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Also today 8 years ago my mom passed away. I can't believe it's been 8 years without her. It's just kinda strange that all this is happening the same time that she passed away. Love ya'll stormyyy
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UPDATE on DAD: Dad has still been coughing up blood since Thursday. So sis decides that he needs to go to the hospital today. I thought that they would never go. I just thought that they were going to back out of it again. Anyway the hospital took dad on back and done a ct scan and a chest x ray. And it showed a large pleural effusion. Dad had one before about a year ago and his lung dr drained the fluid off. Well the lung dr is gone for the holiday. So they are having him transported to charlotte hospital. (Carolina Medical) The dr that ran the tests told sis that the bleeding could be coming from the pleural effusion. So that is all i know right now. If any of ya'll know any more about this pleural effusion stuff let me know. I will be keeping ya'll updated as i get news from my sister. Love and hugs stormyyy
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Bill: May I ask a personal question? How old are you? Can you or do you get Social Security? Maybe, even if you can, it will be a small amount. I'm just thinking that part of your stress with your sibs in your lack of funds which just make getting the trust settled so very important to you. I would feel the same way.

Can you qualify for any assistance? Food stamps, help with electric bills, phone, whatever. With your medical history, maybe disability? Can you call your older brother and ask if he can release funds from the checking account to pay utilities? Is anyone living in the house next door? Could you rent it to an older couple with references and do a credit check on them also as a condition of renting?

I'm just trying to think of ways to take financial stress off of you. I'm sure ladee is right that you still have grief from losing your mom, but you also need to live and your finances are so short. It really breaks my heart for you.

Love, Cattails
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Bilmo..i'm sry you're feeling the way u r about ur sibs. Wat can u do, tho...u can't fix stupid...right?? Peace
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O, Sh*t....Ladee....That post is going on my head stone someday!!!!!! You're a 1 woman show, wrapped up in "cow patties" hugs..but still painful..lol
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well Bilmo, I'm sorry that this is eating at your soul.... I think most of us at one time or another, or still, hate our families. I have fine tuned turning hate into indifference, I always tell people they should be happy if I love them or hate them, because if I'm pushed to indifference, then it's all over.
One question tho, and you don't have to answer, but how much of these feelings could be grief for your mom???? I tend to pile a lot of things on my heart and head at one time and can't always tell what is what.. I just know I will pick one thing, one situation, one person and go with all those feelings,,,, just something to think about,,, and maybe a man on here can help you more, as we are women and will go straight for the " what are you FEELING".... but feel free to talk about this anyway if you need to.... it's just going to take time, and I'm not saying it will get better, but it will get 'different'... thinking of you... hugs
Beck, how brave of you to try planking, the only planking I do is lieing in bed... with a pillow and covers.... and the laughter helps those muscles too, so forget that ' do you feel the burn' crap.... the only thing that we have left that 'burns' is our short fuses..... so tell your well meaning daughter and your ego, we'll figure out another way to prove how we are ten foot tall and bullet proof ... Planking, what sadist thought that up anyway....I think we should start a fad of our own,,, 'slumping', I like that much better AND I can do it without 'the burn'....
Going to try and clean off another flat surface here... if it's flat , I pile shit on it....
hope everyone has a good day... smile at least once and find a minute to be good to yourself....
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Ladee...let me set the scene up for you, so u can truly appreciate wat i jst went thru in reading ur latest post....My 20yr old daughter lives at home (the only one that speaks to me...by the way) and she's a fitness instructor at our local gym. I hear she's quite tuff, but i've never taken any of her classes..who has that kind of time..right? Anyway..she wanted to show me one of the exercises that she does in her class that suppose to work the ab muscles.. Remember those??? lol So, still having "some" pride about my abilities, i tried this exercise to prove to myself, and her, that i still "got it"...It's called the plank, and i quickly came to realize that it is actually a position to induce intense pain n torture..So...i did i, anyway!!! She asked me if i could "feel the burn", n of course i said..Hell, no...mama's got this.....Well....guess wat...MAMA AIN'T GOT SH***!!!!!. After reading your post...I am now suffering from abdominal cramping....I'm beginning to see how this "laughter" thing affects me...I either piss on myself, or cramp up..dear God..wat's next!! I love ya, Ladee..gotta go ice my abs now..lol Painful hugs to u!
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Jam, it might be one of the cows I sang to yesterday... just fell over in the pasture from pure joy!!!!!! Or a heart attack, ya, could be that too....
Tried to get son to get outside for a little while, he's had a couple of days of being down, rightfully so, he's tired of being in pain, and hasn't had the second suregery on his leg yet.... and having the right arm in a cast, a brace on the left leg keeps him from having balance....can't put any weight on the leg, and can't do anything with the arm... so ya, he's frustrated.... try not to upset the apple cart when I'm there, make him laugh and brought him a book today he's been wanting... too hot to be outside right now anyway..... NAP TIME.... yeha.......
Vic, so happy to hear you are feeling better, it's amazing what a little help will do for us.... not getting any help either, so know how every one feels.... good thing we all have each other... don't think I would be doing this with any grace at all without all of you.... don't even want to think about it...
No, I won't get the rainbow mohawk, not because it would scare me, but it would send poor S into full tilt overload.... but hey, it might render M speechless, hmmmm, something for me to consider.....
I could wear my ball cap with the cat face on it, that has ears that stand up.... oh, I am about to get off on a tangent... will stop now, I can feel the 'silly' building....
love ya'll, be safe.... hugs
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I went to my doctor he said i had to constipated but that was bull crap. I have two cysts located on either side above/below the pelvic area. He wants me to see a gynecologist; a specialist whose referral I have never gotten. I know its not an UTI but its sitting more or less on my right side. It has been hard and I even felt a small harden tissue area. So yes plan to make a visit to a specialist that will actually make time to hear my complaints. I still have the stress migraines and the heat makes it worse....so I have to make a visit to the neuro...personally I think my family doctor is using the housewife syndrome or some dumb stuff like that. I wish i could put flowers on my grandmother's grave but she is in illinois. I miss my family but i do not miss the lack of help. Best wishes to all.
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I'm not doing much of anything either!!!!!! Today is surf & turf.....yep ladee going to enjoy one of your cows....:) with a lobster tail....yum! Tomorrow will be putting flowers on headstones for the col's husband and her mother and stepfather....and maybe eat out. Then home to take a nap.....:)
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Hope everyone has a great memorial weekend !!! My Plans include staying home & not going anywhere... Was kinda hoping Someone would of invited the MIL over I kNOW Cattails NOT Going to happen & I need to quit even thinking about them ole siblings that could care less what there mom is doing.
My OH My what would I do without you all.... Thanks For the smile after reading your post....needed that...
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Ladee am doing better..still trying to figure a way for hubby and I to get away together for any real length of time...
I like the idea of spikes and colors! But you may shock and scare yourself! Heehee... Glad you got away and sang to the cows hope you take a little time today and tomorrow ..so when double shifts start back you will be somewhat refreshed.
As for me..getting time has helped be be happier in what I have to do with mom and dad..especially when the the physical gets tough. Can't remind everyone including myself to try to make regular time for you..
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Jam, you KNOW I would do that mohawk.... maybe S would remember me!!!!! I fI can sing and dance with the cows then I can get my hair done any way I want to, might distract from the wrinkles and turkey neck.....
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Happy Memorial Day weekend to everyone! Been reading everyone's posts.....from gay communities to living in an armpit.......you all know how to brighten a day!

burned....might I make a suggestion? Sounds like a visit to your doctor is in order. Abdominal pain could be anything from constipation to appendix to cyst to diverticulitis to STRESS.....yes stress which can bring on other problems. If it doesn't go away with a trip to the bathroom then you should make the trip to the doc.
ladee.....how about a multi-colored mohawk?

There is a large area down in our lower yard that is full of rocks and every time I look at it I think of you ladee......I don't go down there unless I'm armed.....too close to the pond to be clear of long squiggly things.....like the one that took up residence in my garage the other day.......I pray he somehow found a way out....a friend came to help me look and it was no where to be found and I pray it didn't find a way into the house.

The col is doing fine......just continues to get more and more confused every day, if that's possible. She hasn't mentioned seeing any old friends lately.

I'm not mentioning everyone by name because my poor old brain would leave someone out and that's not good, so just know that I'm thinking of you all!

Sending prayers and angels to guide you through another care giving day!
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Vic, how are you feeling these days??? Sounds like you are getting some breaks and that does help... and really hope you and hubby get some time away. He is such a sweetie, he needs the break too. So prayers that comes to pass for ya'll. Rock hunting was very relaxing.... no people, just the sounds of nature. I sang "Moves Like Jagger" to the cows and they seemed to enjoy it, I know I did.... dancing on the backroads, not a care in the world, at least for a little while... just so damned tired of being a grown up.... I know you all understand that comment...Notlike and I take care of people all day, then come home and do it again.... I feel burnout big time.... just can't loose my sense of humor or it will get UGLY...
Realized something when my friends came to visit last weekend, one of them said, " you are still wearing your hair the same".... I hadn't seen her in over 20 YEARS.... so you know it will be some radical hair next time I go to the salon.... spikes and colors I'm thinking.... that should do the trick with getting me fired at least.... and S will think they sent the clowns to take care of him... WHATEVER, I need some change... so I'll start there... can't afford that trip to Jam's lake house, so hair it will be...
Hope everyone has a very safe holiday... please no wrecks.... it would send me over the edge.... love ya'll.... be good to yourself at least once today... hugs across the miles .
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Viv..so glad your mom is taking to the meds. Beck..that was too funny and the caregiver poem is right in. Bilmo sorry that you are going through crap with sibs. Burned ..good for you
Ladee de Lou..I read that article and was happy when YOU got that shout out! Jam you started this thread a year ago tomorrow..and I found you guys just after. Can't tell you how much you all have helped me throughout this past year. So grateful and blessed by all of you.
Notlike..hope all is well on the home front with hubby back home! Makes the days easier I know!
Ladee how did rock hunting go...hope it was a wonderful day.
Seeme..pray you and hubs are beginning to heal..know you both have much to do..but on the bright side I know you are getting excited to get furbabies in a few weeks! Have you gotten to see them yet?
Jam ..thank you! Pray COL is ok too..
Pray everyone has a good day
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Well..Bilmo...my response to your various, yet once again, entertaining postings....HOLY SH*T!!!! You need to pack up and move out of the "armpit"...I think it's affecting you..lol...Damn...now I need a drink..
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FYI..there's a song by Kathy Mattea, that came out several years ago ,called "Where Have You Been", that tells the story of a couple, married for many years, and one becomes stricken with AZ. It's a very powerful song..jst thought i'd pass it on in case anyone is interested in hearing it. Grab some kleenex,tho...it's a tear jerker!!
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Hey there, Bilmo!! What's been going on in the "armpit"? lol I hope your not cheating on all of us on another thread!! I was jst getting comfortable with your entertaining postings..Nice to hear from u.
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Beckncal, that was too funny of your mom saying that about the Gay community. You gotta love him. ; ) If I could come n help you pack I would give you a hand. 25yrs is a lot of stuff to pack n I hope your hubby helps. It sound like a wonderful place to move too as well.
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I meant her daughter!
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Here is a tale of a drug addict...my neighbor lives next door to me and I went up to the school to have a few words with her stepdad. She calls my friend and says I embarrassed her dad at school and that I was yelling at him about her. Completely wrong but she was pushing for my husband pain killers and when my friend from HS who I am helping she start pushing for her drugs. The conversation was polite and civil. She is upset that she is banned from my house and my friend doesn't want her around her children. I never fully dislike the woman ..I just didn't trust her. Short story short she calls my friend to say I embarrassed her dad at work and raised cain over there. Anyways she is finally out of my hair and away from my kids. I just feel sorry for her mom...who has to deal with addict. Other news...i have been lower abdomen pain like crazy and it hurts like a mother. I am not sure if I am having a monthly visitor or having one of my cysts rupturing. Everything is going great with my bf here and the kids love each other like crazy including me. Tonight i am gonna party and have fun cuz i have no more extra drama except what I allow in my house. I also got hubby with my caregiver duties and pray for me to get the aide job at the school because it will help us out a whole lot. my bf's are willing to keep hubby company while I work since he doesn't qualify for the adult care yet. I got big goals in mind and as do my friends family does...but the rhythm is working out except for kid chaos...does anyone know about lower abdomen pain because i Practically keel over and even have to do breathing excerises. Next is taking care of the taxes and pay the balance on my electric bill.
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Pink: Checked your profile. Your mom has dementia and is living with you. Can she handle assisted living? Are there other family members in NY that will visit her once you relocate to Florida?
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Pink: What's up with your mom? Age, health issues. Have you and your hubby retired?
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hi all I guess it is one day at a time still trying to get a plan in place my husband and I want to move to Florida from New York but need to get my mom settled first.
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A Tribute to the Caregivers...

Another sunrise greets me
Get my weary ass from bed
Try to paint a smile on
There's another "day" ahead...
My mind begins to spin a list
All the things that I must do
The first thing on my endless list
I must prepare their food...
"Make that oatmeal creamy,dear"
Just the way they like
God forbid, they find a lump
I'm not in the mood to fight...
What I wouldn't give to have
Just a little time for "me"
SNAP OUT OF IT...you're wasting time
There are piles of laundry..
Lord, I'm doing the best I can
To meet another days demands
This "caregivers" life
Will drain you dry
Until there are no tears to cry...
Forget the "pity party" my dear friend
Cuz, Lord..there goes the phone again
"What do you mean,coffee maker broke"..
This has become an endless joke...
I rush to get there, quick as I can
And I'm greeted, grocery list in hand
There's Ben Gay, stool softners and mail to send
And don't forget...need more Depends...
I pace the store
In a "zombie-like" state
They all know my name
They know my face...
The doctor calls
"Be there by 3"
We have results why dad can't pee...
Lord, I'm doing the best I can
To meet this crazy days demands
This "caregivers" life
Will drain you dry
Until there are no tears to cry...
But with this life
Come great rewards
Amidst the chaos
We still find joy...
Some may think it's a thankless job
But we're the chosen ones
To care and comfort in their darkest hours
And we do it out of love...
As another day comes to an end
One thing we know , for sure
That when the sun appears to rise
We'll do it all again....

God Bless all the caregivers out there..We were chosen for a reason! Have a good day...Hugs
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Thank you Everyone, for your prayers and hugs. Mom is responding well to the meds and breathing treatments. She hates the cath. I guess who wouldnt. I'm getting ready to go spend sometime with her. I think I deserve 5 gold stars. My sister was there, and I made up my mind awhile back that I would be nice to her so I was. I have no intention of ever having a relationship with her again. I will never forget the hate filled things she said to me, but I decided I would treat her as well as a stranger I was being introduced to. I smiled alot and was polite. I guess it affected me alot more than I thought or I wouldn't be babbling about it. On another note, I wish the folks who were caregivers and no longer are would know that they still have plenty of information to add, all would feel free to do so. I was all alone in the house last night just me and the dog. It really didn't feel good. I didn't like it at all. I better go, Moms waiting for me. Love ya. V
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i've been lurking as well, just kinda watching watching what was going on with everyone Sometimes I don't feel like I have anything to add since I am not in the giver giving part anymore. finding time for yourself like all have said is very important, even just a few moments will help to keep your batteries charged and you to keep moving forward. Big Hugs to All.,
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Good Morning!

Thank you ladee and all the other wonderful angels here who have made this thread what it is.......without all of you posting about your care giving trials and heartaches and laughter and tears there wouldn't be a thread. I haven't posted this week....have just been lurking....I'm good at that....but I have been keeping up with each of you. My wish for you today is to find a few moments of peace, all to yourself, that no one can take away!

Love and Hugz,
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One more post before I head out the door... Admin has a thread called Beat Caregiver Burnout, Be honest with yourself and others... and our thread , YOU, got a shout out..... how awesome is that.... my heart is so full of love and respect for Jam for starting this thread, when she was totally mistreated on another thread and knew she had the right to say how she REALLY felt about caregiving....this has been a blessing for so many, long time posters, drive by's, stop in's .... Jam, just can't tell you how much I appreciate that I have a place to go and be MYSELF, not be judged , supported, and the laughter on this thread has saved my tired ass on more than occasion.... Thank you Jam, for not letting the other situation take away your right and desire to provide a place for US to talk about US.... much love to you Jamaroonie..... hugs across the miles to you all... am going rock hunting this morning, it's what I call "going to church"...... later...
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