This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Welcome to the new posters. It's late at night for me, so I'm going to bed, but I will reply to you. My heart goes out to all you are dealing with.
Sharynmarie: So glad to know your sis does not have lung cancer. I don't know what Intrestial Lung Disease is , but I will look it up. Sounds chronic, but I hope for the best. Hey, I just looked it up, but all I could find was interstitial lung disease, which is essentially Pulmonary Fibrosis. Does that sound right to you? You know my mom had Pulmonary Fibrosis for years and years. God Bless her, it just came out of nowhere. She never smoked or was around 2nd hand smoke. No idea what caused it, but in so many cases that is true. Sending you and your sis white light and healing.
Notlike: Enjoyed your post.
Hugs, Cattails
Welcome to the new posters. It's late at night for me, so I'm going to bed, but I will reply to you. My heart goes out to all you are dealing with.
Sharynmarie: So glad to know your sis does not have lung cancer. I don't know what Intrestial Lung Disease is , but I will look it up. Sounds chronic, but I hope for the best.
Notlike: Enjoyed your post.
Hugs, Cattails
My step-mother was diagnosed with that several years ago, but a few months back was told that she had less than 6 months left to live. All of this has taken its toll on my 87 year old dad who wishes she would agree to move to an assisted living together.
I wonder if your fatigue is not a warning sign saying that you need some extra help in taking care of your mother?
To top it off, my fiancé is going back home in a few days. I'm not thrilled about that either. It's like my life is going to suddenly just crumble all at once with his leaving and my mom's coming home. I'm terrified of the anxiety I'm going to feel once again with him gone. I have such fears of bad things happening to him, so much fear of being abandoned. All of that will come back in a matter of days, starting with his bus ride back home.
Well, I guess my break was good while it lasted. I didn't do much, hardly answered the phone (all my neighbors have been calling, probably wondering what's up since my mom's car has been gone so long), just sat on the couch watching scary movies and indulging in takeout.
Here's to my miserable life coming back.
Notlike, what do you mean the new caregiver won't take care of S the same as me ?!?! Ya, uh huh she will !!!! Girl has a ton of energy.... want me to see if she'll hire out in other states??? She's going to do fine.... she's loud, won't take M long to squash that!!!! So, on my first long weekend in 8 months or longer... YE HAAAAAAAA.... More later, after my first nap..... love ya'lllllll
Ladee-A wonderful long weekend to you! That's awesome. Let's see how many naps you can get :)
Got home last night and their van was in the driveway with the flashers on and the hood up. yippee. Dad was cleaning it out and must have turned the headlights on by accident. So the battery was dead. Big emergency, don't ya know...needed to go to Walmart for Polident. It' never as funny while it's happening as it is the next day :)
Good day to everyone.
As said before, I am leaving my Moms house to go back home to my family.
Mom wanted me to be her caregiver, a position I do not believe I can, or want to do.
Today, told Mom I was leaving, she said some mean things and told me to leave and never come back.
Well, Mom called me a little while ago, apologized, talked like the Mom I knew, but still got angry when I said I could not care for her properly at home.
Then she said it would be helpful if I could find her long-term care paperwork so they can pay for another 30 days in the nursing home.........................
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So, deep down she knows she shouldn't be home yet, but was bullying me to give in.
I tried to be very nice during the conversation, but you know, I do not like bullies.
M said no on the lady that interviewed yesterday, and I'm glad.. wasn't my decision tho the daughter did ask me what I thought...... oh Lord, what a question to ask ME... of course I told her what I thought.... that I didn't feel like the lady really wanted to work, that she may have thought it was just setting around watching TV and maybe fixing a meal.....but M is the one that said NO, so another girl coming in tomorrow.... either way, I get my long weekend... YeEEeEE Haaaaaaaa !!!! love ya'll
great news. Take the job!!!!!! These past few years have been very hard on many of us - getting back to your former income level is a great opportunity.
Of course, I paid for it. Last night, instead of being at the gym, I ran their errands...picked Dad up at the tire place, dropped off library books, bought buttons for Mom that she thought were on sale but aren't until Friday - but I had to run right over and get them before they ran out. Oh, back to real life.
Dad is not really better. He is only having one BM a day, which is an improvement. But it's still mostly liquid. It's been 4 days without his meds, and I expected to see more improvement if that's the cause. I think the going less is only because of the new pill they started him on. I'm going to email the doc tomorrow if things don't improve and make an appointment at the GI clinic. I'm also waiting for the C-pap people to call me back. he's lost so much weight, his mask doesn't fit right anymore. When it rains....
Cat-Good to see your Dad was out and about in his wheel chair. He seems to be settling in pretty well. Hugs.
Wanda-poohey on the broken car! My parents' van has been broken, too. It sucks. Hugs.
Caregiver - I was LMAO about the placement of the dead bug! Hope you do find a better job closer to you. Hugs.
Mary - blessings to you! Enjoy your normal life. Your family will be so happy to have you home. Hugs.
Vic-Glad you got some stable days. Any kind of normal is nice. Relax a bit when hubby gets home - I know you need it. Hugs.
Hope everyone is having a decent day, and if not, may angels hold you up.
Stormy..hang in there girl..try to take the day moment by moment. You are a loving daughter wife mother and sister. Prayers for you. Did you tell sis about your trip?
Mary..hope the drive has been good and the music cranked up!
ASG..sorry that cat took off..hope you and family doing ok.
Seeme..fur babies are having fun at your expense! Love ya girl.
Just me, my dog and all of my worldly possessions in the trunk of my car.
I won't even fuss about the road construction in So. Georgia (OMG!)
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Thinking of you all tonight........hope it's a good night for each of you!
There is a version of the California 5150 that you heard about with Britney Spears a few years ago - committing someone against their will.....................
Bankruptcy law is different here from any other state I have ever lived in or done business in - that is why OJ Simpson moved here after the murder trial...................
The medical care system here is, oh, I don't know the word, backassed, maybe?! .....................
Bulk healthcare, like going to Sams Club: generic, one size fits all, giant packs of toilet paper......
The people are very nice and friendly down here. Not Southern-nice, but Yankee nice, so pretty good. The water is beautiful. If you like warm weather, this is the place to be. Prices in this town are low. But it is not home and I am going home.......................
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By this Friday I will be sitting on the couch, cuddling with my littlest grandson, playing a game together on my laptop, interspersed with minor bouts of tickling and wrestling, excuse me, 'rastlin'.............................