur face as ur reading it...LOL...LOL......love ya
I hope u have been able to get a nap in, this afternoon, n i pray that tonite, mil has a better nite...U, aready, have so much on ur plate....I really admire ur commitment to ur mil, n wen its all said n done, u can kno within urself, that u did the very best u possibly could to care for her...I kno u love her, even in the moments wen it is so hard....Hang in there...much love n respect for u, my friend..
Seeme....Predisone is the miracle drug, as long as its used on a short term basis...I hope u start feeling better soon.....n as for bath time for the babies.....They won't kno wat hit em!!...but we all kno that they will b squeaky clean...Take care of urself.....BTW...ur last story about the babies brought me to tears.....I love ur dogs!
msdaizy....Welcome to the "funny farm"!! I can completely relate to ur frustration regarding siblings.....or any other person that comes in contact with those we care for....Everyone else leaves the parents house, with wings....I am the one who wears the horns...as Jam said!....Im getting use to it, tho....I'll jst cover it up with one of my many weaves...lol....As caregivers....we do the best that we can, but sometimes, it's jst not good enough....but it's good enough for me...so, i jst keep doing wat i do...weave n all... Stay strong...ur not alone on this one....hugs to u
Jam...I meant to wish u n ur "Target" of a man, a Happy Anniversary yesterday....so, I shall do that now....Happy Anniversary! Sounds like u enjoyed a quiet Sunday together watching sports...good for u.....It's always wonderful to see ur posts....i jst love ya....huge hugs
Spent yesterday in Sacramento with my daughter n her bf....We had a beautiful lunch on a riverboat n the weather was perfect...Went shopping thru old town Sac, n ,as i said i would do....I bought my Lily gourmet dog bones!!! Hubby bought me a beautiful ring and we ate lots of peanut brittle....they have the best ...It was a great day. On our way home, we stopped at my parents to check up on them n bring some peanut brittle to mom...Dad begins to tell me that all they had for dinner was fruit, which started mom n dad in an argument...My brother, whom i never mention, bcuz he never helps me out, promised me that he would take care of their dinner needs while we took some ,much needed, time away....but....he never showed up....I was beyond pissed....so i went back to the car, n took my left over lunch from the riverboat, fixed it up to make it presentable, n walked back into their room n told them that we had brought them dinner....Dad was sooo excited.....Mom didnt seem to care...she was still mad at Dad for mentioning the fruit fest....This is wat i worry about anytime Bill n I try to get away, which is why we dont go away....ever!!! Dad must have called me 3 times while we were in Sac....one time wen i answered, he said..."Who is this?"...No matter wat we do or where we r....we r always worrying about mom n dad in the back of r minds....n, as for my brother.....he's jst useless....which is why i dont talk about him....Anyway....it was still a beautiful day n wen we got home...i grabbed my step stool, n climbed into my "high rise" bed..(as Jam said...lol)....So...now i have to get ready to take mom to the doctor again for her arthritis...She's miserable again, so i don't kno wat the doctor will suggest next...
Thats my life, for today....Hope ur all surviving another day on the "Caregiver's Funny Farm.."......Love u all
Book- I never thought I'd adapt to reading books on my iPhone or iPad. I mean as soon as I had a little "mad" money I"d head to the book store! :-) But I really like the IBook ap and a couple others. You can bookmark pages and once you get used to "flipping" pages it's really easy. The one kind of book I don't like on it is cookbooks. But I still have a few that I use sometimes. (besides, I own hundreds of regular cookbooks- literally)
Msdaisy, it's so hard when we try with all our might to do the best for the person we're caring for and they are harsh or even downright nasty to us. I hope you had a really bright spot somewhere during your day!
Funnier, oh my goodness, I can relate! Different issues, but lots of stuff that isn't worth correcting, just have to play along. My mom gets up often at night, starts wandering the house... And is totally obsessed with the children she has to care for (not), looking for her parents (mom's 91)... We had to get rid of her phone and hide ours because she kept dialing the operator to get her siblings phone numbers (they've been dead for years) and arguing with the operator, getting all upset. Sometimes she calls me by my name but a lot of times she calls me Kathryn. One day I asked her who Kathryn was and she said "oh, she's a friend who lives down the street. I'm sure she's referring to when she was a little girl. She tells everybody that she and I have known each other since we were in the 1st grade together. Gee, didn't know I was that old! Lol. Hope you get some good sleep tonight...
On a lighter note, I watched our Ravens football game last night and they won by 1 point by kicking with 2 seconds on the game clock! :-).
Hope everyone has an easy night!!!!
OK, Jambo, went to the doc, got levaquin and prednisone. Need to keep taking mucinex, cough syryp and use my inhaler........LOVE the preddy......in about 3 days, I will have the energy to clean the whole house inside and out. Watch out dogs!!! Bath time coming up!!!!
Wishing all of you a good day as you go about whatever you are doing.........
When I was trying to ee what she wanted just a few minutes ago, I asked her a question and she said "Shut up, she's trying to talk to me", pointing to a vacant spot in the room. She had also been picking pieces of imaginary candy out of her hand and putting it in her mouth and eating it. I asked her about it and she said it was so tiny it was hard to see, but it was really sweet and sooo good.
Lately, she hears music and/or men singing often, and when I tell her there is no music playing or no men singing anywhere, she accuses me of tying to make her think she is going crazy.
On top of all the stress of her, there's a big water break near here that affects water to my house. All I had time to draw up was three gallons and a coffee pot full. I guess I'm thankfull I got the wash done early. If I'd waited, I wouldn't have been able to get the stain out without a lot of work.
My husband says to keep her awake as much as we can all day today so she will sleep better tonight, but she did ll her talking IN her sleep last night. She'll probably do it again tonight. GRRRRRR.
https://www.agingcare.com/discussions/Cant-care-for-mean-and-hateful-mother-anymore-150326.htm
Since it’s a long thread, when you stop on say, Comments 81-90…what you can do is click on the top page (http:www.agingcare…..), highlight and the copy it and then Paste it on one of your Word document/file. Then, when you come on the next day, just copy it from your Word File and Paste it on this website. It will be where you left off yesterday.
Seeme-- another plus about grooming your babies daily, is that it’s relaxing. A de-stressor.
Vic—I have an idea of what you’re dealing with regards to the rigidity of the body. Mom is beginning to have it. Her arms and legs are so straight and rigid. Actually, her legs try their best to cross over and then lock in place. It’s so hard to change her pampers by myself. I have to massage her arms first to loosen it up. Then, massage both legs so that it too can relax and loosen up. Then, I have to quickly change her pampers before it locks. So far, the massaging has been helping. But I do know that it can become permanent because mom’s mom’s arms/legs were stuck as if she was permanently in a sitting position. You see her caregivers (her children and their spouses took turn watching her daily) left her all day every day in the wheelchair.
Vic.....I would stick my tongue out and go pppphhhhttttttttt......but that was a heck of a ball game.....THE CHIEFS WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Both sides played a hard game. So sorry to hear about Dad.....and I'm sure it is so hard for Mom to watch. Keep us updated please!
RIZ......what is it about mother's and son's.......of course I would do unspeakable things to protect mine if need be, but not if he was treating me badly. Both of my daughters invented reasons to be mad at me years ago.....at the time they didn't even like each other, but when my mom passed away in 2010 they banded together to verbally attack me all over again. Target's daughters stopped speaking to him when he and their mother divorced......boy my son is making out like a bandit in the Will......lol. I guess my point is that family dynamics just suck sometimes.....:)
good for you stormy.....hoping something good will come to you this week after talking with your sis.
seeme.....doctor....doctor....doctor.....did I mention you really should go to the doctor? LY
Sleep well and sending angels to watch over all of you and your loved ones......
I have gotten more rest as dad doesn't call in the night, I wake up and check on him to make sure he is breathing and am exhausted by the end.of the day.
I've taken a nap once already today........been through one bottle of cough medicine already.....sent hubby out for more.....can barely speak.....still doing the cough/pee or sneeze/pee thing, too.....Ah, well, gonna hit the couch and read for a while. Later........................
Thank you for the anniversary wishes....appreciate them all! Having hot, homemade vegetable/beef soup, crusty bread and football! Target got up this morning at 3am and put the soup in the crockpot. I don't know who this Target is, but he's acting a lot like the old one!!!!! Glad he's back......
Seeme......I get my entertainment from you and those babies....oh my, I don't see how you do it. I sure hope you start to feel better soon!!!!!!
ladee......lots of changes happening with M and S.......bless your heart and in a good way!
book.....absolutely nothing wrong with splurging on ourselves.....it's amazing what it does to our self esteem.
stormy......my goodness girl...what shall we do with you? Just kidding.......just want to add a few things here since you're like one of my kids...:) austin and ladee and seeme are all correct.....you do indeed need to give yourself credit on your SS. If you try to ask sis to start paying you to do something that you have been doing for free, that might cause a rift between the two of you that will be difficult to heal. You have been miserable for months while taking care of Dad....will a paycheck from him make that different? Somehow, I don't feel that it would, those old feelings would just sit there and simmer and in the end would do more damage to you than I think you are able to handle. I agree with your husband about having some input on the family finances. As seeme pointed out, you have a lot of employable skills from working at the store? Is that feasible? Will sis pay you a salary? Or has that always been a "family" situation where you worked for free? If it was, again I think sis would find it hard to pay you for what was done for free. Another thing to think about are the hours Connor is in school.....you can't just run to pick him up or go to activities when you're on someone else's clock. Have you given some thought to doing something from home, such as babysitting? I don't know what the going rate is in your state, but here $150/week is a bargain.......just a few things to think about.
vic.....hope things are okay with you and wishing you could check in....
notlike......I'm wondering if it's not time to get a little tough with Mom? I send an extra angel to your Dad each day....just because.....
RIZ......it sounds like you have such a special bond with your mother and she sounds like a fascinating woman. A few years ago, when the col was still living alone, we picked her up for lunch and as we were driving she breaks out into the French National anthem.....singing the whole thing in French so less!!!!!!! Not sure what prompted that but she sure enjoyed herself.
I know I haven't mentioned everyone and that's not by intention....my brain has not worked right today....too much allergy meds I think.
Love and Hugz to all of you!!!!!!!
Poor Dyna has the Hershey squirts today. She has lost both upper fangs and now has a permanent tooth coming out behind a baby tooth on the top. She looks like snaggletooth. Harley lost one overnight somewhere. He had ground it down to a nub, so I'm surprised it came out. This morning I found two puke piles.....a total of 4 lava rocks.........must be Harley......guess they were too big to shit out....looks to me like they were too big....made my asshole hurt just to think about it.