The Caregiver... How are YOU doing today?

Just feeling depressed today.... Hope tomorrow is better. Hugs stormyy

I am so glad to have found this site. I find it encouraging and refreshing to see others are going through the same trials and tribulations.... Somehow that does seem to help me cope. Thank you for sharing! Darcy

Wow ladee, your son is very fortuate n a miracle he is even live. He sounds like a very strong person. Already putting pressure on his leg that is great progress. Taking care of your s and your m and working is a lot n takes a lot of WOMAN n MOM, you go girl but try to remember to listen to your body when it needs a small break n that goes for everyone else here too. I hope everyone has a great night for I have to get off for my glasses r irratating my poor tener nose.

Well hello there Beck, thought you had forgotten about us, WE aren't too busy or too tired to post, excuses, excuses..... hmmmmm.....
And step away from the knife, lay it down and step away... it's going to be ok, and at least you and mom were laughing by the time you got off the phone... and hey, is it a full moon any time soon...???? S has been very restless and we had a long conversation today about the 'turkeys' in the yard...... there were no turkeys that I saw , but he did, so we just talked turkey..... ohhhh that was just wrong wasn't it.... lol......
So, it's been a long day, I'm tired, picked up the wrong end of my cigarette while ago, burned fingers.... so think I will call it a day..... maybe it was the talking about the funny cigarettes that had me confused..... and before anyone gets on a roll (LOL) here, it's a JOKE.... I haven't smoke anything fun in over 28 years..... no wonder I'm so cranky...... hugs across the miles to you all....

lildeb, rioblu thought it was funny, it made her laugh, so she needed that laughter and apparently is a good sport...... we hope she comes back and joins in on the silliness...
My son was in a bad car accicent the first part of April, many broken bones a crushed leg, ribs, shoulder blade, arm..... he is actually starting to put some weight on the crushed leg now that he is finally able to do PT..... it was a bad wreck.... and it's taken almost four months for him to get back on his feet... I'll let him know you asked about him.. even tho he was in and out while in the hospital, he knew all of ya'll were pulling for him and helping me to do what mama's do....He still has a long long ways to go, but better everyday. thanks for asking....
that's part of the reason I have been so tired.... tend to M and S, some days work split shifts, and in between tending to son... Dr's appt, ect.... and the heat is killing me....
Hope you feel better soon, I could just see the dog shaking the water off, but bet it felt good as hot as it is.....
Yeah, you are WOMAN hear you roar.... funny...... hugs to you....

I was given a reminder by my dear friend, Ladee, that i havent posted for a while on the thread, so i am taking her advice n checking in with everybody.

I always read every post that appears on the thread, i jst run out of steam alot faster these days....Please forgive me, u know i love u all.

I spent today doing the parents shopping, post office errands, banking, etc...etc...
Im managing to get things done with my good hand, but it has been a challenge. The recovery of my left hand has been quite difficult, but im sure it hasnt helped that i have resumed all my caregiving responsibilities...but it jst has to be this way, n im doing the best i can.

Dad was so confused today. I cant imagine wat goes on is his mind when he gets this way. All i kno to do is to follow his lead, and talk him thru watever has him confused or agitated. He seems to be walking (with a cane) much better since we took him in for cortisone shots in both knees. It looks like i will have to get him to the ortho dr again, soon, for an epidural shot in his lower back. He's in constant pain with either one or the other, n it breaks my heart.

After i did all the errands, i went home n my phone was ringing...so i ran in to grab it......it was dad!!!!! I had jst barely pulled into my driveway, n he calls me.....again. He wanted to kno wat time i had taken mom to breakfast that morning....I said.."Dad, mom never left the house this morning...she's been right there with u all morning." He didnt believe me....suddenly...i hear my mom pick up the other line......O,hell, no.......not this again!!! She proceeds to tell him he's crazy, then he spews back for her to get off the line,"IM TALKING TO MELINDA".....then she yells back....."MELINDA DOESNT WANT TO LISTEN TO ALL YOUR CRAZY TALK, SO LEAVE HER ALONE!!" I just stayed silent, listening to them going back n forth, while i quietly sharpen the small knife that lay on my kitchen counter....Should i jst slice my own throat, no.....maybe just a firm push in the direction of my weary heart might do the trick....i was deep in thought on my plan of escape, n suddenly my day dream comes to an abrupt halt....'MELINDA.....R U LISTENING TO UR FATHER?. HE'S MAKING ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE AND I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE. WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSE TO DO?...THAT'S IT.....I DONT WANT TO LIVE ANYMORE....JST KILL ME NOW N KEEP UR DAD AT YOUR HOUSE."...

Well.........jst how does one respond to such a call????......Here's wat i've decided is best..............A DIRECT HIT TO THE HEART....!!!!!!!! I managed to calm them both down, n as my mother posed her final question to me, "WHAT R WE GOING TO DO, MELINDA?" My answer....."Laugh, mom........its jst u n me.........jst laugh!"
U know wat??....That's exactly how we left each other after the conversation.....laughing..Whew!!! don't kno how many more of those i have left in me....so...i'll just keep sharpening my little knife...jst in case...LOL

Notlike...so happy to hear the news about dad, but i kno u still have a long wait ahead. Ur always in my prayers....stay strong..ur awesome....huge hugs
Seeme...so glad ur home safe....if u can get to CA.....i have a joint with ur name on it....LOLOLO...THAT is jst a joke.......................cuz i smoked it already..in ur honor, of course......love ya, girl

Burned....ur a lucky lady, my dear....u have many people who care about u on this thread...i hope their posts do not fall on deaf ears....be careful....hugs

Ladee..once again...i love ya more than my luggage!!! (I really love my luggage, n i dont even travel......WTF....)

I keep all of u in my thoughts everyday...u have become sisters to me....how many woman can say they have sisters all across the country??? U have all brought such blessings into my life with ur support, encouragement, wisdom, sensitivity, compassion......n most of all....laughter.............thanku, from the bottom of my soul....bcuz my heart is temporarily OUT OF BUSINESS!!!!!!! LOL

notlikemom, You are right that your dad needs to be able to eat n have a normal bowel movement before running up/down the stairs. Good Grief! he has to feel miserable. His poor rear ort to be very sore with loose bowls all the time and for so long. Im glad to hear no cancer but you mention couple of ulcer n hopefully they can give him something to help heal those. btw, don't ever consider yourself as an ungrateful daughter for you go way beyond as a loving, caring n concern daughter. So get that crap out of your head.... You r a great person n don't ever second guess that okay.

Seemeride, 16 trailers of stuff n $4000 on a 2-day yard sale, boy u did have some stuff to sell. wow! You were soooooooooooo lucky to get that little nappy poo. jk. Our mosquito our consider our state bird. ; ) sorry u were attack n please make sure you get well hydrated n some rest.

Ladee, you r so bad... laughing at that poor newby caregiver. Well, at least you gave her some tips. She will have to learn the rest as she goes for I probable wouldn't give her all the tips either. Because if that was the case, you might as well be their n getting paid for it. Hey, maybe u should start charging for counseling. Is your son okay for you mention he had two appointments? I hope he is okay n it just a regular routine check up.

Rioblu, yes please come back n you can vent a whole lot better than that little bit. I bet u have a lot to say. Let us get to know you n your caregiver experience that is what we r here for, to listen n try to help out. Hang in there.

As for me, still going with this allergy crap n seems to be like a head cold as well. Craop, crap, crap. But, I was determine to see if I could work it out of my system, dumb idea. Well, at least the carpet is clean, I ,mopped the bathroom n kitchen n had to go back where the mnl had to track foot prints just to look at that window out of 20 others in another room she had to walk on wet floor. ah.. Got her fed n full n she wander in her room. I got a shower as well while giving the 3 dogs a bath with the water hose in the back yard. That Belgin Shepard kept shaking the water off every time I try to soak him without getting his head wet n before I could even get the dog shampoo on he is shaking again. Ah! At least I had a leash on him n did I mention he don't like his big toes to be touch. He is a big head dog baby. While I finally got him going good with shampoo here come the othe dog running around as if she was laughing at him so, here he goes again giving me another shower. I finally got big head dog-Connor done n got the other two as well. I got this all done while mnl was taking one of those naps that she don't take. But heaven forbid if I try to get one, no,no, no....
Tomorrow is a whole new fresh day... Oh, I get 4 hr respite break if I can get her out the door n I am sure as hell going to try. That way I can go through her room n clean it up a bit n pick up all those beads that came from her necklace that is all in a drawer n all over place. Stil have this stupid what ever I have but aI think it getting better. As long as I am not running a temp over 100 I am good for I am WOMAN! ; )

Vic got the COW PATTIE!!!!!! YEAH!!!!

I am doing a lot of paperwork today......trying to keep donation receipts, toll charges, refunds to sibs for money spent on the houses........little ole bookkeeper, me..... at least I did it for a living, so if hubby won't move any papers, I have it organized.

I feel just as tired as I did when I had mom living here. All the long hours.......no more than 6 hrs of sleep when the sitter was here........I am trying so hard not to take a nap today. I laid down and hubby called before I could fall asleep. Good thing, I guess, as he would have been jealous.

For those of you who do your thing all day with little or no rest, please know I have been there, done that, and you are my heros......love to all of you.

Oh Darcy he started drainge when he woke up the other day. He has had sinus problems for years. Drainage isn't usually during or after eating as it is already there. We have had some colds around here lately ..hoping this is the problem but will be more alert to what you are saying.

Thanks Darcy! I will keep an eye on him. Nurse took a urine sample this am and checked his lungs they sounded good to him. Dad has appt wi hematologist today..and procrit shot. Thanks again..like ladee said something to add to areaenal.

Darcy, thanks for the info, so much to learn here..... something for me to add to my knowledge, didn't know this....
Just got off work, M in alot of pain today, but won't have to have transfusions this week, so she can rest now... S very confused today and telling me about the turkeys outside the window..there were NO turkeys outside..... found out they cancelled his appt with his geriatrician, so when he is seeing turkeys in the bedroom I'll get to say I told you so....
gonna rest for a few minutes then take son to one of his Dr's..... can't wait for this day to be over.... love ya'lll

Vic, that is great... I hope it is just a bit of a cold.... but I think you missed my point. Most people with swallowing disorders do NOT have problems with solids... and it is a SILENT aspiration with liquids...NO Coughing... just clear nasal drainage as the first symptom. Yes, the nose can become red as well. I am glad if this is not your problem, but nothing you have said would convince me different. I am NOT diagnosing anything, just saying from what you said this sounds like a possibility. Most people don't know what they are seeing until it develops into pneumonia. I just like to open peoples eyes before it goes that far. A very real problem that probably 30% of the geriatric population suffers from in some degree or another.

Burned~If you take the time to read what others have posted you would find out that many of us (myself included) were raised by alcoholic parents and abused. I don't think you are at a place in your life where you are looking for solutions. Take care♥

Good Morning.....just wanted to check in and say hello and to welcome the new posters......glad you feel that you have found a place of comfort and support, there are some terrific care givers here! Have been reading and keeping up with everyone, there just hasn't been anything of interest here to report. Still hotter than the hinges of Haiti....:).......Target getting better every day and the col still in her own little world.........and I have a completed shower, so all is good.....except the pond I guess. My son and dil are on a frantic fishing expedition and tomorrow will be a catfish and bass feast here, last night he caught a 6lb catfish and a 3lb bass.
notlike......I am so relieved to hear no CA for Dad.....and I have to agree with ladee that maybe it's time to relieve some of your stress and tell Mom to stop being so harsh. Maybe if she knows she has reached the limit she will stop. Are you a July baby too? Guess we celebrated together and didn't know it....:)
burned.....no one here is judging you about the drinking......we all worry about you, that's all. We know you have a tough time of it and need some type of stress reliever.
ladee.....your comment about your hair reminds me of the new Temptations cat food commercial.....the one in the office and the guy with the fuzzy boots that he says are his cats.....what a hoot!

Sending angels to watch over all of you today............

Morning everyone.... rioblu, glad to see you have found a place to come put your caregiving burdens.... welcome....
Too much to do today, not enough hours in the day sometimes.... and I need to get a haircut... feels like a furry animal is setting on my head.... that would be ok if it talked, then I could freak out some folks, but noooo, it just sets there looking like a crappy hair day.....
Love to you all, later....

I feel better today now that I have found this place to come to - to talk and de-stress!

here is the clue in on why i am drinking slightly more than I use to. I grew up wtih 2 alcoholic fathers. I have forgiven them for the abuse they had taken out on us kids when we are children. I control how much I do drink and its not out of control. I have difficulty sleeping now with all that I have to do. I use it to help me sleep but even I have had keep wine coolers in my fridge for 3 months or longer before i pop the top. I know what drinking does and I only drink after my kids are in bed..it is a rule I established when i first became pregnant and essentially I have become the single parent most of the time nearly 24-7 including taking care of my husband. I barely have a social life and very few friends that i call family and family that views me less than when I was protecting my siblings but in the end i get trash talked to for telling the truth. I agree that is not good but its not like i am sucking 24 pk of beer every day . I can and have been able to curb it successfully, I am not offended by anything said here I have very tough and thick skin. I can say this much I do not own a vehicle so i am not driving drunk..walking drunk sometimes lol but that is rare. You can take what I say in any light you have but God knows my plate is heavy and full to the max. I essentially have no space or enjoyment anymore. My therapist know what i just told ya and trust me ...I am fine just tired of being in the same situation between a rock and a hard place. I do get regular check in from another place so i am getting support i need and i am keeping everything good. So ur welcome to judge but how many of you been in my shoes and knowing that one drink wouldnt hurt before bed. Laughter is good medicine and so is honesty. SO yes I look both ways stil and my life is generally contentenment but other days are not so good but i make it thru somehow and I appreciate ur support.

Rioblu, sorry you have not had a break or even time to process anything after your fathers passing.... this is the place to bring that full head, heavy heart and hurting back..... some on here haven't had a break in years... so beleive me when I say we understand.... hope we see you again.... hugs

LOL @ ladee. Thank you. I'm a 43 yr old caregiver - almost losing my mind -caring for my 91 yr old mother. My father just passed away last month & I have not had a break (day off from caregiving) since March 13, 2012.

rioblu, you can't run far with that extra weight, so setting at the computer telling us what's going on is your best deal..... come back and let us get to know ya..... and we all need a break, so beleive me when I say , WE UNDERSTAND.... as Jam says, we'll leave the light on for ya.... hugs....
Peach, you've come to the right place to lay it down for a little while... and yah, we know about sleeping and not feeling rested.... that's the worst thing to feel... so come back and visit.... there's room here for a lot more crazy caregivers.... did I say crazy.... oh, must have been talking about myself..... hugs....

I am BURNED OUT - NEED A BREAK & glad I found this forum. I have gained 15lbs. I want to run away, =)

Notlike, that is great news!!!!! I know that is one less thing to wear out your heart... and mom.... well, if you would just let me come set with her for a day or two, most of your problems would be solved.... I remember when you first started posting, and you saying you were saving up for the times you really needed to stand your ground with her... this is one of them... about your dad..... what's the worst that's going to happen, she's gonna get mad..... ???? So F'n what!!!! I know that all of you that have a parent like Notlike's Mom, well, you all have more patience than i do.......It has taken awhile with M, but the atmosphere around there is totally different...... I think her thinking me asking for help with the caregiving, and her thinking I was leaving, was a wake up call for her.... Never even entered my mind she would interpret it as a threat.....and of course she is doing to the new girl what she did to me for so long..... the girl called tonight.... upset.... oh great, now I get to be her counselor.....the girl is new to the field of caregiving, so if she can manage M, she'll have earned her stripes in the life of a caregiver....When I started laughing, she got upset, said, 'this is NOT funny', I said "yes, it IS, she is doing it to YOU and not to ME"... HA HA.... and then of course peeled her off the walls, gave her some tips, and got off the phone as fast as I could.... as Lisa would say on another thread...NOT MY PROBLEM....
Seeme, can't wait to hear all the stories..... and let us know when you will be getting the puppies..... I can't wait and I don't even get to pet them....
Well, long day tomorrow, work, then two Dr's appt for son..... gonna go to bed and read for awhile.... hugs to you all, will get caught up tomorrow.....

Notlike.....good for you and dad!!!!!!!

Got the van unloaded and laundry done. Got lots of correspondence to go through and pictures, but the worst is over. I am so happy to be home. We didn't have any arguments over what to keep or who wanted what. If more than one wanted something, they flipped a coin for it. So that part wnet well. The houses are being rented for a year anyway, just to see how it goes. We had a yard sale....whew!!! When you can make almost $4000 on a 2-day yard sale, you have got some stuff to sell!!!!!! Only 2 items sold for over $100.......a canoe and a tool chest full of tools. The only rule I made was that no one could leave with just one item. We got a charity to pick up the rest of the stuff after the second day, and it filled a 14 foot panel van from floor to ceiling, front to back.

We picked the hottest days in Maine for the sale and had a wonderful turnout. I got dehydrated and hit the ground the second day. I know better, but was so busy I didn't take time to drink. We unloaded 16 trailors of stuff over the 2 days. I got stuck pricing the furniture and antiques, and we worked sorting things from 7am to midnight every day. I got a nap one day, but I think I passed out. I was mosquito food the whole time, with a case of poison ivy or oak thrown in. I went to sleep at night with Benadryl and spray-on caladryl. I still itch from some of the bites.

Notlike.......Happy Belated Birthday..........when I get a joint, I'll meet you in the Laundry Room.....been there for 2 days anyway.........

Will bore you later with my travels.......I think I'll spread it over 2 weeks so you get the full effect..........I only had one blow-up......with a 14 y/o nephew...........I almost knocked him into next month, I was sooooo mad..........

It's NOT cancer! Yeah, and thank God. That's the good news. The bad news is, they still don't know why Dad has had the diarrhea for over 4 weeks now. They took some biopsies, which will take 1-2 weeks to get back. And he has two small ulcers in the colon. So now he will be on Citrucel three times a day.
I know I sound like an ungrateful daughter and caregiver, but today has been very stressful. My nasty coworker gave me a hard time about leaving to take Dad. Dad was so scared, he wouldn't be quiet for a minute the whole time we waited for his test. And neither he or Mom seem to get the fact that he's not cured. He thought he could drive tomorrow because the nurse said to resume his normal activities! His "activities" for the past 2 weeks have been sitting in his chair. Mom thought he could go up and down the stairs to do laundry. Argh! I said he has to have 24 hours with regular bowels before he can do all that. He's not out of the woods yet. I've got him saying how much it must be costing me to leave work and drive across town, and her not wanting to pay me the $1 for the carrots she asked for and complaining his Citrucel costs so much. I feel like I'm in a rock and a hard place. Not between- actually IN both!
Sorry to hear some have a cold. And Cat - you described things very well. I hope your Dad settles in soon. Blessings and hugs to everyone.

burned~I wouldn't respond to your post if I wasn't concerned for you. Being depressed can be difficult on it's own. Adding alcohol can make it worse for you and become a vicious cycle. You have a tough situation and 2 young children to take care of as well. I am not saying you have a drinking problem by any means. I know how alcohol can affect how you feel and how you view what is going on around you. I witnessed it first hand with my parents and my sibling. Make wise choices because it is up to you♥

I've been sleeping a lot during the day, when my mom's asleep. Yesterday, I tried to fix my sleep schedule, but fell asleep around 3PM. Didn't wake up until 8PM. I was still exhausted, but had to stay up, because my mom felt like she needed to go to the ER. Her legs look so terrible - swollen, blistered, and burning. She's been complaining about her ribs hurting too. She ended up staying home though and scheduled an appointment with her wound care doctor this afternoon. I managed to fall back to sleep around 12AM and slept for about 6 hours. Oddly, I'm still really tired.

I'm trying to eat better, along with trying to get some decent sleep. Had a good breakfast this morning and all that. Really worried about what the doctor has to say about my mom's legs and ribs though. We both already have enough to deal with. One more thing is going to overfill the whole glass. Gotta stay strong and hopeful though, I guess. That's all we have nowadays.

Cat, sounds like you are being validated at every turn that dad is in a good place... yes the talk with him will be hard, but you have many people praying for you and your dad.... he is surrounded by people who are looking out for him... of course he will have adjustments to make.... I can't imagine the fear they have at the beginning and with you being by his side, he will ease into this new situation and things will settle down for both of you.... and congrats to your son on a good report...
Notlike, please let us know of Dad's results of his test today... prayers for him for a good outcome and for you , hope you know how much you are loved here and we will be thinking of you today... lots of hugs for you...
Vickie Vic... I am sorry the brother is acting like an ass.... it does make for tension in an already tense situation... try to remember it isn't YOU making him act this way.... he is making choices from what ever place he is seeing the world..... and you can pick the two you feel are not on your side. or you can pick us, you know we have your back, you are loved and appreciated..we know what you do everyday, and we know that you are working so hard on getting your attitude lined up with God's will.... I love ya kid, and know we are on your side....
Lildeb, hope you are feeling better today.... I know how careful you have to be about any kind of infection, so don't let this last too long before checking with your Dr.... hugs to you today...
Burned, you have been posting here a long time, so please know when others share with you how you may be causing yourself more problems with adding alcohol on top of obvious stress, it is simply concern for you...
Seeme, know you are tired, but hope we hear from you and tell us about your Maine adventure.. love ya
I know I haven't mentioned everyone, and sorry, running late for work, but wanted to check in and tell everyone Hi and will be thinking of you today.... ttyl... hugs

Cat..thanks for the story of your son, dad and the facility. The telling was very visual....I hope your dad gives the facility a chance. It does sound like a very nice place to be in...Take care...

Burned have to agree with Sharynmarie even a few drinks is probably not helping matters.
Hope everyone has a good Monday.
Thinking of you Notlike