This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Bookworm, glad to here back from you. I'm worried I may have pushed too hard on you too, please know it was out of care for u, n not any judgement. You have made tons of progress. You have lots to offer, whether you do every thing "just so" in your life or not. Don't be too hard on yourself. You have "worked your way into our hearts, so don't be a stranger, K? Burned, stormy n Notlike, you all have so much to deal with, sending strength and comfort. Ladee, r u near that 85 mph highway?? Please girl, stay off that one. I just know people will actually be doing 95 mph, I can see them now, yapping n texting at 100 mph. Crazy. Cat, hope ur brother got in ok n dad has some good days with him. Shydoggie: welcome, I agree, some respite would give you some well-deserved me-time, I bet you could find some new friends in TX! it's been way too hot in NC too, recently it's been sickeningly humid in all areas here, but the beautiful mountains. Seeme, the pups r too cute-can we get a pic of dyna drinking from the door? Mom will enjoy hearing about that smart cute trick! Everybody have a good day, hope no one has to shop at the Wally box w/o Ladee, n that we all find a moment of joy! Kimbee
Perhaps sister could pay for one 5 hour day of companion care per week and you or your Dad pay for another. Ask her about caring for your Dad one weekend a month...so you can have time to yourself and really get some rest.
Best wishes!
Have you checked into your area agency on Aging to see if they can get you some respite, or does dad have the funds for a caregiver to come in for a few hours everyday, or simple have someone come in and help?? You need a break, we all do.... it is part of keeping sane... but being sane is highly overrated as you will discover if you hang around this thread ...!!!!
So come back, get involved, meet the crazy folks on this thread, and let us get to know you.... we are truly supportive, have fun, share, laugh, cry, and make the best of what we have been given... rarely do you see any "pollyanna" stuff and we are in the trenches and know what's real....so, looking forward to seeing you here... and Lord knows we will jump on suggestions for an attitude adjustment....
Texas isn't so bad, it sorta grows on ya, like a fungus... or a tumor, or a pimple, but glad you are here... hugs to you this morning......
M home from the hospital, feeling much better, so maybe we can get her back into her routine..as we have gotten S back in his... alot of things going on at once....know it was stressful for both of them....
We are going to have some cooler weather coming this weekend... I am so damned tired of being hot and sweaty... maybe it will be cool enough for me to go rock hunting one morning over the weekend... I need my little respite on the back roads....
Peach, good to hear from you and happy to hear you are doing well. sorry you are alone so much, funny how life is, I want to be alone and rarely get to be... Just a constant challenge to deal with what we have.... glad you let us know you are ok....
Book, you are loved and appreciated... just for being you.... thanks for dropping and letting us hear from you....
My neice and nephew, Harley and Dyna, I got to talk to them on the phone tonight... Seeme said Harley would just cock his head from side to side and Dyna wanted to eat the phone.... the more Seeme is aroung Dyna, the more she says she reminds her of me.... how funny, but that means Seeme will be tested beyond endurance, depending on what mood Dyna is in.... I want a pic of her drinking water from the fridge..... how cool is that smart girl....
I know I haven't addressed everyone... tired and heading to bed.... ttyl... love and hugs..
Cat, Ladee isn't a thang.....the caregiver she doesn't like is a thang.........
Ladee, better say something about M's personal things being used........might be missing some drugs or jewelry or who knows what else before it is all over. And her working the night shift when S & M are sleeping????? CYA, girlfriend.
Luv ya all and have a good day.............
When the EMT's came to pick up my mom this last time, she was really out of it. They could barely get a response out of her. At the hospital, she was so unresponsive, they had to use the ol' knuckles to the breastbone trick to get her to answer them. Even then, she was barely "there". All of their testing came back fine. They still have no idea what was wrong with her, but she thinks that maybe she suffered a concussion when that chair flew back at her last month and she just didn't know it. That'd explain her falling down, not being able to wake up, that weird leaning over thing she'd do - like she couldn't sit upright. Makes sense.
She's doing better now that. She's still there, but sounds and looks like her old self again. Her leg wounds are still not that great which is why they're still keeping her. If she could just elevate them more often, they'd heal quicker. She's all upset about my birthday though, which is in 7 days. She might miss it. It's funny, last year, she missed it too, because she was in the hospital. Plus, she's upset, because she doesn't think she can afford to get me anything.
Anyway, I know some of you were worried, but everything is fine over here. I haven't self-harmed in a few weeks, thank goodness! Basically, my day consists of me hanging out of the couch 60% of the day, doing some chores, playing with my dog, Georgia, and working out, which has done wonders for me! It's really helped to regulate my depression and anxiety and I've lost 2 lb.
I'm sorry I haven't said much more since the last time I was here. I've just been so tired lately - mentally, I mean. Even though working out has helped me, I think I'm very melancholy and don't realize it. I'm all alone 80% of the day. Mom's at the hospital, fiancé can't sleep very well for whatever reason, so he's asleep like 13+ hours. Sometimes, when I'm alone, I kind of stay absorbed in my own head, even when there are people around again. I think that's just an introverted thing I have.
I hope everyone is still doing okay. I might not say much, but I'll be reading up on everyone's lives and thinking of those who are struggling. I'll try to come around more often. I don't want anyone to worry about me.
Seeme: Sorry, but when you said 10 foot pole, you touched the sausage.
Well, Book is back and I am forgiven. Still feel terrible I hurt her, but at least now I feel like and breath and have a good cry.
Ladee, your right. You are not a Thang.
Love to all, Cat
Cat, I know your heart was in the right place when you stated your advice so explicitly. Unfortunately, I had so much I was struggling with, that it was the straw that broke the camel's back. Or the last card to collapse the house of cards. It's not your fault that I took your advice, interpreted part of it wrong, and then ran with that wrong concept. I appreciate you saying that a lot of my advice was spot on. What you don't know is that I have gone to the other AC's post to apologize for being so blunt or telling them what to do. We all tend to become passionate when we want so much to help the person.. that we forget to be subtle, gentle, etc.. Cat, I have no hard feelings for you. I, too, know that you've been so stressed over your father. Throughout last week, as I read your posts, I was amazed that you were able to sound so "normal." that one couldn't tell that you were stressing over your father.
I have to close now. My eyes can barey stay open.
Oh, before I go, someone had mention we go through a cycle. That is soooo true! I have always noticed that I can be normal for months, then one day, I get my "depression" or "overwhelmed" and any little thing or thought would send me into tears. Have to go...
Judy and Beck.....I can't touch the sausages with a 10 foot pole......I would be deeper in the gutter than you have ever seen...............
Ladee....we are here to hear about Ms. Thang..........
Funnier.......so glad you got that hug and she knows how you feel.......
As I think about my mom today, I will be forever grateful that we could laugh together.........even about the time I tripped into the bathroom when I was trying to empty the bedside commode and threw piss all over the wall behind the toilet. Good thing was, I was in a hurry to get a sister to the airport so she could go home to see about her husband who she thought was having a heart attack. Another sister was here, and she cleaned up the mess for me. Then I conveniently remembered the airport was closed and no flights would go out till morning. BIL was no having a heart attack, things settled down, when piss-cleaning sister realized she had been duped. None of this was intentional....I don't think!!!!
I COULD hug on Dyna today, but she is mad at me. Yesterday she escaped from the backyard while I was putting Harley back there after our walk. She ran next door to play with the baby on his slide. I got her on the leash and told her how bad she was. She growled at me when I was trying to comb her, and I had to make her submit to it. This morning she peed on the kitchen floor as I was trying to get them outside and I told her how bad she was. Now she doesn't want anything to do with me.......won't be the first time I am the bad guy....and not the last, I am sure. As my mom would say, "she'll get over it."
I hope everyone has a smile on their face at some point today.......think about the sausages..............
We spoke briefly on my driveway Tuesday, but she knew everything I was going to say before I said it. I think she can help me a lot.
Today is our 49th Anniversary and I'm spending it with Nancy, who smells like BO, a MIL I don't like, a gross lack of sleep, and telperatures in the 90's again. ARRGH! But, Carolyn, the new caregiver is coming and I can cry on her shoulder and she will hug me and not tell me I have a bad attitude. God Bless her.
Thank you ladee.......I so enjoy being able to contribute what little thoughts I have left.....:)
Seeme........thinking of you today....love ya sister!!!!!!
Just for today take all of your feelings of guilt, tears, anger, frustration, hopelessness, fear......put them in a box in the corner and face today with a positive smile......today is all about YOU and tomorrow you can open that box a tiny bit and see if maybe you can get by again without it!!!! Love and Hugs to all!
Told ya'll I'd see what Seeme Sue called my coworker.... THANG..... so when ya'll see that you will know who I am talking about.... little things she does that drive me insane... she has been using M's personal things like body powder... every day I go in the bathroom and have to clean up behind her, I moved the powder to the other bathroom , she does not need to be in there at all except to help S... same mess yesterday... also smelled perfume when I came in yesterday....sure nuff, she had used M's body spray.... guess I'll see what the daughter wants to do about this... to me, this is an absolute violation of us being in M's home.... the daughter is so tired she may not care... but I have to wonder if she is so blatant about this, what else is she doing or snooping in when no one is there.... deep sigh......
So, it's gonna be a good day.... will be finding things to be grateful for today, helps with the attitude.... I am grateful I am Ladee and not THANG....
love ya'll, hugs, angels and chocolate....
Beck....sausage therapy... oh, my...sounds very...sexual... I best leave it alone before Cattails takes it one step further, and then I'll have to move over in this gutter and let her swim on by.