Follow
Share
Read More
This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
YeHa for Conner, you do realize don't you Stormy that whether or not Conner knows it, he has a wagon load of Granny's and Aunties here..... and an Uncle or two... can't wait to see the pics....
Bad storm here last night,much needed rain tho... I have so much foil and crap on my windows to keep out the heat, I never have to worry about aliens... so will access the weather when I leave for work... hugs to everyone... overslept, my energizer bunny is about kaput....... hugs to everyone....more this evening...
(0)
Report

Hi all..welcome to new posters. Have been keeping up but kmow I will miss someone. Linden..I usually use baking soda.with water and turn microwave on for one minute. It usually does the trick.
Stormy so happy for Conner..and a praying for you sis and dad.
Seeme..have a similar story like bookworm..but when billys parents died..there are 9 all together. The 2 youngest couldn't count they didn't work.. So we divided everything up but of course we never got balances owed from some. Like the dead petals with the invoice. And also the reduction of monies at the end. It is just not right how some folks are..sad they were all raised the same but turned out so very different.love you seeme sue!!
Notlike know how you must be feeling with words in black and white..slap in the face even though you knew makes things final somehow.
The hospice company that started with us last week seems great. Over the weekend dad fazed out Bp high and heart rate high.. Finally came round..nurse came out and by that time vitals were good. Think he had a TIA but it was different than ones I had seen before. He is more confused but he can still feed himself which is good for him. We had a quiet night last night no talk of eggs or needing to go to school...will see what the day brings.
Love and prayers to all
(1)
Report

Stormy: Three cheers for Connor!!!! What a blessing that child is. I am so happy you have his young life and accomplishments in your midst. I'm sorry about your dad, Stormy. I've been reading the posts and waiting to hear what the doctor's finally come up with.

You have the benefit of having Connor in your life. He is life; young and new in all it's glory and achievements. You have the great benefit of seeing life in the form of your precious son and, on the other side of the scale, you have your dad and, most of all your sis who has put so many eggs in the basket of keeping your dad alive.

You have a contrast that your sis doesn't have. You have a grounding force in Connor; a way to see a new tomorrow.

I am grateful that you have been given this special gift that Connor is and the years you have ahead of you to focus on his growing into a young man.

When your dad passes, I hope there will be some way to bring your sis into the world of the living; the one you live in. I hope you can be there for her grief, like she has been there for your dad. I don't know if it is possible to reach her, but in a normal life, I hope she would have been happy to share this special graduation time with you. Maybe not now, but hopefully in the future.

Much love to you, Stormy. I am so happy for your wonderful day with Connor. Hugs, Cattails
(0)
Report

Hey ya'll i just wanted to let ya know that connor's graduation went really good. Connor had to talk about space and name all the planets, the kids sang songs that they had learned and said the lord's prayer. They all did great!!! I was so proud of him. I think he was even proud of himself.
Well i wanted to let ya'll know that dad did have more fluid on his lungs, they removed a liter and said that they could've removed more but they didn't. And it has only been 2 weeks since they took off 2 liters of fluid then. Sis said that the dr let her look at the fluid and she said that it was dark yellow, like urine. The dr told sis that he would call her in a day or two and give her the results. Also he is going to get dad a newer appt for next week . So maybe we will hear something in a day or so. Well i have got to hit the hay, getting sleepy, but i will talk with ya'll tomorrow. Love and hugs stormyyyy
(3)
Report

Lildeb-try burning some toast. Really. Then put it in the micro for a bit. Burnt toast removes the worst smells. nurse's aides burn toast and walk down the halls with it sometimes when things smell awful. Sounds weird, but it works.
Stormy - oh, you proud Mama! Congrads to Connor. At the high school grad party I was at this weekend, they had a picture frame with side by side pics of the grad girl at her first graduation (kindergarten) and then high school. It was really neat. Something to think about...
seeme-I'd mail them dead flower petals with the bill. Hugs.
Ladee-How is your son doing? Any more word on his leg? Hugs.
Hello to the new posters. Welcome! This is a great group full of people who are also on your path. We help each other because we have all walked in the same shoes. Blessings and hugs to you.
It was interesting to hear Mom talk to her new primary doctor. She was "asked" to live with my sister, but "had" to come here to live with me. That explains a few things. Mom tried hard to piss the doctor off...didn't acknowledge her right away, wouldn't fill out all the forms, ect. But the doctor handled her like a pro. Now Mom likes her. Doc must have seen me rolling my eyes a few times. Whoops. And Mom bought me a donut I don't even like much for when I got home from the gym last night. Such good bakery, she said, as she opened the bag in front of me to smell it. See why I go to the gym??? Best of all, she told me she ate the first onion from the garden. That would be because she did so much hard work to make the garden, right???
Okay, enough venting. What was really hard was seeing both their diagnosis written in black and white on the FMLA forms the doctors filled out for me. Especially the kidney disease for my Dad. Since those are the patients I work with during the day.
I want a caregiver t-shirt, too! We could make a fortune! :) LOL
Goodnight, and better tomorrows.
(0)
Report

Of course they need to pay their part, or it can come out of their final settlement with the will... you or mike neither one should even be haivng to be stressed over this.... I hate families.... mine and his,...maybe if YOU call them... they can hemhaw with Mike, and he doesn't need the added stress... but at the same time you may have to pick your battles....as time goes on you'll have to see if it's worth the stress or the hassle... and I think saying she shouldn't have to pay for her own flowers would do the trick... hopefully....tell Mike I love him and he's in my prayers, you know you always are, but may need to let you know too... LOVE YA SEEME SUE....
Welcome to all the new posters...have a broken son I need to go tend to, will try to get back on later.... hugs across the miles... oh and Stormy, post pics on FB of Conner's graduation.....
(0)
Report

Seeme, regarding your question about splitting the cost of the flowers. I totally agree with you. BUT, collecting it is a different story. We are land rich (but money poor.) Grandma (deceased now) forced my dad to give us 8 kids one land -not subdivided. The land tax is only $288/year, divide it by 8 of us = $36 each. It NEVER fails that 2 or 3 will not or refuses to pay for their portion. It's only $36.00! And out of us 8, my oldest sis is unemployed and I'm the only one making the lowest paycheck (only $23,000/year). All other siblings are in government or federal jobs. Those who don't pay, I have to cover it! It just makes me so angry every year...basically the same people. So, you can try to collect again and explain that with added financial burdens as a caregiver, you will really appreciate it if they can pay their portion. (Doesn't work for me but it might for you.) Later! It's 12:20am and I really need to hit the bed.
(0)
Report

Welcome Taytay and Jojo! I'm also new to this site in June. Most of what Seeme said is true. Caregiving is a constant learning curve and a LOT of the unknowns. I used to gag changing mom's pampers and the mess it made on the restroom floor. I used to gag when I was forced to learn to clean her trache tube (that hole on the throat)..I still can't stand it. I used to be grossed out cleaning her stomache feeding tube (red, bloody, yucky gross stuff coming out of the hole) - This I have a hard time not throwing up. Her stomache tube was accidently pulled out by the social service caregiver. We all tried to put it back in the hole but we were all too grossed out to even do it. So, we called 911 and went to the ER. ER doctor says that I can do it next time, and instead of Showing me how to do it, he Explains it. Anyway, doesn't matter. That thing pops out, I am going to take her to the ER...I don't care if it's $200 roundtrip for the ambulance. But, everyone here are experienced and give very good, practical advice. And they're funny too! So,when you feel down, or alone, just come back here and read, comment, vent.
Hope all goes well. Take care.
(1)
Report

Taytay and JoJo.....welcome to the thread......and, no, you are not alone. Unfortunately, caregiving doesn't seem to lend itself to original thoughts.....we have all had the same thoughts at one time or another on this journey. From the beginning to the end, I have felt every emotion expressed on this site and on this thread.......love, hate, depression, wishes for death, sadness it happened, anger it happened, been through hospice, angry sibs, ignored sibs, me being ignored.....got a good doctor, some bad ones, sat in ERs, doctor's appts here and out of town..........my specialty seems to be poop, but I learned how to cath. I've cleaned disgusting messes, but found out I can't handle suctioning. I've changed ostomy bags and bandaged open skin tears, but I can't poke a Q-tip in a hematoma. If you gag, I'm gagging with you. Whatever you need, someone will be here for you. These girls and guys are our lifesavers..............in all the flavors, you are bound to get one you really like!!! Hang in there and hang with us.............later.
(2)
Report

I need some opinions here.......agree with me or not........I really need to know how others might view this matter with sibs-in-law:

My mil dies a month ago today. The only daughter went with one brother to order flowers for the funeral. When the total bill came to $475.00, they didn't have the money, so they charged it to my hubby. OK. I paid the bill when it came the next week to my home, and I paid it from our "operating" account. Our part was $70. I figured out what everyone owed and sent an itemized list to all sibs 3 weeks ago. I have only been paid by one. I am still out-of-pocket over $200. Is it wrong of me to want payment from them before I see them in July? I could get paid from my hubby out of mil's acct, but I don't feel right about mil paying for her own flowers at her funeral. Any thoughts would be appreciated...........
(0)
Report

Thank you for the suggestions Jam! I appreciate them very much.

I just started reading these posts and thought, Wow, other people feel the same as me and have the same frustrations. Maybe it isn't just my inability to cope with the situation!

Thank you all for listening and big hugs to all of you. What we do it hard!!!
(0)
Report

thanks Cattails...I am going to check out that site....for the Hospice care, I want to look for a facility because I start a full time job on Monday and mom also needs to {and wants to} work, so home care is not an option, even with help, my mom cant do it. She has been doing it on her own for almost 3 years then I moved closer to help last year. With grandma's dementia only getting worse, its just too much. My mom gets injured every time she helps grandma get up. She cannot dress her and even when she tries to help her walk from one place to another something always happens. not to mention the constant screaming, its making my mom loose her mind. On the really bad days, when mom gives her medication to keep her calm, well its making it worse {she gets too dissoriented and is just dead weight}
I will be kicking some butt when I go up to the hospital later on today...thanks :)
(1)
Report

JoJo: Go to medicare.gov. At the top of the page you will see some headers. One is called Resource Locator. Click on it and you will get a pull down menu. Click on Nursing Homes Compare. You can put in your zip code and a mile radius and the system will list all nursing homes within that mile radius. They are rated, based on Medicare inspections, on a scale of 1 to 5, 1 being the lowest. There are several categories; staff ratio, quality control and another, all individually rated and then an over all rating. You can read about any complaints, deficiencies that were found during inspection, etc. I don't remember if Hospice facilities are listed, but check the site and see.

Also, you say the doctor wants to recommend Hospice care. Is this in home care that he is thinking of or in a facility. I doubt your mom would do well with in home care as it is not 24/7 at home.

This may be the time when you need to tell the Social Worker that you need and expect more help for her. Same with the doctor. They should be helping you and your Grandmother, not leaving you to fend for yourselves. Kick some butt.

You are an amazing Granddaughter. Stay in touch with us. Sending you lots of love and best wishes. Cattails.
(3)
Report

I'm pretty new to this site...just spent lots of time reading others posts. Is it wrong to say that Im happy there are others out there that are going threw same situations?? None of my friends truly understand what me and my mom go threw caring for my grandmother. I was the caregiver for years, now mom does it. Grandma is currently in the hospital {since saturday}, late stage dementia, had several falls a few days ago and complaining of severe pain. {we found out at the hospital she has a severe infection on her arm and hand that is being treated now with IV antibiotics}..all I know is, whenever the hospital discharges her, she cannot go back to live with my mom, mom just cannot mentally and physically handle it. What truly fustrates me the most is, upon speaking with a social worker at the hospital about what to do do next, I was given sooo little advise and help. All anyone can tell me was move her to a facility for 6 grand a month. So I have till Friday to help mom find a place for grandma. {I start a full time job on monday so I wont be any help}. It is so fustrating to get help sometimes. The doctor wants to recommend hospice care, but so far all I am hitting are brick walls when I try to get information about it. Ive spent hours searching online and will make tons of calls tomarrow. For now, a bit of my own therapy...baking...I love baking, it takes my mind off everything, I wish I could send a cupcake to every caregiver on this site, just so you know, there are still sweet things out there :)....thanks for letting me vent for a minute....I feel better....love this site :)
(5)
Report

Thanks lil deb. I appreciate you thinking about me. Connor will be in Kindergarten this year. And yes i will have to carry alot of tissues tomorrow night. But i am excited for him and to get to see what they have planned for us parents. Love and hugs stormyyy
(0)
Report

Stormy, I hope everything turns out for the best for your dad. Y'all r in my prayers. Meanwhile, I can almost feel your excitement about Connor graduation n going to be going to a school. Will he be in Kindergarten or first grade? Take you lots of happy crying tissue for the graduation.
(0)
Report

Welcome newcomers- I'm sure you are going to love it here!!!
Just a drive by to let ya'll know that sis talked to the lady at the hospital that does the scheduling for the thoracentesis and she told sis that they had the ct scan report and that it looked like dad was going to have to come in tomorrow at 12 to have the thoracentesis done. So i guess they were kinda waiting to get the results of that back before scheduling the procedure. So maybe in a few days we will hear something.
On a happier note- My baby is graduating from daycare tomorrow night. The daycare is having a ceremony for the kids at 7:00. I'm probably going to be balling my eyes out. I can't believe my baby is going to be starting school in aug. Where does the time go? Plus i love his daycare and all the teachers and parents there, everyone is so nice. And they have been so good to connor and with helping him learn so many things these last two years. I don't know who is going to miss them more ME or CONNOR. lol. Love and hugs stormyyy
(2)
Report

seemeride, I don't care to hang out with a bunch of folks drinking for there seem to be one of those that has to go too far. I only would go out about knee hi for I like my feet to be able to touch bottom n run if needed. : ) I love listen to the ocean sound n just sat back n relax of course not in the heat. Haven't seen the beach in 11 yrs.

Cmagnum, good for you for letting him know for you deserve that tax credit n some.

Bek, Welcome aboard. This site here has a lot of information as well like Cmagnum mention check it out.
I was getting a bit overwhlemed with info, that I made me a binder n put divider for things like, Alzheimer's, Home Care tips, financial programs, and Caregiver's Support etc. You should be able to find your own local Alzheimer's organization to pick or download information. You may be able to just go to this site n look around n put in your state for Alzheimer's (AD) information. alz.org
There is a book that someone had mention n it is like another bible in our house for it really explains a lot of stuff. The 36 Hour-Day by, Peter Rabins. You may be able to get it free from your local Alzheimer's association. Try to remember that it is the disease n not your mom, sometimes. : ) Learn what works for both of you helps a lot too n try not let the little things bother you. Last but not least, the people here r great for support for I have no idea what or where I would be by now n my journey has just begun too. hang on for the ride n go with the flow.

Everyone, I had baked a sweet potato in my microwave n I heard bang! sweet potato everywhere n the smell was just gautley aweful!!! I have tried cleaning it out with vingar n water and Mr. 409 and it still stinks!! Does anyone have any suggestion please n this is day 3 n still stinking....
I am going to try n go to that caregiver conference tomorrow while hubby watches his mom. Supposely, Peter Rabins is going to be their to speak. It seems like it will be a all day thing from 9-4pm. I better take me a pen n paper to take notes. I hope it will be worth it going to this conference.

Ladee, We got tons of rain today that I thought I heard my dried-up-crackling grass was singing for joy.
Everyone have a nice night.
(1)
Report

Welcome taytay........lucky you for getting a vacation! It doesn't sound like you have other family close to give you a break occasionally. Any friends who might want to pitch in and help? If not, maybe you could find a daily adult care center for Mom to start going to........any little bit of a break helps to rejuvenate your brain and then you're good to go again. Come back and visit with us....someone is always here.

Hope everyone is having a great day......sending thoughts your way!
(0)
Report

Hello All! How am I today? First day back from vacation with my Husband and Mother to go visit my inlaws. My Mom is so sweet and I love her so much but she has been with me for 7 years since Dad died and my Husband I have no life anymore.

I'm tired, often irritated, blood pressure high, wishing I could run away and feeling guilty because I simply am tired of coping.

So, I guess I feel like most of you! It's so hard sometimes.
(5)
Report

Hi all..happy Monday..not!.. Hubby got home Friday night brother showed up Saturday..Saturday evening he calls and says dad is not speaking..I get over here and ad is totally out of it in the ozone somewhere. Think he had a TIA.. His Bo and heart rate were up but as I talked to him he started coming around. Called hospice nurse to come check on him ..by the time she got here his vitals were good and he was able to speak a little. So..emergency averted.. Gave mom her little anxiety pill to keep her calms dn stop he reform having a TIA too while this was going on.. Sunday was uneventful. Yay.. Since 2 am dad has been talking and needing to get up..a little while ago he told he was late and that he need to get to his first day of school. Told home he had plenty of time..he is obsessed with time..
God bless..ladee love the image of titty shots! I would ave been one of the bitches waving! Lol so glad you slept ..you needed some down time. You are so special..what a loving caring person you are! Hope today it is easier with S and M...
Notlike..glad you are to tired to fight..makes life easier on your emotions.
Seeme..prayers for our and hubby..know it is exhausting and frustrating..love the story about the boxes..how true it is..
(3)
Report

Would she see an MD for a checkup and have the workup for dementia so she would know for sure-I am sure her friends and your family know that she is not being mistreated -her bf sounds like a real problem I hope he is doing things for her to give you a break-she might be lying also about what he is saying ther since she does that with you.
(1)
Report

ok I just read over and you are correct, Durable POA only covers finacial on medical, not medical desisions. I will have trouble getting her to sign another since her lovely boyfriend scared her by telling her I could steal everything from her with a DPOA. She's regretted signing it and tells me all of the time I'm not in control of her life. Her talk of driving her van scares me although she hasn't tried yet, I see it coming. She homesick for wherever her mind is telling her is home and it changes often. I did the cleaning trick yesterday and it worked. She cleaned all of my kichen cabnets and was proud of the dirt she removed that wasn't there. One of my biggest problems to date is her two-faced ways. She very loving towards me and then gets on the phone with family or friends and complains I treat her poorly, hold her hostage, wont give her freedom, steal or hide her possesions, that she hates being here, etc. At first it made me angry and I thought she was doing it on purpose, but now I'm seeing a pattern but I still have fear of somone believing her causing me problems. Her boyfriend told her she has dementia and every day she stresses on it and I have to reassure her she doesn't. It completely freaks her out to think she might.
(3)
Report

bekwalk~Good for you on getting the DPOA first thing. Ladee is right on getting an evaluation. A neurologist is a good choice to take her to for Alzheimer's and dementia evaluations. Also with sundowner's syndrome, I have found the the best thing to do is to first agree with the halluncinations, don't try to talk her out of it because she sees what she sees and hears. Do try to reassure her that you are handling the situation and that everything will be okay. Redirect her attention to something else by having her fold laundry while she watches a T.V. program. If she is pacing, then give her something to do that involves activity. My father would spend a large amount of time using a tea towel or a dust rag wiping the walls down or a counter as long as my mother was in the same room as he was and she was also doing some type of cleaning. Medication may also help to lessen the symptoms of sundowner's. As Ladee said a schedule and routine is important so establish a schedule ASAP. Let us know how things are going. I know it is overwhelming but we can all offer suggestions and support you through this. Keep in touch♥!
(4)
Report

I meant to say that usually a Durable POA only covers financial concerns.
(1)
Report

Usually a Durable POA covers financial. Better read over it carefully to see if it says anything about medical.
(0)
Report

bekwalk, I am glad to hear that you have durable POA, but you are also going to need medical POA if someone does not already have that. It will help you protect her even more and help get past all of those doctor/patient privacy hippa laws.
(1)
Report

bekwalk-welcome, and please keep coming back. Lots of good advice here, and support, and even though you may not beleive it right now, even laughs. Hugs.
Parents had a video chat with the granddaughters tonight. They hadn't done that in awhile. I asked my sister to set it up, and she came through as usual. I am so lucky to have her. And seeing the girls always does the parents a world of good.
Quiet day here. Even got a nap. I keep dreaming I missed my classes at the gym. I am strange, that's for sure!
I kissed Rebel and hubby on the head for Ladee and Jam. When I explained, hubby just shook his head and smiled. That's his way of saying Okay, You are Strange, but I married you, so I love you. I am lucky for having that man.
Guess I'm feeling lucky tonight. Maybe I should get a lottery ticket! Oh, if I could just be lucky for a few days. I wouldn't even ask for a whole week.
Goodnight, and better tomorrows.
(2)
Report

I was told the durable covers everything including medical.
(0)
Report

I have durable POA, I made sure it was the first thing I did when I when I picked her up. She was running scared so I took advantage of it and told her if I POA I could protect her from everyone else. It worked.
(0)
Report

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter