This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
JoJo, I am sorry your granny has left but as you mention she is with grandpa n in peace. Just try to get the image of what grandma look like when you had great times with her before she got sick. Just because she is not physically here with you, she is with you withing your heart. You are a very caring n loving person n that is a special to have. p.s You got any home-made sugar-free hello Kitty cookies. ; )
My dad had a bag for a short time. He died just after the reconnection surgery. He had the ostomy bag connected to his small intestine, so the waste was all liquid. We didn't get much instruction on WHEN to empty the bag. Got to tell you this story. He developed a UTI just after the surgery and was put on the antibiotic levaquin. I was home on Family Medical Leave cause my mom had just had surgery on her thigh to save her foot......a blockage in a vein. Dad went to pee and at 5:30 am he woke me up to show me he had blood in the bag. I called a brother to stay with mom while I took dad to the ER, showed them the bag and they admitted him. I stayed at the hospital all day while they ran tests. Finally they said he could go home and it must have been the antibiotic causing the blood. Dad gets off the bed on his way to the bathroom, and the bag was soooooo full, it opened and spilled ALL OVER the floor of the double room. I hit the nurse button and said I needed help!!!!!! Thanjk goodness the nurse took over, called housekeeping, got dad in the bathroom and helped him change into his clothes, threw his underpants away, and told us to check the bag 20 min after he ate or drank. OK!!! At least we had something to go on after that.........I was just thanking God it didn't happen at their house with a carpeted bathroom!!!!!
Seeme, thanks, as Beck calls it, the long goodbye... didn't I just do this last year...and no M was saying it because she can't take care of him by herself anymore... she has too many aches and pains(?????) and has no patience what so ever with him....and I guess she will end up having to spend some money here with me coming in twice a day.... still much cheaper than a NH, but I will tell her later this evening to really consider that move because S will go downhill even faster.....they have the money for S to stay home until the end... but it would be an inconvience for M..... and besides she wouldn't be the center of attention all the time.... I have incorperated some different things this week, to make it easier on S.. without it interrupting his schedule... he seems to be doing ok with it, but needs someone with him pretty much all the time now... and is getting up during the night and wandering all over the house, apparently is doesn't wake her up.....am concerned about him getting into that mountain of meds on the counter, getting outside, ect... but , hey, who the hell am I to make any suggestions....If I do, automattically it won't work, is isn't neccessary, or she has an excuse... he is become a fall risk... starting to set down before his butt is near the chair or couch.... so some of the damned Suzy Homemaker crap has gone undone this week. She goes for her transfusion tomorrow so S and I will have the day to ourself... I let him sleep where she is always fussing at him... so I can get some things done then, or..... not... I don't even care .... just want him to feel safe, maintain his dignity, and laugh everytime i say something stupid... today told him we needed to get shaved... he wrinkled his nose... I said if you don't ,you have to eat brussel sprouts.... He HATES them... he laughed and got up and said ok, let's do it.......so I intend to spend every minute with him that I can and the rest of her damned 'to do list' can wait.... what's she gonna do, get hateful???? Mwahahahahaha.... been there done that with her, no big deal....And you know me Seeme, I'll be like a Mother Lion looking after her cub when it comes to S....so I'm sure it's going to get interesting...... don't even care..... I HATE THIS DISEASE!!!!!!
May I say to all of you...as I read how each one of you faced your individual challenges, and all the encouragements and hugs to each other, and for those rare people who actually still love their care-patients, I see ALL the good and bad. I had reached the point where I resented the parents. Lately, I've been actually Talking to mom again, carressing her face to let her know that I'm there...when I do this for mom, I know in my heart it's because of all of you. I haven't done this to mom in a Long Time. I'm sorry, but I cannot and will not do this to my dad. I'm here to care for him and that's all I'm willing to give. Her - I can forgive. Him - I cannot. But...Thank You!!! (I don't comment much here because I'm not familiar of most illnesses. ..and well...I'm just learning a Lot of things and seeing things from a different perspective.) Hugs to ALL!!!
Jojo........so very sorry to hear that Granny has passed.....what a blessing to be able to look back over your life with her and have such wonderful memories! How is Mom doing?
bookworm....hope you have taken that suicide plan and filed it under "things to not think about anymore"........you are a very special person and we need your voice here to not only help yourself in your care giving journey, but to help others as well. Sending a big hug to you!
Welcome lainie......happy you took your therapist's advice and joined us. Tell us more about you and Dad.....you will find lots of support here, some laughter....at ourselves and each other...beck keeps us entertained with her wit, ladee is our "problem child", we get our "kid fix" through stormy, I'm the Mother Hen, notlike gives us our daily exercise......we take something valuable each day from each person here.
stormy......lots of babies have been born under the conditions you state!!!! Unfortunately everything isn't "textbook" perfect. I have a feeling you are suffering from a combination of stress, the "monthlies", lack of sleep, and other things related to care giving. If you are concerned about Dad's glucometer, most pharmacists should know how to calibrate them. Depending on the brand, instructions should have come with it for calibration. Do you have a test kit? That should be done at least once a month. Let us know how you're feeling.
Sending wishes that everyone have a good day.......if it's not so good, come to visit and we'll see if we can lighten your load........................
Thought i had better check in as Beck has threatened to put my chicken avitar on a milk carton and report me missing....I'm not missing, just too tired... like all of us... sure hope M doesn't think this split shift thing is going to be the 'new normal', she wanted me to come back yesterday for only 30 minutes... told her NO....wasn't worth the gas to go back, so it ended up being two hours... stupid me, why didn't I keep my mouth shut....
Will try to get caught up, but don't hold your breath... just know that each and everyone of you are on my mind and in my heart... just because you don't hear from me doesn't mean I'm not thinking of you all....hugs across the miles...
I was at my wit's end. I've finalized all details of my suicide plan. Then Help came in the form of the Respited Caregivers. I attended my 1st group therapy and enjoyed it. Except they only meet once a month. With my anger, frustration and resentment - I knew I needed more than that. So I Googled and found this website - all in the beginning of June. I tell you this much, I have Benefited A Lot from this site. Even in my deep depression, I laughed and cried (hate crying - for a reason based on childhood experiences). And most times, I just want to surf this site daily to see how everyone's doing, coping or angsting (is it grammatically correct to add -ing to "angst"???) over their caregiving roles. I'm embarrassed to say this but when I feel like I can't handle my life as caregiver to parents, I read other commentors and I am soooooo, sooooo glad that I don't have siblings like theirs, or that mom is waaaay past That stage (thank goodness!!!) Later!
Blessings and love to you and your sweet family, Cattails
anyway... i could never say thank you enough to everyone on this site...you can never imagine how you all have made such a difference in my life this past 2 weeks....... I can only hope that I can bring kind words and comfort to others as everyone has done for me...you are all in my prayers everyday for what you indure...never think for a moment you are alone...your not...there are so many people out there ...just one kind word makes such a difference.....and i will always try to make a difference to others....even if its a silly "hug" sent online or just listening to someone so they can clear their mind....I feel alot better thats out....and 6 am is fast approching...I dotn want to let granny down by being late for class and training today...love and hugs to you all
Jam- no chance of a baby coming in 9 months for me cause the monthly fairy is visiting me now. Sorry ladies.... no little one on the way. And i haven't been peeing alot or been thirsty and definitely haven't been losing any weight (i wish). But i do get shaky, nervous, hungry, sweating, short tempered when my sugar drops. Nothing new on the dad home front, same old stuff different day. I feel like i am stuck in the movie groundhog's day. Trapped in there and there's no way OUT..... I just was not in the mood to be there today plus having to get up earlier with connor to go to daycare has not helped either. It makes for a extra long day. And to top it off with cramps from hell and chasing low sugar all day, it has had me feeling exhausted and drained. Just ready for this week to be over with. 2 more days. HUH....... Love and hugs ladies and gents stormyyy
I asked the lady their how mnl did today n the lady said that they had a group of children come in from the church school n it was a bit overwhelming for her. The lady said she got mnl into a smaller group n she did fine.
Hubby n I asked if she had a good time n she said yes. That is what matters that she enjoyed herself n got to meet other people. You can tell they pamper her n she always love the center of attention. Hey, whatever works ; )
Non-diabetic bloodsugar usually runs about 65 - 110. I have had diabetes type 1 insulin dependent for 37yrs. Hypoglycemia(hypo = low) Symptoms: sweaty, confused, dizziness, rapid heart-beat n headaches etc. Hyperglycemia (hyper = high) Frequent urination, rapid weight loss and Increased thirst. If it drops below 65 then drink something that will kick in quick to boost it up a bit then, drink some regular soda or some juice. During your meals u may be eating less than normal or doing more activities than usually n that may be causing your sugar to drop a little for you have burned all your food up.
As for fruit with me I had to learn that I couldn't eat it alone for it would cause my b/s to go high so my dietition told me to add like sugar-free yogurt or peanut butter -protein to balance it out or I could have like a 1/2 banana with my meals. As for a bowl of Rice Krispies, I don't even take a chance for it will cause my sugar to sky rocket as well as food that contains a lot of fat.
Everyone is different n they will respond differently whether it what u eat or the amount you ate. I would go get it check out. Good Luck.
Stormy-ditto to what was said about the protein. Trust Jam and take the test :)
Vic-good to see you checked in. Thinking of you...
Debby-We do know what you are going through. That;'s the beauty of this site. Care giving is NOT for sissies, and we all deal with the emotions and other stuff. I believe God is watching. And he hears all prayers. Even in the Bible, some prayed by yelling when they were upset. He knows our emotions and struggles. It's like the Footprints story. A woman looked back over her life and saw her footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets, sometimes not. She yelled at God, "When I was struggling, where did you go? Why did you leave me to walk alone?" And God answered, "My child, where you see only one set of footprints, that is when I carried you." Hugs.
Not a great morning here. As I was leaving for work, Dad starts talking and I realize his tounge is swollen on one 1/2 and he can hardly talk. The swelling did go down over the next few hours. It looks like his C-pap mask irratated a nerve, and he was also probally clamping down on his tounge during the night. I had a hard time switching from daughter to nurse, though. I got so worried, I wasn't really thinking straight. I can usually go into nurse mode pretty fast, and deal with my emotions later. But sometimes, I don't see my two elderly patients, I see my parents. Nurse mode is my coping mechanism here, and I don't like it when it isn't working right!!! I guess it's something I need to keep in mind as their health gets worse. Plus I had a patient at work last week who had a stroke in the short time she was in our clinic. I caught it, and we sent her to the hospital. I think my reaction to Dad was partly because I just went through that and didn't want it to be happening to him. Sigh.
Goodnight, and better tomorrows.
stormy.....lady gave you some good advice. What is making you think that you are having diabetic symptoms? All BS levels fluctuate throughout the day. Textbook "normal" levels are 60 - 110. That's not to say some people don't have problems at 60 or 110.....I have treated patients completely unresponsive at 80....the answer would be to see your doctor. Three symptoms to look at are excessive thirst, excessive urination and rapid weight loss. BUT those symptoms can also apply to other things as well. Can I just throw something in here? Humor me please..........take a pregnancy test. And every time I have had someone come back and tell me NO WAY.....uh, 9 mo later they had a new family member......:) Keep us updated.....you're important to us!
beck............as a matter of fact I DO have hardwood floors!!!!! love ya!
I hope you all have a good evening and can find a little piece of sanity for yourselves...................