This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Vic...im so sry u r in such inner turmoil. All i can say is, as usual, ladees advice is right on. I will be praying for u that u find some peace...u deserve it...many hugs
Notlike...u realize that this t-shirt idea must now come to fruition!!! I'm lovin the chinese version and plastic idea...n i MUST insist on the diamonds. Afterall....i do have a reputation to uphold!!!!! lol .....huge hugs to u
Ladee....u go girl with ur wisdom.....it's priceless...LYL
Ladee-leave it to you to find a way to get your protein! Hugs.
lildeb-Wouldn't it be nice if we could schedule the good days and bad days? Why does a really good day always result in an equally bad one? Sigh...
bookworm-I have one word for you, with what you're goign through, and that's STRONG. Prayers and hugs. You are amazing for handeling all that so well.
Vic-Thinking of you and sending you hugs. Are you taking anything for how you feel? It gets overwhelming at times...we're here for you.
Hope everyone has a peaceful moment today. There's so much work to do here, I might just give up and go take a nap.
Stormy, several years ago, I was on a business trip. I met this older woman. I mentioned mom being bedridden. She told me about her grandma being bedridden too. Her relatives built this wooden structure that she layed on. They even cut a hole on it so that her butt goes on it. Then when she needs to use the "restroom" she proceeds to do so. When she died, they found ants on her bottom.The ants had eaten some of her flesh. She was crying when she told this story. She looked me in the eye and made me promise to keep a sharp eye on my mom. To watch out for the ants because they will eat her. So, I was on the lookout since then.
Notllike for me would be caged trapped and lonely. Right now anger and resentful also comes to mind. Have been in a bad place for awhile...don't know why as this past week or so the day and night routines have not been too awful. Brother came yesterday so I had a night at my place away...been praying for.a.better attitude. Getting along with mom has been very trying lately. And feeling like I am an outsider when it comes to her and my brother. Seems to me they play little games and I am supposed to know what is.going on by osmosis.
Now for his pampers...I borrowed this from when he was in the hospital, which uses Unigard Plus (adult incontinent briefs). My SIL showed me how to wrap his "private" with the Unigard. It's already folded from the warehouse. All you need to do, is make a long slit on the center of it, insert his private in, and THEN, you tape up his Depend pamper as you normally do. Oh, I use the Depend pamper that has tapes on the side....It's the pamper with the ORANGE color with the words, "Adjustable with TABS."
KMart ran out of the Medium/Small size Depends. So I bought the Large. I'm finding that the Large is not so good at all. His pooh/pee tends to leak on the side because it's a bit big on him. KMart is the only one on island who sells the pampers with the Adjustable Tabs. All other stores sells the Pull-ups.
The red color with words Adjustable Underwear is the Pull-ups. I made the mistake of buy 3 pkgs. It's currently sitting in the room being unused. I'm planning to donate it to the respite caregivers. Because dad is bedridden, I have no use for the pull-ups. Can you imagine how messy it would get if he poohs? Ugh!!! I hope this helps you.
Girls, i love the t-shirt ideas. When can i pick my up? Love and hugs to all of ya'll. Stormyyy
I am a Caregiver:
Compassionate
Adaptable
Responsive
Energetic
Grateful
Intuitive
Vocal
Ernest
Respectful
I am also:
Cranky
Angry
Ragged
Exhausted
Grumpy
Isolated
Vacant
Explosive
Resentful
Thats my contribution....can't wait to wear 1 of these. Does it go with diamonds??...lol ...hugs
notlike...does any of these help with your T-shirt for caregiver...1st caregiver (positive -front view?) A for Accessible....E for Efficient....then 2nd caregiver (backview?) V for Victimized (by family members)...?? I like your idea.
The rest of the day she just been this person with several nasty remarks. I decided to cut grass to relieve my stress. I must had been more stressful than I thought for I cut backyard n the front/back yard where she use to live. I am feeling it now. Hubby used the weed wacker to help himself. Their was just no talking to her today. She finally took her a so call non-naps that she don't never do. Oh please. I made her one of her favorite meals-mac/cheese n chicken fingers for I figure that comfort food might help her to settle down. She did somewhat n hopefully tomorrow will be a brighter day for all of us.
Once we design them, we can wear them in the Laundry Room! (for newer people, that's a place in our heads where we can hide and be silly. Comes from me having to hide in the laundry room to talk to my sis, so Mom wouldn't hear me! )
I am a CAREGIVER:
Compassionate
A
Resourceful
Energetic
Giving
Inspired
Vocal
E
Respectful
I am also:
Crabby
Angry
Resentful
Exhausted
Grieving
Isolated
V
Empty
Righteous
We really need those t-shirts...LOL
My grandma is 87 and hasn't been diagnosed with Alz or dementia that I know of, but she can be a handful at times, and I'm not the easiest to live with either because of anxiety and depression. I worry about her all the time, but she doesn't want me to hover around her and watch what she does. She is very opinionated and feels she needs to write letters to anyone who will listen. (I won't listen anymore.) She can do some cooking, & wash dishes, and get to the restroom on her own, but needs help dressing, opening bottles, and grocery shopping. Her eyesight has gotten worse in the past few months, which really disturbs her because she wants to read all the time. I think its caused from cataracts and medication. When a friend or family member calls, she acts fine and cheerful like nothing is wrong. They don't know what we go through daily. Weekends are tough because there isn't much on tv to keep her occupied.
Thanks for the hugs & best of luck with your father also.
Anyway, i can only imagine the tension that u must be living with. I don't think i would leave her alone for more than an hour...i would b really nervous. My father, who is 82 n has ALZ, still lives at home with mom, n he still puts on an act that he can be left alone, but i just don't trust the situation. Go with ur gut on that one...it has never failed me. Wat ur doing is a wonderful thing. I kno it doesnt feel like it, especially wen u r so isolated from others and your home doesnt really feel like home becuz of the situation. Keep posting here. This group is a riot, and everything in between. Bring ur problems here n any one of the ladies n gents that hover this thread will be glad to help u out. We can make u laugh, too.....but that cost extra!!!!! Hang in there...Let me hear back..i'm interested to know about ur music. Huge hugs...
cadarn-Hugs to you for being in this situation. If her wishes are no feeding tube, you can rest easy knowing that is what she wants. Your support for her choice is worth more than letting them put one in and keeping her alive a bit longer. Focus on what can be done to keep her comfortable instead.
Ohio-Love the sun and glasses!
hadassah - good for you! You got done what needed to be done. And it's not lying - it's creative fact management :)
lildeb-do you feel the storm building? I worry, too, that any good times will be shortly followed by Mom's version of thunder and lightening. Because we are all still trying to all live together and get used to each other, I'm not sure if the next storm will be over something small, or if the really big storm will come next time the cancer pops up. Either way, I know it's coming.
Been a rough week here for Hubby. My normally sane, good guy finally hit a wall of stress. Some of it is work - he has to go out of state again tomorrow for a few days, and that's really not normal for his job. Alot of it is the parents. I swear, if we hear one more complaint about the TV's, I'm goign to toss them all out and buy radios! We can only have 4 TV's on at a time, or 3 and a recording. I don't even have cable on mine - just an antenae for local stations so I can watch one of my shows. The rest I have to tape and watch when I can "borrow" hubby's TV. You'd think they were missing War of the Worlds if one of them can't watch because both hubby and son are watching and something's taping. And for whatever reason, some channels black out when Mom is watching. We've even tried switching boxes. So she can watch 500 other stations, but whines because C-Span 3 won't work! The phone is another issue. We were goign to go to cell phones only before they showed up. No one we want to talk to calls us on the land line anyway. Hubby's out in the yard, digging a trench, covered in mud, and Dad brings him the phone because the nice voice asked for him! It was the Cancer society, askign for a donation. The last time I talked to them, I told them I was already supoorting 2 cancer patients, and didn't have any more money. I thought they'd go away. Next time I'm going to ask them to send me some money, since I'm knee-deep in this!
Venting....and worried about hubby, too. Yup, never a dull moment around here.
Ladee-can S shake his money maker for all of us? Or better yet, a nap or peace and quiet maker? :)