This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Good for you on the weight loss... and ya, as we get older it's harder to get rid of... but I just tell people to not look at my fat ass if it bothers them... but what I hate is that turkey waddle thing that's from my chin to my collarbone...it moves when I walk... I always think there is bugs on me.... and the flappy upper arms.... I can stop walking and it still takes a while for my body to stop moving..... sort of like an optical illusion.... isn't getting older just a bunch of happy f*cking fun...... keep up the good work... and it's nice to hear you happy.... that's why I don't DO relationships, but for me I finally admitted I am relationship challeneged.... have been on my own for so many years, the very idea of even hearing a mans voice in my house makes me tired.....The first 5o years was for everyone else, the next 50 are for me... not that I want to live to be 100... I just want to enjoy my freedom.... I am too set in my ways now, cool thing about being single... when you are pissed, you KNOW it's you...!!!! Makes us get to a solution faster...... and good for you about change... change is good..... hugs....and hope you have a good weekend too....
ladee; that was a good one about "only one brain cell barely doing it's job"
Are you tired or just didn't have a good day?
Btw, yes you and Judy did really make me laugh out loud. I've been doing more of that in the last month than I have in like "forever"
I almost don't know how to act being on my own it's so foreign to me.
I went from my parents home, and jumped into a marriage at 18 had my first baby at 19 1/2 then wasn't sure what to do with him. I was never a very "motherly type person" I never even liked babysitting like all the other girls.
So sad I'd have to wait till I was 62 and collecting early SS before I could be on my own, huh?
I'm waiting for my husband to start blaming my Psycologist for my new found voice. I'll be waiting for that comment. It's important for me to rehearse what to say in advance.
Well, time to figure out what to have for dinner. I'm on nutri-system so it won't be too hard. Veggies, veggies, and more veggies and whatever one of their dinners are.
It's taken me about 6 weeks to lose just 10 lbs. When I was in my early 50's I had lost about 40 in that amount of time. See what stress can do to you?
It's been about 15 years since I've seen that scale move off of 215 or 210. I've gotten down to 200. Now for the next 10 and the next till I get down to 165. I am only 5'3" but have large bones. so at that weight, I'll actually look skinny, Woopie!!! I'm changing everything.
Thanks for listening again. Hope your weekend will be good. :-)
I have left the "G-Pa's" house, and it's such a relief. I was actually smiling with nobody even here to smile at.
I feel such peace. I'm finally glad to wake up each morning in my own home. I think this is the first time I've been happy in many years.
My husband has always been a tyrant. He has always "told" me I need to work and contribute to the family income etc. Why does he not remember when I "did" have a job? First a telemarketer (now I can't stand those people) and at the time I had lots of friends there and co-workers I enjoyed being around. I liked going to work there. I would even volunteer when they wanted extra people. It was part time. They closed and I went out cleaning homes with the lady next door. I think it was about 5-7 years then the lady next door wanted to retire. So I let her. Then I got a job at the Franklin Mint, I like it at first, but my boss was just like my husband, so we did not get along, I'd had enough 18 months or so later. Then I signed up for Temp jobs and got one quickly as a data entry operator. The assignment didn't quite last 2 years but it was full time, and I got enough experience that I could go out and get a more responsible full time job which I did for 8 1/2 years. I left for medical leave for back surgery and they never let me return because I apparently didn't heal according to their time schedule. It was a private company so they could let me go and not be held accountable. I did work for about 20-22 years total. I need back surgery again, so haven't been able to work since 3 years after the first surgery where I was injured trying to help my husband push a refrigerator up the stairs. I herniated a disk and broke me ankle in 3 places.I'm waiting to be emotionally ready for that next surgery, which may take a while because the first one was hard enough. I was in the hospital for 11 days. Oh well, one day at a time. But you see why I needed to get away from him and take care of myself for a while, instead of everyone else.
I really like this site, you all are amazing. I respect you so much for what you do because I know how emotionally draining it is under the best of circumstances.
Keep up the good work but be sure you get emotional support from somewhere everyone needs help sometimes. God Bless you all. xoxoxo
You two are a trip!! Finally someone had me laughing out loud that the antics you want to put THANG through. Sounds like she deserves every bit of it too. What a wacko!
Cara
Beck, sorry your dad was having a hard time around all the kin folks n maybe since y'all are back he will be able to rest n then you will be able to get some rest too.
I'm overly tired myself today along with the mnl ass end in discomfort from digging back their when she was constipated last wk n now asking every 10minuets for an aspirin. But will not take the 325mg for she afraid its poision or a sleeping pill. Gee n this is only moderate stage of AD. I ask myself with my own health that will I be able to continue to do this as I promise the mnl? I have never consider myself to be weak with all the crap I have been through n I am sure their is someone else that has been through worse. I just vent some more n try to move forward as soon as I find something positive. I hope everyone has a nice weekend.
Yesterday, bare with me, she went out to eat brunch with her Neice n when she got back she acted like she didn't feel too good as I was trying to cut the yard. I her how she felt n she said she was just tired. so, I got her to go in house n sat while I finish the yard. she had been all day in one of those feel sorry for me deals n she does this when she has been around her Neice. Well, later that night it was med time for everyone. yeah, hubby, mnl, my beagel n I. The whole freaking family on meds. Anyway, I asked hubby to give her Calicum pm pill this time so he asked where was her empty pill container n I told him that his mom had it today when she went out with her Neice so she could take her meds after she ate. That has been working fine until last night! She took all her meds except one that was shaped funny to her. Well, that was her extra b/p med n that may be reason she felt like crap. No use in talking to Neice about making sure she takes all her med for if dear Ms. Priss mnl is not going to take it then she won't when she around other people! So, I guess for now on, I will have to make sure she takes it before she leaves the house to save her from feeling like crap n possible heart attack. I was so upset about her not taking it n she said because she thought it was for her bones n her bones were just fine. Oh gee please help me keep my sanity!
Anyway, back to the rear-end-as_-hole problem. So, I called her Gyn n when I told them that she may have dug back there with her finger nail when she was constipated for she has done it in the past with her finger-nails n she may have irritated her rear. Now, this is after I had to wait until 1:30pm before they came back from their meeting before I could even talk to someone about the situation. I thought being he's one that treated her with cervical cancer from last yr that, he would had been the physician for her to see.
However, They refer me to call her regular physician which at the clinic. Here I am trying to call which is way in the back room so the mnl don't here me for she will get all upset for me talking about her condition. Then she be all upset thinking I'm going to send her away or giver her an Apirin sleeping pile or something. I don't understand why she would even feel like that when I am with her 24/7, 7days a wk, 365 days!!! I know she is not all there sometimes with the dementia but uh!... Well, guess what? The freaking clinic closes at noon on Friday. she never took the Aspirin so I just put it back n told her next time don't ask for it unless she was going to take it that it was not a sleeping pill or whatever she is thinking. Yeah, I lost it alittle. It just disgusted me that she will use her finger nails in first place to get poo balls out. At least her bowls r back to normal with me giving her the Poloyethlyn twice a day. that is what the prescription saids anyway but I was only giving once because she only weights 78lbs. so she is crapping just fine for I got to see it before she flushed but what do I do about her rear end n no I have not looked. I really don't care to do that either unless I really have to do it. Does anyone else here know if I can give her some topical cream to put on back their being she thinks the 325mg aspirin is poision or a sleeping pill? I have hemnmoroid meds n she had that surgery a long time ago n said it is not that but maybe that will help? This is not something that we deal with often as a care-giver. Help....; 0
Jim didn't say anything more than "Maybe she read your body language that Iyou were tired and that upset her". Geeze, why wouldn't I be tired? How can I not show that. I was dragging. That was the third time she got me up. She wasn't upset about that, she was upset simply because I questioned her. She knows damned good and well she makes me tired.
Question: When they are getting nasty with their caregivers, is that a sign things are getting worse in their dementia stages?
BTW, she would hav gotten pancakes or french toast or a hot breakfast of some kind, but I gave her cold cereal today. I wanted to give her bread and water.
Your dad will feel better when his phone is fixed. Its funny how they get like that, isn't it? Right now, my mother is wigging out about a rug that she wanted me to wash. Apparently, she wanted next day service. Its been 3. I'll get it to her today. I can't stand listening to it anymore.
We had a good trip....much needed for me....and Target was a trooper although he had a few rough spots. Since his surgery and the horrific round of gout he has had, this is the first time all year he has done anything strenuous. Got through the airport to Vegas......getting on the shuttle bus to get the rental car was not pretty.....people who haven't been to Vegas before always seem to be in a hurry and since Target can't walk fast, as we were getting on the bus some guy behind was pushing and caused Target to trip and hit his shin against the step....nice gash in his leg. The driver and I got on each side of him and got him up....and yes I gave the pusher an "eat shit and die" look. We were changing drivers on the car from him to me, so the girl behind the counter cancelled the original contract which resulted in us getting a larger car and saving over $100.....more to put in a slot machine!!! The rainstorm that moved through is nothing to us Midwesterners.....but a wonder for the people who live in "the valley"......it's all concrete and the water has no where to go very fast.....we waited out the storm, passed in about an hour and driving back to the hotel, well almost every intersection had water half way up the tires.....just go with it.
Bought the col a hot pink t-shirt with Las Vegas in "bling" across the front.....oh boy will she be stylin' in the nh.....so going to see her today.
Hope everyone has a good day.....thinking of you all and wishing you find a little piece of today for YOU............love and hugs!!!!!
And yes Sharyn... things make more sense to me now... but I know this weekend I am going to do some serious letting go of this mess.... nothing I can do about it... but like I told Beck, I WON'T be a hipocrit....I don't kiss anyones ass for any reason... so they can just 'rock on' with their silly games..... I love S and M.... and I love my job... and don't ya'll love the intials... S AND M.... sorta describes my work enviournment right now..... lol.....
But hell yes, lets have some fun with this... any other jobs ya'll think of , let me know.... I would much rather laugh, laugh at myself, and get the hell over this... giving someone that much power to make me crazy is not my style... getting old here ya'll, don't spring back like I used to....
And Sorry Cat, all the fries come with salt... and God knows what else... one place I NEVER eat ... didn't eat there before I found out about Pink Slime meat... sure as hell wont' eat there now.....
Alrighty then, need to get moving.... I might be late for work... bwahahahahahahaha..... love ya'll and thanks for putting up with my temper tantrums......