This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
So I now fall back to my childhood ability to pick up things with my toes. When we were in elementary age, us 10 children competed in EVERYTHING. No such thing as boys or girls games. We all competed in Jacks, jump rope (longest and fanciest), baseball, basketball, wrestling, sword fighting, etc....One of those pissing contests included who can pick up the most things with their toes. We all perfected that due to our competing spirit.
So, when my pen or anything else falls to the floor, I just use my toes to grab it, raise my foot up and reach for it with my hand. It just amazes dad endlessly. He has dropped his small pillow, eye glass, even the bottle of lotion. He just keeps exclaiming how my toes are able to pick it up! Maybe you can start practicing ... Oh wait, bending down is good exercise...At least you did 2 stomach bends!
Want to share with ya'll about ' taking the high road' in this mess with the coworkers... I was nuts setting there listening to that one M calls, 'that other thing' ( If I didn't love M before , I do now...lol) and when I realized she was 'right' fighting... I just let her win. told her fine, she was right, I was wrong.... and ya'll, I felt the weight come off of me... sometimes it's just about saying what some idiot needs to hear...I know what is going on there and it doesn't matter if she thinks I'm the bad guy... I just needed her to SHUT THE F*CK UP.... so we'll see how things progress this week.... but I am getting rest this weekend and am much calmer... Notlike's suggestion about if this has anything to do with M or S will certainly get used this next week... the rest of the crap I will try my best to ignore.... but I am so damned reactionary when I am tired... so I own my part in the mess.... I have a feeling she isn't done yet... she keeps making refernce to my age..... does she not know old ladies have more game plans than she does.....and that we are wise enough to know when to just say to hell with it and make them think they won.... I just know I feel better about the whole mess....
And Notlike, I busted out laughing at your misspelled welcome.... I have spell check and don't use it half the time.... ya'll know what I'm saying...I think every one of us should just one day, post what we write, no going back and respellling, correcting, just hit submit... I think we would all just laugh until we cried..... so I may try that in the morning.... before I finish my first cup of coffee....
Love ya'll and hugs across the miles....
Putting up the menu board went well. Mom even offered a recipie for one night. Work with me, that's all I ask...
What happened to Lilly? I missed something.
Welcoem t the new posters. Yup, that's how we spell round here! :)
I liked the bed short cuts. Will have to remember them. I didn't know there was even a way to fold fitted sheets!?! All mine get bunched up and put away. I save the plastic, zippered bags that blankets come in and stuff them in there.
A long, long, time ago, when we were first married, hubby offered to do the laundry on a Saturday when I had to work. So at 6AM I was sorting things into piles to leave for him, with notes on each pile for the water temp and type of soap. After that, we started each doing our own! Now I just shove stuff in and hope for the best, mostly. I love to hang outside, especially because if those darn clothes shrink any more in the dryer, I won't fit into them! My son went on a two week science trip when he was 12. One of the requirements was that the kids could only bring one week of clothes - they had to learn to do their own wash. That alone was worth the trip price to me!
Goodnight, and better tomorrows.
As for the fruit cocktail party, I appreciate the offer of Bobbie's boat but I will politely decline such an offer. I have been on my first boat ride to the check out the Barrier Reef in Australia. I was absolutely miserable (despite taking ginger pill) the whole 1 hr ride to/from. Couldn't even look up or stand. Needed to pee so badly cuz I made the mistake of staying above deck where the cold wind and waves were splashing on me. Miserable. Learned from that and took the return ride below deck! Calculate the number of days a boat ride will take if it will take me 14 hours to Fly to the West Coast. I'll fly it! No insult to you Bobbie or your boat but I'm a landlubber... If it's okay with you all, I'm not crazy about fruit cocktails. I will just bring my fave dessert - Neopolitan ice cream and chocolate fudge. Oh....do they sell over there donuts with chocolate topping and coconut flakes on top? Can I put a request on that?
I bought the wall surge protector and the heavy duty indoor extension cord. I reminded niece to remind her dad. Nothing was done. Today is Labor Day celebration. He and family will be at the beach barbecuing/eating/swimming. I'm too scared to use the outlet without changing the damaged surge..especially after Kimbee's warning. I stood there this morning trying to nerve myself to take the screwdriver and unscrew it. But, all I kept thinking was I'm going to stick a metal object to unplug the screw on a Damaged surge protector? I changed my mind. I will wait at the mercy of my brother.... So, I made enough tuna/mayo mix for sandwiches. I really do not look forward to eating only tuna sandwich the whole day. I'm debating if I can text sis to swing by KFC and buy us enough food to last the whole day today.... Or do I carry the micro to my bedroom and use it there? ... I have decided that I will no longer use the burner stove. I will have to find time somehow and shop for a new one. The toaster and micro are new. The only one that's old (since mom was still walking!) like over 10 years. I think that was the one that caused the electrical shorting.
We used to have a poster on the GO thread named Headbanger, that had the funniest pooh posts ever,,, I think she had a blog for awhile called, The Sh*t Chronicles...... we may as well laugh, it's part of what we do.....
Judy...im sure it must b so hard without ur beloved Rita...ur right wen u say their not "just" dogs...they become family n best friends..Ok...i won't put my head in the toilet, bcuz i jst washed my hair....lol....in the shower!!! hugs
Ladee...i have tried to redirect dad away from his compulsive need to talk about his bowel movements, but that went to sh*t....LOL..he's a challenge!!!..LYL
Poor thing would have a heart attack if we all drove up.... but Funnier , we'd eat the parts of the fruit cocktail she doesn't !!! Nothing goes to waste... I'll have mine with a doughnut....