This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Ladee..let's not forget....there r 2 bitches struttin a weave in this house...so u'll have plenty to keep u laughing...n..i put nails on the monkey paw...no chimp can compete with me right now..i metamorphically rock!!!
And leaving the wate outside... this godawful heat is being put to good use.... it's hot enough to take a shower.... so it's all good.... just keepin' it simple......
Beck, u r too funny with your dog n Lily is just being a lady when she has to take a crap. lol
Burned, that is great advice you gave n you r a great mom. Sorry u r having trouble with one of the children but he will probable get back on track with your teaching him that its not okay to lie. As for your caregiver, I would think they have to get a replacement before letting her take on another job or at least inform you of another caregiver to replace her. Of course the in-house caregiving part is new to me so I am just throwing out my opinion.
Ladee, make sure those roofers pick up those roofing tacks when they drop off the roof. We had some do r roof awhile back n I think I picked up over a dozen n got a freaking flat tire as well. I hope u got some ear plugs. : )
And no Beck, I don't own a pair of stilletoes..... one brown one black sandal..... but I'll be wearing boots come Tues.... ya, uh huh!!!!!
Did some quick neck and arm exercises and stretches. I was able to lower my pain from 9 to maybe a 7. ...I suspect I have arthritis on the back of my neck. Never got around to doc cuz he will say I'm too young to have arthritis or maybe osteoporosis. Another To do List ...it's really, really difficult to get doctors to believe I'm suffering from "old age" problems because I look like a teenager. Aint my fault I can't gain weight and could never get my body to stretch to At least 5 feet!
Ladee and all, I will read your comments later after work...if my headache has not blown up to full scale migraine. I just had to vent before I get so frustrated that I go doing something stupid like speeding in the rain. Oh, I tried those deep breathing this AM - made my headache worse....
Had a great visit with Seeme Sue on the phone this morning...she says Dyna is just like ME... of course I took that as a compliment... I am honored that her dog has a personality that will keep her laughing and on her toes at the same time....
So then I get ready to run errands.... I go into the store and I noticed people were looking down and then looking at me funny... I was in a hurry like always, didn't pay any attention, people tend to look at me funny anyway.... so get done and go to get back in my car... ohhhhhhhh, that's what they were looking at... once again I had on two different shoes..... If anyone ever says anything all I'm going to say is..... I'M A CAREGIVER.... and walk away... so to hell with it... I still had some stops to make and didn't feel like going back to change one damned shoe....
Then I go to Walmart, ya know, our vacation spot, to get a vacuum on sale... were there any in the store... well hell NO... so I go find a manager, now keep in mind, it is very HOT here and I sweat like an iron worker.... so I'm dripping sweat on my glasses, wiping the back of my head because my hair is wet and dripping on my shirt..... the manager is giving me mumble, double talk and avoidance and I put my hand up for him to STOP TALKING.... Here's the deal cowboy ( I am from Texas, so when you say that to someone they know you AREN'T happy!), you have these on SALE and there is only the display one available,,, I am NOT going to go and order one to be delivered to this damned store.... YOU are going to order one... I will be back Tues... if there is not one here, I'm taking the display model at a reduced price on top of the sale price.... Uh No Mam, we uh , we can't.... Again I put my hand up for him to STOP TALKING.... YES, YOU WILL SELL ME THAT ONE IF ANOTHER ONE IS NOT HERE....BELIEVE ME, YOU WILL...... as I'm walking away , he says, UH Mam', do you know you have on two differnt shoes.... YES, I AM A CAREGIVER...... HAVE THAT VACUUM FOR ME TUES.... COWBOY.......!!!!!!!!!!
So, I am going to stay in the house, not answer the door or the phone, take a nap and go get that damned vacuum cleaner Tues.... ONE WAY OR THE OTHER.....
Peach-I am praying for you, and your BF, and Mom. I'm glad you found a 24hr number. Thinking of you so you are never really alone. Hugs.
This week has whooshed by me. I got to the State Fair twice with friends. It was so nice! But if I don't eat anything else deep-fried and on a stick for awhile, that would be good. I had oreos, bacon-wrapped tator tots, and even a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, which is better than it sounds.
The rest of the time has been helping a dear friend. He's my husband's best friend since 4th grade, and that was a long time ago. I sometimes introduce him as my brother - we're that close. Well, his older brother passed away unexpectedly in his sleep this week. He was only 47. And he took care of their Dad, who has Parkinson's. So now our friend is making funeral arrangements, and trying to figure out how to take care of his Dad, who does not want to leave his own house and move in with him. And our friend lost his wife unexpectedly just 3 years ago. He has been through so much!
Imagine a whole house lived in by two cigarette smoking men, and you'll see what I'm up against! The place hasn't had a good cleaning since his Mom died. I spent 5 hours yesterday, with my hands in soapy water, and I'm not done with the kitchen yet! We'll be back at it again today. Once again my parents are seeing how we mobilize for crisis and how we can handle things.
Mom is Mom, but being a bit nicer, which is good. Dad is about the same. Just waiting for his appt next week. No rest for the wicked (that's me!) I guess!
I forgot the name of that guy who travels all over the place and tries to confirm or debunk ghost stories and traditional stories of the supernatural. He came to our island, (they had to go and seek the MINORITY local representative) and we ended up viewed in his film (and played on nationwide TV) as still living in grass skirts!!! I tell you, when his show was viewed on TV, it angered a lot of locals. We are not of the cave age. Oh, I got distracted...anyway, the locals took them to the "jungle" area. The host and his crew definitely experienced our "local ghost". Scared the hell of one of them! .. :) By the way, I don't even know WHERE they got the idea that we believed in "Zombies." Zombies are dead people who come alive. The local people's belief is our ANCESTOR is alive as a spirit and is with us. One is fleshly body, the other is a spirit body. Go figure!! Conclusion of his show: It is real....we passed the debunk show...
I use to have a dog traveling book that listed all the dog friendly hotels, etc. to stay in the state of Ca. when traveling with your pet. Each place was rated by the number of paws. A one paw rating was only good for a pee. The best rating was 4 paws and an running dog. As dogs go, I give Lily a 4 paws and a running dog rating. She rocks.
As for you Beck, lying in the dirt with your eyes closed. Bwhahahaha. Do you think Lily sees you as her special needs child?
Seriously, you two are a perfect match. There is something so special between you and your dear Lily.
Love, Cat.
Bookworm, how awesome the things we can learn on this sight.... that's why I keep saying how well you are doing, regardless if you still have down times... you are starting to see the world past your pain.... and that means you are becoming a part of it again.....so thanks for sharing that..... hugs to everyone...