This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Ladee....i completely forgot about those 3 glasses of wine yesterday!!!!! Now...how could i have forgotten that..of all things......lol. Wat i think i need to start accepting about myself is the fact that im jst gettin old and breakin down, so my husband n i decided that we are going to invest in a "rascal" that seats 2. I'm going to put a flag on it that reads.."Fuck Off".. and we're going to drive it back n forth in front of our sons house becuz he 's really pissin us off!!! If i have to live day in n day out with all these aging issues...im sure has hell going to make sure im a pain in someone's ass!! It's called..unconditional love...hahaha.. LYL
Stormy, hope you have found something out... and don't know about dads tremors, was he running a low grade fever??? If he does it again, call his Dr.... let us know what you found out...
Son's appt changed to tomorrow, so need to get back to M's.... see ya'll later this evening... hugs.
I guess i did a lil more than i thought in preparation for yesterday. All i kno is that i have 10 more days before surgery on my hand, and it can't come soon enough. Don't u ladies worry, tho........i can still type with my toes..lol....wat a visual!! I'll do this "one handed mombo" again later. Now, i get to go do the grocery shopping for mom. Maybe a boy scout will be selling chocolate at the store entrance, and see the sad condition i'm in, and help an old broken bitch out!!!!! later ladies...huge hugs..
Lil' deb- I think hubby appreciated everything, the food and the gifts i hope so anyway. Hugs
Notlike- I didn't get on here yesterday just too busy. But i would've said send them on the more the merrier, right? hugs to you too.
I am planning on calling the lung dr today and talk to his secretary to see if she changed dads appt date. I talked to his nurse last week and she didn't have any news and was little help so i figured i would try someone different maybe she will know something about when we are going to see the dr. I hope so anyway.
It's going to be a long day. Connor and i are having to get up extra early cause he has to be at daycare at 7:30 to catch the little bus that carries the kids to safety town. It's just for this week thank the Lord. But when he starts school he will have to be there at 7:30 too. Its going to be hard on both of us getting use to getting up that early. Plus i didnt sleep worth a shit last night. And i am already feeling the effects from it. Huh... And not in the mood to go to dads. I know he will have a bunch of stuff he wants me to do to him. Hopefully the day will flyyyyyy byyyyy. Mondays just suck if you ask me. Just feeling kinda blah today i guess thats how i am doing. So love and hugs to all of ya'll. stormyyyy
JoJo, congrats on the new job, very heartwarmning to hear you being excited about your new adventure....and granny is in good hands.... nothing you could do if you were there..... let us know how things are going...
It amazes me what stress does to our mind and body... talked with a friend until one this morning, just about 'stuff', laughed, shared, and by the time I got off the phone, all these aches and pains were gone... still going to the Dr... gonna ask for some GOOD drugs this time..... not really.... but earlier in the day talked with another friend and could feel my body loosing up then... no pain this morning and a clear head...... well, the head thing is debateable I know.... clear as it's gonna get anyway....
Have Dr's appt' with my son this week, and working split shifts at M's because of her pain in her shoulder...so it's going to be a long week, and I'm sure I'll be on here talking about how tired I am and my body hurts, and blah blah blah...... gotta love caregivers tho... we do bounce back .... well, maybe trudge back, i'm way past the 'bouncing' days.... everyone find one tiny thing to be grateful for today....
Wanted ya'll to know I heard from ASG.... she said things are crazy but she will try and post soon... Love ya ASG, in our thoughts and prayers...
hugs across the miles to ya'll
You could file for child support and since his income is all from the government, it wouldn't be difficult to locate and distribute. You could look into what the state has to offer for health care for your children, based on your income, or possibly you could ask that your husband continue to cover them via his Medicaid or whatever.
You could then get a full time job, move if need be to an area that has more opportunities, get low income housing for a new start and make your own way.
Your children need to have some dependable structure in their lives. If you can't do that together, maybe you can do it separately. In time, if you decide to divorce, maybe you can insist in the agreement that you and/or your children remain beneficiaries on his life insurance policy. At least until the children are out of college.
I'm not suggesting that you do this, but I am offering it as a way to manage your life better if that is what would help. Something to think about. Cattails.
Jam and Seeme-I will suggest those drink ideas to Mom. Thanks! And no green beans yet - but it looks like soon.
Stormy - can I send my hubby and Dad to your house for Father's Day? LOL Sounds like you are doing it up really nice. Hugs.
ren345-Your wife may need a swallow study to determine if she is swallowing correctly. You could start by talking to her primary doctor. If she is not swallowing right, she could take food or liquid into her lungs instead (aspriate) and wind up with phneumonia. If a study determines she needs help, most foods can be altered in consistancy to make it easier to swallow. Liquids can be thickened with artifical thickeners, and solid food can be ground in a blender or food processor. But check with the doctor first before trying to change her foods. Blessings, and please come back and let us know how she and you are doing.
Dad and I are going to watch "Falling Skies" tonight as our FD activity. Sis and I bought him the first season DVD so he could catch up. Can't wait!
An especially good day to all!
Stormy, You r going all out n he can have his cake too. That is very thoughtful n I hope he appreciate what you do for him. I am just doing a pot-roast, corn-bread n some veggies for my hubby.
I did send my daddy a card n it was very hard to find the right words for some of you know from past post the circumstance with the dogs n his choice to stay on his property. I also put all us kids pictures on an index card back/front n said, "Eventhough we r all grown-up, we will always love you daddy." Now, hopefully the step-mom will give it to him. I will try to call their house that is if their phone still works n half the time he cannot hear it ring anyway. I don't see too many more Father's Day for my dad from route he is going n I cannot change his hard-headed mind so all I can do is tell him that, I love him.
I hope all Fathers have a blessed day.
Burned..glad you can come here and let it all out..
Notlike..so sorry for rebel and what an amazing vet you have!
Stormy..sounds like a good day planned today
Ladee hope you got rest last might
Everyone else..payers for a decent day..
I sat down, itemized all the expenses: bills, house supplies, body care supplies, etc... I totaled what the cost be for the month. I showed him the total cost breakdown: this is the house bills. I had all the bills on hand and actually showed him the bills so that he can really see that the power bill is $475.00, etc..... This is the personal care costs (pampers, wipes, body washes, wash rags, etc..) This is your herbal costs. When it's in writing, he finally realized that he was spending more than his monthly income. So now, when he wants to order his herbal, he would ask me if he has extra money. I'm not sure if this will work with you, but I'm thinking that maybe if he sees it in writing, itemized, totalled vs. the total income, he might actually see that most times you're in the red? Just a thought...
By the way, my dad has fired me soooo many times! When he angrily tells me I'm fired, I say, "Good! Because I didn't like this job anyway! The pay is lousy and no vacation!" And he ends up laughing.
Notlike- I am soo sorry to hear of Rebel passing on. It is so hard to lose a pet, they truly are like family. Prayers for you. Hopefully you can rest easy knowing that she is not in pain or suffering now. Love and hugs.
Vic- Tell your dad i said happy birthday and i hope it is a great one for him. Love and hugs.
Beck- I have a puppy named Lily too. She is the wild diva in the family!!! Hugs.
Jam- Sorry the col is still declining I know that must be hard on Target and you and the rest of the family. I can't imagine. Prayers for you and him. Hugs to you!
Ladee- Hey there our wild child of the thread!!! Love and hugs to you too.
Well i started out the day putting up corn in my freezer. I put up 4 dozen ears and that made 5 qts and i still have about 3 more dozen in the refrigerator that i got to work on tomorrow. Plus i ordered 4 more dozen of a different kind of corn that i got to pick up from my dads grocery store tomorrow. Planning on cooking the hubby dinner tomorrow too for father's day. So needless to say it is going to be a busy day tomorrow. Plus i know Connor is going to want to go in the pool tomorrow after we get back from church and going to dads. I will be wore out. Oh and i made hubby a cake today too. We are going to do the gifts thing tomorrow nite when he gets home from work. So that's been my day. Well i hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. Love and hugs to all of you. Stormyyy
I hope everyone here are able to get a good night rest-sleep.
Beck, glad to see you climbed out of the hole.
Burned, don't quit now after all you have been thru.
Notlike, what about the green beans? Getting any?
Ladee, take a good long nap, you deserve it. So glad you didn't get the hail around
dallas......your tin can would be squashed!!
Cooked all day for hubby......gonna play dice later........everyone please have a good Weekend.......and Happy Father's Day to our male cargivers.
When we were flooding the col with water, I began buying a flavored water that had a fizz to it.....it was clear but the flavor was good....her favorite was berry. Walmart carries them.
Jam-Happy Belated Birthday to the Col. I read about it during the week, but missed posting my congrads. And you go kick all the butt needed!
Beck-Sorry things are pilling up for you. Surgery is never fun. But you will at least get to rest for a day or two! :) I know, whatever rest we get is never enough. We'll be holding your good hand, and keeping your bad hand in our prayers.
Ladee-Make that doc fix you up, or you could threaten to send Jam to kick her butt! Sending you peace and angels to make you feel better.
We lost our Rebel this morning. Because he couldn't get up anymore, we had to carry him out of the basement in a blanket. I miss him already. I was so impressed with the vet. They put us in a private family sitting room, which was alot more homey than an exam room. On the table there was a Bible, and books for kids called All Dogs and All Cats go to Heaven. The blood donor coordinator, who saw Rebel many times when he donated, was there, so she got to say goodbye too. We got a cast of his paw print and Hubby is making a plaque with that and his dog tags. I was impressed with the whole way they handled everything. They did their best to make it as easy as possible.
Mom does not have an UTI. She does need to drink more water. She wants to try adding some flavor packets because she gets bored with plain water.
The gym is great, but boy, am I SORE!
Goodnight, and better tomorrows.