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This has been the week from hell for me... was in tears by the time I left work, went and cashed my check, went to the PO, and for a change, no envelopes with the little windows in them, saying 'pay me pay me', but a big envelope from Beck... limped out to my car, it's Texas ya'll, it's still F'n hot here, and opened my surprise from Beck and just lost it..... I know a few folks thought I had been notified of a death in the family, by the boohooing going on.... I'm not much of a cryer... so it wasn't pretty....
Inside the envelope was a beautiful book of just the things I love to read... letting me know,reminding me, my life and how I see it begins with the way I 'think' about it..... I have studied this stuff for years, and once again, I have let life get in the way of being my authentic self....
And a pile of pics.... Ya'll this Beck person on here...... she is gorgeous... and I mean drop dead beautiful.... but not just on the outside... the gift, the words she wrote in the book to me... well, we are all just blessed to have her in our lives.... and especially me as I got a much needed surprise today... so thank you Beck, from the bottom of this old tired heart... God always sends us what we need when we need it....you are loved and appreciated....

And yes ya'll , she REALLY does wear the weave.... and of course pics of Lily, such a 'lady' that girl is.... so thanks Beck, I have something very soothing to read tonight before sleep takes me to my 'get away place'..... love and gratitude to you my friend....
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Beck: I'd love to see the new pic of your bed. Be sure to include you in your nightie, climbing up on the stool to get on the bed and under the covers. Sleep well. Cat
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Sharyn...It was so wonderful meeting u today n talking about caregiving, kids, PETS...n the fact that, as far as i could tell, u n i r ready for that tubing trip next year!!! It was a great visit...hope we can do it again, soon....

Being that it's hubby n my 30th wedding anniversary, i went out n bought All new bedding, bcuz our room needs a serious makeover...Im so excited to put it all together, bcuz by the time im done, it's going to take a step stool to climb on this bed!! I've always wanted my bed to look like those beds u see in stores, n now i've got one. I jst have to get the energy to clean the room n get the bed made....I was nervous to tell hubby that i spent $250.00 on all this bedding, but he's such a sweetheart about everything, n he didnt bat an eye at wat i spent. He jst said,"All i want, is to see u happy...u deserve it.."....Isnt that sweet?? We have a Cal King, so everything was so expensive....anyway, this lil project will cheer me up, until the phone rings, n i have to go to the grocery store for mom, for the 3rd time!!!! Well, at least i'll get a good nites sleep....Maybe this bed will be my next profile pic....LOL
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The finances do become a problem sometimes and that can be stressful... One of my friends said to me but your mother took care of you physically and financially when you were little, but my mom had full time help when we were little. Just 1 or 2 full days a week away would feel like heaven!!! And then I feel so selfish....
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You are all wonderfull! Somewhere in my head, ants are being taken away because it's a daydream day! :)
Lildeb-I am NOT biting your head off, however, I am puffing away. LOL I am not ready to quit. What I resent most is working every day and then being broke because Mom is so weird about "her" money. My husband works hard too, and what I thought was going to be our time to get a bit ahead in our lives has turned into pinching even more pennies. I think if I pinch hard enough, pennies might fall out of Mom's a**! But today was my payday, and I'm re-evaluating the budget to make this all keep working somehow.
Stormy-I agree with Austin...push for the job. If it absolutely won't happen, be prepared to tell your sis how much you would make at the store vs. as a paid caregiver at the going rate in your area. You time is no less valuable than hers, and you deserve to be compensated either way.
I can't remember who posted about sibs making their own choice - sorry. But it was awesome and I am going to put it into practice with Mom. Enough is enough. He's my Dad and he deserves the best I can give him. If she feels left out, that's not my problem anymore. So thank you to whover posted that.
Dad is getting an antidepressant from the doctor. We will pick it up tomorrow. Please all pray that this works! He was leaking stool while he was out with Mom shopping again today. There has to be a end to this.
Looking forward to a restfull weekend for everyone. Hugs to all.
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Stormy I think you should take the job you will be getting credit for social security and some day you will be old like me and that will be so important then I did not think my husband would die at 71 and leave me in financial ruin and if I did not have all those years credited to my SS I would be worse off-plus your sister needs to step up and help-plus if Dad pays you and goes on medicaide in the next 5 years it will come back to bite you if sis gets pissed meantion placement for him and she might change her mind-it is not like he appreciates what you are doing for him-or let him pay an agency person and apply it to his taxes-it is not fair for you to keep giving and giving.
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LOL. Jam, I haven't thought of that song for ages! Boy does it fit how I feel sometimes... Sharyn, music is such a gift... Songs pop into my head and it's hard to get them out. My daughter Melissa calls it having and "ear worm" when the song is like that. I think music is the best coping mechanism for me... I can sit at the piano or organ and shut out everything else... My son will be 30 this Novemeber. He has a beautiful voice so when he comes we pull out songs from Les Mes, Phantom, other musicals, classic Sinatra... Best therapy there is! :-)
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Hey ya'll I thought i would run something by ya'll and see what your opinions are. Hubby and i have been talking about me going back to work part time in the mornings. And getting off at 2 so i can go pick connor up from school, the problem is of course what to do with dad. Hubby is really after me about this cause we are going to have some expenses coming out in the next few months with connor's bday in november and christmas too. Also we have a rental house we are paying taxes on plus our house and all of the tax bills are coming in. Plus car payment and insurance. So i have mentioned something to sis about me going back to work at the store when our uncle retires in nov from there. She got ticked about it. I know she is thinking that i am trying to find a way out of having to stay here with dad. It's not that. We just need the extra income. So here is my idea: either she can let me go and work at the store some or dad can pay me to still stay here with him. I think that would be the easier way around for everyone. What do ya'll think? Love and hugs stormyyy
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All of you make my day so much better........THANK YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Oh Jam, thank you so much, LOL!! I think I will make this my theme song. Book, sometimes these songs just pop into my head. It's usually funny songs or songs that make me happy. Lovin Spoonful wrote the song "What a day for a day dream". Sometimes I sing the song from Mr. Rogers Neighborhood...It's a wonderful day in the neighborhood, won't you be my neighbor...So today I say, Zipity Do Dah, Zipity Yay, my oh my it's a wonderful day. Have a Great Day!!!
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I remember now! That song was one of those children's songs. I bought 2 cds and played one every day. I had wanted a sing-a-long song to help me Slow Down in my driving. My favorite is the ant song. Something to do with Marching and "hurrah, hurrah". They had that song on that ant video for children. I just love that ant music! Hmmm...I wonder where is that CD? I'm currently playing for months now in my car the ABBA CD.

Riz - just do what you can at your own pace. If you notice on the above posts, that I'm currently resisting therapy. I've been dragging my feet on that. The people can offer advice, but it's up to us whether we follow it, give it a try ..or not.
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Book- it can be so hard to accept situations. Good for you! I know that's a real challenge for me and that it would be helpful for me to be able to do that better... But just haven't been able to...

Hopefully today will be a good day. Stress of taking care of mom has made it hard to sleep at night. I wake up off and on and have to read until I get sleepy again. While I woke up at 3 am and read for a while, I didn't wake up again until almost 8 this morning. All was quiet with mom but now it's time to bath her and start the day...
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Just for you Sharyn!!!!!!

They're Coming To Take Me Away lyrics
Remember when you ran away
And I got on my knees and begged
You not to leave
Because I'd go berserk?

You left me anyhow and then
The days got worse and worse
And now you see I've gone
Completely out of my mind.
And
They're coming to take me away, Ha-ha
They're coming to take me away, Ho-ho
Hee-hee-haa-haa
To the funny farm
Where life is beautiful all the time
And I'll be happy to see those
Nice young men in their clean white coats and
They're coming to take me away, ha-ha! (x 2)
You thought it was a joke
and so you laughed, you laughed,
when I had said that losing you
would make me flip my lid.
Right?
You know you laughed
I heard you laugh
You laughed, you laughed
and laughed and then you left but
Now you know I'm utterly mad
And..and...and....
They're coming to take me away, Ha-ha
They're coming to take me away, Ho-ho
Hee-hee-haa-haa
To the funny farm
Where life is beautiful all the time
And I'll be happy to see those
Nice young men in their clean white coats and
They're coming to take me away, ha-ha!
They're coming to take me away, ha-ha,
They're coming to take me away, ho-ho,
hee hee, haa haa
To the happy home
With trees and flowers and chirping birds
And basket-weavers who sit and smile
And twiddle their thumbs and toes
And they're coming to take me away, ha-haaaaa...
I cooked your food, I cleaned your house,
And this is how you pay me back for
All my kind, unselfish, loving deeds,
Hah?
Well you just wait, they'll find you yet
And when they do they'll put you in the ASPCA you mangey mutt!
And
They're coming to take me away, Ha-ha
They're coming to take me away, Ho-ho
Hee-hee-haa-haa
To the funny farm
Where life is beautiful all the time
And I'll be happy to see those
Nice young men in their clean white coats and
They're coming to take me away, ha-ha!
They're coming to take me away, Ha-ha
They're coming to take me away, Ho-ho
To the happy home
With trees and flowers and chirping birds
And basket-weavers who sit and smile
And twiddle their thumbs and toes
And they're coming to take me away, ha-haaaaaaa...
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Book, you can still go to therapy... I understand about not wanting to go back into your past... not all therapist do that... find one that will help you on how to better deal with the situation you are in now... better coping skills, not that you aren't doing a good job now, but they can give you some 'behaviour modification' tips... to keep you from stayig so close to the edge of your depression... just a suggestion... love ya'll, oversleft AGAIN... later...
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I do not stay with my mother anymore when I visit my sister has me stay with her-it was one complaint after another when she thought I was using too much toilet tissue I just about came unglued that was on top of my bed was not made right an my hair was a mess-OR IS THAT THE STYLE NOW ADAYS.
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Austin, I think I'm still waiting for someone to rescue me. At the moment, my only thoughts is to just survive each day and not to go down that deep dark tunnel. To think of the future means therapy. I don't want to do therapy. So, I just concentrate on daily living. And Austin, I really do appreciate all the advice you have given me. I'm glad that you're still hanging out with us! HUGS to you!!!!
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Beck, congrats on 30 years of marriage! That’s a milestone in today’s society.

Ladybard – Any possibility of checking in your area if they have one of those adult day services where your mother can mingle with others and make friends? Then, if they do have one, then you have the very difficult task of getting her to make that FIRST step to go there. Maybe if she likes it, she might want to go all there all the time.

Sharyn, you and those jingle songs! I find myself singing/humming it and at the same time trying NOT to giggle. I love the wordings of that one too! By the way, where did that come from? I vaguely remember it but not WHERE. What it children’s video? I mean all these children’s songs and Mother Goose rhymes are awful when you really think about the wordings.

Beck, we do have our ups and downs. I laughed at some of the things they say to you because my father also says it too! Like the bangs, looking tired, why I’m not wearing a watch or earrings (I love to wear necklaces), my hair looks so dry and …. the worst of all….why don’t I go get bigger breasts!! Well, hope you and Sharyn have fun tomorrow.
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Book good for you accepting of how it is my son always it is what it is about sitituations and he is right-wanting things to be different is just a waste of time and engery. My therapist years ago said I was waiting for someone to rescue me and it was not going to happen at first I was angery with her but after a few days I realized she was right-it had to come from me. I find making one small change enpowers me to move forward.
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Ibelieve – Jam gave some good advice. For about 20 years my father and I were caregivers for my mom, who has Alzheimer. I have 7 siblings. For years, I’ve had asked, begged, threatened to walk out – trying to get my siblings to help. When my father had a stroke last year and is now bedridden, I thought that finally someone will come and help me. Well, I am still living alone with my 2 bedridden parents. I do pay my oldest sis to come Mon-Friday so that I can continue to work.

For years, I have emailed, text and spoke to my siblings of how hard my life is with the parents. I never gave up. In the end, maybe their conscience got to them? But, now my brothers help financially. My younger sis gives me emotional support and does visit the parents every weekend. But to ask them to help PHYSICALLY? Obviously, I was asking too much for that. So, I’ve settled with whatever the siblings are Willing to Give (AFTER I found this site and learned to Accept it.)

I found this site in June of this year when I was suicidal. I just couldn’t handle it anymore. The people here have given me so many advice. But for now, I will give the one advice that I struggled with – not only with the therapist but also from those here in this site. This is the advice I will now give to you. Please read it carefully, think about it. Don’t worry, I rejected it several times but have come to accept it AS IS.

….. My siblings decide how they want to live their life and their relationship of our parents. I should not resent them that they Chose Not to help the parents. I Chose to care for my parents whether for religious reasons, obligations, etc… My siblings have a RIGHT not to care for them….

Once I accepted this, I was able to move on and find solutions. I no longer get so angry and resentful that the siblings are not helping. Even my sister has noticed that. I can talk about my brother-who-lives-next-door without anger or bitterness. I also think that Jam gave some good advice. Take care!!
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Beck~Don't worry, you can join me and a couple others from the Dysfun thread in our padded cell. We provide uniforms and helmets. If I stutter or ramble on...just slap me on the back, it usually gets me going again, Lol!!
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Im jst feeling completely worn out today....i have been feeling pretty low all day. I talked to my sister this morning n had my usual therapy session, n we were both emotionally exhausted before our day even began...It's jst been one of those days, i guess. Cooked dinner for mom n dad, n took it over to them, only to be welcomed with questions n complaints.....then the usual insults, thrown in for good measure!
When r u going to make my dr appt?....Why cant the dr's help me?......Ur bangs r in ur eyes, or is that the way they're suppose to look?.....U look so tired....why aren't u sleeping?.....U shouldnt wear ur jewelry wen ur out in public...ur going to get robbed!! Why is ur purse so heavy...u need to clean it out! How can u get around in THOSE shoes?....Has ur hair always been THAT dark?.....etc....etc....
It's no wonder why i have a splitting headache tonite!!! I think the safest place for me, at this moment, is under the covers....after all....i must get my beauty sleep to meet with Sharyn 2moro,,,,YAY!!!!! Sharyn, jst do me a favor.....if i look like sh*t, bags under my eyes, weave half on n half off......struttin stilettos with one broken heal, n a wet spot down the front of my jeans bcuz i peed on myself on the drive to the store.....jst smile that beautiful smile of urs n say.."Beck....damn....ur gorgeous".. I look forward to our meeting....i bet ur REALLY excited to meet me , now....huh?....Nite nite sista friends...
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RIZ....I used to love those times too.....mostly I was just waiting for the next call, but at least there was a little peace.
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The house is quiet. My mom and husband are already asleep. The lights are out and I'm checking emails, facebook, reading, and playing word games on my iPad.... I love this peaceful time. We've made it through another day and hopefully I can start tomorrow with a smile on my face....
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Wanda, I am so glad that your son is doing much better for that DKA can be very dangerous. Look like you caught it just in the nic of time before it progress from ketones in urine to ketoacidosis. I have had that a couple of times in my life-time out of my 37 yrs of diabetic 1 n I can relate to how he must feel, poor thing. He went out for a trip n come back feeling sicky-poo n that has to feel frustrating too as well feeling weak. I am so glad he is feeling much better. Diabetes sure has come around with all the new technology n medicine but it still be nice for scientist to find a cure for these children. As for u chic, throw away that throw rug n get one tha won't slip. Glad you r doing better too but with all that commotion going on at one time you need to grow another leg n we know that ain't gonna happen. All I can is that, "You r the glue what helps keep the family together." ; ) No more slipping on rugs.

Ladee, you r such a wonderful, sweet, n caring woman. I just had to let you. You understanding M n taking the time to explain to her that S will be taking care of when her times comes. Eventhough she is hard of hearing you r able to tell that she was having a good time with the smile on her face n that she ate very good. Oh, did I tell ya that CHOCOLATE is my favorite so eat some for me. I hope you are getting some zzzzzzz been up since 4:30am you may want to eat that chocolate cake AFTER you get some zzzzzzzzzzzz. Take care.

Jam, wish I was their with your son for I would be taking snap-shots of u trying to kill the Super Fly. lol.

Notlike, I'm going to say the nasty thing, all the more reason to try n quit smoking. Are u already biting my head off? I know it has to be hard on you with those two. With your dad losing weight n needing med n dear mom buying bakery stuff just makes no sense. You may have to hint to mom that she needs to help out with the groceries unless you think it will make things worse for you. In that case, go puff away.

Bookworm, I am glad u did say something to him for he may not even realize what he was doing for at least he was more careful n let you know so that you could prepare yourself I guess so that u can hold your breathe from the pain. either way he was more considerate for you.

Cat, Austin, n Sharyn Hope y'all r doing alright n hanging in their too.

Took mnl to the regular dr n she got to see his assistant being she was a lady. She saw a little redness on the rear n told us for her to continue to use the prep-h for a week n if she still has issues that we will make an appointment with a butt-dr specialist. According to her, mnl have her internal hemorroids trying to come back. Let just hope good ole Prep-H will do the cure along with a little prayer.
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I agree when I found this site over 4 years ago I thought I was in heaven even before I got singed in just posting my thoughts helped and then when I was able to talk to others it was so great to be able to connect with others who really got it-what I was going through and even after the husband died I stayed because I had made so many friends some who still are here and many new ones I have gotten to know and sometimes can help other from my experience so Ritz welcome aboard.
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This has been my day today and no offense intended:



hey're coming to take me away, HA HA
They're coming to take me away, HO HO HEE HEE HA HA
To the funny farm
Where life is beautiful all the time
And I'll be happy to see
Those nice, young men
In their clean, white coats
And they're coming to take me away, Ha-haaa!
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I wish I'd found this forum a long time ago! It's so helpful to be able to vent and know people understand where you're coming from.... :-).
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Quick stop before I do the parents', feed them and rush to work. Need to leave early since it's raining outside...... I woke up this morning feeling funny. Not body feeling funny but mentally feeling funny. I've been getting up EVERY hour to suction mom this morning. So, I woke up Not Refreshed but sooooo tired.

This thought popped up:
...Something wrong is going to happen to me..... I wonder if the family will miss me? Well, it will be too late. They will all learn how much I've been doing here that it affected me. They will find out how much I mean to their lives - but by then, it will be too late. And who's going to let you all know that I'm no longer here?

For the past couple of weeks, the thoughts keeping popping up that there's something wrong - it has to do with my blood/veins/blockage. It's just that this morning, my "thoughts" are just so much stronger. Stroke? Heart Attack? or just Depression (with negative thoughts) trying to sneak in?

I mean, what can I do? Go the doctor and say, I think there's something medically wrong with me. Can you find it? Throw in my personal and work history - doc will say I need to Exercise and De-stress. I was going to skip the quarterly blood work that the doc prescribed - which happens to be this month. I guess I won't be skipping it. I will do it. Who knows? Maybe my subconscious knew of my decision NOT to do the bloodwork and this is it's way of telling me to do it. Gotta go! Time is running...
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Jam, thanks for the encouragement...Mom is on meds and I've found a small private assisted living/long term care that we're thinking of putting her. It's in a home and they have 5-8 ladies. One of my daughters is a doctor and sees the clients at the home as patients. She says the staff takes really good care of the ladies making sure they get a little exercise... even has a worship with them in the evening and a daily back rub which my mom would really like. Her most relaxed time now is when I play the piano or organ. I play mostly Christian music and a lot of the same songs she used to play. Some days I just try to find the humor where I can. Today at lunch she popped out with "why do you wear 2 rings? Are you married to 2 men?". No mom, 1 is my wedding band and the other is my anniversary ring!
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I admit it-- I'm struggling today. My mom is a handful-- needy, dependent, manipulative and irrational but physically healthy. When my stepfather passed away last year, I moved her in with me. It's been about 6 months now and we've had our ups and downs but things were doing pretty well until I went back to school last month (I'm a teacher).

My problem is that she wants company all the time but she doesn't like people and won't leave the house. So I'm her only contact to the rest of the world. Well, me and the tv-- but often that hurts more than helps. I'm completely losing myself and have never been so stressed out. I spend all day with needy middle schoolers and then rush right home to try to keep mom calm. I'm an only child and therefore the only person who can take on this burden but I'm starting to fantasize about running away. Help!!
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