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Enjoying (if that's the right word!) my last day of 'freedom' before d'mother comes home from Respite on Monday...
So far [today] I've cleaned the oven, put one load of washing on, and put another load in the dryer.
I'm going to get takeaway for my dinner, and watch the showjumping from Dublin on the TV later on :-)
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Happy Birthday Ladee-my dear, sweet, crazy friend! Our world is so much better for you being here.
Bookworm and Sharyn and Austin-Good for you all for trying to improve. Social anxiety is hard. We are told as children not to talk to strangers. Bless you all for what you are doing.
Hubby has to re-boot the computer now. More later...
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Happy Birthday, Aunt Ladee..........keep checking your mailbox.............
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BW your advice about talking to people you meet like at church is a good one-a very nice family left our church to attend another one we are PCA and there are not many of that denomination here in the Hudson Valley of NY. that is Presbyterian of America most Prebyterian Churchs are PUSA-after this family left some thought we may not have been as friendly to them as we should have bee. Today at churchI will try to talk to more people instead running into the kitchen with the other kitchen ladies and BW I will think of you ass I tak to more people.
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Ladee....HAPPY BIRTHDAY to the most metamorphic, fantastic, wonderful, kind, n sincere woman i've met on the AC....U jst make everybodys day better by jst logging on!!! Have a great b-day, n always remember....there's a metamorphic mama out here in CA that jst loves u to pieces....LYL
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Happy Birthday Ladeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope you have a wonderful day!!!
Well, I feel like Mel Gibson on Braveheart. FREEDOM!!!!!!!!!!!! No caregiving for 4 days!!! And i will be beach bound tomorrow we will be heading out about noon. I just hope it doesn't rain the whole time we are down there. Oh well if it does so be it, at least i will be away from all the stress of family and the whole caregiving stuff. Thank the lord!!!! I just wish i didn't have to come back, it's so depressing on the way home.... UGH....... But i hope all of ya'll have a great week!!! Much love and hugs to you all!!!! Stormyyy Seas.... Hehe.... :-)
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Thank you Ladee and Bookworm! You nave. No idea now that makes feel so welcomed! I will definitely work on your advice BW, it sounds sensible and something I can do. Thank you!!
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Yeah, Sharyn, it is stressful even with people you know. Note, I said GREET them. I haven't gotten comfortable enough to CONVERSE with them!! But, I think greeting is not so bad. You smile, say Hi, How are you, Oh you look really pretty today - that blouse just makes you glow. I rarely tell white lies. If the baby is not pretty/handsome, I never ever say, "How handsome he is!" or "How pretty she is!" I will comment like, "that is a very nice dress! It makes her looke so pink and healthy!" So, I don't believe in complimenting someone for the sake of complimenting. If they deserve it, I highlight it. After a while, I notice that so-and-so is getting more of those colors that I complimented her on. Why not? Wouldn't it be better to encourage them when they're doing something right rather than cringe when they appear on a blah color blouse that makes them look old and blah?

So, Sharyn, don't go jumping into the lake! Just put your toes in the water to feel how the lake is. And that would be just Smiling to people when you're passing them. If they happen to stop and talk to you, listen and say something Positive on what they just said or are wearing. That's it. Well, that's as far as I usually go. After that, conversation becomes a burden/stress. Time to move on to the next person...just keep it light for now.

When I used to be gungho into my religion, everyone knew how shy I was. But, after I got comfortable seeing the same people every Sunday, I started approaching the shy ones who Always Stayed in their seats. I would just go up and greet them, make small talk. When the "dead silence" falls upon us, I move on to the next shy person. I didn't know that the religious leader was keeping track of me. Then one day, on his "sermon" he commented and praised the one very shy person who made it a point to talk with others despite how difficult it must have been for her. Even after the sermon, I didn't know it was ME! Until several people came up and praised me. And, Sharyn, all I did was just go up to these people and just said, Hi, How are you?, etc... Let them talk, and just listen! No need to try to do the deep discussion conversation. Just keep it light!
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Welcome to you Sharynmarie.....everyone is welcome here.... hope you start to feel like one of the crazy family here.... the more the merrier....sending you lots of hugs for getting out of your comfort zone..... hugs and angels...
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I am branching out on this site and that is big for me. I tend to stick with what is known to me. Going to any social event even with people I am familiar with is difficult. Yay for us who extend ourselves for the sack of growth!!
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ladee, that panic attack happened at a Convention I was attending. I rarely attend those. This convention had about 900-some people all crammed into a small building. (Well, small when all those people are there.) I have no problem with regular settings - parties for graduations or weddings - even if it goes up to 300 people.

It's strange. My fave sis is the outgoing one. I'm the introvert (keep to myself.) But, when we go to an unknown or new setting (like a relatives' party where we don't know Most of the people), sis shuts down like I am and just sits there. I find myself reacting differently. I find our chair, reserve it, and then go seek out cousins and relatives I do know to greet them! Not necessarily talking to them, but greeting them. I figured, that if I'm like this with relatives, I can just overcome my fear of ...whatever it is I'm afraid of. So, the next time we're invited, the relatives would smile and greet me whereas sis is either overlooked or given a vague greeting. So, I figured that I can do this at these group therapy. I just need to overcome my fear of strangers. Plus, I really do want to try to get as much as I can from these meetings...(Like being one of the last to leave, then you can pack up the leftover food to take home! They actually feed us breakfast and lunch. Wow..)
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Oh ladies, how I wish I could send ya'll some of my 'never meet a stranger' personality... I can talk to anyone, the garbage men if they have an extra minute.... If anything I've had to learn to back up while ya'll are learning to step out... isn't life strange and unfair sometimes..... and you are right BW, you are going there for YOU.... your time is so limited, and this is a new challenge for you... just take baby steps... next time you go, look around at someone you think may not be threatning, possibly someone else standing on the sidelines... social anxiety is very hard and very real....we are all anxious about something.... so just take baby steps.... do what you feel comfortable with.... life is a marothon, not a sprint, take your time... someone will be there that you feel comfortable appoaching.... you go girl.... impovement after improvement.... you amaze me.... let us know what happens..... hugs...
You too Sharynmarie..... let us know how you did in your next social situation.... hugs to you too...
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Bookworm~Wow, the social anxiety is so me too!! You have inspired me to improve and work on my fear of rejection, Thank you!!
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FYI, I have nothing against sitting next to a person the same age as my dad. The thing is, the whole time, she kept complaining about the minors, and how they don't help out, and the attitude they're giving her..on and on. I couldn't even say anything because she was on the roll. Yet, she had her 11 year old great grand daughter there, catering to her needs - getting up to fix her coffee, throw the paperplate away, etc... I tried to put a little plus on her great granddaughter but...she's only seeing the negative of the granddaughter...

Therefore, her complaints just soooo much sounds just like dad...how I'm a bad daughter, disrespectful, not doing enough for them, etc...yet here I AM taking care of them. Just as there is her granddaughter catering to her and she refuses to SEE this.

In my heart, I want to help great grandma to appreciate the 11-year old. But, if she's like my dad, no matter what granddaughter does - it will never be enough. Plus, this support group is for ME - to learn how others (of my nationality) are handling the caregiving of their parent/spouse/sibling. I'm not being selfish...even though I feel bad for thinking this. I just feel that I can rarely attend these monthly support group (due to my work schedule) and when I'm able to attend, I want to learn as much as I can from others....

Thanks, Ladee and Seeme. I want to set as a goal for these monthly meeting, that when I attend, I need to participate in the open discussion and to force myself to approach these strangers and start up a conversation. Gosh! That is going to be VERY STRESSFUL for me. More stressful than caregiving. Do you know that when I'm in a crowd, I get panick attacks and head for the Nearest isolated area (one time I hid behind a see-through door) trying to control the sudden-panic attack. A nice acquaintance saw me there, asked me what's wrong, and I said, "So many people! I can't move." She literally walked in front of me so that I concentrated on her and walked to the nearest exit so that I can regain my composure.)
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I love it that my husband thinks I am yelling at him when I just got up after watching him sleep to make sure he is ok after my son gets in my personal stash and trying to blame it on his sister oh well...life goes on...
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Heads up for all you baby boomers born from 1945-1965: CDC says that 1 out of 30 got Hepatitis C. At those olden days, the doctors/clinics/hospital were not aware of the dangers of re-using needles - therefore no precaution was taken to prevent the spread of diseases...Plus this was a time when people were freely using drugs (that required needles.)

So, they recommend on your annual check-up, to please request for Hepatitis C screening. It's nothing complicated - just a blood test.
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And VickieVic gets the COW PATTIE!!!!!!
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BW, they just couldn't believe that anyone would be handling TWO bedridden parents.......those gasps were a sign of all the responsibility you have taken on.......plus, they probably thought you were nuts!!!! LOL
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Love ya Vickie Vic, and happy to hear things are settling down some for you and dad.... you are up way to early for a Sat.. morning.... ya, guess the Grapes of Wrath Wagon has a new name... we'll just call her ROID now... easier to spell....will be using that new vacuum today..... and will be thinking of Cowboy as things dissappear!!!! Love ya lady.... sending you lots of hugs....
BW, good info you shared.... and glad you didn't pass out when you had to introduce yourself.... you've come so far girl.... we are all very very proud of you...
Have a lot to do today, so need to get going... love and hugs to everyone....
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Morning all..we are finally doing ok..I hope! Since dads seizure two weeks ago he was on steroids..so no sleep and they put him on a seizure med. too much sleep..yesterday he seemed a bit more alert. Hope today is the same or better.
Been keeping up with all the goings on..popcorn and puppy stories and Walmart woes..hemmoriods! Whew..yep needed the laughs.
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I attended my 2nd caregiver support therapy. It actually fell on the Saturday that I'm off (boss and I take turns on working on Saturdays.) The topic was Preventing Pressure Sores.

I learned some new things...
* like don't massage on their bony area (guilty!)
* don't turn them on their sides completely but on a 30 degree angle (guilty!)
* change their pampers 5-6 times a day (no can do! We cannot afford to do this. 3 times a day is struggle enough as it is)
* avoid hot water (guilty! I use hot water to clean parents)
* use porous tape (oops! I better go and get those! poor mom's stomach skin must be hurting with the current tapes I'm using!)

FYI, for all of you who had parents go to the hospital and when released, they came home with a bedsore. This happened to mom. She was bedridden for years and she never had bedsores. Goes to the hospital, and she came home with super red painful skin in her private area and this bedsore that was a hole in her buttock. It was quite gross to clean/care for it. Anyway, that bedsore's outer skin has never grown back.

So, the NEWS I learned today is that starting 2014, Medicare will NOT cover any patients discharged from the hospital if they are released with NEW health problems: any infection (due to surgical procedure), pressure sores, any foreign object left inside during surgery...and one more but I forgot what that is. I said, Yeah, Medicare won't pay it but the hospital will come after US to pay it! The speaker said NO. It's something that was passed by Congress (NOT Obama's care) which will make it a law that if a patient has these problems, Medicare has the right to refuse payment AND the hospital must cover the cost - not the patient. Not sure if this also applies to Medicaid. She only said, "Medicare."

In the beginning, we have to introduce ourselves. I hate doing this. So when it was my turn, I stood up and said my name and that I'm caring for my 2 bedridden parents. I tell you, I heard gasps around the room. I froze cuz everyone was staring at me. The leader was waiting for me to continue but I was like a deer staring at the headlights...all those eyes staring at me! I stared back at her and just sat down real quickly.

Hey, did you know that they are now including elderly people who are caring for minors? 2 of them came today for caregiving support! One of them is great grandma taking care of her 2 great grandkids. The 11 year old girl sat next to me. She asked me how old is her great grandma. I stared at her and said that she looks like my dad's age -my dad being 84...so I said she's 83. I shocked the girl. Her mouth literally stayed open. Then she said it's her turn to guess my age. She started with 30, 35, 38, 40, 41, 42 ...etc...She kept repeating that I cannot be 46. Sigh...Feels good!!! I sure hope I don't sit next to them the next meeting. That great grandma can talk and talk and talk! I already get that with my dad...don't need it at the support group... Later!!
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Yep, you are right about that burned. Take care. stormyy
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Well, we are planning on leaving for the beach sunday for a few days, just til wednesday. So maybe things will be ok while i am gone. Right now sis is sick with the stomach virus. She didn't feel good yesterday and last nite the throw ups started on her. Talked to her tonight and she said she thinks that part has passed. So i hope she feels better soon.... Real soon..... Got to go to dads in the morning and do the everyday ritual on him and probably go back again tomorrow nite. ugh...
Then hopefully i will be home free for a few days.....................
Today was kinda emotional for me cause it was Connor's last day at his daycare. He will start school aug 27th. I guess it's just because it is the end of an era. My baby is going to school :( He has just grown up too fast. Where does the time go???? But i got connor's daycare teachers a card and wrote in each one of them. Telling them thank you for watching over connor and for all that they have taught him. And i gave each one of them a gift card to go eat at a lonestar steakhouse. We are really going to miss them. Boo Hoo :( love and hugs stormyyy
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I have no trouble with my sister or my husband's family wanting to be involved lets just say the line has been drawn and has never been crossed because of stupidity and silly BS ...I hate to say it but the few of us who keep the ones we love warm the others rather leave us in the cold to suffer...so if they ain't helping and have selfish motives removed them because they do not help the one your caring for and usually their motive is the color green i.e. money...wishing ya all good wknd.
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Caregiver- My sister and i have a brother, but we don't have a problem with him resurfacing. We have a problem with him surfacing................ He doesn't come around much for fear that sis and i will ask him to stay with dad, so we don't have that problem. Sorry i couldn't be of more help. Hugs stormyy
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I'd be curious to know if any of you have an issue with siblings that keep resurfacing for the sake of trying to start a fight and if you ignore them they go to your elderly parent to get them in the middle of it
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Saying Good Morning! You guys make my day and I love to read what you have been up to..........yes, I'm still lurking!
Welcome frustrated..........good place to stop and let it all out....lots of wonderful care givers here to help you along your journey.
austin......I don't get notified every day either, I usually have 30+ posts to go through.....the last upgrade that AC did was not so good I'm thinking.
notlike......hugs and prayers for you!!!! Hmmmm.............popcorn for breakfast anyone?
beck......how's your hand doing? I thought about you the other day when Target and I had to do surgery on one of his fingers and he holds up the bandage and asks "now how am I supposed to wipe my butt?" And he doesn't have dementia....I think.
seeme......I'm thinking a sidecar for Dyna.
ladee.......got anything special planned for Sunday....teeheeeeee
Nothing new to report with the col........she loves the NH, hasn't called us in weeks to complain that she is "incarcerated and being held prisoner".......I've noticed her feet are swelling more and she has stopped wearing shoes.
Woke up this morning to sunshine, 4 deer on the pond and and some nasty, noisy crow that ought to be glad I couldn't see him!
Sending prayers to all today.......hope you can find a little piece of time for YOU!
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Notlike, we stay in 'caregiver mode' so much of the time, we forget we have a life with other things going on.... I know after Ruth died, getting a new job, I was so tore down by the end of the year I didn't know which end was up..... so take care of yourself and know we are thinking of you and praying for you.... lots of hugs, no popcorn, just hugs....
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Thank you, now I am laughing about the popcorn smell!
Ladee-thanks for putting things in perspective. We go through so much, I almost forgot I am grieving, too, on top of everything else. No wonder I have no time or patience for much else. Hubby and I picked the music this week, and pictures, and are planing on going for one last cleaning of the house on Sunday. And I'm still waiting to hear if the food has been ordered and the home care set up. Which I will probably be doing at the last minute if the "foot soldiers" didn't get that done. And still dealing with Mom and Dad. Whew!
Well, it's Friday. Thank the heavens. Sooner begun, sooner the weekend.
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Thank you Ladee for the info about getting the comments that will help a lot.
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