This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
So far [today] I've cleaned the oven, put one load of washing on, and put another load in the dryer.
I'm going to get takeaway for my dinner, and watch the showjumping from Dublin on the TV later on :-)
Bookworm and Sharyn and Austin-Good for you all for trying to improve. Social anxiety is hard. We are told as children not to talk to strangers. Bless you all for what you are doing.
Hubby has to re-boot the computer now. More later...
Well, I feel like Mel Gibson on Braveheart. FREEDOM!!!!!!!!!!!! No caregiving for 4 days!!! And i will be beach bound tomorrow we will be heading out about noon. I just hope it doesn't rain the whole time we are down there. Oh well if it does so be it, at least i will be away from all the stress of family and the whole caregiving stuff. Thank the lord!!!! I just wish i didn't have to come back, it's so depressing on the way home.... UGH....... But i hope all of ya'll have a great week!!! Much love and hugs to you all!!!! Stormyyy Seas.... Hehe.... :-)
So, Sharyn, don't go jumping into the lake! Just put your toes in the water to feel how the lake is. And that would be just Smiling to people when you're passing them. If they happen to stop and talk to you, listen and say something Positive on what they just said or are wearing. That's it. Well, that's as far as I usually go. After that, conversation becomes a burden/stress. Time to move on to the next person...just keep it light for now.
When I used to be gungho into my religion, everyone knew how shy I was. But, after I got comfortable seeing the same people every Sunday, I started approaching the shy ones who Always Stayed in their seats. I would just go up and greet them, make small talk. When the "dead silence" falls upon us, I move on to the next shy person. I didn't know that the religious leader was keeping track of me. Then one day, on his "sermon" he commented and praised the one very shy person who made it a point to talk with others despite how difficult it must have been for her. Even after the sermon, I didn't know it was ME! Until several people came up and praised me. And, Sharyn, all I did was just go up to these people and just said, Hi, How are you?, etc... Let them talk, and just listen! No need to try to do the deep discussion conversation. Just keep it light!
It's strange. My fave sis is the outgoing one. I'm the introvert (keep to myself.) But, when we go to an unknown or new setting (like a relatives' party where we don't know Most of the people), sis shuts down like I am and just sits there. I find myself reacting differently. I find our chair, reserve it, and then go seek out cousins and relatives I do know to greet them! Not necessarily talking to them, but greeting them. I figured, that if I'm like this with relatives, I can just overcome my fear of ...whatever it is I'm afraid of. So, the next time we're invited, the relatives would smile and greet me whereas sis is either overlooked or given a vague greeting. So, I figured that I can do this at these group therapy. I just need to overcome my fear of strangers. Plus, I really do want to try to get as much as I can from these meetings...(Like being one of the last to leave, then you can pack up the leftover food to take home! They actually feed us breakfast and lunch. Wow..)
You too Sharynmarie..... let us know how you did in your next social situation.... hugs to you too...
Therefore, her complaints just soooo much sounds just like dad...how I'm a bad daughter, disrespectful, not doing enough for them, etc...yet here I AM taking care of them. Just as there is her granddaughter catering to her and she refuses to SEE this.
In my heart, I want to help great grandma to appreciate the 11-year old. But, if she's like my dad, no matter what granddaughter does - it will never be enough. Plus, this support group is for ME - to learn how others (of my nationality) are handling the caregiving of their parent/spouse/sibling. I'm not being selfish...even though I feel bad for thinking this. I just feel that I can rarely attend these monthly support group (due to my work schedule) and when I'm able to attend, I want to learn as much as I can from others....
Thanks, Ladee and Seeme. I want to set as a goal for these monthly meeting, that when I attend, I need to participate in the open discussion and to force myself to approach these strangers and start up a conversation. Gosh! That is going to be VERY STRESSFUL for me. More stressful than caregiving. Do you know that when I'm in a crowd, I get panick attacks and head for the Nearest isolated area (one time I hid behind a see-through door) trying to control the sudden-panic attack. A nice acquaintance saw me there, asked me what's wrong, and I said, "So many people! I can't move." She literally walked in front of me so that I concentrated on her and walked to the nearest exit so that I can regain my composure.)
So, they recommend on your annual check-up, to please request for Hepatitis C screening. It's nothing complicated - just a blood test.
BW, good info you shared.... and glad you didn't pass out when you had to introduce yourself.... you've come so far girl.... we are all very very proud of you...
Have a lot to do today, so need to get going... love and hugs to everyone....
Been keeping up with all the goings on..popcorn and puppy stories and Walmart woes..hemmoriods! Whew..yep needed the laughs.
I learned some new things...
* like don't massage on their bony area (guilty!)
* don't turn them on their sides completely but on a 30 degree angle (guilty!)
* change their pampers 5-6 times a day (no can do! We cannot afford to do this. 3 times a day is struggle enough as it is)
* avoid hot water (guilty! I use hot water to clean parents)
* use porous tape (oops! I better go and get those! poor mom's stomach skin must be hurting with the current tapes I'm using!)
FYI, for all of you who had parents go to the hospital and when released, they came home with a bedsore. This happened to mom. She was bedridden for years and she never had bedsores. Goes to the hospital, and she came home with super red painful skin in her private area and this bedsore that was a hole in her buttock. It was quite gross to clean/care for it. Anyway, that bedsore's outer skin has never grown back.
So, the NEWS I learned today is that starting 2014, Medicare will NOT cover any patients discharged from the hospital if they are released with NEW health problems: any infection (due to surgical procedure), pressure sores, any foreign object left inside during surgery...and one more but I forgot what that is. I said, Yeah, Medicare won't pay it but the hospital will come after US to pay it! The speaker said NO. It's something that was passed by Congress (NOT Obama's care) which will make it a law that if a patient has these problems, Medicare has the right to refuse payment AND the hospital must cover the cost - not the patient. Not sure if this also applies to Medicaid. She only said, "Medicare."
In the beginning, we have to introduce ourselves. I hate doing this. So when it was my turn, I stood up and said my name and that I'm caring for my 2 bedridden parents. I tell you, I heard gasps around the room. I froze cuz everyone was staring at me. The leader was waiting for me to continue but I was like a deer staring at the headlights...all those eyes staring at me! I stared back at her and just sat down real quickly.
Hey, did you know that they are now including elderly people who are caring for minors? 2 of them came today for caregiving support! One of them is great grandma taking care of her 2 great grandkids. The 11 year old girl sat next to me. She asked me how old is her great grandma. I stared at her and said that she looks like my dad's age -my dad being 84...so I said she's 83. I shocked the girl. Her mouth literally stayed open. Then she said it's her turn to guess my age. She started with 30, 35, 38, 40, 41, 42 ...etc...She kept repeating that I cannot be 46. Sigh...Feels good!!! I sure hope I don't sit next to them the next meeting. That great grandma can talk and talk and talk! I already get that with my dad...don't need it at the support group... Later!!
Then hopefully i will be home free for a few days.....................
Today was kinda emotional for me cause it was Connor's last day at his daycare. He will start school aug 27th. I guess it's just because it is the end of an era. My baby is going to school :( He has just grown up too fast. Where does the time go???? But i got connor's daycare teachers a card and wrote in each one of them. Telling them thank you for watching over connor and for all that they have taught him. And i gave each one of them a gift card to go eat at a lonestar steakhouse. We are really going to miss them. Boo Hoo :( love and hugs stormyyy
Welcome frustrated..........good place to stop and let it all out....lots of wonderful care givers here to help you along your journey.
austin......I don't get notified every day either, I usually have 30+ posts to go through.....the last upgrade that AC did was not so good I'm thinking.
notlike......hugs and prayers for you!!!! Hmmmm.............popcorn for breakfast anyone?
beck......how's your hand doing? I thought about you the other day when Target and I had to do surgery on one of his fingers and he holds up the bandage and asks "now how am I supposed to wipe my butt?" And he doesn't have dementia....I think.
seeme......I'm thinking a sidecar for Dyna.
ladee.......got anything special planned for Sunday....teeheeeeee
Nothing new to report with the col........she loves the NH, hasn't called us in weeks to complain that she is "incarcerated and being held prisoner".......I've noticed her feet are swelling more and she has stopped wearing shoes.
Woke up this morning to sunshine, 4 deer on the pond and and some nasty, noisy crow that ought to be glad I couldn't see him!
Sending prayers to all today.......hope you can find a little piece of time for YOU!
Ladee-thanks for putting things in perspective. We go through so much, I almost forgot I am grieving, too, on top of everything else. No wonder I have no time or patience for much else. Hubby and I picked the music this week, and pictures, and are planing on going for one last cleaning of the house on Sunday. And I'm still waiting to hear if the food has been ordered and the home care set up. Which I will probably be doing at the last minute if the "foot soldiers" didn't get that done. And still dealing with Mom and Dad. Whew!
Well, it's Friday. Thank the heavens. Sooner begun, sooner the weekend.