This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Beck, I may not have pets but I find yours and other AC's stories entertaining and funny! Just yesterday, I finally stopped (instead of just walking by) and commented to someone about their teeny tiny dog! So, your Lily stories are helping me to see how pets are perceived by their owners and that these pets do count....I appreciate your stories! Gotta go!
Today's heat wave is suppose to hit 107...so i decided to take Lily out to the levy for her walk very early before the heat set in..This property i take her to is a very large area of farm land,with canals, which Lily absolutely loves..If she could stay in the water 24/7...she would! Anyway....I'm walking Lily quite far out on this property,n suddenly i see a young man riding a bike n he seems to b following me. I then see him ride down the levy towards the water n hide under an over pass...Im not about to sh*t on myself....all kinds of things r going thru my head...like becoming the next horror movie u all talk about on the thread..lol.....I've tightened my grip on Lilys leash, preparing for this guy to come out of no where. He suddenly appears at the top of the levy, riding closer to me n saying something that i couldnt understand...By now...im practically choking Lily with her own leash.....n she's drooling n gasping for air...poor thing....I stop walking n position myself with Lily out in front of me....This guy moves closer towards me, n proceeds to ask if im married!! I am silently praying that Lily will sense my overwhelming fear, n protect me...being as we've never been in this kind of situation before...so i say to Lily, in a frantic voice..."Go get him, Lily"....n she must have sensed the urgency in my voice bcuz she is now up on her hind legs, showing her teeth, growling n frothing at the mouth at this SOB...n so i took that opportunity to say to him.."This dog will attack upon command, so u better get the hell away from me"...(I dont know if she would really do that...but i had to improvise!!!!! LOL) Well...he jumps back on his f-n bike, n says...".ok, ok...dont let that dog lose....i'm leaving".....Holy Sh*t......i've never been so damn scared n i was soooo proud of Lily for protecting me....but...me being me....i decided to use this opportunity to make sure that Lily understood when i was in trouble....so....ah yes....i decided to lay in the dirt n pretend i was.....well...........dead!!! Well....i layed there with my eyes closed..(r u all gettin a good visual with this....haha) n waited for Lily to respond in some way that assured me that she thought i might need help...I waited.....n waited.....n waited.......in the dirt.....waiting!!!!!!!!!! Wen i opened my eyes..Lily was staring right at me...jst standing over me n staring at me...ready to drool on my face......i started to laugh, n she took off, as fast as she could...n went n jumped in the canal n went swimming!!!!.....WTF....i guess she firgured she had already proved her loyalty to me by standing up to the SOB, n she deserved a swim.....n she would b right!! I dont know what the hell i was trying to prove to myself.....she already saved my life.....now i'm covered in dirt n doggy drool bcuz "i jst wanted to make sure she would respond the same, in case there was a next time"....Anyway....we made it home safely....n now im ready to go out n grocery shop...again...for my mom......I think it would be best for all concerned if i jst stayed in the house, n gave up the attempt at dog training....too bad Lily wasnt struttin her weave.....lol....that would have been a story! Ok.....we can all agree that i'm losin it..or....i could jst blame it on the heat......love u all
Haha, Ladee. After what Lisa has been through, Chucky would be like the good cousin, just a little quirky. Bwhahahah.
Cat
I remember being a child and going to the movies with some other kids. I was like you, Bookworm, no scary movies for me. All of a sudden, things started getting tense and scary. I couldn't believe my mom let me go see this movie and that was exactly what I was thinking as the 50 foot man came onto the screen. WTF!! I'm not supposed to be seeing this.
I was scared for days. Always afraid of what might be in my closet or under the bed, but in this case I knew he wouldn't fit. Then I was afraid to get too far from the house. I would sit on the front porch and look all around.
Cat
My nephew also had a big huggable blue stuffed Munster (given by me - which I found to be a very scary stuffed animal!) Nephew keeps his Munster in his bedroom for protection.
They tell me that sometimes, when they go in the bedroom, whether it's niece or nephew, they will find BOTH doll and Munster on the floor - as if they were fighting. Nephew said the doll was alive and scary - Bad. Finally, niece got scared of it and threw it in the trash. Next day, it was back in her bedroom. So, niece walked far and threw it in someone's trashcan. It came back - but dirtier than before. Scared the crap out of everyone!
So, nephew, determined to end that doll, told me that he built a fire in the barrell, and threw the doll in. This time, he stood over the fire and made sure Not to Look away (cuz he said the doll always moves when you're not looking). He made sure it was burned to a crisp. No more doll. Never "came back to life."
That's why Austin, I say that I would Never Ever Talk to my dolls. Ugh!! Just gives me the creeps...I sure don't want to hear them talk back to me! ..That is soooo Gross!!!
Also about addiction....when I was 10yrs old, my oldest sis was about 18. She was a smoker. She has tried several times to quit smoking through out her teen years. One day, she lasted about a week? This time, she took her carton of cigarettes and tore it to small pieces - All of It. I saw her go thru the Withdrawal Symptoms. It was just awful. She emptied the bedroom trash, shaking very hard and crying as she tried to find a "usable" cigarette. When I saw that, I swore that I would never smoke anything in my life. It was just awful!!! So, never been tempted to Try cigarettes or drugs. It's just soooo not worth it!
Ladee, thanks for saying you have a favorite pillow. I always felt, as a grown up, that having a favorite blanket in order to sleep was so immature. I used to have a favorite pillow until it flattened. After that, I couldn't find a replacement.
Peach, I think your grandma and I would have gotten along famously! I cannot even watch action movies - because the sudden movements make me sceam. The tension is too much for me. Like I tell sis, why would I want to watch shows that are too tense or upsetting (like a show on abuse or injustices)? My life is aleady filled with it, that I just want to watch movies that makes me laugh or cry or touches my heart. I told her I need shows that gets me away from the Real World. Why would I want to see it also in movies? For myself, I find that when I watch those movies, I end up sad and depress and keep rewinding the show in my mind for the whole day. So, I keep to humorous or wholesome things. I have a lot of those Hallmark Hall of Fame movies. Time to go now. Change their pampers and feed them breakfast.
I don't blame you about not wanting to talk to your dolls. I've seen one too many scary doll movies to know what can happen when you try to engage with them! Yikes. I'm freaking myself out here!
It's sad that your family picks on you about being sensitive to scary stuff. My grandma would never watch scary movies, because they'd give her nightmares, so we respected that and only showed her funny or wholesome things. At least you ate well the next morning though, right?
I am so grateful you are still here.... love and hugs...
Austin, sorry about how you were raised.... I got a few whoppins' too, but mine was because I never knew when to back off.... guess there are some real horror stories out there from when we were children... but here we are... loving, living, honoring, and being present for each other... so guess they didn't beat the "good" out of us..... ya'll have a good one.... time to get ready for work... love ya'll.
Okay, here is a secret that I have. I grew up from a very very dysfunctional family. We grew up not knowing what love is...no hugs, no positive reinforcements, no encouragement, etc...Our incentive to excel or do good was to avoid being physically punished by at least minimum 5 whipping with the hard leather belt. My secret? Since I was so young, I had my favorite blanket. It's what one calls your Security Blanket. You know that cartoon of Linus in the Snoppy comics? That's me. I can't sleep without my blanket. I used to have a hard time when I went on trips because I would leave it behind. I had a difficult time sleeping without it. That original blanket became tattered. So, I would cut it down to size..until it was useless. So, I went and shopped around for my next replacement blanket. Of my 46 years of life, I have had a total of 2 blankets. Yes, I still cannot sleep without it! But, now, I take it when I travel! I stopped being ashamed that I have one. I just say that it's my favorite hugging blanket when I sleep.
Are you afraid of dolls? I never was. Since I was a teenager, I would buy these very lifelike dolls. I always thought of it lovingly (I guess a replacement for the love I never got from parent?) The dolls always unnerved my family because they are so real-looking. They can't stand it. I have bought 2 very lifelike dolls (not the baby style but similar to Barbie but much bigger and real normal looking. not fashion like Barbie.) Since I wear eyeglasses, both dolls wear one too. I place my dolls in my bedroom: 1 to look at the door and one at the only unshuttered window. My sis and every one who goes in my room hates those dolls. But I tell them that they are guarding my room from ...the spirits. What I'm trying to say is if you have no fear of dolls, sometimes, if you can view them as friends who will help you, protect you from the "unseen" or the "scary" beings of life. Okay, so I AM afraid of the dark and sleep with the night light on. I still fear that there's a bogeyman under the bed and in the closet. My dolls are there to protect me from those fears (which I KNOW is just imagined but..hard to kick childhood fears.)
Well, I do my Best NOT to talk to the dolls. I've seen enough scary movies. What if one day, they talk back?! Ugh!! That would mean it's possessed by evil. No way, Jose! So, I Do Not Talk to them. I just view them as protectors for the "unseen bogeyman".
I just thought of the dolls and blanket since your anxiety is so high that even maybe little things like these will help? Of course it won't replace real people but maybe a little?
I don't feel like I'll get any rest at all with my mom being gone. I feel like I'll be even more exhausted than if she was here. I'll be all alone in this big house, worrying my head off, without anyone to hug or get a reassuring pat on the back from.
My boyfriend is going back home to have surgery for a hernia that he got while he was here visiting me. I'll be going up there sometime before the end of the year to be with him for his surgery. That's about all I know right now.