This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
The form just states at top, " St. Luke United Methodist Church Respite Program Medical Examination Form. then it goes like,
"Today’s Date: _____________________
Applicant’s Name: __________________________________________
Date of Birth: _______________
Address: ___________________________________ City: _____________ State: ____ Zip: __________
Date of Last Doctor’s Visit: __________________
Then it goes like this:
"The above named person has applied for enrollment or is currently enrolled at the St. Luke United Methodist Church Respite Program. Your careful examination and written recommendation on this form will help to ensure that the applicant is provided appropriate care and services, encourage safe participation in program activities, and provide a current medical history in the event of an emergency. The applicant’s caregiver/family member has signed a release form and is available from the Respite Program upon request. Any information reported on this form is considered confidential and will be released only with the caregiver’s/applicant’s written permission."
"Please indicate if the applicant has any of the following diseases or conditions, and if special attention or restrictions to normal activities apply."
The last line, "I certify that I have today, reviewed the health history and examined the aforementioned applicant and find him/her physically able to participate in the St. Luke United Methodist Church Respite Program."
Bascially, they want to make sure if their r any allergies, limitation, could she be harmful to others n list of her meds. I had all this filled out n all he had to do was get the form, review it n sign it.
You bet they will hear from me tomorrow and I m going try my best to get to that nurse n let her know that he was already aware of a letter coming either from Alz.org or respite care. ah!!!
Can you talk to the day care people again and explain what the front desk doc office person is tellling you? Also, I would leave a message for the doc or his personal nurse to call you and discuss this. Don't let the front desk stop you.
I'm so sorry for you and your hubby. Kick some butt. Cattails
Today, my husband and I and his mom the mnl had an appointment with St. Luke Church for respite care. Of course, I waited to remind her that morning instead of last night for I didn't won't to hear again like last couple of wks that, "why r u doing this to me?" or "I had no idea you felt that way about me?" eventhough, I have told her it is NOT a NH that, it is a place to do activities. Eventhough she is content at home, bla,.bla.
So, when we got their she started crying so we a couple of blocks down the street to talk to her n to get her to feel at ease before we visit. That seem to work. When we came, we had to wait for the doors r lock which is good and the woman immediatly welcome the mnl in the building as well as us. As soon as we talk just a brief second she guideded mnl with another employee to go ahead n join the group. I was shock that she left n she didn't say anything. I guess they didn't give her time. While she went back to group we talk to the head lady n she was very nice n she explain what activity they were doing at moment. I got to peak and mnl seemed okay and was participating-exercising in a chair. Wow! That just blew my mind! I was so proud of her. We had already been speaking almost an hr going over assessment and she never once came to find us. She did ask about us n they told her that we would be coming back to pick her up. I guess that way to break that cycle of my shadowing.
We even had lunch and we stayed the whole time observing. I have to admit she had a great time. She had no clue we were sating behind her offish while she was playing 'horse-shoes n singing helms.' A total different person on her best behavior. We figure we be the [poo-poo] people when we left. To my surprise she was not upset nor had nothing bad to say. Except she felt sorry for some of the people at the church. I did see her cry one time during the song, Amazing Grace. I told her that may be her purpose which is to help them feel good. I think it work. so, we chose only one day a wk but I have to get this physicial-medical form signed by her doctor. So, I had all her meds already listed on their mg and such and we took it right after we left to the Columbus Clinic to drop it off n pick it up by this Friday. That what the lady at church said that it shouldn't be a problem too. Well, low-n-behold. They said he would need a blank form to fill it out himself n that she would need make an appointment for a complete physicial. I ask are you kidding me! She was just here May 15 and had an Ultra-sound, X-ray, Dekscan, and lab work done prior to the 15 of May.
So, they gave me a card to talk with the nurse n ask her about it so, we left n picked up another form and this time blank! I let my hubby take it up their this time and he tried n they told him the same crap eventhough I had already discussed this to her dr that he may get a form to sign for respite care for I have her 24/7 and need a short break. He even agreed. I'm VENTING now...!!! We finally found a place that she had a great time n we felt comfortable for her safetyness. !!! n she needs a physical? please.. So, the front desk lady gave hubby a card just like mine and told him she would call us. Yeah right. It is 7:30pm n no phone call n we left at 3:30pm. I think they just want to make money. I guess, I will have to call tomorrow to see if I can get her on the phone and explain to the nurse that I had already spoken to the dr about respite care. he already wrote a letter 2 yrs ago that she was diagnose with AD but we of course got charge $20.00 bucks for that. We were going to get all the paper work done and that way being she still likes it that we get her started by 2nd wk of June. Trying to go with this flow deal before mnl changes her mind if you know what I mean. Now, we have to wait on the money hungry clinic. If she has to have a physical which I don't see why for she see him EVERY three freaking MONthS!!!!!! That will be another long wait for an appointment I think. I just felt like crying for it was going so great for her n we felt comfortable and now this brick just slap the hell out of my face. These people have no clue how AD can have an affect on a person or a caregiver minuet to minuet. ARG!!!!
I know I won't be too supported for anyone today.
Tina.....I know you will check in when you can. Love and hugs for Aunt's passing. How are the children? Sending prayers to you and family.
golfgirl......I would have gone home and buried my head under the covers after a day like you just had! Some good suggestions here.......Mom won't change is true, but you don't have to subject yourself to the meaness. Cut your visits to a lesser time.....it really doesn't matter if you are there 90 min or 30 min. I find that everything can be said in 30 min.....after that you are looking for different answers to the same questions to spice things up a bit.......letting the NH do the laundry is also a good idea unless Mom has allergies. Gives you some free time and works because her clothes are always handy when she needs something clean. And they can do the repairs needed on anything. Enjoy your freedom from daily care giving.
burned..........sounds like you are in serious need of a break.
ladee.......sorry to hear the outcome for son's leg might not be the best....but don't stop with getting the opinions until you have exhausted every single one of them....there just might be an ortho out there who can fix him.
Nothing to report today on the col.....cleaned her carpets yesterday and the air conditioner stopped working.....my son and dil were doing the carpet and it got a little warm in 90 degree temps.....but the floor looks fantastic! Repair service coming this morning so I need to move myself.........
Hope everyone has a good day......................love and hugs sent to all!
Golfgirl, what a messed up day.... and we read all over this sight about parents, especially moms who are totally unreasonable to be around.... stick to your word, she won't change, but you don't have to subject yourself to abuse either... go visit for 10 minutes, then take your dog for the others residents to enjoy.... did the duty f**k visit, but you can bring joy to the other residents .... praying for you and everyone esle today...
Have to be at work early today.... but at least M will be at the Dr so won't have to look at her sourpuss face all day.... that was ugly, but I feel ugly today, sure hope no one walks over my invisible line today.... I feel a spinnin' and twistin' comin on..... Bring it stupid people of the world, I'm ready for ya today..... hugs across the miles to ya all if your willing to get that close to me..... just for today, I'll get over myself.... hugs and love and ASG, on my mind and heart.... love ya girl...
Ladee- I know this must be frustrating for your son and for you also. I hope the drs will be able to do something to help his leg, so he will have more use of it. Love and hugs to you. Stormyyy
Thanks for the update about ASGs Auntie. How I hate it for her and family. Prayers ..to soon too fast
I am hoping they have something like a 'trial period' before signing any contract for the mnl may not like the place or we may not like what we see if we r allow to do a pop-n-check. You know how some places can make it look all glory on outside but true stuff is from the people from the inside even if it is a church. For a church it sure has a lot of paper work.
I'm so sorry to hear about your son's leg. I pray in time it will get better and more can be done to help.
Hugs, Cattails
I feel for you and think it is a really good idea to not spend so much time with your mom. If possible, let the facility do her laundry. You should be taking advantage of the fact that she is being taken care of by others right now. I'm sure she gives you a bad time when you visit, no matter what.
Others will have lots to offer. Take a break from her and take care of yourself.
Hugs, Cattails
Saw a post on FB that ASG's auntie is passing.... prayers for her and her family please..... love ya Tina, from all of us.....
seeme.....I flogged the cleaning fairy on Saturday, then the bitch wouldn't leave...................................................................love ya.......
Hope things are going well for you today. Say HI to dad and mom for me.
I hope things are going well for ASG and her aunt. Wishing you well, Tina.
Looks like I am going to have to beat the cleaning fairy till she gets up and does something.......................later............
I cannot tell you how good it has felt to be able to vent a little. Thanks you so much!