The Caregiver... How are YOU doing today?

Book, every single one of us need to get something for ourself.. the damn bills will get paid.... so never feel bad about mentioning you got a BARGAIN, we look for those too.... I go to the library... I am a reader like you, but I have no room in my little house for anything extra... I have tons of books in storage... someday I will have a place to put them all, so I relate to the reading... I've always said if I ever go blind, my fingers will have calluses from reading braille.... so go for it... tho we do wish you put some money aside to come to the States... Now THAT would be a dream come true....love and hugs....

There is also a product called CitruScent that you can get online that I use all the time, at M's and at home because I smoke and I am NOT going outside to do it.... it eliminates the ordor, doesn't cover it up.. Has a very clean scent and have used it for years, worth checking into...and it's very concentrated, so you only have to spray a little, very cost effective in the long run...

P.S..I know that for some of you, my spending $48.00 may seem frivolous. But books are my escape from the real life. I'm really not into movies or TV shows. I don't drink (so no money goes to alcohol) or do the bar scenes, or into food etc... I just love books and can spend my whole week just lying down and reading book after book from 10am to 10pm. I checked my log book on orders. The last time I bought books was on June 17! I kind of felt bad to mention that I spend $48.00 on books and a lot of you are having problems paying for REAL bills.

Stormy, I don't mean this as an insult, but it must be nice to always stay in your comfort zone.... I drop off into Alz land everyday.... nothing familiar there...and how are you ever going to grow as a person, as a woman, a wife, a mother... your hubby is going to look up one day and see he is married to a child.... sure hope you stop looking at it like he is 'on your back'... He needs a partner, not someone else for HIM to take care of....Possibly he's , in his own way, trying to get you to grow up some..... you only get to stomp your feet and scream NOOOO for so long, then in a marriage, people out grow each other.. somethig for you to think about.... and like always, you are going to do what you want, then at some point you will post about your marriage problems... ya know, being stubborn can be a good thing, if you use it to grow, not stay in the same place....
He's not the 'daddy' you never had.... he is your husband, and expects to have a partner... with like minded goals....if you get angry about my words, you'll either think about it and take some action, stay angry, or ignore it... but you came here and asked our opinions,,, and this is mine.... love you anyway, even if you think you will never have to 'grow up'... Your name is NOT Peter Pan....

Hi to everyone who seems to be suffering with sinus/allergy. We're having that problem here too. 26yr old niece and I have been getting the daily sinus/allergy headaches. Boss is sneezing/sniffling all day. One customer said that he can't wait for the rainy season to end. He's seeing so many mold/mildew everywhere - houses, sidewalks, etc... Hopefully the weather changes both here and there so that we get relief from this allergy.
Seeme- hope you get better. You do know that you're spoiling your babies? Never had pets so I don't know when you're suppose to start...uhm..teaching them on "house rules."
Funnier - I still your mil is testing you. Since she "got away" with this last hitting, I won't be surprise that she will do it again - maybe sooner. Unfortunately, your husband failed the test by making it seem like that you were the one who is lying (instead of backing you up). With mil, your husband is more important. And he didn't even give her a "slap on the wrist" for hitting you. Be careful, okay?

Oh, Funnier, regarding the urine smell permeating in the house, I read this discussion a while back. I'm "following" it because I find it useful. This is the site on How can I Deal with Smell from Commode. The posters gave advise on ways to make the commode, room, house smell "normal." I even found the one about peppermint oil very useful. Unfortunately, I had complications with my 2nd major surgery. Surgeon opened me up and saw that the endometriosis tissues had attached itself to my organs: bowel, uterus, colons, etc... Since that surgery, if I need to do #2, I cannot hold off until I get home. And most of the restrooms here Has No Windows or Ventilations. That peppermint oil advice works! So, check it out....

https://www.agingcare.com/questions/deal-with-smell-from-commode-152400.htm

Stormy, do what you feel is best. I would have done the same too.
Riz, I envy everyone who can play any musical instrument or can sing.

I spent my day budgeting for the rest of the year and writing down all my recent expenditures, and paying bills. I was also online shopping for the current book releases. Had a 20% Barnes & Noble discount. Put everything in the cart, and found out that they No Longer offer Free Shipping to anyone Outside the US continent! I've been a member since I was...gosh...in 23 years! So I emailed a letter to customer service mentioning what I just said. I paid them $25.00 yearly membership. I told them that next year, I will cancel my membership subscription, will buy my paperback books at Ebay, and my Ebook Nook Color ereader is NOT my only ereader. I will now use my OTHER Ereader to buy ebooks from other sources. Just as they treated me a loyal customer, I in turn will reciprocate it. I thanked them for having such an excellent service these past years and ended the letter. Then, I went on Ebay, and bought 8 books that were either Brand New or Like New for only $48.00 (that's like $6 a book, Including shipping cost) which is a $16.00 savings (books now are $8.00)!

Getting out with people is really important and not being around sickness all the time will be better for you besides earning SS which will be important some day to you when you are older.

Stormy....you would be better off trying to go back to the store as far as getting paid, and this is why, in my opinion: I assume , even though it is a family busisness, that payroll is done legally, so Austin is right that you need to have income reported under your Social Security Account Number (SSAN). Also, you would be able to establish more commnication with the customers, which is what you need more than the money.....talk to some other people about more than cleaning a trach. Explain to your sister that you need the money first. Secondly, it would be nice to see others. To get paid for what you have already been doing for free, and the fact she is still taking care of dad, too, and not getting paid, will only fester greater resentment between the two of you, at least on her end. As far as other jobs go, I think we had this discussion a long time ago. Working at the store has given you talents you don't know you have, Customer service, warehousing, if you do office, you can add that to the list, banking, cashiering, maybe even food service. I told you before I used to work at Southco Distributing, who caters to the convenience store/mom and pop.

Jam, I guess congratulations are in order, but I didn't get the message, must be on FB. Hope you made it to Red Lobster.

Anyone heard from Vickie Vic??? Worrying about her.

Everyone have a wonderful Sunday and make peace...........

Seeme: I so understand how the familiar feels safe. OK for now. See how it goes and know that my best wishes are with you. Down the road, after all the loose ends are tied up, you might want to think about job training. I think you can do more than you feel comfortable imagining, but job training might give you more confidence. Let us know how things go with your sister.

Ladee: Sending you white light and blessings for your efforts. Prayers for Marie and S too.

Cat

Happy Anniversary Jam and Target.... hope your team wins tomorrow , bout to be ill from hearing you cry.....
Seeme, those babies are just what you needed.. don't know if I laughed harder about Harley peeing on the carpet or you peeing your pants... we could start another thread, just about peeing our pants.... !!!
Riz, what a hearwarming picture you painted about you and mom in church today.... how blessed you both are... happy to see you here...
Funnier, about that poison, could you share what you might use... I have a coworker that needs a little time off.... oh yeah....
Beck, have been reading snippets from the book.... validation for how I see the world... and thanks for sharing it with me.... and I think it should be a new caregiver RULE, that we do not believe what our unhappy charges say about us...or what our kids, or our spouses, or non caregivers, or just all the unhappy people in the world say about us. I run like Forrest Gump when I'm around negative people...
Called my sons dad and he is going to come down and take him for his next suregery Tues.... a load off my mind.... and have done some serious praying about the THANG thing,,,, going to talk to the daughter tomorrow, and set some boundries with HER, then she can do what she wants... or not... with THANG...
also going to lay out some suggestions on sharing the unending chores... The family will be calling in Hospice soon for M, S needs constant supervision, and there are three others that can help with the house... we wont' count THANG, as she was told again to sweep and mop , she wrote in our report book that she did,,, NOT.... How can someone be so dense and so in their own world, that she didn't think we would know she did no such thing....so am trying to get in a place where I can handle this crazy person, and still maintain my dignity....
I will not leave S and M, so hope it just remains calm for both their sakes... neither one of them need this stupid drama..... nor do I, but it is what it is... another lesson for me, so in the end I will be blessed, so it's a win win for me....
Love you all and appreciate that we have this safe place to come to.... Time for me to go lay it down.... hugs across the miles...

Hey everyone thanks for the advice on the job/money situation. I have been rolling it around in my head. And i brought it up to hubby today about me getting paid for staying with dad. He said that to him it doesn't seem right but we need the money so whatever me and sis come up with will be fine with him. Now the problem is confronting sis with this wonderful idea. I have to do this carefully with her. I have said something to her and hubby has said something to her about me going back to work and both times she has just shut down and gotten pissed about it. So i think tuesday i am going to talk to her about it. She is off work tuesday so maybe we can get together and see what we can come up with.
Austin, Cat and Book- Our family grocery business is the only place that i have ever worked. From the time that i was 16 til i was 35. I worked there up until 2 weeks before i had connor. So the store is all i know and frankly having to get out and try to find another job somewhere else is so foreign to me. Hubby has been saying that i needed to put in applications to places but i have no idea what i would do. It's quite terrifying. I know the store is not going to be there forever and i know evenually i will have to get out and find a job somewhere. I'm just hoping that its not right now. Ya'll are right the store is safe and familiar. So i will see if sis will go for the idea about her/dad paying me to stay with him and that way things would stay the same except i would be getting paid something. She would be happy and dad would be happy cause i would be where they want me to be. I dont really care i just want hubby to get off my back about putting in applications somewhere.

On a different note- I know some of ya'll know about my obsession with looking up stuff on the internet about dad and his cancer. Well i have found something out that i have wanted to know since he was first diagnosed with thyroid cancer (hurthle cell cancer) I found out what stage cancer he has: It is T4aN0MX at least. The mx stands for they don't know if the cancer has spread. And how i found this out was when dad was diagnosed at duke hospital i had them to send his test results, bloodwork etc to my email account. Well all this time i have scoured over looking at his medical records from duke and i looked the other day and they had posted something on there (that has not been there in the past) or i would have seen it. They had his pathological stage on there. I couldn't believe it. Finally. I figured he was a T3 but not a T4a. And it says (at least) on the pathological report. T4b means that the cancer has spread to other organs. Anyway i just thought that i would impart all of that on ya'll. I hope all of you have a wonderful sunday. I am cause i don't have to go to dads tomorrow Whoo-Hoo!!!! And connor has his soccer game and team pictures tomorrow too... They are so cute playing. Connor scored 2 goals last sunday!!!! Maybe we will have a repeat tomorrow. Love and hugs stormyyy

Happy anniversary, Jam! :-).

What a night I had last night......now for the comic relief, although I didn't think so at the time..............I brought the dogs in the house about 8:30 last evening, gave them a chicken treat and listened to Harley whine in front of the pantry door till I thought I would go nuts, I took both of them out the side door to pee about 10:30, and it was on.................Dyna peed right away. harley strolled around looking for the perfect place, and it is dark except for the street light, when suddenly he has strolled over to neighbor's yard. He knows the word "come", but only when he wants to. Dyna won't come to me cause she knows Harley is somewhere he shouldn't be and wants to go with him......she now weights 37 lbs. I pick her up, throw her in the garage and shut the door. I am scream-whispering for Harley.....bronchitis has settled in my throat and my voice comes and goes.....when I finally figured out where he could be. I walk over to Kathy's yard (hoping not to get shot, as she will ask questions later) and find Harley checking out her brother's piss......what?, you say......he cuts grass in the neighborhood and pees by her gas tank next to the house, and that is where I found Harley. I pick him up, (34 lbs) get him in the garage, shut the door, tell him he is bad get inthe house. He goes in, Dyna won't.......fine....I'll throw her ass outside in the back in case she has to poop. Harley cried the whole time cause he was separated from Dyna.

At 11 pm I get her in the house and go to the computer in the livingroom, back facing the kitchen. I catch up reading here and am trying to post something. In the backround I can hear the dogs playing and running around the island and am thankful the kitchen is dog proof. Suddenly all hell broke loose as Dyna jumped the gate, Harley followed, and they are now holding NASCAR trials around the sofa/coffee table. I ran to the gate to make sure it wasn't broken, not, and then just stood out of the way. Dyna cheated by going between the coffee table and sofa while Harley went all the way around, so she'd catch him and he'd roll into the foyer area. When it was his turn to catch her, I called her into the kitchen and Harley stopped, yes, to pee on the carpet.....pissed ME off..... I am running trying to catch him, coughing, peeing on MYSELF from the coughing fit. I just stood there and scream-whispered in frustration, grabbed both by the scruff of the neck and got them in the kitchen.

That's where I found the TV remote.....on the floor.........mauled......not quite to death. But the rubber around it was pur-tee slime-eeeee. I picked it up, put it BACK on the island where I KNOW I left it, in hubby's spot, took them both outside and gave them the same old threat..."wait till your daddy comes home!!"

Evening......doing a speedy fast drive-by.....my allergies are kicking my butt the last couple of days and I feel like walking off the edge of the pond and sinking like a rock.....except for the fact there is a layer of pollen on the pond, I can't do that!
Thinking of you all.....with your time off, beautiful music, hugs, hair weaves, tears, high-rise beds and husbands that need an attitude adjustment.........mine has been a sweetheart....hmmmm, our 9 year anniversary is tomorrow...going to spend it eating a pizza and watching football, wouldn't have it any other way.
Love and Hugz to all of you!

Funnierthanme, I'm glad I was able to because I'm not sure if it will happen again qnd it made mom happy. Mom's cognitive abilities seem to be getting worse more quickly now. It's so hard to watch- she has a nursing degree, a double major in French and Spanish, has written a book which was published in the 70's, wrote the songs and published a children's record, and published a record with Pennsylvania Dutch songs and poems which she marketed to a lot of Universities for their language departments, played the organ in church for over 30 years.. In her 70's she was studying Russian. Geezzz, why her?

RIZ, it's so wonderful you could have your Mother with you today so she could enjoy the service, too, and I know she enjoyed hearing you play the piano and organ, and even washing your feet. Bless you for doing that with her today.

Saturday's are so good for me! We went to church and I played the piano for sabbath school and the organ for church. It's my happy time when I can be playing music..... Today was communion and our church has the feet washing. Bless her heart, in spite of the dementia, mom was determined to wash my feet. So we muddled through it. What I missed was the hug she used to give me as she would say "may these feet walk the streets of gold".

Beck, early on my husband apologized and said he just couldn't see his mother in the potty situation. Of course, she wouldn't dare let her son be involved in that tyype of situation, either. It isn't dignified. At that time, I agreed to it, but I didn't know it would be an overnight thing and a long-term thing. We all thought she was on her last legs--even her cardiologist and her GP thought so. My physician now tells me it's because of the excellent care she gets from me and Nancy that she is doing so well. He said she would have died two years ago otherwise. Damn! Her ejection fraction is below 20% now. Her doctor says "her heart is shot". The only way she is going to get worse now is for me to poison her, I guess. Of course, that won't happen. (on purpose, of course :o).

Her urine is copper colored now. It improves a little sometimes, but mostly, she won't drink much and it stays dark like that. Her room stinks. Our house is beginning to smell awful. I can't burn scented candles because she uses oxygen, so I spray a lot of air spray often.

The caregiver was great today and I spent the full two hours outside with my dogs and goats and flowers. I got her completely out of my mind. It was wonderful.

Book....Im soooo happy that u can have a day to urself!!! I can only imagine how excited u r about that...U deserve some time away from ur parents....so enjoy urself, 2moro....I'll b thinking of u!

Funnier...forgive me for this comment, but.......i jst want to use my good hand n give ur husband a solid right hook!!!. Why must it b u that gets up everynite to take care of mil??? Ur husband needs to b UR support, under every condition. And how dare he question wat u say over his mother!!! I'm sry...i'm not trying to be disrepectful, but u shouldnt be treated like that, by anyone....Sh*t....now i'm pissed off, for u!.....Remember r mantra...".I am woman...hear me roar.....Piss me off....ur ass is gunno be soar"!!! Sing it to ur husband.......ALL DAY....that'll drive him to hell for ya....LOL...hang in there, girl.....much love

Seeme.....hope ur feeling better....I kno how miserable it is to have bronchitis...I hope ur getting enough rest....Stay in bed n have Harley n Dyna keep u company....That always makes me feel better wen i'm sick...Love ya, lady

My dear sister...Ladee....Let me first say thanku for ur beautiful post last nite...after a week with my parents, hearing nothing but insults....it was very touching... I was beginning to believe them....but, after reading ur post....i'd much rather believe u!!!
N jst so u kno....I did give Sharyn a hug n told her hello from u n how much u love her.....But....u can still kick my ass, if that's the only way we can meet!!.Or, i could jst send u a chunk of it, u can kick it, n send it back......I'm sry u had such a hard week....i knew something was going on, wen u were absent, more than present....I hope u got some rest...apparently u will need it to tackle ur housework!!
I, on the other hand, took care of the bedroom cleanup last nite, n let me jst say.....Damn.....that bed is f-n awesome! Wen hubby came in to the "finished" product...he brought a step stool with him! He's a real cut up!! He managed to get to the center of the bed, n broke out into hysterical laughter.....So....i did wat any loving wife would do......I kicked is ass to the couch..lol.....Actually, he loves his couch, so it wasnt a punishment for him...I got that big, high, beautiful bed all to myself....n i actually slept in this morning....Mission accomplished....i love it.
Don't work too hard, 2day, Ladee.....Try to take a break......Oh...n i'm sry that ur son has to go thru another surgery....I bet ur thinking..."Wen will it ever end"?
My son informed me yesterday that he has decided to get a tattoo on his forearm of the Greek flag n the cross!!! I'm not a fan of tattoos, so i wasnt too happy. He asked me, "Mom...if dad wasnt so against tattoos, wouldnt u b tempted to get one?
I said, "O, sure, son...i would, DEFINATELY get a tattoo." He said, "Ok...wat would it say n where would u put it.." I replied." I would tattoo Lily's name..........................
between my ass cheeks, closest to my ahole!!!!!" That shut him up....
With that said....have a great day....love ya bunches,sister........

Ladee~It was really great to meet Beck. She is a wonderful person and as you said, beautiful woman inside and out. I loved that she shared pictures of her family with me. She did pass on your hug to me and I am giving you a big HUG right back. I wish you could have been there too. It amazes me how much love and generosity everyone shares here.
BecK~it sounds like you wore yourself out putting together your big bed, Lol!!

Thanks ya'll, for the support, but don't worry, I'm fat so I bounce when I'm down....I had just let myself get way past tired..... I am so grateful I know myself so well, that I KNOW to keep my mouth shut when I am like that... I can come here and say what I need to say to get it out of my head, and ya'll will understand.... I don't share with the other caregivers on the job, can't stand that, starts to feel like a beehive of activity, I move away from all that.... because Thang is still one of us, no one likes her, THEY talk to me, but all I do is listen... and tell them maybe they should go to the kids and tell them.... don't know if they are telling me in hopes I will, uh, no, it's YOUR complaint, so your responsibility to address it.... the few things I have taken to the daughter have not been addressed, so, no sense in beating a dead horse....Of course I am the 'old lady' of the group, so guess that means I come home, figure it out, share with ya'll, follow ya'll suggestions, allow myself to be loved and supported, and go down the "hiway to hell" the next day... all of this is so temporary....
My son has another surgery on his arm Tues... he fell shortly after the cast came off the first surgery, cracked the plate in his arm, so it's not healing... so this time they will put a longer stronger plate in... I hate that he has to go thru this all again... but he is one stubborn guy, so as my mom would have said, "Hard heads make for soft asses"... I should know, got more than my share of that growing up....
Austin, it's ok to cry.... I rarely cry, so guess it's a big damned deal when I do, my mom wasn't abusive, but she could pack a swing on her with that belt... my middle sister would run from her, by the time she caught her she was insane with anger, so I learned to step up and get mine first.... then it wasn't so bad..lol....hugs and love to you Austin
Book, so happy you are getting a Sunday morning break.... !!!! that will make a difference in your exhaustion level... just time away helps... and something to look forward to beside the same old routine helps too.... yeah, the family that sends money can send a little more, to give you a much needed break from it all....love and hugs....
Sharyn, you survived the " Beckathon"...... did she suck all the air out of the room?? I know ya'll had fun, so wish I had been there.... I can only imagine.... told her to give you a hug for me,,, did she??? If not, I'll promptly get on her ass.... hugs and love
Kim, damn girl, you have your hands full...my lady Ruth was like that,,, poof and she was gone... S is getting like that.... can't turn my back for a second.. don't remember if I told ya'll about the day I poured him too much coffee, he usually only has half a cup, I was making breakfast, make him come to the table so I can keep an eye on him.... turned around for one second and he had poured the rest of the coffee on the table... where the extra meds, napkins and his enhaler are kept.... Oh Happy F'n day.....He is SHUFFLIN too, that song goes thru my mind all the time....and the others are catching on about getting him to use the walker....but he is work now, can't leave him alone for a second... somehow he managed to get a spoon tangled up with his enhaler... It took me forever to figure it out.... and he will NOT set down.... I know I say that to him 500 times a day, and if I am not standing right by him to set on the couch, he sets on the end table....doesn't mean I don't feel compassion thru the pores of my skin, but damn it get's old.....love and hugs....
funneir, I am sorry your husband is stupid... that's the only word I can even come up with, from now on, get him to get up with her, for a few nights anyway, then he can see for himself what stunts she pulls.... so if you need to run away, come on to Texas... it's a huge place to get a new start..... hugs and love...

My poor little house looks like a bomb went off in it.... so need to get busy, no rest for the wicked or some such bullsh*t......love ya'll
Oh and Kim it was Seeme who runs into things.... that girl is an accident looking for a place to happen... by the way, she has bronchitis, so that's why we aren'thearing from her...prayers she is feeling better real soon.... and Jambo too, miss my ' girls' on here like old times.... love to everyone....
And yes ya'll, it was a true God moment seeing that envelope from Beck... He does provide... always.... love to you all...

I haven't posted here in several days, but I haven't had anything positive to say. MIL had been urinating past her catheter (bladder spasms) for several days and I had a washing machine full of sheets, blankets, gowns, all the time. Finally we got her to a real doctor (major, major production) who said have home health put a larger catheter in her. Home health came that very day and did so. Fixed it. Why in Heaven's name couldn't they have figured that out the week before and saved me all that trouble?

MIL hit me when I tried to help her to the potty one night. I stopped her the second attempt and told her not to ever do that again. I asked her if she wanted me to wake up her son and get him to handle her potty and she said no, so I told her to settle down right now. When I went back to bed I told him she had hit me. He talked to her about it in the morning and she told him I was hateful to her and he thought she should find someplace else to live. She said I tried to pull her catheter out of her. B.S. Of course, I told him I didn't. Of course, he said his mother had no reaon to lie about it. I told him she wasn't in her right mind, as he already knows. I should be the one finding someplace else to live. But this is my home. I'll be damned if I am going to leave it on account of her. She and he can leave and go to Hell for all I care. He calmed down after that and so has she.

The caregiver coming on Saturdays (today) told me she has 11 siblings. Wow! She cared for her Mother before her death, and like many others, not one of the 11 siblings offerred any help. Not one. I need to give her a big hug today.

I need to give everybody here hugs.

Ladee you almost had me crying about getting the gift but I always cry easily-my mother use to say to me you are crying I will give you something to cry about-meaning one of her beatings.

My 20 year old niece just called me. She's moving out of her mom's home and will be renting an apartment. With only her boyfriend working, and them not qualifying for govt assistance, she wanted to let me know that if my newly hired caregiver for Saturday ever stops working, to please think of her.....I told niece that CG needs the money so I don't think she will quit....

But I felt bad because this niece came to watch on Saturdays when father came home from the hospital last year. Even when she was pregnant ..until her delivery. Even with the newborn baby, she came over to continue to watch the grandparents for about 6 hrs- for only $30 (paid by her mother.) So, I told her that I'm looking for someone to watch on Sunday mornings....
.....I'm so happy with the Saturday caregiver (even though she makes me late for work.) I work at 8:30am, she Arrives here at 8:30am and still expects me to give her instructions. Sorry! No time, I'm rushing out the door. Anyway, as usual, I was rushing out, when I saw her actually massaging my dad's leg with coconut oil! She tries really hard to exercise his stroke-affected left side arm/leg. He doesn't want me to do it because I'm rough (too impatient.) She even got him to eat real food! I was worrying because the past couple of days he won't eat solid food - he has lots of cavity but refuses to go to the dentist. Brother-of-next-door told me to quit stressing over it. If father doesn't want to go, then he doesn't - he will just have to bear the pain.....
....So....I now have a caregiver for sunday mornings! I can go and do shopping with sis on Sunday mornings where people are in church and we can have the store with less crowd...

Notlike-- I agree with you. Do what you can for your father. I hate to say it but I will do my best for mom. But when it comes to my father, well, that’s different. He never appreciates what I do because I Have To Do It. So, he complains, nags, verbally abuses me (because he says I have nowhere to go) and tells me I’m a bad daughter. If mom ever dies before him, I have done my job and I’m packing and leaving. Brothers can take of him.
Kimbee -- Sorry, no experience with preventing falling parent. If what I seen when father fell, it was in slow motion. There's no way to stop him from falling once he starts falling because that is all dead weight. When he hit the floor, he could NOT get up on his own. I think, when the body falls like that, something inside shuts down. That's why they're not able to get up on their own...like we would. I have read from Menohardy's daughter that she had strategically placed those alarm beams to alert her of her father's movements. I THINK I saw that on this Site under their products. Maybe you can place those alarm beams around so that you know where your mother goes. I don't know how it works. Maybe it won't even apply to what you're asking....
Ladee--So sorry that you have had a lousy week. I'm glad that Beck was able to gift you something precious that touches your heart. We can't have your heart become all beatened, saddened and worn-down from work.
Stormy-- if working at the store is going to be stressful cuz sister is going to do the guilt trip, then maybe it's time to find an outside job? But, if you need to work at the store because it's 'familiar, safe', then so be it. I, agree with Cat. Unless you can make friends with people who come to the store, then that's fine.

Riz – comparing our parents taking care of us when we were children and now us taking care of our parents in their old age/dementia is TOTALLY Incomparable. As newborn babies, we do need 24-hr care. As toddlers, we’re independent and don't need 24-hr constant care. As toddlers, we start learning to potty train and by age 4 or 5, we’re using the restroom On Our Own. We know Not to pooh or pee on the floor but in the restroom. We shower on our own (not needing constant watch.) So, by age 5, we’re left on our own. Our parents – in old age – needs constant care and they are angry, mean, abusive, or Stubborn, etc…Ask a person who has had children and raised them AND is now caring for their elderly parent. They will tell you that there is Absolutely NO COMPARISON.

Riz, I just recently had a customer who told me that caring for my parents is the same as children. This is a man who has Never Experienced elderly caregiving like we are doing. When he said that, without even thinking, I snapped back, “Taking care of elderly parents is NOT like taking care of children! Children grow up and become independent!” He was shocked that I said that (because I’m a real shy person). He stared at me. And then he nodded and agreed that, Yeah, it’s not the same. Hm…I guess the stress of caring for my parents is beginning to show in my workplace. Sigh…

Don’t ever let people make you feel guilty that you’re not doing enough. It’s bad enough that We always feel guilty when we stay out of the house as long as possible, etc…Next time someone tells you that, ask them Very Nicely with a Smile, “Would you be able to come and watch my mom while I do some Essential errands? Remember, taking care of her is like caring for a child.”

Holy sh*t....jst finished making this"dream" bed that i've always wanted, but im too tired to attempt to climb in it...i think i'll jst sleep on the floor next to Lily tonite, n try again 2moro....My husband wont even try to get in it with his bad hip....oh well...guess that means i'll get it ALL to myself....but he's allowed visitation...lol
It turned out jst beautiful....but very high....n, Cat....i'll take a pic, as soon as i can climb aboard...but i wont be posing, so i'll put a doll in my place.. Love u all, ladies....sleep well..

I miss you all. I'm so befuddled I couldn't find this thread, dah. Do ya think I'm gonna have dementia? My mom was waaaay out there yesterday. It would be hilarious if it wasn't all so sad. My "mommy" monitor was expensive and in less than a year, it's a gonner. Any body use one that they like? Don't won't to go to video type (no I DONT want to see anything, thank you very much), and our cell reception is awful at the house, so don't want that kind that works thru iphone. My mom is the Queen of sneaky, and has been racing around falling like crazy every time I'm more than three feet from her. Any recommendations about any fall prevention alarms also very much welcomed. Who kept banging their head on the cabinet when they bent down? I think it was you Judy? Anyway, I smacked myself into something hurrying around and whacked my glasses on the left side of my head so hard, they bruised my nose. Later on, I hit the other side of my glasses-straightened them back up, all aligned just right again!! Perhaps I need new ones since I apparently can't see too well. We r quite the family around here, my DH is blind in one eye, I can't see or remember sh_t, and my mom has Teepa Snow demented field of vision, down to monoccular herself, with 1/2 the 12" field of vision. She can see every crumb, speck of dirt/dust or lint or a spec of thread, and NOTHING else, except her oddball insistance that the light through the trees is this object or that. She has the shuffly gait and can't pick her feet up right, then she is driven to speed up and can't slow herself down...OK, I feel better now. Cat, been thinking about you and dad, sending you back some of your white light. Wow, his 90th birthday. In spite of my warped humor, I am treasuring every moment. I know you are too. Glad he ate some birthday cheesecake. Ladee, sounds like a special gift from our Beck. 30 years of beautiful, smart AND funny-no wonder your hubby is still happy! Contratulations. I want to see the fancy bed too! No lingerie tho! Maybe Miss Lily could just get up there and pose? Well, that didn't sound right, never mind...Ladee, sorry all this is wearing you down. Glad M and S have you and your comforting reassurances. You are so good to the core :)). And the rest of you too. Book, I like what Ladee said about therapy-you can find one to just help you refine and tweak coping skills or practice a little pampering from time to time. Don't have to dig up the past just yet. You deseve all the SUPPORT you can get. You seem to be thriving on it, big progress since you've come here, and already hear progress since your caregiver's group. I am PROUD of you! I say come on the tubing trip, and you can be the waver, lounging on a chaise from the shore, just having a break and reading a book or fifty! You deserve that spot. And since someone else will be helping at home already, we can kidnap you to the states for a new start! A year more of ninja support, and you'll be ready to move! Finished my supervision of 1st no-fall potty break for the night. Good night or morning, kimbee

Beck~It was wonderful meeting you and your son as well. Thank you for sharing the pictures of your parents, Miss Lily, and you and your husband. The love you have for your family is obvious in the way that you talk about them. Yes, we can do it again sometime, just let me know!!

LYL!!!!!!!!!

Stormy: You have to do what is best for your family Working at the store is an option and getting paid to care for dad is an option. Another option would be to get a job away from family and the store. You might enjoy being around other people. Just a thought. Best wishes, Cat