This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Burned~No judgement on what is going on with you, hope you can get another lead on a job if the one at the school isn't panning out for you!!
Jam, have been meaning to congratulate you on the article that Aging Care did on the elections... you had some great questions and was very proud to know our very own Jambo was quoted so many times... congrats to you sister friend....
And Jam, do you see how close we are to 10,000, I knew this thread was going to be a success, because it was started for the right reasons.... God had His hands all over it....
Wonder how SDPeg is doing.... bahhahaahahaha, I know , I am such a bitch... But we are all good at something...
What is going to be the prize for the big post.. and all expense paid trip paid for by AC????? Nahh, didnt think so....
Ok, going to TRY to go to bed.... this week is flying by.... love ya'll
Stormy n Notlike.....thinking n praying for both of u that things get a lil easier....even if it's jst for a moment....Love ya both...
Sharyn....I'M WAITING!!!!!! Manteca is calling ur name...If n wen u think u can handle meeting me, face to face....let me kno.....i won't bite.....hugs
Seeme...thinking of u with the 1yr passing of ur mom....i hope ur doing alright. Wenever ur heart starts to hurt, jst hug those beautiful 4 legged babies, n they will comfort u....Lily gets me thru all those difficult n emotional moments.......Jst picture this in ur mind.....EVERY time i sit at this computer, Lily is lying under my desk......waiting for me to get the hell off...LOL...gotta love her..love ya
LADEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!LYL
I wish Bookworm was feeling better.
I wish Stormy was feeling better.
Maybe everyone needs to go by my dad's and smack him a little bit with a smoked sausage. Did wonders for me.
I just pray we don't all have a nervous breakdown on the same day... or maybe we should..... nahhhh, I'm afraid a member of my family would finally step up... scairy thought...
And ya know what is straight up creepy.... all these posts we get of people looking for cemetary plots.... or names of people in a cemetary... I am so tempted to write something bizarre in answer..... but Jam says I am the YOU problem child, don't think she'll let me be that for the whole sight..... but I do think about it....
Lovin' you all, even you Beck, email on the way..... love , hugs and chocolate.
Book, I'm still working on getting my life together too. I wish I could dig myself out from under all the weight I feel on my shoulders and my life is so simple compared to yours and all you have and continue to go through. I get sad and frustrated with myself at times and then realize that it is just going to take time and beating myself up isn't going to make it happen any sooner.
I learn from you Book. My words can be helpful or hurtful. I will try by best to make sure they are always more helpful in the future. Hurting you breaks my heart.
Come back when can. You are loved and valued here more than you can imagine. Love and apologies, Cat
Notlike- I am very sorry that you and your family are having to go through this. My heart goes out to you and your dad. My prayers are with you sweetie. ((((Hugs))))
Bookworm- I understand taking a break from everything. At times i feel like a broken record, complaining about the same stuff everyday. And i guess i give myself a break as well as you girls until I'm about to bust with emotion then i just have to let it all out. So if you want to talk whenever we are here for you. I think you are amazing. And a wonderful daughter. My love and prayers to you!!!! ((((hugs)))to!!
Austin- I am keeping the support thing in mind. Thank you for the info. Love and hugs to you.
Well, i guess i got to gather up all of my nerves to get ready to go to dads. Ugh. I pray that we all will have a better day today. Hell, maybe all of us just need to have a crying party then maybe we all would feel better!!! Love and hugs to you all stormyyy
As I was reading this site on Monday, it hit me that I'm a Hypocrite. Here I am giving advice to people and I'm not even following my advice. I know what I want, I know that if I do what I want - my conscience and Bible training will condemn me. I fear if I walk out, I don't know who me is. And I'm just soooo tired. My thoughts is like running in circles. And I no longer found this site as encouragement but as condemnation. I'm a hypocrite...
I'm still weepy but I needed to come on because obviously you all needed to hear that I'm all right. I am. I'm just all broken up inside but I'm not broken beyond repair. I tried reading some posts and I felt sadness and not wanting to read it. I'm sorry...if avoiding this site is required to put me back to pieces, then I will do so. I've aggressively done so - just as I've been doing all my life in order to survive.
I know what needs to be done. I will do it when I'm ready. It's also my fault that this has happened. I opened myself to you all. I made myself vulnerable. I did something here that I've never shown to my family - my inner me. I need to rebuild my wall. I KNOW that this is wrong but I need to do this because I'm being pulled in so many directions inside. Fortunately, I always check my inner side - I'm Not Suicidal. This - I truly believe is because you all have helped me to be stronger to handle the stress of life. I'm sorry...I'm sooooo tired. I'm logging out now. My ice cream is calling me.
Cat, I'm sorry for worrying you. When I posted to Ladee, I just cried and cried. That little paragraph tooke me 1-1/2 hour to write! I just wasn't up to repeating it again....Sorry, Cat.
Bookworm-Much love and hugs to a wondeful caregiver! Rest, and know we are thinking of you.
I read something yesterday, went sort of like this-
She who cries tears is not without courage.
Courage is wiping away the tears and picking up the sword to fight again.
Thank you all for being my stength. Wishing everyone courage and a bit of peace today.
Beck, I am sorry for you too that it all seems too large... it seems to go in cycles... this time of year, we are ready for change, at least change in seasons, it is still so hot here, I know this is contributing to my fatigue....
And yes Beck, every one has their hands full, such is the life of a caregiver, we can only hear about others suffering and then we get burned out from that too... but that's where we get out of ourself and be there for others.... the energy comes from somewhere..... we feel futile sending hugs out in cyberspace, but it does count and it does matter... so for those of you with the energy to continue, then keep on keepin on... we don't have to 'take on' everyones problems, just simply be there for them... that's what this sight is about... being supportive... sending hugs... it's simple, it only takes a few seconds... and we DO have that to give each other.... love to you all.
Much love, sisters....
And I know you would never say this, but I will, how absolutely unfair that mom is the one that got sick and now she's fine, well, sort of, and your dad, whom you love and cherish is the sick one... and how do you look him in the eye... you just do it, and you let the love show, not the powerlessness,not the uglyness of it all, but the love, the respect you have for your dad.... you don't feel sorry for him, he has his dignity, wetting pants is not the end all of pride.... you share with him this is part of it.... only a part, and that WHO he is has nothing to do with what is happening to him..... ya'll stay focused on the man, not the disease.... and do not let the embarrasment of it be more powerful than your love for him.... am sending you a Texas sized Kleenex, and lots of hugs and angels.... love ya girl, and wish I was there....
Some of you started this journey with guilt or duty, just like I did. Stormy, Book, many others...I don't know how to do this in a healthy way. I only know how to keep at it and try not to fall apart. I think about the end of this, because the middle is just too depressing. I don't know how so many of you have been at this for years. It's been 11 months for me and I feel like we take two steps back for every step forward with their health.
My heart breaks for each and every one of you/us who is being used, abused, and used up. The tears I cry are not only for me, they are for all of us. Hold tight, my friends, because together we are stronger than we are apart. Your joys are my joys, and your sorrows are my sorrows. Somehow, we are all in this together. And that alone makes it more bearable for me.