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OhioGal, let us know what happened at the Dr. visit....I'm looking forward to the day we get to be the 'difficult' ones......
Stormy...I know your frustration level is thru the roof, but sweetie, possibly they are telling you all they know... Do you ever express how frustrated you are to the DR himself??? And let him explain ???? It is the 'not knowing something definite' that seems to be driving you insane...and I do understand that... but your dad has a voice in all this, why is HE not insisting either on another Dr. or is he alright with what is going on??? You never say how he is with all this... He is the one being poked and prodded and loaded up in the car.. if he has no problem with the answers he is receiving, then try to do your best to just do what needs to be done....and share with us how knowing something definitive would help you? I certainly am not a Dr. , but it sounds like his body is doing what it's going to do with the diagnosis he was given... and if the cancer has returned, they would tell you....I know you are frustrated, but again, how would something definitive help you? And I'm asking so you will try and calm down some as this is taking so much of your energy and has for as long as you've been on the thread..... sweetie, it's been a long time you've been here, if there was something to tell you, they would.... possibly you could try and accept his slow declline, do what needs to be done, and let the end result be what it is.... like I said, what does your dad have to say about all this???
M does not have a definitve diagnosis either, but we all know it's only a matter of time, as her body is wearing out from the cancer, she is starting to have horrible side effects from the transfusions....but are they are not telling her, yes, it's this,or no,it isn't that, No they aren't.. they are doing what they can for her under the circumstances ... so we deal with each situation as it comes up... do the best we can for her, help her when she is weak, ect... I know to a great degree you want this to be over... and that's ok. but maybe there is something you are supposed to be doing to get mentally healthy before it does come to an end... something for you to think about.... because from things I have learned about you since you started posting, you are going to flip out with guilt.... you know I'm not fussing at you... just giving you something to think about.... hugs to you....
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My Lord everyone must be dealing with heat exhaustion, no posts in 10 hours. It was hot as hell here too. 107 degrees was the last temp i saw today for here. Well i hope all of you are ok out there......... Love and hugs stormyyy. Stay cool tomorrow it's going to be another roasting of a day.
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Omg this has been a week of horror and now i have to reschedule his visit with the pulmonologist office and then craziness here at the house. I also have a very dear friends that i love to pieces but she is having a BPD episode. Now i have to fax my time sheet come monday ...i am really behind on everything or my mind is but anyway any tips to help me cope with someone with BPD who is having a major episode.
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Jam- i am sorry if i offended you or your husband i was not talking about all drs just the ones down here. All i am saying is that they keep doing the same tests and scans and they show nothing. And i know there has got to be another test or do a biopsy and see if you get a result from that. It is not fair for dad or for me and sis to keep us in a state of constant worrying and wondering what is going on with him when all three of us know that there is more to what the drs are telling us and i do understand that they just might not know or can't find it. But they can try a different route. Again i am sorry if i offended you i was only voicing my frustrations and venting about them. Love you bunches stormyyy
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Today I am learning to get someone up much earlier than 2 hours in order to make an 11:15 am doctor appt. This is going to be a very important Geriatric Doctor appt that I am taking MIL to. We are asking for guardianship, arranging phy therapy OT/PT & skilled nursing coming into our home, need prescription for different walker. My MIL is SO against going, until I told her it was necessary in order to get someone into our home to make her stronger - now she is more cooperative. Pray for me! She is so difficult to deal with.
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Hi Motelmilly, how's Ms.Janet doing? I like reading your comments. You are one of the very few who loves what she's doing and cares for her care-patient. Once in a while, when I need something positive, I click on your profile and re-read it. And how are you doing? ;)
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Hi Jam, YES!!! My dad had it but never brought it out. Now that I'm caregiver for Both of them, I dug it up, made several copies, put it in a see-thru folder and taped it to the wall next to her bed. Medics will see it immediately, and I made sure to have copies for the ER. I'm not my father. It's time for mom to have finally have peace.

I admit I'm getting frustrated with doctors. I'm currently trying to find a new doctor for me. This time I will go for a female doc. Male doctors just don't cut it for me. I tell him I'm so stressed from caring for 2 bedridden parents, work full time, I have no time to go walk 30min.daily. He said, "You can find the time. Anything is possible." Yes, I know anything is possible. The question is: who is willing to babysit parents for 1hour? He could have taken it one step further and say, "I know of this program or this organization or this paid caregiver association, etc.." Just throw me a bone...So, I'm now looking for another doctor. Didn't mean to say all doctors are bad. But, in my years of experience with mom - I can see that doctors wanted to tell my dad to quit trying to extend her life. Poor mom..
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Jam that is good to mention DNR's too many people do not want to deal with this so put it off you should have one and carry it with you at all times -then when someting happens you next of kin does not have to make that decision-I was so glad we had it in writing when the husband became critical that was one thing I did not have to be worried about I knew his wishes and followed them. In NY when ever you have medicial visits people are given the forms-I am not sure how many fill them out.
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wow looks like this caregiven is all alike. I pray for these people and ask why all the pain and suffering on yourself and the love one your caring for? what the hell, i ask myself... Whatever your going though your not alone now that im reading this everyday. God bless you all and myself to....
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Good Morning! The frustration level this morning is overwhelming and I wish I could make it all go away. I'm hearing the unhappiness with doctors, and while I'm not an expert, I can maybe give you a couple of ways to look at situations......remember your doctor is HUMAN, a mortal just like the rest of us. They cannot perform miracles, although sometimes it seems like they do, and there are times when they just don't know the answers. And there are some out there who did not graduate anywhere near the top of their class and I just shake my head in wonder. If you aren't getting the answer you want, then by all means find someone else, but you will probably end up with the same response because sometimes there isn't an answer. It is just assumed that when your doctor moves the practice, the patient will follow their records. Doesn't mean you have to follow. But doctors don't generally actively pursue your business. Waiting to be seen? Bites doesn't it? It's those first few patients of the day who throw the whole schedule off......usually you're on the books for 10 or 15 min and when you want to visit with the doctor he is later getting to the next and it snowballs from there. I always make my appt for the first thing in the morning, I know my wait won't be long.
bookworm......the next time Mom is transported to the surgeon's office and is still on the ambulance gurney, tell the crew they need to inform the staff that Mom either needs to be moved to an exam table or seen now, as they can't wait. When Mom is on their gurney, first off it is illegal for them to take off and go to an emergency.......that is called abandonment and negligence. Second, if Mom is still on their gurney they can't transport anyone else. They are obligated to your mother while in their care. When a patient is on the gurney, they are just as important as someone else, emergency or not.
Something I haven't seen addressed here in a long time..........do you have DNR's on file? This is so very important when dealing with end of life.

I hope some of you will find some rest and a moment to yourselves today.

Welcome to all the new posters........happy to see you here!
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Just another shitty day in Paradise....... love ya'll
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Awe Stormy that just sucks beans! Prayers
Ladee hope your body feels better this morning.
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Stormy, my mom has the same problem with all her doctors. This is my belief regarding the doctors treating my mom : This elderly patient is Non-Responsive, she has Dementia/Alzheimer, she does not react or move or anything. She cannot eat, she chokes once in a while from her saliva because she forgets to swallow. Her quality of life sucks. Therefore, I will not go out of my way to find the answer to her ailments. I will just give a bag of IV, keep her here for a few hours at the clinic, and the family will leave knowing that I did my best." That is the nutshell when it comes to elderly medical care.

I'm sorry that you and your sis are still in the dark about your dad. Nowadays, it's very difficult to find a empathetic specialist who is willing to "forget about the bottom line" and do their best to help the patient because they care.

I know what you mean about appointment and then not being seen on time. How about mom being transported to the surgeon's office (to change her stomach tube), stay on the gurney, and everyone is just sitting there uncomfortable because mom is still in the hallway waiting...past her appointment time. All the while, hoping very hard that there's no medical emergency that will cause the ambulance medics to leave mom and go to the emergency call. Very nerve wracking! Keep us posted. Hope you had a restful sleep!
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My psychiatrist has increased my dosage of abilify which evidently enhances the effectiveness of my anti-depressant welbutrin. I don't know how long it will take for this change to kick it, but it will be a welcomed one.

Yesterday, my mum's nursing home totally failed to have her ready for her cardiology appointment and I was so glad that I got there early. They had her appointment down on the calendar for days, but forgot it. Man did I fuss them out. We were able to get her to the doctor on time. We had to wait basically an hour to see the cardiologist who asked several questions, listened to her heart and breathing and said see you in a year. I told him that being placed in a wheel chair and waiting so long was such an ordeal for my mother that I questioned if coming back in a year was needed when she does have a primary physician at the nursing home. He had no problem with that since it has been two years since her heart attack without any further problems. I think it is insane to make someone from a nursing home in a wheel chair have to wait 1 past their appointment time to see the doctor. I'm going back to bed.
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Sorry Stormy, but maybe this dr leaving will ensure you get a new Dr. with some answers.... I know this is driving you insane.... prayers for you and the family...
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Hey ya'll sorry i am so late posting, i tried to at dads earlier but i lost my post and didn't have time to do it again. Then when i got home i had peas i had to finish putting up in the freezer. Just got through with them and my shoulders are killing me and my neck.
This is what the dr said, not a damn thing. Ok get this- He said that he did not see any fungal, bacterial, or cancer cells in dads fluid, but he is not convinced that this still couldn't be cancer. So i am thinking what the hell does that mean?????? So he wants dad to have ANOTHER ct scan so he can see if he is getting more fluid on his lungs and if he is he said he would take it off but he then wants to send dad to a thoracic dr in moore county a hour away from where we live. So the thoracic dr can explore his chest area and see what he sees and maybe take a biopsy. Duh dumbass should have done a biopsy 7 months ago when all this pleural effusion started in the first place. I haven't understood why they haven't done one yet. Oh and that's not the best part the dr is leaving town, moving his practice to florence sc a hour away from where we live. In fact today was his last day at this office. And there are no other lung drs in this town we will have to drive a hour away to get to one or to go see him. He did not push for us to try to come to his new practice, sis and i thought that was kinda strange...... I think she is even thinking what is the deal that they can't find out what is wrong with him. We both said that we felt like we were getting the run around. So sick of this shit and these drs i could scream....... I swear i am going to quit going to these drs appts they are a waste, A Big Waste of our time. So that is basically what we found out the same thing that he has been saying, Nothing. He says he's not sure why dad keeps getting the pleural effusion. And i am thinking will hell i don't know either, but your ass is the dr figure it out, YOU have the tools, scans, images, reports all of that stuff of his and the knowledge of these health issues. Figure it out for God's sake. Gotta get off of here and get a cigarette. I've worked myself up into a frenzy. I'll talk or vent to ya'll tomorrow. Love and hugs stormyyy
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Brandy, we'll leave the light on for ya, as Jam says.... hugs
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I am going to have to leave you guys as Brandy. Sister really has it in for me and yells at me over everything and she would recognize my postings. I will come back as someone else and be supportive of you guys. Like Beth Moore the preacher lady said one time, lots of people's lives are trainwrecks and mine certainly is. So gotta go and take my ativan. See ya.
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Evening Ya'll, had to share what happened today, as every caregiver alive is going to relate.... was so tired, it's so hot, so when I had a break, I sat down on my bed and turned the fan on me.... felt so good, so I layed back....Yep, woke up two hours later and thought I was paralized....!!!!! My back was killing me, and my legs had gone to sleep.... I felt like a turtle on it's back.... trying to turn over , my back screaming at me, my legs numb.... finally sat up.... took awhile for the feeling to come back in my legs and can't stand that tingly feeling.....I felt like my chicken pic....... I know ya'll all relate to being that damned tired..... love ya'll, going to bed, the right way this time..... hugs to you all... Stormy any news???I didn't read posts so I hope everything is ok..... later...
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Forgot to mention that mnl enjoyed herself at the St Luke Church respite care. You may not remember what they had for lunch or not all the activities they done for that day. However, u can tell she enjoys herself by looking at that smile on her face n listening to her trying to sing some of the church songs while we head back home. Hope everyone is able to get a good night sleep.
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Well, I guess u can say i'm no menopausing here for the little red fairy has come to visit!!!

Burned, I would see about hubby seeing someone to find out what is going on with him. Also sound like you had a very tuff day with the bank n such n I would had been pretty PO myself. Glad u were able to get it straighten out. I think you should go hide in the bathroom n take a long bubble bath or shower n gets some rest if you can.
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You all are WONDERFUL self sacrificing individuals in caring for your elderly loved one(s)! In doing so you are draining yourselves emotionally, psychologically, and physically. You must TAKE CARE of YOU!

Please make sure YOU are fit and well with proper diet, exercise, and anything to put a SMILE on your OWN FACE. YOU MATTER!!

Do NOT lose YOURSELF in the process.

Take care.

BeWell
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I am dong great! Just sent my dad this postcard to cheer him up.
nothing like brightening someone's day. :)
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When i went to see my mom this morning she was up in the dinning room. She is not eating but it was quite a surprise to see her up and rolling around. I have been up all night expecting the nurses to call to tell me she had slipped away. Hopsice is seeing her so this is not really an improvement just a change. She was talking to people not there and also seeing things not there. I understand this is actually part of the shutting down process. I can see this is going to be very long and difficult. Hospice is caring for my mother and they also have counseling for me and my family.
I really appreciate all the encouraging comments. It certainly helps to have this place to come. So hot here over 100 today and the air quality is not good.Stay cool.
Carol
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here is the kicker we didnt get to go cuz his insurance didnt have transportationa available so i had to file complaint against the specialist office and take it up with my case manager because i am doing my best to fight for him to get to these appts and i get shit canned by these dumb asses. I also need some respite care...i cant keep dealing with my son and daughter manipulating their father and then tho they are young they only have 3 chores to do each day. Then I am paying the bills and everything else..i am fucking train wreck waiting to happen and there is no break for me and its too damn hot ...need some rain here in the desert.
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Thanks, ladee. I will see if I can make an appointment. We have so limited good doctors here. My primary doctor is...I'm finding I'm not happy with him. I tell him of my stomach pains and he doesn't have exam where the pain is. He just gives me antibiotics - his usual cure for my ailments. I don't want to go to him for depression meds..... I do feel comfortable with my gynecologist..except he's such an alarmist. My goodness, when he said he thought my rapid recurring complex ovarian cysts was cancer, I went into shock! ... But, then, when I had strep throat, primary doc gave me penicillen. I go to gyne for follow-up on my after surgery, I told him in passing that my stomach is hurting from so much coughing. He asked me what was prescribe, and he kept mentioning all these meds and I kept saying no. Finally he stop and ask what meds prescribe. Penicillen. He just stared at me. (You should see his face. He was trying so hard Not to saying anything against primary doc.) Then, gyne says that he will prescribe me this med for the coughing. Sure enough, it went away! So, I'm thinking my gyne is so much more experienced than my primary doc. So, I've been going back and forth on this. I will call and ask if he will see me on this. Hmm...he's going to ask why I didn't come back for my pap test...going on 4 years now..ugh....
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bookworm, guess it amazes me that someone would choose depression over meds.... there are only a gazillion different meds out there today to help you get a grip on this unbelieable situation.... you are smart enought to know there is no magic pill, but some of the exhaustion is depression, rightfully so, I do not know how you do what you do..... and to have no help with any agencies in your town is harder....but the fact you are still sharing your thoughts is a very good thing..... let your Dr. know ALL that is going on, explain your bodies reaction to meds... he or she , hopefully will help you to find something your body will tolerate and you can at least keep your head above water long enough to get some perspective on all this...... it is so hard, if not impossible to see any other options when we are as exhausted as you are.... please try to take a few days off from work, is that a possiblity???? I too am exhausted... and I don't even have the responsibllity you have.... just know you are in my thoughts and prayers.... and keep posting, you are worth getting some help for this depression....but I really do understand, you just want some relief, some time to not think and worry and plan the next clean up job....my heart goes out to you.... and I really don't know if I could do what you are doing... I am a strong woman myself, but when is enough , enough....Hopefully some of the sibs will come thru with some money to help....such an impossible situation you are in... but know we are here for you, it's not much, but we do care, I worry about you, and pray you get some relief soon... let us know how you are doing.... hugs across all these miles...
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I'm still struggling with the suicide thoughts. I'm beginning to think that maybe I need to give in and ask for meds for it. I am soooo against taking any kind of medicine. Plus my body cannot handle meds after a while. I can no longer take Sudafed. The Benadryl Allergy pills - my body is beginning to react to it - after taking 1 pill. But, I think I'm doing better now, but ...it's such a constant struggle to Not think of suicide. For the past 2 days, it's so prominent on my mind. Work is fine. Parents are fine...Ohh....I think I'm stressing because Dad has moved to the Next Stage. He's already passed the "Accusation Stage" - he's accusing Everyone of everything. He's now on the "Making the Mess" stage with his pooh. Every Morning, I dread what I'm going to find. When mom went through these stages, dad and I handled it - Together. Now, I handle Both of them, and no one is here to help me. I wake up at 6am. But, with this new development, it's taking me longer to change and feed them all by myself. After feeding them, I take the 2 trash out (pamper trash and kitchen trash) and grab waffles for on-the-go. I think this is why the suicide thoughts. When I see the mess he has made ( I mean, how did the pooh get all squashed up on his back!) I just want to call it quits.

I've concluded that waking up at 6am is not enough time. I now have to set the alarm for 5:45am.. hopefully that will help so that I don't go speeding to work just so that I can arrive 5 minutes late...my usual time. ...I still smile when I think of that talk my boss had with me. "You're suppose to arrive at work 15minutes before we open. Not exactly at 8:30. We do not pay overtime. When you come in, you will sign in at 8:30am and sign out at 5:30pm." The hell with that. No overtime? So, I would still come to work at 8:30am. Except now, with the parents situation, it's 8:35 or 8:40am! It's 9pm. Time to change their pampers, clean the trache, etc...
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Crystal. I've been there, done that for years. I have 7 sisters/brothers. I have asked, begged, threatened to leave my bedridden parents. Long story short, I am just soooo exhausted. When I drive to work in the morning, I'm falling asleep. When I'm driving home for lunch, I'm so exhausted I'm driving on autopilot. After work is worse, I'm struggling to keep my eyes open. In the evening, standing up, if I close my eyes, I can feel my body shutting down and tilting. I'm exhausted and have asked and asked for my siblings help...even to give money so that I can hire a caregiver for at least 2 days. One very smart lady on this website gave me a "straight talk". My family has a Right to live their own lives. They have the Right Not to help the parents. Even though I still resent this, I've accepted it. Since they have the right not to help parents, then I have the right Not to hear their problems, the right not to commiserate for them, the right Not to encourage them. I'm learning that relationships are a two-way street. It's not a one-way (take, take, take and NO GIVING back.) I've concluded that it's best to disassociate myself from the siblings who are not helping me. As long as I "pretend" everything is fine and dandy (but deep down I resent them for not helping out), I will constantly struggle with my depression, anger and resentment. I KNOW what you're going through. Check my profile. I know how that sooooo tired ..... soooooo exhausted...means. My heart goes out to you.
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Morning Jam! Early bird..me too. It is cool out this time of day and so peaceful sittin on the back porch and listening to all the birds wake up. Our yard it the same..tomatoes hanging on...
Beck thinking of you today..hope surgery goes well. Stormy ..prayers for you all let us know!
Ladee woopie! So glad that you may be getting rest and cool air soon!
Crystal..I have same problem..mine comes when it s convenient for him. Oh well take what I can get..stopped trying to figure it out not worth stress I get from being upset about it.
Seeme..safe travels and I pray the journey isn't too stressful with all the inlaws.
Carol..prayers. I figure that I will be feeling guilty that I didn't do something right . Try to think of good moments and the strengh that she has given you..she will always be your rock. Prayers
All is well here. Trying to keep a good attitude.
Pray we all have the best day possible in whatever situation we are in.
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