This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Thank stormy..doesnt happen too often ..haven't had any real get away since may for 4 days..an the
And you too Notlike..... standing up to mom about the Ensure..... Dad should not have to do without because of a tight fist.... so let us know what the dr. says.... hugs to both of you, and Bookworm, and all the others taking care of two parents...... much respect for all of you....
Thoughts and prayers for all of you.
M ended up in ER Fri evening with a UTI, I didn't catch it because she has such a low pain threshold , it's hard to discern when it's real or exaggerated....Daughter and I talked about that this week, how will we know???? Anyway , she is feeling better, went to check on her yesterday while running errands...
Family is wanting around the clock care, so our shifts are being tweeked.... there are three of us, so I will work that one extra until they find someone else, won't take long, as one of the girls has someone in mind.... it will keep them out of the NH for awhile longer.....
Just about caused a scene at M's yesterday.... leave it to me to be tired and leaving my "social editor" at home !!!!!! One of the girls gets on my last nerve when I'm NOT tired, so yesterday all I could do was ignore her..... guess it was apparent, but my other choice would have really gotten some stuff started... anyway, the OTHER girl calls, blah blah blah, and we all have to get along, and she thinks you are mad at her.... finally said WAIT........ stop talking..... we are not in the 4th grade here,if she has a problem SHE needs to call... if not, then ignoring her is the way I am going to handle this... and I do not need to be told how to be professional.... click.... so far no phone calls.... If I can give a titty shot on Main street, do ya'll really think I give a flying f*ck what these two little twerps think.....They both do a great job with S and M , and the rest of it has nothing to do with nothing.....First of all, I'd have to CARE what they think, and I don't.....
I am too tired and I know it.... so keeping my mouth shut works for me.... better than the alternative....I have had no issues with them coming in there and finding their own system.... M does't like the one I don't like because she is loud and never shuts up.... no big deal. It's up to M or the family to address that.... I am not the boss of anything..... they kept calling me about changing their shifts,,,, call the daughter, that has nothing to do with me...so there are adjustments being made by all involved... no big deal, but I don't HAVE to like anyone..... I can feel my 'old street dog' ways creeping to the surface.... that is not a good thing.... so am resting alot this weekend.... I will only have to work 8 hrs as opposed to 12 to 14, so this is a good thing......so just taking a little time to work out the kinks.....
So maybe ya'll should send up a few prayers for the 'Stupid One' to try ignoring me too...... and it will all smooth out..... I'm not very tactful with Stupid when I'm NOT tired... so I am very proud of me for keeping my mouth shut.... won't help a thing to say anything so why bother.....
So, know I have been reading.... hugs to you all, just trying to lay low for a little while so they don't have to call out the SWAT team...... I really am trying to be a good girl....
Love you all, prayers daily, when I'm not praying to keep my own mouth shut..... hugs across the miles to all of you....
Notlike.....good for you for standing up to mom. I'm sure the dietician will say the Ensure or store brand is necessary My mil was so tight, I swear she squeaked when she peed.....but she would spend lots of money on stuff she never used.....
I hope everyone in the path of Isaac stays safe and sound. The last one we had was Floyd, and I didn't think the rain would ever stop. We had a neighbor's tree fall right where my car would have been if I hadn't taken the dogs with me to a friend's brick house for the night....seems they always come at night around here. We lost power for 4 days with that one. I even had to get in line in town for ice , and every time there is an emergency, hubby is called to work. Heaven forbid the city can't flush their toilets. He works with waste water for the city. He really knows his shit......I keep telling you poop stories follow me around for a reason!!!
Lindy-My sympathies for your Mom passing.
Vic-sorry your Dad has such bad times. I know it is hard on both of you. Thinking of you often...hugs.
Jessie-For myself, I've found that the busier and worse things get, the more I've learned what is and is not important. So many things can wait. Because when it rains, it pours. I do know how you feel, though. Sometimes, I just want to cry Enough! to whoever's in charge of this planet.
Burned-Happy belated Bithday! Hope you had a good day.
Stormy-The beach sounded great. So glad you got away and spent some time with Connor and hubby. try and remember how it felt when things get crazy again.
Smitty-Part of not wanting to socialize can also be because our lives are so not in tune with non-caregivers. When things are really bad around here, the last thing I have patience for is hearing about somelse's kid's Little League game or win at bingo. I think to myself "Who cares? Don't you know I'm having a crisis here?!?" It makes me alot less friendly than I would otherwise be.
Mom is healthy as a horse. Except for the new spot on the back of her lung, which they think is scar tissue from the radiation treatment, but they're not entirely sure. So she has another scan in two months.
Dad's new GI doc told him his colon is just worn out. With the right meds, he may get back to close to normal. No surprises there, but it was good to hear a medical professional say it.
So life goes on. Got into it with Mom last night because she doesn't want to buy Ensure for Dad. She says it's too expensive and he should get all the nutrition he needs from the food he eats. Never mind he barely eats anything and poops out most of what he does eat right away. Or that she has money to donate to political campaigns and to buy material to make gifts for people. For a change, I did not back down. I didn't yell or be nasty, but I didn't back down. A little while later, she came out of her room and asked about using the store brand Ensure instead, because it's less expensive. So I guess I won, at least until we see the dietian on Wednesday. Mom is going with us, and plans to ask her if the Ensure is neccessary "for him to survive." I might just call her first and warn her!
Goodnight, and better tomorrows.
beck....the col used to try and call us all the time with her remote.....but her mind never could see there was difference, so we just brought the cell phone home. Thanks for the chuckles.....love ya!!!!!
thank you a million times,
u so special and share yourself with us-
thank you- again and again
millions of hugs!
love to u
k
Happy to report that the dog groomer intervention was a complete success..Lil Ass-hole no longer looks like road kill....he has redeemed himself in the eyes of his grandma!! Now..if i can jst get him to understand that wen he takes a shit...he's suppose to walk AWAY from it....not thru it.....damn......thus the name...Lil Ass-hole!!!!!
I managed to actually go out last nite for a little break, but not before getting one more phone call from dad.......Let's see.....how do i begin to explain THIS...
He has OCD wen it comes to the tv remote n the telephone...so, he often tries to call me using the remote....then he gets very upset wen he can't reach me. Then he tries using the telephone, n by the time he reaches me, he's in a complete state of panic n thinks the phones arent working around the world....then tries to tell me that i need to put my tv on CNN so i can get the full report..Then he goes over n over all the phone numbers on the list of numbers that i made for him, n proceeds to tell me that none of them r working numbers, bcuz the phone system is down.................around the world!!!!!!! Poor, sweet,dad........I try to explain that the phones r all working fine, as well as the numbers i gave him, but i had to remind him....again....that he will never be able to reach me if he uses the tv remote.....i won't answer! Next thing i kno....he's warning me about hurricane Issac, n tells me to look out the window to see if it's windy!!! I assured him that the storm was no where near us, n not to worry.....then....o yea....we come full circle.....back to shit n Mitt!!!!!!!! Mom picks up the other line (bcuz the phone is WORKING.....LOL), n throws in her usual..."I'm going insane".....n i said, "Ok mom.....so am I"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I finally calmed everybody down, hung my working phone up....n got the hell out of the house. Met up with my dil, n had a f-n drink.....n i don't drink....so that's an indication that i was heading for the noose at the end of my rope....anyway.....had a great time, n now i'm back in the trenches......Phones r working fine....so, nobody panic, but if dad reports anything that i feel will affect my cyber family.....i'll pick up my tv remote n call....LOL.....God, help me...Love ya ,all...have a good day.
Sending High Fives to all of you for another successful week as care givers.....in my book you're all angels!!!!!!!
Ladee, get some rest and don't stop laughing.
Cat.