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Ohio, yep, I live in Texas.... have traveled all over the place, but always end up back "home'... and Notlike, maybe one day we really will get to meet, it is talked about on so many threads, and a few do get to meet, wouldn't that be awesome to have that kind of situation where we could all meet.... of course it would have to be scattered from places , times and seasons..... we couldn't all go off at the same time and leave our elders, maybe if we did, others would have to step up... nahhhh, it'd just be us flying back home to get them out of NHs.....
Your poor mom... I swear you need to ask her questions if she has relatives in Tx.... I am almost positive she is M's sister..... no matter what i present to M, whether it be about dinner, giving S a tylenol, or should i make brownies, I am met with why it won't work.... by this past Fri. I was at the rolling my eyes stage...and even slammed a door... not that is a warning, the door slamming....next is the going outside to smoke and think, then we have the TALK....... am so tired of trying to raise M to respect her caregiver....lol....
I really paid attention to the tireder I got , the less patient I was, the less I was able to problem solve in a quick and meaningful way, did a lot of deep sighing while I was waiting for S to do his OCD shirt tucking and hand drying..... but I did the deep sigh reaaaalllll slow so he wouldn't know I was getting agitated..... would never want to hurt his feelings.... M on the other hand, Iet her see me getting upset, then she calms down with some of her whining..... I feel like a babysitter of Frick and Frack.... I practically danced to my car Fri. afternoon..... that's why ya'll haven't heard from me... just needed to sleep and not think about anything for a few hours.....
Notlike, I am sorry your dad is still having problems....let us know what you have to go to get some results..... and ignore mom if you can... I know you are tired and worried and our wall comes down a little when we are like that, and the stupid stuff slimes over the top and contaminates us..... so hang in there... take care of dad, and mom is going to be mom... damnit....
For everyone else, I'll try to get caught up. if not just know I love ya'll and you are each in my prayers......

The good news for the week... SEEME GOT HER FURBABIES TODAY..... she said she would post her avatar pic of them.... can't wait...For those of you who don't know, they are 8 wk. old Old English Sheepdogs...... I'll let her tell ya'll the details, she's a proud mama tonight..... hugs across the miles to all of you...
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Served Dad his first Ensure shake tonight. I am running out of tricks to keep him healthy. This is five weeks now with the diarrhea! He was alittle better after resting his bowels for the colonoscopy, but he's gotten worse again as the week has gone on. He has little appitie and barely eats. I was talking to Mom, trying to be possitive and say how well we've done keeping him out of the hospital. Her big concern was that if he gets admitted, he will want someone there with him all day, and how would we do that? Good Lord, I wanted to throttle her! Like she's so busy she couldn't sit with him in the hospital??? We better get some answers this week, because this can't go on for much longer.
Mom's brain scan came back clear. No new tumors. Apparently, they haven't perfected personality transplants yet, but I will sign her up for the first one available.
My foot is still swollen and many shades of purple. I have one pair of shoes that fit. Yipee, not.
Peach-hope you find some help through social services. Be open to what they have to offer - you never know what might work out.
OhioGal-Okay, I'll bite. I live in Franklin, Wisconsin. It's a suburb of Milwaukee, about 2 hours north of Chicago. Someday, I am going to make it to Texas to visit Ladee, so maybe I can visit all the caregivers on my way :)
Hope everyone's week ends peacefully this weekend. Hugs.
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Hi Peach, you sound so much more confident! I'm so glad that we all were able to help you and your mom.

I'm a shortcut worker...okay..I'm lazy. But a messy house does bother me, especially if an unannounced visitor arrives (to visit the parents). So, to avoid Excess Working, I do things to cut down my housework. I have these small wastebaskets strategically placed all over where my parents bed and visitors sit. I hate to take those extra steps to handcarry the visitor's mess to the kitchen. So, nobody has an excuse Not to throw their mess on the wastebasket next to them. (Doesn't work all the time, though..) I have tissues/napkins all over the place too (so that you can wipe the mess quickly.) I have a small broom in each room (including the restroom, which also has a standing dustpan) for any quick sweeping of the room. I have found that if you do these quick clean-ups, it doesn't get so bad that you get frustrated that the house is a mess and the "Gosh, where do I start?!" Because when housework gets that bad, I don't clean. Younger sis will have to come in and do her famous "spring cleaning" which usually means Everything is Thrown Out!!! And there i am running around saying, "don't throw that, I might need it" or "No, that was expensive." Get it? To avoid sis from coming in, I do my best to keep the house decent. Sigh...
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Bookwork, I know what you mean. Even though my feet reached the floor, I felt really vulnerable and small! I was glad that the EMT was very nice to me though.

She's on a lot of medication right now, which is making her bones a little fragile, I think. Thank goodness, she's slowly weaning off most of them though. I'll definitely try to get her to incorporate more calcium-rich foods though.

I'm relieved to read that I'm not the only one who isn't perfect about housework. I'll remember your words about it, too. "It's better that the housework suffers instead of us."

Beckncall53, thank you for your understanding and support. I've locked myself in the bathroom a few times as well to have a good cry. While we were waiting to hear from the doctor, my mom said that I looked like I was going to burst into tears. I said I was, and she told me to go ahead. I didn't though. I don't want to cry in front of her. It'll only make her feel worse (she feels so guilty that I take care of her). It's nice to have so much support here.

Today is going a little better. She's not showing a lot of signs of shortness of breath anymore. She's taking it VERY easy, like she said she would for me, which is allowing me to have a break, believe it or not. It's a rainy day, so I think she'll be sleeping a lot today.

A lot of people here suggested I contact social services. I did talk to my mom about it. I don't know what we'd qualify for, but she seemed interested in maybe being able to qualify for therapy. She really needs some support too. Thanks to everyone for the advice.

I hope everyone is having a good day, or rather, the best day you can have. You all are in my thoughts.
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That is what we need. Where is everyone from? You can guess by my name that I am in Ohio, USA near Lake Erie Shores.
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Oooops....Cat...i dont think i can make it to WA....but i sure would love to.....
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Cat......u 2 ladies r killin me over here!!!!!! Im going to meet Sharyn at my business in manteca on monday....isn't that great???...Ok, Cat....where am i meeting u???? LOL
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I would love to meet you too cattails, do you ever come down this way??
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Hey Beck and Sharyn: Did you know I use to live in Visalia? Small world.
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beckncall53~Did you know we are neighbors...I live in Manteca!! Small world neighbor♥
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cadarn~I am going through my second round with a parent with Alzheimer's. It is heartbreaking to watch their decline. When my father was in a NH, I would talk with him as if he didn't have Alzheimer's. I updated him on my children and all the grandkids, show pictures from the distant past, and look at nature magazines (he loved the outdoors). I helped me to talk with him just like we always did even if he didn't respond. One day while visiting, he sat in a chair sleeping as I talked with him. After 20 minutes, I gave him a kiss and said I was going to leave now. As I walked away, he said, "Don't go". I didn't think he knew I was there...but he did. I felt so happy that he could hear me even though he didn't respond. What I am trying to say is that if you keep a picture of your mother in your mind as she was before Alzheimer's, talk with her as usual, not only do you see that she will always be your loving, generous mother no matter what, but you can find many things to relate to her about when you visit. It's quality time with her even if she doesn't respond to you. I don't know what is causing your guilt. Is it because you feel you have to be there everyday and if you miss a day, you feel you have let her down? Your mother sounds like she is a loving, giving soul and she would understand you need a day now and then to take care of yourself. I know that grieving the loss of your mother as Alzheimer's advances is difficult. If you need a day to nurture your emotional well being, it is best that you do that so you can be there for your mother in the long run. Therapy is also a safe place to work on the guilt if it is too much to bear. Talking on this site also helps because you have lots of support from people going through similar situations. Crying is actually good to release your pain. I am not a therapist, but it does sound to me like you are grieving more than feeling guilt. Keep coming here and sharing your feelings as it will help you. Be as kind and gentle to yourself as you are to your mother♥!!
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I can tell that you love your mother greatly and miss the person she was before her dementia which will only get worse as I've seen with my own mother. It sounds to me like you are already grieving the loss of your mother which is understandable. I also think that you are needlessly beating yourself up with guilt. You have not done anything to feel guilty about. Maybe you could find a dementia support group where you could talk about your feelings with people who are having the same type of experiences that you are having or consider going to see a therapist which is not a sign of weakness, but a good choice for help when needed.
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My mother is in a nursing home /rehab facility. She has been there since January. Prior to thatt she lived with my family for about 8 years. She was a wonderful mother to me and I love her beyond any thing ; I visit her everyday. Sometimes it isn't easy to get out there. Would I be awful if I don't visit her everyday. Today my husband went without me. Her dementia really gets me down. I feel so guilty if I don't see her everyday. Yet I know she doesn't remember. Does anyone have thoughts that might help me with the guilt? I cry all the time as I miss my mother.
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Cat...it was so nice to read ur post about the beautiful day u spent with hubby. I bet that felt a lil strange, considering u use to watch hubby from the window, wishing u could b out there joining him. The most simple n mundane of tasks can take on something completely different wen we jst pay attention......i was jealous of ur "moment with the mower"...so, I thought i would recreate that moment for myself...it went something like this: It happened to be a beautiful afternoon here in Stockton, n i was admiring my garden while my dog, Lily, followed close behind...I noticed that i should probably mow the lawn...my hubby would b sooooo happy to come home to a freshly cut lawn, so i took on the challenge..I noticed that Lily had left a "present" on the lawn, so i proceeded to go clean it up bfore i began mowing. I went to get that trusty ole pooper scooper, n with a smile on my face, i began to scoop away....Well.. i couldnt get the scooper to scoop the poop, so i went n got a shovel, instead. I am now smearing poop all over my beautiful green lawn, n i can feel myself starting to get irritated...this wasnt how my "lovely, outdoor moment" was suppose to unfold......It now became..........this damn pile of dog sh*t that i could not get off the lawn, so.......i turned the lawn mower on n mowed that f-n pile of dog sh*t over............ AND........ mowed the lawn for hubby.....My blood pressure is 160/98....but, damn it, im still smiling!!!!!!! lol......wat can i say, Cat....i wanted an ending more like urs.....oh well....i really tried..thanx for the idea....lol....hugs

Burned....i hope u find some peace for urself at some point...only u can b the one that makes that happen..God Bless

Peach,,,so glad to see u r posting....this is good!! Im sry u went thru such a scare with ur mom, but thank God it was nothing more serious. I understand that feeling u speak of when u say u cant take much more. Between the mnths of Oct thru Feb. of this year, i was in the ER with my dad for 8 separate hip dislocations...each time we got thru it, i would lock myself in the bathroom for a while to have a good cry, bcuz i jst didnt think i could do it again....but..i made it thru, n u will to...Besides the fact that u have youth on ur side...it does help. As sole caregiver, u know, as well as all of us here, that these days happen more than not...Hang in there,sweet girl....n dont forget wat i told u.....wen things become overwhelming, n u want to harm urself.....POST FIRST....give us the 1st opportunity to get u thru it...love ya,girl

Hope everyone had a productive day, n i hope u all have a beautiful weekend..huge hugs, sisters..
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Hi Peach, I too had my first ambulance ride this year for my mom (her stomach tube came out.) I'm under 5 ft tall. So, when I had to buckle up, my legs were dangling. There was no armrest. Can you believe, I felt more vulnerable on that ambulance than I would have on a regular car? If we had an accident, I would have nothing to hang on to and my legs would have no floor to keep me steady. Hated the ride.

Sorry to hear about your mom. Have you checked with her primary doctor if your mom has brittle bones? Sometimes, people with brittle bones would have fractures from a minor/slight injury. Or if she's taking some kind of medicine that is leaching the calcium from her bone - and now it's brittle? Just a thought.....

With regards to housekeeping, may I say that I am a Terrible Housekeeper. I have No Time to sweep, mop, sanitize my house to perfection. I prepare dinner. I'm sooo tired, I just rinse the food off the plates, and leave it for the next morning - when I'm more energetic (compared to being tired from a full day's work.) The house does not Have to clean all the time, the dishes doesn't Have to be washed right now, the bathroom doesn't Have to be spotless all the time. As caregivers, we are not perfect. Something has to give. It's better that the housework suffers instead of US. Just prioritize what is important Now and what can be done for Later. Hope your mom heals faster. Maybe give her a lot of calcium-enrich food (which includes calcium fortified Orange juice, canned sardines (with the bone), tuna, etc...Try to insert these on your daily meals so that her bones heal faster. Take care!!
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Darcy, I agree with seeme. I'd make a copy of that letter and frame That copy. I would keep the original safe with my other valuable mementos. I know exactly how you feel when a Family Member actually praises you. One morning, I was so frustrated with parents, I sent a nasty text to family next door ("borrowed" without asking me!) After I text it, I calmed down, and then felt soooo bad. I sent an apology text to all and explained what triggered my nastiness. Sil text back that she understood and that I'm a good person under pressure. I cried...I still have that text. Too bad I can't print it and frame it!

Ohio, thanks for updating. It's very difficult for you to "protect" mil since you are not a blood relative. (Here, hospital wants blood relative and not sil when mom going in ER.) I can see your frustration especiall since husband is not following through with all your hardwork. Every person has a limit on how much they are willing to fight for their marriage, their relationship, etc... You haven't reached that stage. You will continue to fight for your mil (who mistreats you but whom you also love) and your marriage (cuz you love your husband). I understand (sis was like that with her bf). I wish I could give you pointers but it's very difficult for a non-blood relative to do much with the mil. Very Difficult!!! Hugs to you!!
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Hello again, everyone. I hope everyone is alright today, staying healthy and taking care of themselves.

My mom was taken to the ER again, only I came with her this time. (My first ambulance ride would've been more exciting had it been under different circumstances.) She was complaining of shortness of breath, so we were worried she had punctured her lung, because of her broken rib. She had another x-ray which showed that her lung is just fine, that the fracture was very small and low risk for developing into a more serious issue, and so they gave her a dose of Oxycodone and sent her home.

I've never been more scared in my life. I was terrified that she really had punctured her lung, and was afraid I'd lose her at home or lose her if she had to have emergency surgery. She didn't even want to go to the ER, but I begged her to go. I'm so glad it was nothing serious, but not so thrilled because she was ordered to take it really easy (she did a lot of housework early this morning when I was still asleep!), so now I'm basically in charge of everything. I hope and pray nothing else goes wrong. Neither of us can take much more.
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Burned: That was one of the things I was talking about. You being "very forward and blunt to the point that it scares most people." If you could get some pointers from your therapist on how to handle situations that arise without alienating people it would open more doors for you. Think of the job you want at the school. Think of the people you "have" to work with in your day to day life. You can be firm without ending relationships with people that you need to get along with. That's what I was meaning when I said, "What your project outward is often what you will receive in return."

Again, I'm not talking about the drug addict next door or your extended family. I'm talking about people who can be helpful to you if you can better communicate your needs.

Cattails
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I appreciate all of ur concern for me but as one person said its like the hamster on the wheel going going and not stopping itself. I may be in a dark spot but I am not fully in the heart of darkness. I have lost everything all dear to me my family and now what I am doing. I do hold myself accountability for my actions and do not self indulge in liquor all the time which is what I want to make clear and I do not abuse my medications either. I do not go out ask for pills like a certain neighbor who has crossed the lines and made clear to her that i do not want her influence around my children. I have taken my own personal steps fighting the idea of drinking and limiting it so forth. I rarely get appreciated by husband family for what i do and demanded to cite his health when they refuse to keep in touch. Its not my job anymore. I know I am grieving for my grandma patsy still and grieving for the loss of a relationship with my siblings& barely solid relationship with my own family...so I am not throwing out anger or pity. I am just being honest with myself most of the time and I am clear minded besides very forward & blunt to the point it scares most ppl but not my husband or the few friends I have so I will continue to be strong and find a way to not let some ideas by themselves become an addiction because I am not addict. I am on the tip of a melting iceberg that is getting smaller. As I have also stated before we all come from different walks of life and no one can wear the shoes we wear or sacrifice as much as we have to do what is necessary for our loved ones and the ones outside of our realm rarely have the patience to see what we daily. Pls continue to pray that I get the job at the school and also increase in hrs as my husband caregiver
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Darcy, I would frame that letter and hang it where I walked by it every day. A wonderful, appreciative letter!!! Those are few and far between.....never got one myself from either of my brothers.......not even sure they know how to write!!!!!
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So tired here. Confused. I have just withdrawn from being online for awhile - I feel like the hamster running the wheel every day, nothing gets accomplished. I work so hard to find avenues - but it just seems to be pointless. My husband does not follow through and his sister is now battling us, taking assets from mother-in-law but doesn't help me here (seems daughter feels mom is her cash cow)
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I got a lovely letter from my brother thanking me for what I do for our parents! He said he only hopes that his 3 girls will do 1/10th of what I do for our parents when he and his wife get old. I thought that was about the nicest thing I have heard in a LONG LONG LONG time. (I really am pathetic, huh!) But I will take it and smile. I have learned to appreciate the little things in life and am nearly dancing with joy... after the battles with my sisters, this was much needed.
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Cat, glad to hear u had a great day, u deserve to have ur heart sing! Hope today is as great or better! Ladee and rioblu hang in there. Peach- self harm is not the only way to exert control of ur world, all areas in US r supposed to have services available at low or no cost-seeking out some therapy care and some respite services are more adaptive ways to gain some control. New coping skills are possible and worth the effort. You r alive, important, and more able to find support than u may realize. I know caregiving can be more than overwhelming--what can u do to care more and better for ur self?? U deserve that, make it happen.
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Rioblu, the breathing technique is a great idea bookworm n it does help for I try to do it at least 10 times before I left to Florida while both my parents were in hospital at once. Rioblu, try to focus on driving n take a break if you need to get yourself together n listen to some music for it will help a bit. You and your Aunt are in my prayers n try to breathe. Keep us posted.
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rioblu, I just saw another thread of the aunt and what to do with your mom - about 21 hrs ago! I just now found this most updated version. I guess you couldn't find anyone to give your mom the shot? Just be careful and drive carefully. Remember to take the slow deep inhale breathe, Hold, then slowly exhale from the mouth. This will help control your stress and concentrate on the driving! I will keep an eye for any updated posts....Hugs!
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Burned, I worry a bit about you for I lost my mom due to taking medication n drinking alcohol. I am not saying and please don't take it wrong for that you are doing it a lot but please don't mix those two together. I can never just go over to visit my mom again and your children need and love you very much even if you growing a gray hair. Please talk with someone n see if their is some can help give you a break. You deserve a much needed a break even if its only for a day. Back to the gray hair, look at it as your naturally frosting your hair without the $$$. I have a few myself and I did say a few. You are loved by so many people on this site and don't forget.
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Check-in - I am stressed. Trying to work & was just called this am that my Aunt who is 95 & is in a Nursing Home is not doing well. Hard to focus @ work. I told them to take her to the E/R for evaluation - I live out of town from where she is & will travel there after work with my Mom. stresssssss. It is so hard to work when things happen & you are worried and can't be right there with the person.
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Hey everyone, thanks for missing me, am just having a down day, that doesn't happen often, so I usually just ride it out, it will gone by tomorrow..... just tired , bored and when I get bored, Jam calls me the thread Problem Child, so will give ya'll a break ...... love ya'll and made me feel good I was missed.... hugs and angels....
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Hi Kimbee: I had a better than ok day today. I had one of the best days I've had in ages. It was pure heaven. I walked with my neighbor this morning and am getting back into the exercising every morning. When I got back, I went outside with my hubby and picked up dog poop. Then I got on the riding mower (hubby got on his too) and we mowed. This is a 5 hour job for one person and I was so thrilled to be able to be outside and getting some of the burden off of his back. I love to mow and be outdoors and this was such a beautiful day.

So often, I would be inside, watching him mow from the window and feeling bad because he has to pick of the slack of taking care of this place. Now we can be partners again and work together and help each other.

It makes my heart sing. Love to all, Cattails.
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Hi Cat, hope you had an ok day today. Feeling any better? If you posted earlier here, I'm sorry if I missed it. Just want you to know, thinking about you still, and sending some of that white light back to you.

And yes: Ladee where ARE you? Loved the post about our lost naked chicken! Hope you are ok. We can't go too long without hearing from either of you two great women! Night, kimbee
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