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Shy you will do fine -you now have good friends in us to talk to-it is hard to see them decline -my mon is so angery and nasty it is hard to spend time with her but I can see her decline greatly.
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Thanks, i really appreciate these comments. I was born and raised in Texas, so I am allowed to hate on it. Native Texans are the only ones allowed to, right! I am lucky that there is a beautiful lake and state park close by, so we get over there everyday. I think my major issue attitude-wise and I get to understand myself a little better is not so much the lack of alone time, but more the issue of watching the dad I knew disappear. I think I am angry at him for disappearing. Does that make sense? I'm not really angry at him for something he has not control over, but I think I miss him, and am also afraid of the time when he finally goes. I haven't lived close by for almost 40 years, so in a way I am reattaching near the end, so to speak. I know this is life, and I can tell myself that intellectually, but emotionally, I am on a rollercoaster. My sister has her own problems, recent divorce and retiring, etc. so I don't think she understands the stress and anxiety this causes. ALso, I am so vigilant that it wears me down. I know you all understand this, and I really appreciate a forum like this. I have read much of the information on this website, and am finally realizing my feelings are very common in this situation. I do fear for the future if my dad becomes house-bound. Thanks for your ears!
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Shy wecome to our world -don't be raging on Texas-NY has been hot the last two summers and PA and Maine have been very hot this summer-don't get on the bad side of our Ladee. You are being too hard on yourself- as other have said try to get someone to come in each week so you can get away go to the library or church or something you would enjoy-you have given up so much and come here often we are open 24/7 and will leave the light on and we tell great jokes and make the best of whatever is going on-we are a great group some current caregivers and some like me former caregivers who stick around to once in a while help and because I have great friends here from bing here over 4 yrs. We laught together cry together and sometimes tell off pompous so and so's that need bringing down to earth. I hope your sister comes on board either with time or money or fixing meals or housework or running errands-but she may not but you will be ok -you will have friends with us-people who get it-most of us have lost friends during caregiving and also feel forgotten by those we considered friends.
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Book- haha my phone changed "wormed" your way into our hearts into "worked." Know you are there!
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Peach-so glad you checked in w us! Don't let yourself get too isolated, that's hard on depression. Good for you for working out though- a great item from anybody's tool box. Even if you need a little space from us, could you check in at least once a week? Cause, yes, we DO worry about you. You have a real fan club here, n u r too young to have so much responsibility, to manage without support; you've got some strong women here for you, let them love you up!

Bookworm, glad to here back from you. I'm worried I may have pushed too hard on you too, please know it was out of care for u, n not any judgement. You have made tons of progress. You have lots to offer, whether you do every thing "just so" in your life or not. Don't be too hard on yourself. You have "worked your way into our hearts, so don't be a stranger, K? Burned, stormy n Notlike, you all have so much to deal with, sending strength and comfort. Ladee, r u near that 85 mph highway?? Please girl, stay off that one. I just know people will actually be doing 95 mph, I can see them now, yapping n texting at 100 mph. Crazy. Cat, hope ur brother got in ok n dad has some good days with him. Shydoggie: welcome, I agree, some respite would give you some well-deserved me-time, I bet you could find some new friends in TX! it's been way too hot in NC too, recently it's been sickeningly humid in all areas here, but the beautiful mountains. Seeme, the pups r too cute-can we get a pic of dyna drinking from the door? Mom will enjoy hearing about that smart cute trick! Everybody have a good day, hope no one has to shop at the Wally box w/o Ladee, n that we all find a moment of joy! Kimbee
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Your Dad's doctor can give you names of Home Health Care Providers in your area that can provide companion service for a few hours each day. I found a wonderful companion for my Mom. Fees are usually $10-16.00 per hour depending on how much nursing care involved. Caregiving is an unhealthy job for one person 24/7 and an impossible one at that without lots of help and support. You have to take care of yourself first.

Perhaps sister could pay for one 5 hour day of companion care per week and you or your Dad pay for another. Ask her about caring for your Dad one weekend a month...so you can have time to yourself and really get some rest.

Best wishes!
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Shydoggie, come on now, don't be hatin' on Texas, I am from Texas also... and yes the heat is getting really old.. Wait a little longer and we actually get in the 60's depending on where you live.... !!
Have you checked into your area agency on Aging to see if they can get you some respite, or does dad have the funds for a caregiver to come in for a few hours everyday, or simple have someone come in and help?? You need a break, we all do.... it is part of keeping sane... but being sane is highly overrated as you will discover if you hang around this thread ...!!!!
So come back, get involved, meet the crazy folks on this thread, and let us get to know you.... we are truly supportive, have fun, share, laugh, cry, and make the best of what we have been given... rarely do you see any "pollyanna" stuff and we are in the trenches and know what's real....so, looking forward to seeing you here... and Lord knows we will jump on suggestions for an attitude adjustment....
Texas isn't so bad, it sorta grows on ya, like a fungus... or a tumor, or a pimple, but glad you are here... hugs to you this morning......
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I DON'T cope very well. Like many, I had an independent life, career, house, friends and lived in a beautiful place in North Carolina. I am a single man, also gay, and left my job, sold my house and moved to Texas to live with my dad who is 89. He is moderately disabled by stroke and what seems to be progressive neurodenegerative symptoms, could be Parkinsons or a combination of things, according to his doctor. He is a wonderful guy. We lost my mom almost 10 years ago, and he has adapted to that very well. The only problem really is me; I'm selfish and self-centered, and while I try to do my best, I get grumpy and irritable. I get my dad out everyday for some exercise and a change of scenery; he reads a lot and watches TV. He's not much good at conversation anymore. My sister lives in town, but not close, so we see her seldom. She is involved, but not really a presence. SO it is pretty much me and dad; we are a team, but I'm not a very gpod team player. I need to be with him almost 24/7 because he is so unsteady on his feet and getting worse. I have no social life or friends here in Texas, no income, no health insurance; I am fortunately healthy, and we can live off of dad's retirement income;e has excellent insurance and medicare; so he is goo there. It's just me. I'm lonely. I have four wonderful dogs that my dad loves, so that is good. HE has a nice house in a nice neighborhood, so we are lucky there, also. It's just me; I need an attitude adjustment.
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i truly do not know what to post on here tonight except my husband berated me like hell today and on top of that we got some rain...personally i am too damn tired for this shit....i just want a vackay to get away from it all but i am too stubborn to do it so I will continue to put my foot down but he ticked me off to the point that i had to go to a seperate room and just get over it.
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*droppin in*... sorry about the mistake there, didn't make sense did it....lol
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Judy, LOL, no there's only one THANG... and after hearing the daughter this evening,thinking the daughter is not happy with THANG sleeping all night... oh, well, we've all been around long enough to know things like this has a way of working itself out..... not my problem.

M home from the hospital, feeling much better, so maybe we can get her back into her routine..as we have gotten S back in his... alot of things going on at once....know it was stressful for both of them....

We are going to have some cooler weather coming this weekend... I am so damned tired of being hot and sweaty... maybe it will be cool enough for me to go rock hunting one morning over the weekend... I need my little respite on the back roads....

Peach, good to hear from you and happy to hear you are doing well. sorry you are alone so much, funny how life is, I want to be alone and rarely get to be... Just a constant challenge to deal with what we have.... glad you let us know you are ok....

Book, you are loved and appreciated... just for being you.... thanks for dropping and letting us hear from you....

My neice and nephew, Harley and Dyna, I got to talk to them on the phone tonight... Seeme said Harley would just cock his head from side to side and Dyna wanted to eat the phone.... the more Seeme is aroung Dyna, the more she says she reminds her of me.... how funny, but that means Seeme will be tested beyond endurance, depending on what mood Dyna is in.... I want a pic of her drinking water from the fridge..... how cool is that smart girl....

I know I haven't addressed everyone... tired and heading to bed.... ttyl... love and hugs..
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Book you sound very normel -a caregiver with too much stress in your life-thanks for checking in. Peach I am very proud of you girlfriend.
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My cat has not been talking since my son moved back to his house-the cat would pick the time he was getting ready for work to want to talk to him which was not a good idea because he was usually running late and not in the best of moods.
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That is so funny Seeme!!! Animals are amazingly smart. I don't have dogs simply because they are too much like children in needing a lot of supervision and I don't have the time right now. I do have a cat and he is so smart and has us trained so well. He waits for my husband every morning to go to work so my husband can let him out in the front yard even though we have a doggie door leading through the garage to the backyard. He will meow at my husband to hurry up! Animals are such a stress reliever too. I enjoy your stories about your dogs!!
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OMG.......Dyna is such a smart girl.......she just saw me getting ice from the door of the frig and I caught her up there with her foot on the water lever, drinking right from the frig!!! What will she do next?? I hope she forgets this little trick........
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Arent there two other women working with Ladee? Thang 1 and Thang 2?
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Seeme: That's what I said.
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Book.....I remember doing the same thing.....being overwhelmed......when I first started posting on this site. I was posting on a different thread at the time. I remember reading hundreds of posts before I first started to say anything myself. I was so amazed that others felt the same way I did. I was so depressed that although I loved my mother very much, and I was the apple of her eye, she could still piss me off, demand so much of my time I had to quit a job I loved, I was in charge of all her medicine, money, driving her everywhere......I had no peace and quiet, I had to cook more than I was used to, and I just wanted to be alone. Then I found some comic relief on AC, people who understood, and I would get so wrapped up in their stories, and so sad that I couldn't help, when my plate was already so full, so I stepped away for a while. I also went through the cycle of feeling I was part of the group, then I wasn't, I couldn't offer any real help, things just made me sad, and I would read this and start crying, thanking God I had it easier than most......some of my humor didn't translate over cyber-space like I meant it. WHEW!!! Of course, I now know that quitting work was the best thing I could have done. I have more memories of us shopping and going out to eat that I would have missed. Things for me just happened for the best though I didn't necessarily think so at the time. Hindsight IS 20-20.

Cat, Ladee isn't a thang.....the caregiver she doesn't like is a thang.........

Ladee, better say something about M's personal things being used........might be missing some drugs or jewelry or who knows what else before it is all over. And her working the night shift when S & M are sleeping????? CYA, girlfriend.

Luv ya all and have a good day.............
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I haven't updated here in awhile and don't want anyone else to worry about me. I'm sorry that I can be there for anyone else at the moment, but I think about you guys a lot and hope you all are still chugging a long.

When the EMT's came to pick up my mom this last time, she was really out of it. They could barely get a response out of her. At the hospital, she was so unresponsive, they had to use the ol' knuckles to the breastbone trick to get her to answer them. Even then, she was barely "there". All of their testing came back fine. They still have no idea what was wrong with her, but she thinks that maybe she suffered a concussion when that chair flew back at her last month and she just didn't know it. That'd explain her falling down, not being able to wake up, that weird leaning over thing she'd do - like she couldn't sit upright. Makes sense.

She's doing better now that. She's still there, but sounds and looks like her old self again. Her leg wounds are still not that great which is why they're still keeping her. If she could just elevate them more often, they'd heal quicker. She's all upset about my birthday though, which is in 7 days. She might miss it. It's funny, last year, she missed it too, because she was in the hospital. Plus, she's upset, because she doesn't think she can afford to get me anything.

Anyway, I know some of you were worried, but everything is fine over here. I haven't self-harmed in a few weeks, thank goodness! Basically, my day consists of me hanging out of the couch 60% of the day, doing some chores, playing with my dog, Georgia, and working out, which has done wonders for me! It's really helped to regulate my depression and anxiety and I've lost 2 lb.

I'm sorry I haven't said much more since the last time I was here. I've just been so tired lately - mentally, I mean. Even though working out has helped me, I think I'm very melancholy and don't realize it. I'm all alone 80% of the day. Mom's at the hospital, fiancé can't sleep very well for whatever reason, so he's asleep like 13+ hours. Sometimes, when I'm alone, I kind of stay absorbed in my own head, even when there are people around again. I think that's just an introverted thing I have.

I hope everyone is still doing okay. I might not say much, but I'll be reading up on everyone's lives and thinking of those who are struggling. I'll try to come around more often. I don't want anyone to worry about me.
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Book: Thanks for forgiving me. I'm so sorry I hurt you. Sometimes I am just the biggest horse's ass.

Seeme: Sorry, but when you said 10 foot pole, you touched the sausage.

Well, Book is back and I am forgiven. Still feel terrible I hurt her, but at least now I feel like and breath and have a good cry.

Ladee, your right. You are not a Thang.

Love to all, Cat
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Hi everyone. It's Thursday midnight and I wanted to say something before I sleep. I really appreciate your encouragement after my "meltdown" on Monday. It was bad but not as bad as previous ones. Except, I think this one - I cried A LOT. I'm getting better because I was able to read the posts here and not get sad by what I'm reading. Although, my brain is still too tired to respond. So, for those 3 new theads, I just click "follow this" for later on. One thread just soooo reminded me of my situation and the verbal/emotional abuse of the parent.

Cat, I know your heart was in the right place when you stated your advice so explicitly. Unfortunately, I had so much I was struggling with, that it was the straw that broke the camel's back. Or the last card to collapse the house of cards. It's not your fault that I took your advice, interpreted part of it wrong, and then ran with that wrong concept. I appreciate you saying that a lot of my advice was spot on. What you don't know is that I have gone to the other AC's post to apologize for being so blunt or telling them what to do. We all tend to become passionate when we want so much to help the person.. that we forget to be subtle, gentle, etc.. Cat, I have no hard feelings for you. I, too, know that you've been so stressed over your father. Throughout last week, as I read your posts, I was amazed that you were able to sound so "normal." that one couldn't tell that you were stressing over your father.

I have to close now. My eyes can barey stay open.
Oh, before I go, someone had mention we go through a cycle. That is soooo true! I have always noticed that I can be normal for months, then one day, I get my "depression" or "overwhelmed" and any little thing or thought would send me into tears. Have to go...
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Thank you all for thinking of me this day......so far, so good....I called a former co-worker this morning to let her know I was thinking of her yesterday. Her mother died a year ago at the same hospice center. We were able to hold each other up during that sad time.

Judy and Beck.....I can't touch the sausages with a 10 foot pole......I would be deeper in the gutter than you have ever seen...............

Ladee....we are here to hear about Ms. Thang..........

Funnier.......so glad you got that hug and she knows how you feel.......

As I think about my mom today, I will be forever grateful that we could laugh together.........even about the time I tripped into the bathroom when I was trying to empty the bedside commode and threw piss all over the wall behind the toilet. Good thing was, I was in a hurry to get a sister to the airport so she could go home to see about her husband who she thought was having a heart attack. Another sister was here, and she cleaned up the mess for me. Then I conveniently remembered the airport was closed and no flights would go out till morning. BIL was no having a heart attack, things settled down, when piss-cleaning sister realized she had been duped. None of this was intentional....I don't think!!!!

I COULD hug on Dyna today, but she is mad at me. Yesterday she escaped from the backyard while I was putting Harley back there after our walk. She ran next door to play with the baby on his slide. I got her on the leash and told her how bad she was. She growled at me when I was trying to comb her, and I had to make her submit to it. This morning she peed on the kitchen floor as I was trying to get them outside and I told her how bad she was. Now she doesn't want anything to do with me.......won't be the first time I am the bad guy....and not the last, I am sure. As my mom would say, "she'll get over it."

I hope everyone has a smile on their face at some point today.......think about the sausages..............
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Funnier, that's great news. Awesome news. Lightens your heavy load and your heavy heart a bit. Keep us posted?! Some people are just gifts, aren't they?
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We have a new caregiver from the home health agency to bathe MIL. Today will be her second day. She will come three days a week--Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. When she arrived Tuesday, I was on my driveway and she got out of her car and it was like meeting one of you guys. She had taken care of her mother for 20 years and then her dad for a couple more until he died. She said she could tell just by looking at me I had reached my breaking point and put her arms around me and gave me the biggest hug. She must be an angel sent from Heaven. She even offerred to eldersit for me at no charge (in front of Nancy, I must say-Nancy charges us). I swear, God had to send this woman to us. I can hardly wait to talk to her today.

We spoke briefly on my driveway Tuesday, but she knew everything I was going to say before I said it. I think she can help me a lot.

Today is our 49th Anniversary and I'm spending it with Nancy, who smells like BO, a MIL I don't like, a gross lack of sleep, and telperatures in the 90's again. ARRGH! But, Carolyn, the new caregiver is coming and I can cry on her shoulder and she will hug me and not tell me I have a bad attitude. God Bless her.
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Good Morning Angels!!!! That sounds a little like Charlie doesn't it......:) doing my usual drive-by after lurking for several days. Have been reading and keeping up with you all. It's amazing how you all pitch in together and work to ease the daily roadblocks that seems to pop up! My heart goes out to each of you suffering with your care giving....yes, it's very difficult but just remember to try and take a little time for yourselves when you can, even if it's just a few minutes.
Thank you ladee.......I so enjoy being able to contribute what little thoughts I have left.....:)
Seeme........thinking of you today....love ya sister!!!!!!

Just for today take all of your feelings of guilt, tears, anger, frustration, hopelessness, fear......put them in a box in the corner and face today with a positive smile......today is all about YOU and tomorrow you can open that box a tiny bit and see if maybe you can get by again without it!!!! Love and Hugs to all!
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You will all be in my thoughts today... Judy, I thought all the moods you described was part of our job description..... no wonder we are all exhausted... that's alot of energy being spent on that roller coaster....same here....
Told ya'll I'd see what Seeme Sue called my coworker.... THANG..... so when ya'll see that you will know who I am talking about.... little things she does that drive me insane... she has been using M's personal things like body powder... every day I go in the bathroom and have to clean up behind her, I moved the powder to the other bathroom , she does not need to be in there at all except to help S... same mess yesterday... also smelled perfume when I came in yesterday....sure nuff, she had used M's body spray.... guess I'll see what the daughter wants to do about this... to me, this is an absolute violation of us being in M's home.... the daughter is so tired she may not care... but I have to wonder if she is so blatant about this, what else is she doing or snooping in when no one is there.... deep sigh......

So, it's gonna be a good day.... will be finding things to be grateful for today, helps with the attitude.... I am grateful I am Ladee and not THANG....

love ya'll, hugs, angels and chocolate....
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Sharyn....YAY....i will, definately let u kno wen i am in Manteca.....I can't wait to meet u....Question: Do i wear the weave for r first meeting, or go without??? Either way, my face won't improve, so, i guess it doesnt matter...lol...I really look forward to meeting u, but, please....have mercy on me.....it's been a rough 2 yrs, n it shows!! I'll b in touch, my.........much love, my friend
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Judy........u n i have our minds in the same place.....the gutter....LOL....but i will do my best to try to keep this post "clean"....God.....that's really asking alot of myself.....but, if it takes a couple of swats from a sausage....LOL...to bring a smile....then i'll do it.....it will jst b the fact that "I" will b the one smiling!!!!!....Oooooo...that's bad....forgive me...it's 1am n i'm way to punchy to b posting, but i couldn't resist replying to ur post....n u r so correct.....Cat's going to b all over this.....n Ladee won't let this go without her input...will u Ladee???? I really meant it in an innocent way...but the word "sausage" in any context is jst asking for trouble!!! May ur day b filled with sausages n smiles.....LOL....u started all this, Judy.....i jst ran with it!!....love ya, girl...
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Patina, oh, my gosh... ya, I get resentful. I get grossed out, pissed off, my own family gets put on the back burner sometimes, and I feel like the hired help. At night, I start dreading that I have to go to my parents' house in the morning. If I wake up during the night, I think about it and dread it some more. In the morning, I find myself snapping at my family because I know my day isn't my own. Sometimes, I sit in my truck when I get there and take a few deep breaths and try to put a better face on because I know the look on my face will give me away for the angry troll that I am. I worry all of the time about what I'm going to do with them when they can't live alone - when my time there during the day won't be enough. I'm terrified that I'll be put into a position where I'll have to have one or both live with me. I just can't do that. Anyway, I'm sorry you start the day pissed off too. I've been playing some feel good, dance around the kitchen music before I leave the house and that seems to help. Nothing is forever, right? It just feels that way! Hugs to you, Patina.

Beck....sausage therapy... oh, my...sounds very...sexual... I best leave it alone before Cattails takes it one step further, and then I'll have to move over in this gutter and let her swim on by.
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Burned: Wishing you peace.
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