The Caregiver... How are YOU doing today?

Cattails..it is pretty common for people to get down even when they want to go to assisted living. Routines are changed, environment is changed..more activity etc. you are a wonderful daughter and will help your dad to get through his sadness and change. Godless. Great fu ny with HR person. Know it was good to laugh

Hey Darcy thanks for your comment. No that's not the problems. He chews and swallows pretty good. Just have to cut meats tiny and try to give him as much variety without harsh foods to mess his stomach up. His nose was red the other day so I think it is either sinus or a little cold. No coughing etc. thanks for advice have been watching a waiting for that time to come.

burned~I do know that drinking, antidepressants, anti-anxiety drugs used together can be dangerous. Drinking is a depressant (can cancel out the antidepressant) and drinking within your limits is going to rob your energy and desire to "get up and go". Drinking also prevents certain nutrients from being absorbed which will also rob you of energy. Proteins and B vitamins can become depleted. Having said this, it's your choice with no excuses.

If the things I mentioned fit...just talk to the doctor about having a swallow study done. then if it is aspiration, they can help you know what consistency and what not is best.

Vic... it is very likely he is having swallowing problems... the clear nasal drainage is a big sign of that. (I am a nurse, and my sister is a speech pathologist, specializing in swallow studies) it is very common for elderly people to have this. They often have a silent aspiration. Meaning they don't visibly "choke" or cough. Does he clear his throat after eating or drinking certain foods? Is the clear nasal drainage after eating and/0r drinking? It might not be this... but thought it was worth a mention. Getting liquids in your lungs can increase confusion and lead to pneumonia... Most often it is an easy fix too. Usually the remedy is thickened liquids. My mom is on them. A bit of a hassle at times, but we use simply thick and mix it with anything liquid, juice, water, milk, soup.... etc. Problem solved. Hope this helps!!

Hi everyone: Just wanted to check in and say hello. I went to see my dad today and he was pretty bummed out. My dad is always responsive to pretty woman. (Use to make my mom really mad) Christie, one of the nurses on the floor, is really fond of my dad. She took care of him when he was in rehab a year ago. She thinks he is sad too. She spent about 20 minutes talking to him this morning and, at the end, she said she got a smile out of him. She's a very pretty gal with a sweet voice. Normally, he would have been smiling in under a minute. They had some belly dancers come in (grandma belly dancers....all in good shape and in the late 50's early 60's) on Friday and they took dad to the day room thinking he would enjoy it, but he really wasn't interested. Slept through most of it. Didn't smile.

When my dad had his stroke a year ago, he went to this facility but was on the skilled nursing/rehab side. On Fridays, the physical therapists would round up all the rehab patients and they would use big balloons to bat around to each patient. It was very interactive and I noticed how much the patients seem to get into it. I loved to attend these Friday sessions and would use it as a weekly gauge of my dad's progress.

His first time in the group, all he could do was sleep and deliver pant loads of diarrhea. In time, he stayed awake more and when the feeding tube was stopped, the diarrhea stopped. Just when he was clearly enjoying and participating, the staff stopped doing it because it became a problem with Medicare and their billing system.

So I'm wondering if I can get some volunteers together and if the NH staff would approve a group hit the balloon day for the residents on my dads floor. People need to interact and that is so hard for my dad because of his speech issues and hearing issues. So I'm going to check into that. I hope it won't be turned down due to a liability issue.

I think he knows he's not coming home so I am going to have to sit down and talk to him about it. I'm dreading that, but it's like the elephant in the middle of the room. I can tell he has something on his mind and I know he's thinking. I don't want him to feel that I won't be honest with him. I'm open to suggestions here and prayers too.

Well, I have something funny to tell you. Here's some background: Where I live, on the peninsula, the population is much lower and good jobs are not real easy to come by. So when my son decided to leave North Dakota, he moved here to Sequim and lived with us until he found a job. He's a well trained chef, graduated from the Culinary Academy in San Francisco and has lots of experience. The kitchen at this facility was in dire need of direction and quality improvements. So Nick took this job and he has really turned the place around. Not the kind of place he ever imagined working in, but it pays a good salary and he has a good heart for the people that reside there. At first he found it sad and depressing, but he's come to love a lot of these people and when my dad had his stroke I think Nick really felt needed, family wise. Here is was, working in a place that included his Grandfather and keeping an eye on him daily.

So fast forward to NOW. I'm visiting my dad today and he's having lunch in the dining room. It's Sunday, so I didn't expect to see my son working today. I see him stick his head out of the kitchen and hand some paper work to someone. He didn't see me so I walked over to the kitchen door and pushed it open a ways to say hi. I saw him standing there, gruffly giving orders to who I don't know. All I knew is he was saying, "We've discussed this numerous times, now get out, go on, get out of my kitchen." Holy crap, I closed the door quietly and went back to my dad.

Later, Nick found me in my dad's room and naturally I asked what was going on. He said, "Those people think just because they are managers they can just come into my kitchen without a hair net. I don't care if they want to eat, but they better be wearing a hair net." "So I threw them out and I told them you can wear a hair net or you can drive to McDonald's for lunch. I've told you this time and time again, now get out of my kitchen."

Dang, he runs a tight ship. But here's the thing. State showed up this past Thursday. They are always unannounced and they do their inspection of the facility. Nick's kitchen got a 5 star rating with no exceptions. That's hard to do in a kitchen and it takes a lot of team work. States not done yet and could easily pop in to his kitchen again and he does not want to lose all that he and his team have worked toward.

Here's the funny part. Nick leaves my dad's room and a few minutes later this lovely oriental lady comes in. She see's my dad is napping and takes me by the arm to go have a chat. She has the sweetest and warmest manner. We sit down in the empty family gathering room which has chairs and a love seat. She wants me to sit with her on the love seat.....pats the cushion.

She has a really heavy accent, but she touches my hand and tells me she wants to know what I think of my dad's care so far. What does he need, etc. Do I think he is getting good care. I have to listen closely because he English is really broken, but you can tell she really cares.

So I tell her that my dad just got here Wednesday and that I know a lot of the staff and that my son works here to so I feel like my dad is in good hands. She says, "You son work her? Who is son." I said, "My son is Nick who runs the kitchen." "Awe" she says, "Nick is you son. I going to kick his ass. He say to me, where you hair net, where you hair net. Get out of my kitchen. Now I tell him, you mom say you better be nice to me. I going to kick his ass now."

Well, I just busted up laughing. I could tell there was absolutely no malice in her comments and I just found it hysterical. She was the HR manager. Also, I guess I found is so amusing that she would just say that to me. It was too funny.

Then she patted my arm again and said, "You see, the problem is Nick got perfect rating in kitchen. No exception in kitchen. That so hard to do. So many rules and any little thing is exception. Like no hair net. He don't want to get exception now. He have perfect rating. So hard to do. So he say, Where you hair net, get out of my kitchen."

I guess this was the comic relief I needed today. She went on to tell me that even though I know the nurses and have family here. It's important that I watch over my dad and make sure his care is right. And I am to tell her if anything is not to my liking. I assured her I will.

I'm not patting myself on the back here, but I do know a lot of the staff there and they know me. My son told them all at the beginning when my dad went into rehab and they were telling him, "Gee, you mom is really nice." He said, "My mom's a real compassionate person, but she is a straight shooter. Don't ever think you can blow her off or tell her something that isn't true. If you do and she finds out, and she will find out, you will see another side of her that will absolutely take you to task. So don't do it." And that was proven true on several occasions while my dad was in rehab.

What I am coming to realize, at least I hope this is true, is that the residential side is much different than skilled nursing/rehab. Everything in the SN/R side is intense and more crisis oriented. Every patient is coming in with a serious issue and the staff is running their asses off. My heart goes out to any patient that doesn't have an advocate by their side. I learned that it was up to me sometimes to make sure my dad got to the toilet and changed. There were so many patients needing help at the same time. So I was there everyday for 100 days until my dad came home to live with us.

On the residential side, things are more routine and the atmosphere is more connecting and caring. People live here. They are not moving on and it's a whole different ball game.

I feel extremely blessed that many of the people who were on the skilled nursing side have now moved over to the residential side and they all know my dad and like him. They even like me too. They are doing their best to help him adjust and they are trying to help me too. They have more time on the residential side to be close to their patients. So I am hopeful, thankful, but always watchful.

When my dad was in rehab, he always had to eat in the small dinning room. It where people who need assistance with meals have to go. He still needs to be there because he does need prompting and extra help. I use to be at meals with my dad when he was in rehab and I met many other patients. I use to love helping them and talking to those who could talk. I met up with some of them today. One man, who I was especially fond of, has passed away and I know he is happy about that and in a better place, but I saw his wife today. She is a resident too and I use to love to talk with her. She's had an amazing life. It was so nice to see her and speak with her again.

So I have some things to put in my gratitude journal tonight. Some laughs, some tears and maybe a way to help my dad and others. Also a chance to live in my world too.

Keep me in your prayers. Sending you all lots of love and wishes for lighter burdens. Hugs, Cattails

Lil deb- sorry you are feeling bad. It sounds like you and my hubby have the same thing. Sore throat, chest congestion, coughing, nausea, and headache. I have got to make him a appt to see the dr tomorrow. Try eating some popicles that should help with the sore throat since they are cold. I hope you feel better soon!!! Love and hugs stormyyy

Cmag- I hope that the psychiatrist will be able to give some answers or meds that will help you instead of making you feel like a zombie, i know that feeling when i took zoloft one time and i did not take it anymore just that one time. It was after having my little boy i guess i had the baby blues, I was soo doped up that i had to call my sis to come and take care of connor( my baby) until the effects wore off. Needless to say i just dealt with the depression until it went away cause i did not want to feel like that while having to try to take care of my little one. Now i am on efferxor and i have done well with it. Although at times when i am having a really bad day, I have thought about taking two instead of one. I am only suppose to take one a day. Good Luck. Love and hugs stormyyy

I feel like crap! Sore-scratchy throat again along with sneezing, itchy ears, drippy nose n little nausea. However at night, I cannot breath due to stuffy nose because I had to take an allergy med for the AM problems above. I am going to try some saline nose spray for tonight to see if it will work. I am gargling with warm salted water twice a day n using the spray for the throat at night. I thought I may have caught something from the hospital while visiting both parents but now it seems like it may be good ole allergies. All I know its hard to swollow unless it is ice cold which feel good to the throat. Hopefully this mess will go away soon. ah..... miserable.. I am suppose to feel good now that hubby went to Atlanta. Mnl ate a lot better today so I am so thankful for I was getting a bit worried about her. She still seems edgy than usually but better than yesterday or day before. I hope everyone is able to get some rest tonight.

I think that I mentioned two weeks ago about my psychiatrist increasing my Abilify from 5mg to 10mg. It is supposed to make my wellbutrin, antidepressent worked better. Well, the first week was ok. However, the second week, I was like a zombie for most of it until Friday after 6pm and through Sat. Yet, today, while not being like a zombie, it was a down day and so down that I did not go to see my mum in the nursing home. I hope to get some input from my psychiatrist about this med increase on Monday.

Well, what do you know dad made it through his FIRST NIGHT BY HISSELF.... Well, him and lifealert. I told sis he would be fine to stay by his self. But what the sad part about all of this is that once bil gets better I bet my bottom dollar that sis will start back staying with dad at night. And she is crazy as hell to start that up again. But i just have a feeling that she will. I hope for her sake and bil's that she doesn't. Well, gonna go get me a smoke for i got to lay connor down. Hope ya'll have a wonderful night!!!! Love and hugs stormyyy

Notlike been thinking of you and dad. Prayers rafters. Hope he drinks the stuff without too much problem. Prayers for tomorrow.
Burned..so glad you come to vent..glad you are going to therapist and before long all will work out with hubby. Can imagine you are stir crazy being couped up all the time.
Seeme..I'm in for the joint and the bridge!! Ladee would be funny seeing you with a bag!! Breathe breathe. Prayers fr peace my friend.
As for me..am bummed. Brother came Saturday and left a little while ago. Went riding with hubby on Saturday..was a nice time. The bummed part is my brother and I have no real relationship. I have forgives him and pray daily for him. We can't even talk. I try to explain what is going on with dad and I get snapped at. Like he is being defensive. It is ridiculous that we can't even seem to have a civil conversation. So sad. I am very grateful that he Has been coming to visit. It is good for me but even more so that he gets to see parents. Know this is all stupid but my stomach is in knots hate disention and conflict. Don't deal well with it.
Course stupid me I make mistake to say to mom that I do t understand why he won't let me tell him about dad and gets all defensive and snippy. I just leave as fast as I can. She says she doesn't understand about the msunderstanding and doesn't want to talk about. Guess he is telling her stuff too. Oh well. Just needed to write it out of my system.
Dad is more confused today..bowels still not right..always compaining stomach hints. He has a runny nose but clear and getting more confused. Figure he is getting another UTI. Will try to get sample tomorrow and give to hospice to check.
Take care all.

Happy late bday Notlike... you aren't on FB so we don't know each others Bday's.... sounds like you got great presents....and had a good time.... and you and Seeme need to get together on this 'bridge and joint' thing and let the rest of us know when and where... been so long since I have partaken in the wacky weed, I'd probably be breathing into a paperbag.... I'd get so freaked from being relaxed... have no idea what that feels like anymore...
Have had a strange day, just can't seem to keep my mind on anything for very long.... restless, already wishing it was fall, we need to collectivly ask God to just skip Summer next year... it's taking a toll on all of us....
Love ya.ll, more later when I can think...

Sick? Who gets to be sick? If all the Caregivers in this country got sick on the same day, I'm pretty sure hell would freeze over and a bunch of sibs would freak out!
Burn-Enjoy your respite! Fun and sun sounds fantastic.
Burned-Hugs to you. I'm fresh out of good advice- I'm more of a horrible warning kind of girl. You know...If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to be a horrible warning. LOL I love that saying! Okay, that wasn't very funny, but I hope it made you smile :)
Seeme-Glad you're home. If you find any joints, I'll find a bridge! LOL
Wonderful hubby got me a Nook for my birthday yesterday. Son got me a gift card to get books. Happy me! And we went to by bil's and had frozen drinks and blueberry cobler. Would have been a perfect day except for all the running around I did with/for the parents.
Starting the colonoscopy prep now. Wonder how well Dad will do with it. I have to work in the morning, then take him in. I hope we get some answers soon.

Here is what i feel...I am severely depressed about everything. I rarely have that get up and go energy. i am still seeing my therapist and I am drinking again of course not extreme heavy drinker and I know my limit. My meds are working ok for me but the naproxen doesn't do anything for my migraines or my back pain. So I switch to a different doctor got muscle relaxers to work with naproxen but my migraines are too the point that i can't stand bright sunlight for long or the heat for long. Also I can't take loud noises anymore with my general anxiety disorder not good. I got my dosage increased to deal with the longterm anxiety but i still can't get anything for the short term panic attacks I have. I feel that I have generally lost my focus and i am spacing things out. I am listening to music more but what i miss is being able to work outside of the house both of my kids will be in school soon this year and I have that paperwork to do and mail something to the health care agency I work for. I am just tired and angry at everything in general...what hurts the most is I do not have my grandmother to talk anymore. She is such a wonderful woman and I haven't had a chance to gain closure on her being gone and in a better place. My husband seizures are getting more aggressive so once I get him to see a neurologist since they think he is doesnt have real seizures gonna get a video test done to prove his seizures are real and there is no faking in it. I can't believe he is gonna be 47 this coming august and our 12 yr anniversary coming up. Any advice or jokes to make me laugh. My heart and mind need to balanced and i feel they are outta of wack lol.

Just wanted you all to know I made it back home safe and sound. Have a lot to tell you all, but I have one thing I just can't get out of my head today.

I was so upset driving I495 around DC this AM. I kept seeing those signs that say "open joints on bridge" and I didn't have one.................later................

Darcy, you have a big load to care for both parents. Your dad sounds like he won't be standing up on his own pretty soon. I think it's best to accept that you will not be getting any support from your siblings. Once you accept this, you can move on to what is needed to be done for both you and your parents. At the rate you're going, you won't last long physically, emotionally and mentally...due to the constant stress.

I strongly urge you to check the phone book and make calls. Start with the government page for the elderly or senior citizen programs. Explain the situation and ask if there's anything that you or the parents qualify for. Ask if they recommend other programs from other sources. Look for respite services (this is aimed for caregivers like us). When my dad retired to care for mom, he did a lot of calling. He was able to get free lunch for him and mom Mon-Fridays. Originally it was only for mom because she's the patient - but he fought hard to include himself - as the full time caregiver. So, instead of 1 free meal lunch for mom, he got 2 free meals for both of them! He called a program that was studying the elderly and early dementia at the university. He got in thru mom and in exchange for "studying" mom, they provided 1-hour respite for him and $150.00 on supplies. You just need start in the phone book and then ask for help and referrals.

Then, check your income/finances. Do the parents qualify for medicare/medicaid? Eventually, you will have 2 bedridden parents. What will you do then? This is a good time to start planning for that eventuality.

Feel free to vent here because it sure does relieve the stress building up in us! I found out the hard way that venting to family is useless. When you vent with other caregivers, my goodness! You get encouragement, feedback and Very Useful Advices!!! Take care, Darcy..

Stormy, from experience, I have had severe stomach pains, headaches, full blown flu, etc...and I was still expected to get up as usual to tend my bedridden mom. I have several times almost fainted from the pain. I walked soooo slowly and had to rest every few minutes because the pain was just sooo bad. So, I've learned as a caregiver - I Do Not Have Sick Leave!!! ...except when I got out of the hospital from a major stomach surgery and I made sure to recover at sis's house! I've learned very early that it's always best to Prevent getting sick. I guess it's different if your married and then you get pampered from hubby. That would be nice.

Darcy, I did not get here with "help" suddenly. I have spent years complaining to family. Only last year, when I threatened to give up and leave the parents - did my fave sis stepped in & asked her 19yr old daughter to relieve me on Saturdays - with pay. Caregiving is very stressful. I would never let a family member watch for free. Not worth it - the verbal abuse they face.

ladee..glad that you got a hug from Meno. I think he's changing too. I've noticed his comments are not so...bold or strong? He's mellowing a bit with his comments. He's also giving more positive feedbacks to others. So, even as you learn from him, he too is learning from "us" the caregivers.

YEAH!!! I get a Sunday and Monday away from home and DH.
Going to the lake with daughter-in-law and 9 year old GD. Swimming and the water park. Fun and sun. I can't wait. I really need a break. Gina(neighbor) has agreed to keep an eye on DH. He should be ok by himself for short periods. She lives under us and should be able to hear if things go wrong. I really do not want to leave him overnight but I need the break. Hugs Wanda

Ya'll know how I talk about gratitude sometimes... well, I got the most awesome surprise when I got home from my first shift of the day with M and S.... checked on AC and I had a hug from Meno.... and that precious man put me in his cirlce today...... you would have to read the thread to understand, but I am beyond blessed today, and very grateful.... I need to go have a joyful cry... I'm tired, but I'm full of joy and gratitude.... Thanks from the bottom of my heart Meno...... angels sent to you.....

You are so right. Care givers don't have the option of getting sick. Too bad. I could use a break.

I am reading this and I am amazed... how many of you have HELP with care giving?? I live here, and take care of them by myself all day, everyday. I do get out to the store once in a while if my daughter can stay with them.... I don't get a break. My siblings don't think I even need to be here... little do they know. My mom needs constant supervision... she has SEVERE dementia for crying out loud. My dad is better than her...but he is old, tired, weak, forgetful and SLOW. His balance is horrible. There is no way they go do this alone. I wish I could get one of them to spend a month here and see what it really is like. The thing is, I doubt they would do the things I do, expecting them to do for them selves or something and still not get it. I do everything. From dressing, toileting, showering, laundry, meals, CONSTANT supervision, mom can't even eat without safety issues! She loves to STUFF her mouth so full she can't even chew and is a huge choking hazard as she already has swallowing issues, and has to have thickened liquids. Left alone for me to even get a potty break is risky.... *Sigh* I put them in bed at 9 at night, and back on duty at 8am or earlier. I am a nurse, but I have no credibility with my family.....

I am over here at dads doing stuff to him, I am wondering how sis is doing with taking care of hubby i haven't talked to her today. I am getting mary the lady that helps us on occasion with dad today at 2:30 to stay with dad til 8 or 9 tonight. And now my hubby is out of work with a bad chest cold. So all of the grown men in our lives are sick. I am wondering when me and sis can get sick and someone take care of us. I just guess me and her would be SOOL(SHIT OUT OF LUCK). We can't get sick!!!! lol Well i got to find something for dad to gnaw on the rest of the day! Love and hugs stormy.

Well, I thought I had found someone to watch the parents on Saturdays. She never showed up today. I am so greatful that my fave sis told her 19yr old daughter to come just in case. My niece told me that she wouldn't mind getting paid with what I was offering. I asked how much her mom is paying her for Saturdays, she said $30.00 for 6-7hours. I told her that I was going to pay the caregiver $10/hr. So, after 3 hours which her mom paid for, I will cover every extra hour after that. She was so appreciative when I gave her $30.00 before she left. In turn, I told her telling that I am so appreciative for her, bf and 1 yr old child spending hours on Saturdays to watch the parents. I worry, because, she's still young and eventually she will miss going out with her friends to the movies and shopping. So, I will definitely need to get a plan B for the weekend.

HI HO , HI HO, off to caregiver land I go..... love ya'll

I am too exhausted and broken to form words to express "How I am" :( I got hit, yelled at, pooped on (landed right on my bare foot and skooshed..) and insulted. and that before breakfast. Family is breaking my heart.

Hey all- I would have gotten on here last night but evidently i died when i had to lay connor down. Cause hubby said he tried waking me up and all i kept saying was,"WHAT!" over and over. He was scared i was going to wake up connor so he left me alone and i slept til 6:30 this morning. And i don't remember a thing about him coming in there trying to wake me up. I think he was scared i was going to hit him if he didn't stop trying to wake me up. Oh well.....Bil got home today, i ran by tonight to see him and sis for a few minutes and it just so happened that the nurse was there to show sis how to give bil his iv antibiotics. Jam- He has the bag kind, they are going to try to switch it to a different kind that is in a ball. And he will be able to carry that in his pocket and not have to haul that pole around or hold the bag up. I do not know how sis is going to deal with all of this, that nurse was blowing my mind just all the info that you have to remember for dealing with his pick line and the iv antibiotics, when you got to change them and switch bags. We both need some brain drugs cause with both feel like our brains are fried from the last 2 an a half yrs of having to take care of dad. Just being burnt out and then throwing another person to take care of into the pile. It's about all we can stand. I know to that bil is going to need his privacy and don't worry sis and i will give that to him. He is not like daddy-where he thinks you need to be there with him 24/7 thank the lord. Totally opposite of dad. Which is a good thing. Oh and hubby and me went over to dads yesterday and hubby hooked up the lifealert system. Dad was asleep in his bedroom so he did not even know hubby had hooked it up and i didn't tell him. I figured I'd let sis spring that on him. So she told him last night that he knew she was in a predicament with her hubby and that there was going to have to be some changes. She told him about the life alert system and asked him if he thought he would be alright to stay by hisself and he said yes. But that was all he said. She told him that brother of ours was not going to do but so much in the way of staying with him at night. But he is staying tonight for sis. He has no idea that we got the system hooked up or he would not be there. Me and sis both said we might as well get 1 more night out of him cause he will never stay again once he finds out we got the lifealert set up. So i guess tomorrow nite will be dads first night to stay by his self in 2 an a half yrs. I hope he does good!!!!!! So that will be one less family drama we have to deal with.
Ladee- thanks for the praises on me talking with sis. I just tried to get her to open up to me on why she was so scared to leave dad at night by his self. I asked her, "Are you scared that he is going to die if someone is not here?" and she said that in the beginning she was scared that he would die. And i think she still is. But she is got to get over that. And i am hoping that maybe she will after he stays by his self at night and she sees that he done alright maybe she will have a different outlook on things. I hope so anyway. Thank you all for the prayers for bil and for me and sis and our sanity, maybe one day we will get it back!!!!! lol. Love and hugs stormyyy

Odisay, not knowing what the problems were that you refered to, if you could fill us in a little on that it would help to see what your fears are about... but if you can not or do not want her back in your home, then do what you feel is right for you and for her.... just because our elders want things a certain way, does not always mean it is for the best.... it sounds like she has some serious health issues, how long is going to be in the hospital??? Do you have any other place she can go.... ? Have you checked into other facilities that would meet her health needs????
Guess my biggest question, and again, not knowing all the details, what difference does it make what others feel you should do???? All I can say is do what you feel is right.... a hundred years from now, others opinions won't matter, they really don't matter today either.... so let us know what is going on and how we can help you....
tevin, why is your sister against you having any information... that would help us to help you... and sounds like you will need legal advice ... let us know.....

Well, I had a short respite, so it's better than nothing.... the new lady came in and TOLD M that she has someone that was going to work some shifts for her... well, uh, no, that's now how you do this.... she didn't talk it over with M first, M doesn't know the other lady, but knows of her family and does not want her working in her home... that is her right... so will be filling in until family can find someone for these extra shifts... don't know if the new lady will last either, as M was not happy about the way she handled the situation....so, at least I had a break.... am grateful for that.... but S is in such a decline, we don't want his schedule thrown off any more than it already is....good thing I am not in this for the money.... lol..... love and hugs to everyone... hope you all get some rest, the good kind, tonight....

What are my rights? I don't have POA and my sister does. She acts like she is God. I have an appt with an elder attorney but couldn't get in until August. Do I have any rights concerning my parent who has dementia? She is in the NH. I want to be called if she goes into the hospital, if she falls, if she dies. I want to see the bank statement. Sister says no, that I have no rights at all about this situation. She treats me like I am the hired help. I guess I will just have to read my mother's obit in the paper when the time comes. Meanwhile I go to see the lawyer in August. I know for sure that my sister is not embezzling any money, so that's not it. So what are my rights?

I feel frustrated and misunderstood. I really want my mom to stay in the skilled nursing facility, but she told me she wants to come home in August. She has multiple bacteria infections, and a secral wound that still hasn't healed. She's in a wheelchair, and still can't walk. I had an extremely horrible experience with the hospital, paramedics and APS in mid April. I don't want to placed in that position again; I don't want to jeopardize my license or the caretaker's license. When I try to talk to my friends or other "advocates" and explain this, they tell me that I can't do that, and I need to think about what she wants. They don't live with her, and they haven't experience her verbal abuse. What she wants is unrealistic at this point. I am sick and tired of feeling like I am an evil person, or ungodly because I don't want my mom back home. I don't have anybody to talk to, or share my true feelings, many times I feel like a prisoner in this small town.