This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Can you qualify for any assistance? Food stamps, help with electric bills, phone, whatever. With your medical history, maybe disability? Can you call your older brother and ask if he can release funds from the checking account to pay utilities? Is anyone living in the house next door? Could you rent it to an older couple with references and do a credit check on them also as a condition of renting?
I'm just trying to think of ways to take financial stress off of you. I'm sure ladee is right that you still have grief from losing your mom, but you also need to live and your finances are so short. It really breaks my heart for you.
Love, Cattails
One question tho, and you don't have to answer, but how much of these feelings could be grief for your mom???? I tend to pile a lot of things on my heart and head at one time and can't always tell what is what.. I just know I will pick one thing, one situation, one person and go with all those feelings,,,, just something to think about,,, and maybe a man on here can help you more, as we are women and will go straight for the " what are you FEELING".... but feel free to talk about this anyway if you need to.... it's just going to take time, and I'm not saying it will get better, but it will get 'different'... thinking of you... hugs
Beck, how brave of you to try planking, the only planking I do is lieing in bed... with a pillow and covers.... and the laughter helps those muscles too, so forget that ' do you feel the burn' crap.... the only thing that we have left that 'burns' is our short fuses..... so tell your well meaning daughter and your ego, we'll figure out another way to prove how we are ten foot tall and bullet proof ... Planking, what sadist thought that up anyway....I think we should start a fad of our own,,, 'slumping', I like that much better AND I can do it without 'the burn'....
Going to try and clean off another flat surface here... if it's flat , I pile shit on it....
hope everyone has a good day... smile at least once and find a minute to be good to yourself....
Tried to get son to get outside for a little while, he's had a couple of days of being down, rightfully so, he's tired of being in pain, and hasn't had the second suregery on his leg yet.... and having the right arm in a cast, a brace on the left leg keeps him from having balance....can't put any weight on the leg, and can't do anything with the arm... so ya, he's frustrated.... try not to upset the apple cart when I'm there, make him laugh and brought him a book today he's been wanting... too hot to be outside right now anyway..... NAP TIME.... yeha.......
Vic, so happy to hear you are feeling better, it's amazing what a little help will do for us.... not getting any help either, so know how every one feels.... good thing we all have each other... don't think I would be doing this with any grace at all without all of you.... don't even want to think about it...
No, I won't get the rainbow mohawk, not because it would scare me, but it would send poor S into full tilt overload.... but hey, it might render M speechless, hmmmm, something for me to consider.....
I could wear my ball cap with the cat face on it, that has ears that stand up.... oh, I am about to get off on a tangent... will stop now, I can feel the 'silly' building....
love ya'll, be safe.... hugs
My OH My what would I do without you all.... Thanks For the smile after reading your post....needed that...
I like the idea of spikes and colors! But you may shock and scare yourself! Heehee... Glad you got away and sang to the cows hope you take a little time today and tomorrow ..so when double shifts start back you will be somewhat refreshed.
As for me..getting time has helped be be happier in what I have to do with mom and dad..especially when the the physical gets tough. Can't remind everyone including myself to try to make regular time for you..
burned....might I make a suggestion? Sounds like a visit to your doctor is in order. Abdominal pain could be anything from constipation to appendix to cyst to diverticulitis to STRESS.....yes stress which can bring on other problems. If it doesn't go away with a trip to the bathroom then you should make the trip to the doc.
ladee.....how about a multi-colored mohawk?
There is a large area down in our lower yard that is full of rocks and every time I look at it I think of you ladee......I don't go down there unless I'm armed.....too close to the pond to be clear of long squiggly things.....like the one that took up residence in my garage the other day.......I pray he somehow found a way out....a friend came to help me look and it was no where to be found and I pray it didn't find a way into the house.
The col is doing fine......just continues to get more and more confused every day, if that's possible. She hasn't mentioned seeing any old friends lately.
I'm not mentioning everyone by name because my poor old brain would leave someone out and that's not good, so just know that I'm thinking of you all!
Sending prayers and angels to guide you through another care giving day!
Realized something when my friends came to visit last weekend, one of them said, " you are still wearing your hair the same".... I hadn't seen her in over 20 YEARS.... so you know it will be some radical hair next time I go to the salon.... spikes and colors I'm thinking.... that should do the trick with getting me fired at least.... and S will think they sent the clowns to take care of him... WHATEVER, I need some change... so I'll start there... can't afford that trip to Jam's lake house, so hair it will be...
Hope everyone has a very safe holiday... please no wrecks.... it would send me over the edge.... love ya'll.... be good to yourself at least once today... hugs across the miles .
Ladee de Lou..I read that article and was happy when YOU got that shout out! Jam you started this thread a year ago tomorrow..and I found you guys just after. Can't tell you how much you all have helped me throughout this past year. So grateful and blessed by all of you.
Notlike..hope all is well on the home front with hubby back home! Makes the days easier I know!
Ladee how did rock hunting go...hope it was a wonderful day.
Seeme..pray you and hubs are beginning to heal..know you both have much to do..but on the bright side I know you are getting excited to get furbabies in a few weeks! Have you gotten to see them yet?
Jam ..thank you! Pray COL is ok too..
Pray everyone has a good day
Another sunrise greets me
Get my weary ass from bed
Try to paint a smile on
There's another "day" ahead...
My mind begins to spin a list
All the things that I must do
The first thing on my endless list
I must prepare their food...
"Make that oatmeal creamy,dear"
Just the way they like
God forbid, they find a lump
I'm not in the mood to fight...
What I wouldn't give to have
Just a little time for "me"
SNAP OUT OF IT...you're wasting time
There are piles of laundry..
Lord, I'm doing the best I can
To meet another days demands
This "caregivers" life
Will drain you dry
Until there are no tears to cry...
Forget the "pity party" my dear friend
Cuz, Lord..there goes the phone again
"What do you mean,coffee maker broke"..
This has become an endless joke...
I rush to get there, quick as I can
And I'm greeted, grocery list in hand
There's Ben Gay, stool softners and mail to send
And don't forget...need more Depends...
I pace the store
In a "zombie-like" state
They all know my name
They know my face...
The doctor calls
"Be there by 3"
We have results why dad can't pee...
Lord, I'm doing the best I can
To meet this crazy days demands
This "caregivers" life
Will drain you dry
Until there are no tears to cry...
But with this life
Come great rewards
Amidst the chaos
We still find joy...
Some may think it's a thankless job
But we're the chosen ones
To care and comfort in their darkest hours
And we do it out of love...
As another day comes to an end
One thing we know , for sure
That when the sun appears to rise
We'll do it all again....
God Bless all the caregivers out there..We were chosen for a reason! Have a good day...Hugs
Thank you ladee and all the other wonderful angels here who have made this thread what it is.......without all of you posting about your care giving trials and heartaches and laughter and tears there wouldn't be a thread. I haven't posted this week....have just been lurking....I'm good at that....but I have been keeping up with each of you. My wish for you today is to find a few moments of peace, all to yourself, that no one can take away!
Love and Hugz,