This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Congrats on the graduation Hope you have a great time they grow up so fast..
night all...HUGS
ladee hold in there...
wondering sounds like were in alot of same issues...
couldnt of said it better better tommorrows...you didnt think i was going to vent .
ok sister n law txt said bringing mom food ...Brings her Giant BEAN Burritto...My MIL has had colostomy had it reversed in Feb. (REALLY)
HOPE its not a long night.....
Burned Im not going to trade the rain for heat ouch....
Wondering, like Notlike suggested, breathe... I find myself holding my breath all the time, then wonder why I am tired all the time... guess taking care of two old folks and the kid with all the broken bones might contribute a tad to the tiredness too.... naaaa, they all think I'm Superwoman.... NOT.... come back and visit, light is left on for everyone.....
Notlike, glad you enjoyed the gym.....but I bet it helps with your stress level. on your feet all day at work, then coming home to Aunt Mom, yeah, but that's why I smoke.... no gym for me... cigs will do it for me.... and no lectures please.... it keeps me from killing people.... what ever it takes, right?
M didn't blow a gasket when I told her I would be off tomorrow.... will be glad to have a long weekend, even if part of it will be spent in the hospital with son tomorrow getting his MRI,,, we already know the Dr is going to do a complete rework of the knee..... I know my son is so ready for this to be over with.... he got an extention for his crutches to hold up his broken right arm... Monday the staples come out and hopefully it is healing well and he won't be feeling quite so hampered and can get around better..... helped him wash his hair tonight... he is so funny, had me laughing so hard I had to pee.... as I'm leaving, he opens one slat on the blind and all I could see was his eyes.... and he's yelling , "mama don't leave, mama, mama, please don't leave me here".... He's never called me mama, always mom, so that made it even more funny.... he's doing so much better than I ever would in the same situation....
Beck, hope you are feeling a little better today.... I'm sorry for your pain and grief.... it just hurts so bad sometimes, takes our breath away.....but the crying does help.... and then we do it all over again the next day... lots of love and hugs to you....
stormy, how is dad????
I know i forgot someone, sorry, been a long day.... love ya'll and hugs across the miles to you all...
tbailey-hope you had a great time at the game and the sitter worked out. Hugs.
gmandsam-Congrads to your baby! Hugs.
burned - so, how did the egg cooking thing go? It gets in the 90's here for a few days a year (we call it summer LOL) and I've always wanted to try that.
Wondering-First, please take a deep breath. Let it out. Repeat as needed. I too live with a woman who refuses to accept reality and does not want to be happy (unless she's getting her own way all the time). I know how hard it is to be positive when the person you are around is so negative. Smile anyway. Then scream into a pillow. Count your blessings that you are not like that. My heart goes out to you. Come back and tell us more...laugh with us...find out how funny this adventure can be. In the meantime - hugs and more hugs.
Dad's doc thinks the C-pap is helping. I agree. His color is better, and he doesn't fall asleep in his chair as often. Yeah! Big discussion today was that Mom mentioned last month again about getting their own appartment. As lovely as that sounds, they cannot afford it. Especially when she gets sick again. And I don't want to have to run back and forth. So that's that. He also wanted to know how I will manage it when she is at the end. I was able to tell him hubby's and mine's plans for remodeling, and that were are working on it. Hoepfully put his mind at rest.
The gym was great! I might move there LOL. Did the treadmill, pilates class, and met with a trainer. Now, if I can just loose a bunch of weight before I don't have time to go anymore, all will be good. And hubby comes home for good tomorrow! Super Yeah!
Goodnight, and better tomorrows.
thanks again for your kind words.
Dad seems a little better..
Love and hugs Vic
Don't let the selfishness of others take the day away...We can't b everywhere for everyone when THEY want us to be. We need to be with the one's that need us the most..and right now..it's your baby...Hang in there..Try n enjoy today, it will b a memory 2moro. Hope things get better...hugs to u and ur graduate..
i'm two seconds away from starting to cry!! today's a big day. my baby is graduating from high school. gma's got a doctor appt in a couple hours, thanks to my mother(who only thinks of herself) my niece and nephew are here from AZ but because they're alone in a house with no cable, no air conditioning and nothing to do next door at grandma's house they are bored and want to hang out with me or in my room.
my kid called and said graduation practice is over & needed to be picked up so i jumped in the shower and planned to drop gma off at the casino for one hour because according to her, i don't let her go any where and when i tell her "my plans" as we get in the car, gma says "no, the free dishes were suppose to have been picked up yesterday".
my niece's hair is a mess. my nephew is waving at me to unlock my bedroom door so he can use the internet. my kid is waiting outside at her school for me. my friend who i haven't talked to in a week is texting me to "meet him for lunch" and now i can't have a smoke because i only smoke when i'm by myself and its usually in the car.
and....did i mention my baby is graduating high school today??
i wish my dad was here. i miss my old man....
ok.... now i'm crying
potpot, hope you come back and tell us more about your situation.... hugs to you.
Beck, hope today is a better day for you, and if not, feel it till it doesn't hurt so bad....tell your sis how grateful I am ya'll are there for each other.....I HATE ALZ....
MRI for son's leg tomorrow.... I know he is so ready for this to be over, going on the third month and they are just now getting the special crutches for him to walk with a broken right arm and broken left leg.... not too steady on his feet.... I know he will do a little better mentally if he can get outside sometimes....Have rigged up a way to wash his hair and for him to take a good sponge bath, he told me yesterday he'd give his pain meds for a shower.... lol...
M is going to spin like a top when I tell her today I have to be off tomorrow. One day at a yard sale I found this little 4"x4" pillow that says 'It's all about me" and gave it to my son, he told me yesterday I could have it to give to M !!!!!!!
Hope everyone is ok, not everyone checking in... Stormy , prayers for your dad.... I know I haven't addressed everyone, don't have the energy to go back and read... so just know ya'll are thought about during my day, prayers sent when I do think of you....
Onward thru the fog.... hugs across the miles...
beck-blessings to you. Even though you are in a tight spot right now, trying to make the living arrangements work out, please remember that we can only do the best with what we've got. If your Dad is getting worse, maybe you can get a paid caregiver for part of the day, or temporarily move him to your home, or stay with him in his. Think outside the box, at least until all your boxes get lined up! Hugs.
I'll be at the gym tonight. When I can't push anymore, Ladee's hug will make me do that one extra rep. Thanks, hon!
Dad has a follow up appointment today with the C-pap doctor. I'm less concerned about that then about getting a chance to talk with him without Mom around. She threw a small hissy fit yesterday, so I'm wondering what happened while I was at work. Hmmm.....
Beck: Here's how I see it and I don't mean to upset you. Eventually, your dad will pass away or reach a point where he can no longer live at home. Your job is to keep things together as much as you can, but you can't do more than is possible. What you can do is love your parents. If your dad passes or ends up in a facility, then your mom will have the comfort of you and your husband being at her side and taking her to see your dad or visit his grave.
I know this sounds harsh, but you are here to deal with reality and love your parents through that reality. They will never be alone if you are there to love them and guide them, wherever that leads.
Just be your loving self. It's sad and you can cry all you need too. That's a good thing. Your heart will warm their old bones and they will feel comfort at having you near. What more could any parent hope for?
Love Ya, Beck. Cattails
Beck, you have a long road ahead of you. It's wonderful that you have the chance to consolidate households, but it will take time. In the meantime, you are going to have to deal with your dad's illness a day at a time.
You can't make the change of housing go any faster than it can. Just take a step at a time. Those steps will add up and move you along.
Love and Blessings, Cattails