This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
When I made the green tea the 1st time, I found out that it tastes good even without sugar or honey. It warmed up my body. And when I woke up in the morning, I had more oomph in me. So, I think it must do something healthy inside while I'm sleeping. I will check the herbal store for a decaffeinated one. Or order it online.
I wonder if Jam is in the flooded part of Las Vegas. Most people there didn't have flood insurance because they rarely get floods. So sorry for them.
But I will make an appointment.
Judy, told M about the whistle in the monitor, she rarely laughs out loud but she did then !!!!!!! Then she totally surprised me and said, 'sounds like you have some great friends'.... I said 'Yes Ma'm the best in the world..... couldn't get up in the morning without knowing they are in my life'... she smiled again.....
Poor Jam, she's in Vegas and heard they are having horrible weather, guess that's a good excuse to hunker down with a good hand of Black Jack.... Or a high pay off slot machine... if she wins big, she'll never tell us, she knows I'd expect her to share....
M making small improvements daily getting her strength back, still not eating very well, but supplimenting with Ensure, S is wanting to sleep all the time... in good health otherwise, so am just keeping an eye on him... his little world has been turned upside down... and ya'll think about it... he is surrounded by women all the time... only time he gets a break from us is when his son is in town... bless his heart, in a good way....
Book, thank goodness for some respite, loved what you said about it not being a nervous breakdown... and I know all of us have been wondering how you have managed to do this as long as you have without help..... so let us know how things go..... love ya.... and sorry your body is paying the consequences for all the stress, we all understand that too... some days my back hurts so bad that when I first get up, I walk bent over the first few steps...
And I know here in the states you can get green tea supplements... and I drink citrus green tea, but it does have a tiny bit of caffeine... not much tho, as I have to watch my caffeine intake.... and it never bothers me... so hope you find something soon....
I know I haven't touched on everyones name... can barely remember my own...
And Candy, we all relate to your post... come back and visit... if nothing else you'll get a laugh now and then....
Need to go to bed.... alot to do tomorrow... how did I do all this before all these others came in to help???? I amaze myself.... ya, uh huh, uh huh..... love ya'll, sending angels to each of you....
By the way, I read somewhere that Green tea is great for your health and is antioxidant. I tried to find one without caffeine but couldn't find any at the grocery store. So I bought the Stash brand. I've taken it twice - at nights - and I woke up feeling rested. The problem is that ...I am so used to my head touching the pillow - I get knocked out instantly. Now, after taking the tea, I'm tossing and turning and can't sleep. It's the caffeine. So, in the weekend, I go check out the herbal stores for a caffeine free brand. Sure hope I don't have to order it. But any of you have a recommendation on teas that helps you? By the way, I bought chamomile tea for night sleeping -I had an allergic reaction. (Freshly mowed grass can close up my throat and I struggle to breathe. Same applies to a smoker's smoke. Not asthmatic but very very sensitive to pollen/pollutants.) ...
Dizziness. Must be exhaustion. Gotta go. Need change pampers, etc...
Seemee-Love those puppies! So cute!
Judy and Sharyn-My Mom doesn't like to have anything serious wrong with her. But she will invent problems just for the sake of causing trouble. Her new one is not letting Dad drive alone. He didn't have a close call or anything, but read an AARP article about elders turing left at stop lights rather than uncontrolled intersections. It's easier for him to do the stop light thing, so now she's decided to go with him everywhere because he must be having trouble driving. Yelling at him to slow down, watch out, and not drive near anything is her idea of helping. They will probably get in an accident from her distracting him! I don't know how he takes it.
Yesterday morning I cleaned up Dad's poop trail from the bathroom to his bedroom. He was still so tired, he didn't realize he was leaking. Then I cleaned up dog poop outside. Went to work and cleaned up all day after the nurse I work with, who is so busy showing off she doesn't finish anything she starts. She is her own kind of Miss Thang. Cleaning up after others seems like my daily To Do. No wonder I don't have time to dust or fold my own laundry.
Dad had another X-ray. No bowel blockage. More fiber, and we meet with dietitian this morning. Doctor and I started talking to him about being depressed. It wil take time for him to admit to it.
Going to try again to make it to the gym after work. Haven't been there in 2 weeks. My ass will fit in nicely with the rest of the day-glo Halloween partiers! Maybe tonight Mom won't be standing in the kitchen when I get home, waiting for me to make her dinner, before I can even put my purse down. Yeah, right.
Maybe you need to take a mini-vacation on your own n leave hubby with the mess n then maybe he will realize what all you do day-in n day-out. That is what I done a couple of times and if you do decide to take a mini don't stock the house nor frig with food. Let him experinece how tough it can be on some days. then maybe he will start helping or get someonw to come out to help you,.
As for your marriage, you are the only one that knows if it just the stress from caregiving or the marriage or both. However, I do wish you at least wait n make a decision when you are not so stressed out. Please keep us posted.
Had a good talk with the daughter tonight... started it by saying it was not my responsibilty to keep the lid on all this mess... by the way, she even calls THANG, 'Goosy Lucy".... told her some of what has been going on... she needed to know... I get it that the lady is stressed out of her mind... and she admitted she does't make a very good boss.... so I told her to delegate... again, I'm not very good at that, alrighty then... LET ME DO IT..... and to especilally let THANG know not to challenge everything.... the others will do what is neccessary, no stupid power plays between the rest of us.... so we'll see what happens next....
I ALREADY wish it was Friday....
Judy, it amazes me your mom is not in pain... but I understand because M is ADDICTED to being in pain.... we can't tell half the time what is real and what is drama as you said.... so we just give her as much positive attention as we can , not let her take something if it's not time yet, we dispense the meds.... but she is very much in her right mind.....and with the blood disease she has, we really don't know how much pain she may be in... just a crap shoot at any given time....
And you better know I am going to tell M tomorrow about the whistle idea, she will love it..... but I think it should be a recording that says, " you don't know sh*t", I know she'd hit the floor then... did tell the daughter that M has had a few occasions of not being able to wake her up.....that was going to be addressed as soon as we got off the phone......
Since she likes to keep making comments about my AGE, I will show what an old lady that is light years wiser than her can do....
Seeme, I loved the pics of my niece and nephew.... they take up that whole bed... do they get to sleep in my room upstairs, and I'll have to sleep in the kitchen in the kennel???
I HAVE got to go to bed..... love ya'll
Sharyn - my mother is the same way - she's disappointed to be healthy. She tells me all of the time how "the end" is near for her. I commented here or another thread a while back how a few xmas's ago, she held her glass up at xmas eve dinner and thanked everyone for coming to her "last xmas". We rolled our eyes and carried on. She was so involved in her own hollywood drama moment that she never even noticed that we never skipped a beat. We turned, listened and went back to talking to each other. Ugh. Her mother was the same way. I told my daughter to hand me a loaded gun if I ever get like that.
Well, I would love to report that THANG had to mop, but for some reason, the daughter had the 6 to 10 shift do it... why the hell did she ask me if she was going to do what she wanted.... P (6 to 10) told me daughter was on a rampage when she came in last night...I had called her from my Son's Dr's office to tell her I didn't have time to get M's chair moved in the living room.... and I could tell she was pissed... the original order was for the weekend shift to move the f*cking chair.... so I don't know what is going on.... but am telling ya'll now.... I am too tired, too old and just getting to where I don't give a big happy damn.... Texted her to call me, I'll see what's going on... I know she is a typical caregiver herself. pissed most of the time that the brother never helps out... ya'll know that drill..... But P was upset because M ended up crying, apparently the daughter was screaming at her that she could go to a damned Nursing Home if all she wanted to do was set.....must have gotten pretty ugly for M to cry... but told P we stay out of the family dynamics.... just take care of M and S...She did open up about how THANG is stressing HER... she doesn't know all the other crap, because I do not talk to my coworkers about THANG.... that's what I have ya'll for....
So, hope I don't go to bed before she decides to call back.... ya'll know how sometimes you can walk into someplace or meet someone and you just get this 'feellig', like evil or rotteness... that's the feelig of M's since THANG has come to work there , OH WAIT, I meant come to SLEEP there..... M' has told a few of us she can't her wake sometimes unless she hollers 5 or 6 times... we have a monitor.... it sets right by the where THANG sleeps....but apparently she is not telling the daughter... Lord, I am smooth tired of the mess, this job is hard enough without all this crap.....
Thanks for letting me vent.... nothing changes until something changes.... hmmm, I may have to get myself geared up for a great new adventure.....love ya'll