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Thanks you two. Medicade said that as long as they have a house on the land that medicaid would NOT take that property for that is their place. Now if my younger brother puts it in his name that will be a whole new ball park I guess. Had to talk to daddy about letting them give him a prevent blood-clot shot in the tummy. They suppose to check his legs for they r swollen. Not sure if I already posted this down somewhere else here. Daddy actually got his long beard shaved according from my older brother. I am going to stay one more day with my older brother for he seems a bit in a depressed moody stage so going to spend a little time with him too.
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Hey debbya, good to see you here... come back and visit any time....I live in Texas so know you dad is doing ok with the heat... we don't seem to be having it as bad as others this year... but last year was horrible, and the bad fire in Basrop, scairy and hot.... got ac's and fans going, not gonna do Tx heat without cool air... come back and let us get to know ya... and Jam says, 'we'll keep the light on for ya'....
Lady, Ya know Busey had issues before his Motorcycle wreck, now he fascinates me even more... but I like the really complicated ones anyway, just ask all my ex's and yes, they live in Texas.... ye haaaaa....
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OK Depp yeah, but Busey well he does talk alot. I need a small patch of sand cuz Mr Morgan just brought me a drink at sunset......xxx
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would love to meet you and others on here, its hot here today too for idaho, no breeze, going to have to get ac or fan,, jeeze, good thing dad is from waco texas hes use to the heat. this site is all that got me through on 4th of july of which i stayed home dad wasnt feeling good, as we went to the VA the day before because he hadnt taken his meds for 34 days that i knew of even tho he said he did, hugs to all
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Well bring your little self on to the island.... burnwajaco.... it's an imaginary place so there is room for everyone who wants to be there... we'll have to get Notlike off her porch, but I'm pretty sure she'll be there too....
And you talking about Dad getting away from you... one day I had come back from a few hours respite, had Ruth at her daughters, forgot to get the potty, so I ran next door, leaving Ruth on the porch,, she didn't run away, but she did squat and pee on the porch as I was dragging the potty up the ramp.... thank God we lived in the country.... I know, if we didn't laugh about some of this, we'd all be commited...to an island... ya, that's it... to an island....

Wanted everyone to know spoke with Seeme yesterday.... she is very tired, wanting this house cleaning of MIL house to be over with.... MIL was a hoarder, so it is taking the whole family to get things done... but she said to tell everyone HI, and she'll post when she has caught her breath when she gets home... won't be heading back until this coming FrI...

We finally got a little rain, sure cooled things off a little, hope you all had at least one good thing happen today.... hugs to you all...
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Ladee, I want to come to the island. I want to bring Richard Gere with me.
My imagination is really going now.
Notlike, Keep up the good work. I know what you mean about taking them shopping. I took my hubby Richard to buy him some new swim trunks. I turned my back for less than a min. and he disappeared. I finally found him on the far side of the store. I was so scared. I found him because I could follow the direction of my name being yelled.
People, Have you ever had your dishes washed in the dishwasher mind ya, 3 times in about 2 hours. Richard loves to run the dishwasher. So he did LOL.
I did'nt have a chance to empty it before he would start it again. Its a crazy nutty life we live.
Lots of hugs, Wanda
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LOL...LOL...LOL...i will ! LYL
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Well who ever drove you over there , tell them I said thanks..... LOL....
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I forgot to tell u........my computer.....its at my parents house!!!!!!!!!!! lol
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Oh I still have compassion, and yes, it's for unloading, but NOT about having guilt and shame for REMOVING A CAST TOO SOON..... glad you liked the meditation... got your mind off that f**king cast didn't it..... love ya....

Notlike, sorry your dad still isn't feeling better.... give him a hug for me please, and let him know he's in my prayers.... and shopping with MOM.... poor thing, that would be YOU, not mom.... and congrats girl for the inches lost... very proud of you... that's one great motivator to keep on keepin on..... and you need to find a mosquito net that you can suspend from the ceiling of the porch and when you set down, it covers you... I know hubby can rig you up something.... and yes, you can go to the island too, it's open to anyone with an imigination... and that would be US..... love ya girl... take care and breathe tomorrow while shopping.....
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Holy sh*t, ladee....watever ur smokin, send it to CA. Not only am i wheezing, from laughing so hard.......now i have to take a cold shower after i filled in all the blanks...LOL Hey....isnt this the place of safety to unload all that "guilt n shame"???? Ur compassion for me is overwhelming!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LYL
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Oh my, funny bunch tonight! I want to go to the island, too. It sounds alot better than the laundry room. Which, by the way, i have graduated out of...spent 1 1/2 hrs on the back deck talking to sis last night. I was a ball of sweat, and covered in bug bites, but at least with the windows shut for the air conditioning, Mom couldn't hear me!
Lady-all I can say is "I am woman, hear me roar!" Hugs.
Let's see...I survived shopping with Mom. I can even laugh now about her wondering out loud why they don't put all the 50% off sale items in the same place, so she wouldn't have to walk around so much. And I'm from Milwaukee, so I love a good polka, but it's supposed to come with beer - not driving from store to store because that's the CD she wanted to listen to. The answer to "Are you too cold with the air on?" was "I don't know." Hmm...I can't begin to guess at that one. And you know how soup is in the store...in those racks where a can drops down when you take one? And a picture of the soup on each rack? Only my Mom would tap the picture and wait for me to pick up the soup for her! Oh Lord, please let Dad get better soon...
Tomorrow I am going to drop her off for church, then more shopping when I pick her up. I can hardly wait.
Got measured at the gym this week..and I lost inches everywhere! Yipee!
Dad still is sick. I hope they have an answer for us on Monday and can give him some meds.
Goodnight, and better tomorrows.
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Lady, and don't forget Johhny Depp, my life would fall apart for sure if I didn't have him to look at.. but have a mean crush on Gary Bussey... I know, I know, speaks volumes about my sanity doesn't it..... but that crazy dude just fascinates me.... so let us know if you have do some karate on anyone.... we'll be your ya ya sisterhood cheering you on..... vent anytime you want...

Beck, Ok, we are going to do a peaceful meditation....
You are on an island with Johhny Depp, OH WAIT, that's MY meditation, hmmm lets see... Ok, you are on an island with ( fill in the blank), you have this cast on your arm, and you are breathing into a paper bag.... and ( fill in the blank) tells you how beautiful your skin looks that amazing blue color..... and the sweat on your forehead only makes your skin glisten...... as you start to calm down.. you realize you are being silly for letting an inanimate object send you over the edge... it's a cast Beck, not an anchor, not a parrot, it's a cast... and when you get it off, you will be one whole happy woman.... did I get a little carried away with the "whole" part.....????? Oh well, just know you are missed, and we are waiting for you to get all things moving again as we need you here... you don't have to get some one to drive you to the computer do you????? Alrighty then, be a good girl, keep the cast on so we don't have to hear all the guilt and shame for taking it off to soon... it is too f##king hot to listen to all that...... love ya, and type one word at at time and submit it...... what ever works.....
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LOL......Ladee...u crack me up,woman! Im still here, one handed n all. I've been reading posts everyday, jst takes so damn long to type out my response...but i can say that all of u are in my thoughts n prayers everyday. I have been reading all the posts on the Negativity n Emotional abuse thread, at Ladees suggestion, n i have to say that i am immersed in thought over Menohardy's posts. I keep re-reading them, bcuz each time i do, i learn smthing new. His responses can b painful to read....but i certainly appreciate his ability n honesty to voice them thru the forum.

As for me...as ladee knows...i hate this cast sh*t....cant get to mom n dad unless smone takes me....this cast gives me f-n panic attacks...n to top it all off....im getting fat!!!!! At this point, dads doing a hell of alot better than me.. huge hugs n prayers for all you.
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I need to vent. I'm 54, highly intelligent and "street smart". I've been a cop, a prison guard, put myself thru med school to become a first rate occupational therapist, and even was nominated to west point at 18 yrs old. The reason for all this "crowing"? I swear to God, that if one more man especially a VA doctor tells me i am an irrational woman because i don't agree with what they want to do to my mom, i just mite show him what it feels like to be a eunech (probably misspelled that but hey i'm only a woman!) I'm pretty sure ya'll get my drift. How f.....ing long do we as women have to prove ourselves? Yeah, i know. Til the day we die or wipe out all men except maybe Jeffrey Dean Morgan. xxxox Thanks for letting me blow off some steam.
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Beeeeeck......... Beeeeeck, where are you???? Has anyone seen Beck???? We are missing you one handed person.... come back and tell us how you are.... hugs to you
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Ok Burned, care to explain what "another metamorphically bites the dust " means....damn.
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Well supposedly my husband can survive the surgery as PCP said but i am not holding stock with her words and me doing tough love bitch a tude except my husband has changed his story about not wanting to go to wanting go...and i get blamed for it because he said he didnt want see no damn doctors. I love this viscious cycle but at least she admit his labs have improved greatly. oh well another metamorphically bites the dust. I am still praying for that job at the school.
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Ladee, thanks. I checked out the thread on negativity and emotional abuse. I will admit when I was reading Menohardy's first comments, I resisted it. I had to stop reading, mentally object and feel hurt, and then I forced myself to go back to the beginning of his statement and read it all the way through. He does make sense. I have plans to go back and re-read the whole thread..but this time slowly so that I can meditate on their words and see if I can apply it to my mind and heart......
Sorry..I'm so exhausted. I started this comment feeling fine. But suddenly, the computer is blurring, thoughts are sluggish...I'm going to call it a night. (I tried to grab a nap this afternoon but dad kept talking, and talking and talking. I gave up the nap.) Later....
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Bookworm, just wanted you to know that from when you first posted, you are making some awesome progress....Good to see you involved, helping others and there is an honesty about you that is so refreshing.... I feel we are setting in the same room when I read you.... that is a gift, and I appreciate you.... hugs across the miles to you this morning....
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Bookworm, you are a dear soul. God Bless, Cattails
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I spoke to my dad about hiring someone to come on Saturdays to watch him. I explained that the niece will soon won't be able to do Saturdays. He didn't argue. My brother next door said that when he had heard my intentions a few weeks ago, he was already networking. We live in a small island (you can drive around the island in 2 hrs at 40mph.) Every caregiver has heard about my father's terrible disposition (his mouth and temper is Terrible. Abusive.) No one wants to take on the job - not even for pay! Darn it! There goes my free Saturdays. I'm stuck. They all told him that as long as my dad can talk, they will NOT care for him. And they refuse to recommend anyone because they treasure their friendship! Sigh...I'm really trying not to get depress over this. Maybe I can find someone who has a thick skin? Who can make his words go in one ear and out the other?

Also, I spent the morning with fave sis. We were talking. I guess I don't sound as stress as before. Because she asked me if viewing family as having the right Not to help parents, and therefore my no longer Expecting help - does it really help me? I said, YES! It makes so much difference. I learned this from several of you guys. Some says it subtly, and others straight out. But, it really works! Thanks.
Unfortunately, same family still comes to me for sounding board, sympathy of Their problems, etc... Very hard to tell them that if they can't help me with My problem, why do they expect me to help with Theirs?...
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Lildeb, stormy and all who have all of sudden seem to have these medical emergencies of the family...I swear as I read this past week, one problem after another, I kept thinking, "Boy, when it rains, it pours!" (Of course, my superstitious family would have said, "Bad things happen in threes." and then they start fearing for #3 to occur.) Just take it one day at a time. And handle each "roadblock" one at a time. I wish I coud give more helpful advice like everyone's been giving you - but, I'm learning from it too. So, I just wanted to say, my thoughts were cheering you on. Today, I decide to write it down. I hope it all gets better as in everyone in the family is helping to pitch in to solve the problems you're all are having.
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No results yet for Dad's labs. He is feeling a little better today. I am taking Mom fabric and grocery shopping tomorrow. Wish me luck!
Stormy-more hugs. And prayers for your bil. Hope all went well with Dad.
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Stormy..prayers and you need to breathe! Like me you take the things that come at you personally and it gets absorbed on your emotions to complicate an already heated situation. I hope you aren't too long at hospital this morning and that bil will be ok. Talk to sis about the lady who is willing to stay nights. And when she says that dad won't want it suggest that he will get used to it and that it will be less family drama. Forgive yourself for all these feelings sweetie...they are normal. We try to take on the world and please everyone and when we realize we can't do this we are way past being sane. Prayers for you and family.
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I strongly recommend everyone dealing with any form of Alz/dementia go to the
" Does the Negativity and emotional abuse ever get easier to live with" thread and read posts by Menohardy...... this amazing man is sharing the other side of the coin.... letting us into the world of Alz/dementia..... truly amazing... dont' miss what he has to say.... hugs to everyone, time to get moving....
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Stormy: I am keeping you, your sis and Chip in my prayers. There is so much about your family that I don't understand. It's just because I am new to this thread and don't have the history. You mentioned your sister tries to keep "our" family business afloat, so I'm wondering if you or your husband are part of that business? Does Chip work in the family business? What is the family business?

Right now, I am overwhelmed with the weight your sis is carrying and I don't know how she manages to keep going. I am going out on a limb here, but I can see how you want answers to your dad's tests. I think you just want to know when it is going to end. If your dad gets a diagnosis that cancer has spread to his lungs, then you can feel the end is in sight. Maybe I'm misreading your thoughts, but maybe not, but I do feel you want this over with.

Stormy, it will end someday and probably sooner rather than later. I agree with Ladee and others who have told you to just take each day as it comes. Sometimes the more we resist something, the stronger the object of our resistance becomes. Can you release your resistance? Give it to God or the universe or whatever and just go with the flow.

I'm not saying you should stay with your dad at night, but can you do it during the day and see it as a mission of mercy. For the time that you are with him, can you see yourself as an angel of God giving comfort? Can you see your dad as a little boy, like Connor, and realize that the child is still within him? It is within all of us. Would it help you to "care" for him if you could see him differently in your mind and heart?

I wish I could offer you words of wisdom, but I don't think I really understand the core of what you feel or the history you have experienced.

I am sending you love and wishing you comfort. And I am praying that you will feel both. Hugs, Cattails
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Hey Ya'll- Ladee and Notlike- thank you for your advice about what to do. Right now we are just taking it one day at a time as to what to do about dad and chip. They did not do surgery on chip today they have it scheduled for tomorrow at noon. And dad is having his throat stretched at 10 in the morning. I am carrying him to that. Ugh... I hope we will not be over there all day, most of the time he is only there for a few hours. There has been a bunch of drama today with brother and my crazy sil. That bitch has been calling me all day long. And i have not answered any of her calls. I just did not feel like hearing her mouth about how my brother should'nt be doing this or that cause he might have another stroke. Plus my brother and sis had it out today at our family business. They were hollering and fussing at each other about him not wanting to stay at night with dad, about chip, and about his crazy wife. In the end they got alright and sis said that when they got through fussing that brother was crying and he told her he would do what she needed him to do. But i am still mad at him and sil for them acting the way that they are. I am so glad that she got his ass.... I hope he feels bad for how immature he has been acting. Especially now while sis is going through all of this. Plus yesterday when i asked him to stay with dad last night he said, "what about you"? I said i have got connor tonight. Hubby is working and he said well we can keep him and you can stay with dad. I said no that is not going to work. They have already F$#Ked up their 3 kids they are not going to do that to my youngin. They haven't done nothing except raised a bunch of little theives. They are just looking for a way for brother to not have to stay with dad. I was about in tears at dads today cause the crazy sil kept calling me and i was getting madder by the minute. I just felt like if i answered them calls from her that i would cuss her out. I wanted to text her and tell her to leave me the hell alone and to call her sister and bitch and belly ache to her. That i did not want to hear it!!!!!! I feel like dropping the cell phone in the nearest river. Things are bad enough and they just want to make it worse with their drama. I am soo sick of that family!!!!!!!!
Back to bil- drs said that he has a piece of bone that is looking black and they are going to go in tomorrow and remove the piece of bone. It is the bone that connects to the 4th toe bone. So hopefully that will be all that they have to remove.They said that if they didn't remove it then it could spread to his bone marrow. So that is the plan for tomorrow. So keep him in your prayers please. Love and hugs, thanks for listening ya'll stormyyy
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Lildeb-my heart pours out to you. You've gotten alot of great advice from others already, so I am just adding that you are being thought of and prayed for during this difficult time. You are strong, and smart, and hurting...a wonderfully dangerous combination. Already, you have accomplished so much with your sibs in sorting out what to do. It's an excellent start...you're talking with each other, being honest, and doing your bests to help the parents. Remember that when you get upset or down...you are doing an awesome job of fixing a mess you did NOT create. Many, many hugs.
Stormy-Slow down there, girl! Please take a deep breath and try to just handle one thing at a time. Decide right now what you can and cannot do to help - your Dad, sis, and yourself - and work towards making that happen. Your Dad may be unhappy with what you and sis decide, but there is more than one person needing both your attention right now. For now, you may have to go with "good enough" and not be able to make everyone happy. Who knows? Maybe having this lady in at night will convince your Dad to get more outside help. Maybe bil illness will help your sis to let go a bit from Dad's care. There may actually be some good that comes from all this. The Lord, fate, karma - they all work in mysterious ways. Many, many hugs to you, too.
Ladee-thanks for your support about Mom and Dad. No lab results yet, so we are still in a holding pattern. Have added PeptoBismal, Activia yogurt, and Vitamin water to the arsenal. Watered the garden for them tonight. Haven't actually had any big talk with Mom. The most I can manage right now is being gentle, but firm, about what I am doing and what's best for Dad. Maybe the rest of what I think should be said will come later.
Goodnight, and better tomorrows.
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Lildeb: My heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry your dad is in such bad shape, but I am also hoping that he will improve. I am praying for him and your SM.

I need to mention one more thing. Your dad and step-mom will need to get qualified for Medicaid. Remember the 5 year look back. Her youngest son can't be given the property. Medicaid will view the property as an asset and they will not cover their care if they have gifted their land. I'm simplifying, but that's the bottom line.

Also, it sounds like neither of them are competent to legally sign a POA. You will probably need to go the guardian route if they mental impairment does not improve.

The main thing now is to see to it that your father gets into a good facility for continuing care and rehab.

I am praying for you and your family. Take care of yourself and be careful driving home. Don't get distracted with all that you have on your mind.

Hugs, Cattails
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