This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Ladee Lou I love you!
And Seeme, Dyna wants to be just like Aunt Ladee when she grows up.... sorry..... you'll just be saying' tag,you're it' when Mike gets home from work....I know it's not funny to you, but it is to me and God knows I needed ya'll to make me laugh today...
Thanks ya'll, made me feel good, if she gets stupid this evening... oh hell yes, am working split shifts this week, while the NEW lady is on vacation.....I'll just tell her my AC friends appreciate me..... and do my best not to give her a one finger salute......
love and hugs... later....
*le sigh*
At night, I pull out all my art supplies and I paint, this helps me to relax. It also gives me something to do when all is quiet.
It is nice that someone is asking how we are all doing. No one knows how difficult this is....unless you are living it. God bless.
CAT when I was little my gramps had a beetle bug my granny hated so he would ask me to ride with him & one morning he had to unlock church so we went to leave and he seen a kitten that wondered down from momma cat and sib. from barn cat he told me to run put it over by tree we went on our way about hour my granny & mom and lil sis pulled up to church while I was standing there I heard a meow LOUD..... I told my granny my mom was afraid I guess what the poor thing looked like after the ride to church & one of the guys out there told my mom to pop the hood & me being nibby ran to look the lil booger was holding on 4 dear life on the windshied washer tank thing and so scared... It was a lil country church so we took him in with us & my sister fell in love & good thing when we went to barn momma had moved & never seen again so I guess that one got left behind....
Well, I took off across the parking lot and it was after work traffic so cars and carts were coming in every direction. My car door was open, my hood was up, my purse was on the seat and I was running around screaming Kissy, Kissy.
I was wearing a dress and heals. I was on my knees, with my ass in the air, looking under cars and calling Kissy Kissy. My husband said I was lucky I didn't make twenty bucks in that parking lot.
Eventually, I found her and the poor man who had helped me stayed on one side of a parked car while I was one the other. I was able to crawl a bit under the car (much slimmer in those days) and get a hold of her.
I held that cat to me and balled my eyes out. I was so afraid that she had been mangled. Thank God she just has a little cut on one toe. I took her home, fussed on her toe, and put her on our bed and laid down next to her and told her how sorry I was. Pretty soon she was purring and telling me it was ok.
My husband had found this cat when she was a tiny kitten. It was below freezing and he was on patrol that night and found her by a trash can. She was a sad case. So he put her in his jacket for warmth and brought her home with him. She was the dearest soul. We eventually lost her to feline leukemia, just when info about the disease was becoming known. She was a very special girl.
Oh, and one time, years later; I called JC Penney to see if their interior decorator could come out and give me some pointers for our bedroom. Had another cat at that time. Of course I made sure the room looked nice and the decorator showed up, looking absolutely perfect in every way. She was taking measurements and talking about window treatments and a bedspread that would match. All of a sudden a bulge in the bed presented itself. It began to move. I think I was as intrigued as the designer was horrified. We had a feather bed mattress top and my cat, China, had crawled up and under the bedspread and settled down in the comfort of the feather bed. Once she started moving, however, the cat was out of the bag. She made her way to the side of the bed and then jumped down onto the floor and walked out of the room.
The decorator was obviously NOT a cat person or an animal person. She was not amused in the least. I thought it was kind of funny, but she took the smile off my face and left in short order. Last time I ever called JC Penny.
Well, I have so many animal stories. Maybe I'll tell you about my owl someday. He would fly up the stairs after we went to bed and sit on top of the bedroom door. If you wiggled you toes, he would dive on them.
Truly, I don't live in a pig sty and never did, but this owl came to us not fully feathered and we had to raise it and then place it where it could learn to hunt with other barn owls. In the meantime, I just could not keep it couped up, even though it was in a huge cage. It just loved us and so sometimes we would let it stay in the house and fly around. I know it's wierd, but they aren't that messy. And it needed to fly. Ah, youth. Loved that owl and so did our vet. He would come to visit it.
Ok, enough of my blabbing. Love ya, Cattails
I gave her an ice cream cone! LOL LOL LOL..wat can i say.....i cant resist a pretty face........lol.....i love that crazy dog.........
i have 2 cats-elvis and costella(stella is what i call her), and
dasha, my 16yr old chow/lab mix-thank god they found me---
(i think animals choose us- rather than the popular belief that we pick them,maybe a little of both)
enjoy- and thanks again
love
k
It started out to b a pretty good morning....i was watering my dead flowers, and Lily lays on the grass....so majestic..like a lion. She has a thick mane around her neck n wen she sits very tall, she almost looks regal...until...........
The little,white kitty cat went running past her, n regal Lily sprinted off the lawn and was chasing that cat, to soon become prey!!! I, quickly turned and ran after Lily...with my left hand above my head( drs orders....LOL LOL), limping ,because i DONT run anymore, n screaming at the top of my lungs..LILY......STOP!!
O dont think she heard me because now my girlfriends car pulls up and shes helping her charge out of the car n into a walker..(yes,ladies,...a sister caregiver!!) n Lily starts running circles around this poor womans walker, all the while i'm screaming (hand above head,,,) for her to stop, but she wasnt done yet.....she sprints over to the next neighbors house, bcuz thats where her "boyfriend" lives....he's a 140lb Rotty n he n Lily have had this romance going for 7yrs now. Lily approaches the screen door n notices another dog in the house with her man. Oh sh*t.....u dont mess with Lilys man....so i hear horrible growling and snarling noises coming from there yard..thank God the screen door seperated all 3 dog from getting to each other bcuz that would have been horrific....I managed to grab Lily my the MANE around her neck, but, she got loose..Mind u...this sweet old woman is watching all this, hanging on to her walker for dear life, while my girlfriend stood in front of her so Lily wouldnt knock her down....but Lily wasnt done yet.....She proceeds to run into my girlfriends backyard n jumps in her swimming pool....u knw....do a few laps to get some frustration out....n while she was swimming, we managed to get the sweet lady into the house...safely.......I then go run towards the pool stairs where Lily is exiting n i reach for her one last time...but...she got away....she proceeded to run towards my friends front door......n took a big, nasty sh*t on her lawn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I retract wat i said earlier about the training between man n dog.....If that had been my hubby....he would have frozen in place after i yelled' STOP"......so....Lily is in a life-long time out.....she only gets chicken....no steak tonite.....tough love,tough love......
One of these days, you will be able to walk in, TELL your sister you have made arrangements for someone to help care for dad, and you are going to spend time with your family... if you are waiting for her permission, you aren't going to get it... she has her own convoluted agenda... has nothing to do with you....and you'll get there Stormy... you will... all this whole situation is telling you is.... it's time for something to change.... when we get to where what we are doing isn't working anymore, then time for something different.... you'll find your way.... this is not really about your dad... this is about Stormy finding her own voice..... so one day we will be reading a post from you that starts.... I AM STORMY, HEAR ME ROAR....Hang in there kid, you have support here.... keep on until your answer presents itself....you can do this, and do what is right for you and your family....
Wish I could give you some of my 'f**k you' attitude, maybe we'd both have a balance then... keep on keepin on, you're getting there.....hugs to you this morning.
Burned, am hearing something different coming from you, maybe hearing a little more 'fight' to get it right....??? What's right for YOU, not what others think you should be doing.... none of us have walked in your shoes... and I know people don't understand, but sometimes... sometimes.... there is just no way out of what is going on.... at least temporarily.... and like Stormy, you'll stop waiting for your family to help or understand or be present for you.... this is the hard part of growing up... you look up and realize it's all up to you to make the changes that are going to make you reasonably happy in your life.... and it takes time and circumstances to get us there.... you can do this Burned... you just don't know it yet, but you will... life will teach you, that YES, you can do this... whatever 'This' is for you. No one else, but for you....
Ok, I am going to get on with my reasonably happy day.... love ya'll.