This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Welcome to our new posters......ibelieve.....I wish you luck with trying to get more help from your sister, but as you have learned that isn't an easy thing to do. Yes, it's selfish and wouldn't it be nice to be able to take a vacation yourself without having to take Mom or worry about her? Is that possible? Plan a vacation to Fla and drop Mom off at sis's house, then go enjoy yourself! Do you have other family members who might pitch in and give you a break? In the meantime, are there activities at a senior center or other elderly day care in your area that Mom could go to a few days a week to give you a break? Come back and visit and fill us in a little more and others here will come up with some ideas to help you.
RlZsmith.......18 years is a long time to be care giving and you deserve a medal for that! It's heartbreaking to see our loved one reach that stage in their life cycle of not knowing where they are or who their family is. I've often wondered when both the short and long term memory goes, if that also causes the fear and doubts of those losses to go........the brain with dementia is fascinating to me. You have my heartfelt sympathy for undergoing the hyperactivity with your mother....is she on medication? If not, I would say it's time....if she is, then perhaps it needs to be tweaked. Is there anyone else who can stay with her sometimes to give you a break? There is nothing wrong with wanting a life of your own.....after all isn't that what was supposed to happen when we left home? I often told my husband, when his mother was acting like a wild woman, that I don't remember saying "I do" to her!!!! Is placing Mom in a facility completely out of the question? If not, it may be time to do that as she may require more and more assistance. If it is, then what about hiring someone to come in and give you a break? Sometimes just getting away from the behavior for a short while will rejuvenate us for another round. So often we feel guilty because when we have to make other arrangements, we feel like we have failed our loved one. On the contrary.....we are only proving just how much we love them for wanting the best possible care that we can give them.
Still on the hunt for flies today.....the dogs and I have been in and out several times....but I'm making sure they're all inside today!!!!
Love and Hugz to all of you today!
Ladee, glad that you and all CG and M enjoyed her celebration. .....I keep adding more words about M and then I keep erasing it.....Sorry, Ladee, I will leave this "as is" sigh....I'm just glad that she really enjoyed it.
Anyway, I remember HIM! So, I said to him, "Drive carefully. My back is killing me." Then I let go and closed my eyes. So, now he's wheeling me on the bed. Every bump (like the doorway) he would stop and warn me so that I can prepare for the pain. Then, at the elevator, he warned me that we will be going inside the elevator and there will be a slight jerking motion. I opened my eyes, and everyone was just staring at me. Soooo embarrassed, I closed it quickly and absolutely refused to open it after that. We get to the room. He says that he needs to transfer me from that bed to the real bed. I opened my eyes, looked at the 2 beds side-by-side, and asked him if he wanted me to Scoot over. He looked at me with aghast (horror?) and said, "No! No! No! Let me go find someone to help me lift you to the other bed." Okay, no problem.......Anyway, I tell my brother what happened. He started laughing and was Wondering Why the Intern was soooo gentle with me.
I thought you would like that story. So, Notlike, nothing against you, but talking from the patient's point-of-view: Thank Goodness You're NOT pushing any patients!! :)
But it was so good to see M having a good time... she said she didn't want to go to the table, so I said, ok, then we're bringing the party to you.... so we put up card tables and chairs in the living room! You could tell how much she enjoyed that and we were all laughing and talking... I know she couldn't really hear us, she is very hard of hearing...but she had a smile on her face....and she ate all her dinner AND a peice of cake.....so if it was the last one for her, then it was something she was happy about....
It has been a long time since I was in a social situation that others were drinking and 'insisting' that I have a beer with my meal... oh, no thanks, my tea is fine... didn't think it was appropriate that then was the time I announced anything about my recovery....it was more awkward for them than me... I'm used to it... but we all had a great time... and M got to forget about things , just for a little space in time....
So, prayers please for M as she approaches this next stage of her life, that she finds peace with her choices and knows S will be taken care of...knows she is loved, and in the end, isn't that all that really matters....
Love ya'll, thought about ya'll and different things that happened , and was sharing in my head with ya'll.... I am never alone, no matter where I am, ya'll are always with me..... thanks for being here for me, for providing a safe place for me to land at any time I need ya'll.... lots of hugs, angels, but sorry, keeping the chocolate for myself this time.... !!!
I can relate to trying to kill flies on the outside of the window...how funny is that!! I can see myself swatting the window only to discover the fly is outside.
A broken toe is painful. I broke the toe next to the big toe on my daughters wedding day, LOL!! By the end of the day it was bright purple and swollen. I taped it to the next toe down the line. Take care everyone!!
Man I need another weekend at the lake. Hugs Wanda
Hope everyone has a good night filled with peaceful dreams......sending hugs!
Well everyone, we had a great time tonight at M's.... THANG didn't come, boo f**king hoo, we ate some great home maked enchaladas, salad , chocolate cake... and laughed and had a good time... we even sang happy birthday to M... she was laughing and having a good time....
earlier in the day she started this new cycle she is on... feeling weak, then getting cold, she is warm to the touch, throwing up, and a fever... two tylenol and withing an hour she is feeling better.... this is the second time in 6 days, she usually does this after a transfusion.... when I told her happy bday this morning, she said, ' I know this is the last one'... and she seemed releived... so to make long story short , we talked about end of life choices, alot of reassureance that S would be taken care of.... so I feel like she felt better after sharing it....
I have been up since :4:30 this morning, wiped out, ttyl... love and hugs...
He and Mom went with their church group on a tour of a stained glass factory today. He forgot his cane, and it was all standing and walking. When he got too tired and wanted to leave, she yelled at him for embarrassing her by wanting to leave the group early. And he didn't want me to email the doctor tonight because they have no money until the next SS check and he can't afford a new prescription. If I pay for it, which I offered to do until he has money, then Mom gives him a hard time. But she is going to buy stuff for her sewing tomorrow, and bought bakery yesterday. I don't know which is worse - being mad at her for how she treats him or watching him decline.
Not sure how I would pay for his med anyway. I'm broke. I'm glad they're eating better because they eat with us for dinner, but there's been no offer of paying for groceries. Feeding two more people for dinner every night is expensive. They make as much in SS as I do working every month. They pay no rent and very little utilities. I've been buying cigs by the pack this week because I don't have enough for a carton.
This is ruining my sunny disposition LOL
I fell in the bathroom. Landed wrong I guess. We have slate tiles in bathroom. The rug slipped and so did I. I was able to wear shoes today for the first time in 1 1/2 months. Hubby is ok considering everything.
Book, I am so glad to hear your voice on here for I was worried about you for a little while n it so nice to see you posting n helping as well. You go girl!! You may procrastinate or as Ladee mentin, 'you perservere, you rest, think about things, feel your feelings, then you pick up and go again." Either way you do bounce right back n join the crowd.
Jam, mnl here at least likes to shop but for anything else is very hard to get her interested. It's either I don't feel like it, I am too old, you don't know how I feel, bla.bla. Hey, at least I can get her out sometimes even though I get the go-to-hell look sometimes. My mnl can watch local weather on the 8 all freaking day n that is why she has her a tv in her room.
Wanda, welcome back n it does seem like you have a lot going on with the WHOLE family. wow! Were they able to do something for a broken toe n how in world did you break it in order to get it infected? Hopefully, when hubby gets his 2 stents he will be able to breathe a lot easier. Why was your son in the ICU of course if that is too personal don't answer. I hope he is alright? I know you have been extremely busy running around keeping up with everyone n including yourself. I hope you n your toe get to feeling better real soon.
Anyone that I may have missed, it is not intentionally for this AC has grown a lot since I have been here.
This month makes a whole year the mnl has been living with us, woo-hoo! Were still going strong. She has an appointment with butt dr tomorrow n for some reason when I mention it to her, she would say, "I don't have that problem anymore." Well, why would she tell me 3x's plus on way to respite care that she wished she had put some of the ointment on her rear? I told her we are going no matter what for dr needs to check in case she needs antibiotics. I had bought her small tube of prep-H. I did take a peek back at her rear but I saw no no hemorrhoids so she may have them inside or something else. Speaking of those hemorrhoids, I have been told by two different dr's about getting surgery done when I get ready. How in world do you get ready for something like that? It sounds painful just thinking about it. I am using a prescription cream but because of my anti-reject meds, my bowel r little loose so i am not sure if the operation would help. Besides, I heard they could come back n if that happens then that would be a royal pain in the ass! couldn't help myself. Everyone have a great day.
Lisa ....I wish you were local... I could get into having some shellfish for dinner. You and Ladee get to have all the fun. I had to laugh when I read that the seafood truck was coming into the neighborhood as you were going out. I'm scraping up leftovers for lunch. So sad.
Pondscum.........welcome and you must be my twin!!!! I spent 25 yrs as a medic and retired with a medical disability. Because of that I could no longer care for my mil so we had to place her in a NH. She never had hobbies either, unless you count shopping as a hobby. Anything I suggested was out, she wouldn't even read a book or a magazine. All she wanted to do was go "shoppy-shoppy"...I detest malls and won't go myself, but every week we took her to Walmart and every month I would go through her fridge throwing out moldy food that she just had to have and then wouldn't eat. And then there was the fight because she liked to collect full bottles of gin and see how fast she could empty them! So I gave up trying to figure out something....she would sit and watch CNN all day.
Sending love and hugs to all of you today!!!!!!!
Then, as I was reading Lisa’s thread, I saw how her and Doug took action whenever someone would give an advice. So, as I’m reading her thread, this is what I’m comprehending. So, when it was my turn to ask for help, and I really really was resisting the advices, I still did it. Because I saw Lisa/Doug doing this and getting results. But, I tell you, I’m still a procrastinator but not when it comes to this site.
So, Burn and all others, I am not a super person. Perhaps if you go to Lisa’s thread, “Two Years this July…” and read from the start, you will see the benefits of applying the advices. Because several people will offer advice then and there, so it’s still fresh in your life and you have the emotional support of the group to DO IT. If you fail, then the group can give you an alternate option – Then and There. Just saying…
I hope everyone is able to have a peace n restful night.
Cat, I like to jump on that raft n go camping for I love the great outdoors n Mother Nature stuff. Why do we have to have a destination yet instead we can follow the stars until we fall alseep. zzz I can just feel the cool breeze flowing in my face as we all get a little wet from the water tubing as we flow down the creek under the stars. Of course, I am not good with making a camp fire so someone needs to step in n make one so that we can roasted marshmellows.
Ladee n Rioblu, jump on the float n go for a ride of your life n breathe the fresh air at the camp.
Dad decided he would sign up for a new cell phone on his own today. We are already on a plan with ATT.
Seems he got a packet in the mail from AARP and this is the best of the best in plans.
It really is a good plan $$$$$ but i reminded him that we are being held hostage to ATT until Jan 2013. Then we can change over.
For those of you not aware of Consumer Cellular check them out.
I called customer service I explained the situation and they were great. Return no cost to me....................We will be newcustomerscome January....
I passed the Quality Seafood truck entering my subdivision on my why out tonight and dad is home alone. I am sure the freezer will be full when I get back home..........He keeps me on my toes. Have a great evening to all.