This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
No Stormy, S didn't shake his money maker yesterday, he gets very antsy when M isn't there as the day progresses... she had problems with her transfusions yesterday, they had to stop them and give her something for nausea and vomiting and she started running fever with chills... this happens sometimes.... So it was a very long day for her....very weak when she got home.. finally got her in bed and settled, told the daughter to take S for a few hours, and let her sleep... daughter was not happy with that request, but she did it..... have to go in for a few hours today, and then I am coming home and sleeping the rest of the day.... it's that kind of tired where you know sleep isn't going to help... we all know what that is.....at some point we just hit a wall and move like robots.....
Went to bed when I finally got home and now I'm awake, not good... but will try to catch a few more zzzz's then go do this all over again.... we are like hamsters in a wheel.....
more later, hopefully... love ya'll, and sorry I haven't had time or energy to get caught up with everyone.... prayers for everyone...... hugs
t
So yesterday we visited the podiatrist, her nails look great & she qualifies to go every 10 weeks, pd by medicare! The best part is she likes him! By the way her imaginary beautiful feet were diagnosed with nail fungus, bunions, hammer toe, a painful condition of the ball of the foot & a circulatory condition. The best news for me...no home care needed!!! I don't have to touch them again!!! I feel much better..
My wife is doing better since her psychiatrist increased her level of wellbutrin for depression.
Someone mentioned earlier about stress and hormones. I can testify to that too for my endocrinologist has had to increase my dose of androgel to keep my testosterone level normal. The various meds that I'm on have made it necessary to take more B-12 and Folic Acid. So far this week, I've had 3 good days with 2 depressed days. This is an improvement over other weeks.
We bombed the house today for bugs but were not totally successful. I think we have some water bugs that survived and must find a way to get rid of.
It may take a while before your estrogen level drops substantially. When you are ready, I think you should see your GYN. Remember that you are under stress too with your MIL, and often hormones diminish more quickly under stress, so that could be escalating things. Given the medical issues you have to keep in mind, I'm hesitant to recommend anything, but Flaxseed can be helpful. Whatever you do, make sure that your other docs are in the loop to any changes you make in medications or supplements.
You live in a warm climate. I use to and then moved to Washington state. Big difference in how I felt. No hot flashes after I moved here. Keep a fan in your bedroom at night to help keep you cool.
Big hugs my friend. Sending love, fans, and flax seed. Cattails.
Cmag- Glad that you had a better day with your mom. How's the man cave these days? And the wife?
Ladeee- Hey there wildchild. How's our Sonny man doing? Has he been shakin his money maker today? lol.
Jam- How is target doing these days?
Welcome Newcomers- You have found a home away from home!!!!! Hope you like it here!!!
Bookworm- Dad has not always done the clicking sound and burping right afterwards, it's just been in the last 6 or 7 months. It's like he done it one time and it was on after that. Been doing it ever since. My brother and i were talking about it one day the clicking and burping and my brother had me rolling laughing cause he said that it sounded like dad was calling a horse with the clicking sound. That's what it sounds like. I have no idea why he does it or if it is coming from swallowing air, the pleural effusion, or if it has just become a habit for him. But it sure is aggravating.
Well not much went on today dad is still the same. I was soo ready to get outta there today. Dad fell asleep and i left him a note telling him i was going to pick up connor at daycare and i got outta there. Some days over there it seems like the clock has stopped. Well i hope all of ya'll have a good weekend. Love and hugs stormyyy
Today she said she was sick but the nurse said she was okay. Dementia robs a person of so much. I don't think my mother knows how she feels. She ate well yesterday but today would not eat. She has gotten lots of attention because of this swallowing issue and I think that has convinced her she is sick. This testing will only make it worse.
Everyone here has so many problems and I so wish there was a way to make this easier. I'm hoping that a break through or some kind will be found for Alz and Dementia as with the baby boomers, of which I am one, will be there and it is not going to be easy for caregivers.
So funny, never thought I would be in this situation with my Mother.
Thanks and the best to all.
Carol
Ohiogal, vent, vent, and VENT some more. Alzheimer's disease is such a robbing disease n I lost my grandma due to it years ago n now the mnl has it too for about 2yrs. Look for the blue top tabs n hold your mouse over it n it should drop down with other resources n such. Take advantage of them too.
Today was my 10th yr post-kidney transplant so we all drove up to Newnan Georgia n shopped n ate out. Mnl got her some shoes, hubby got him some shoes n I got me a hat to help keep the sun off of me beings I found out from my last visit from Piedmont Hospital that I am 3 times faster to get skin cancer because of the meds I have to take. Better safe than sorry. Mnl had a great time, grumbled a bit but you could tell she enjoyed herself n that is all that matter is that we all enjoyed ourselves and together. It must going to storm. ; )
I hope everyone is able to get a good night rest...
I don't know what your mom is eating now, but I would strongly advise against a feeding tube. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but she does not need heroic measures to keep her alive while her dementia continues to progress. She can be kept comfortable and, from the sounds of her medical directive, would want to be allowed to pass peacefully. That can be done.
My dad had a feeding tube for a while and it brought on constant and severe diarrhea. My dad did not have dementia or I would have never agreed to a feeding tube. Personally, in retrospect, I wish I had not done the feeding tube because, while my dad can eat now, there is nothing else that he can do.
I am sending you lots of love, best wishes and comfort. End of life decisions are so difficult, but you have to look at the big picture. In your mom's case they seem pretty clear. Hugs, Cattails
Wanda, so sorry about your husband, too. I feel confident his anger is becoming more and more often because that is what I am hearing alzheimer's will do to a person. When they become fearful, anxious, frustrated - they lash out, hurting the ones they love. And the teasing neighbor will some day pay for his actions.
Brandywine, I am new to this site - and finding it an excellent source to find some comfort in my negative world. That is why I have this logo of a sun with bright smile and glasses. I am trying to stay positive with a smile, but my dark glasses hide the tear ridden eyes from all the crying I do. I'm a strong person but I just don't understand how a person can turn on you so fast - one moment nice, the next moment attack mode full of insults. I need to find a rubber room, too, lol.
Thanks,
Carol
man not this person that looks like him. His anger is happening more often now. Not with me but with some of our neighbors. They can't seem to understand that they should not argue or debate anything with him. One of the neighbor a 31 year old man that we have known for about 10 years wants to tease him. I have talk to this person many about doing this. Why want they listen to me when I try to explain. Wanda
The pull-up diapers just fit better, the biggest advantage of tape over pull-up is when one is full of "pingo" tearing the tape is a little bit easier than tearing the pull-up.....and the pull-up has a tendency to hold the pee in better since the legs are tighter.
I'm thinking a nap sounds really good right now........thanks seeme for the idea!!!!
Stormy...when my dad first got home from the hospital, he made these really terrible, irritating clicking of his mouth. I just hated it. Drove me crazy. And he was burping a lot too. But this just lasted for several weeks. I'm not familiar with all your dad's problems, but do you think maybe too long on one of his meds or combining several meds at one time that's causing the gas? Do you think a hot pad (or heating pad) on his stomach will help push out all that air/gas inside of him? When my Gerd acts up, I can't stand drinking water. It made my gas worse. Hard to say....
JoJo- so sorry to hear about your gma. I will keep u in my prayers.
Ladee- Sonny man is lucky to have you to look after him. But i'm sure you feel like you are the lucky one to be able to care for him. What a special bond you two have. And i'm sure that was priceless seeing him shake his money maker. lol
Nothing new on dad-same stuff different day. The constant coughing and burping is raking on my nerves this week. I do not know why he is burping all the time. And he started making this clicking sound with his mouth and then he will burp afterwards. I can deal with the coughing but that burping all the time is annoying. Maybe ya'll know something about it that i don't. Well gotta go to bed 5:45 is going to come early in the morning. Huh.... Ready for my saturday off. Love and hugs to all of ya'll thanks again for the advice. Stormyyy
Prayers for S, JoJo, and Purplerain.
TG tomorrow's Friday.
Goodnight and better tomorrows.