This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
For me, these last 2 days have been tough. I'll give the short version to the story, cuz i don't want to bore everyone..My mom had a very serious emotional breakdown yest regarding the care of my dad. He's constantly repeating himself to the point that she just broke. Thank God my husband was with her when it happened and he managed to talk her through it and calm her down. Wat has come of all this, is the fact that we've come to realize that they cannot live in their home anymore..alone. The property is large and it's jst too much wrk. They have lived there for over 40 yrs. Mom asked my husband about moving into a smaller house and the possibility of my husband n i moving in with them to help them out. She felt guilty for even asking, but my husband assured her that we would do all we could to take some pressure off of her. Well..the timing of all this is actually good, cuz my husband n i are very close to losing our home becuz our business is suffering n we can't make our mortgage payment. So..it would mean short selling our home, selling mom n dads home and finding a house that would meet all our needs. I would want them to have a place in this house for quiet and privacy. My dad would love to all be together, especially with me. It would certainly cut down on the 12-15 phone calls a day!! I want to give dad n mom the best life i can with wat time is left. I want them to have their dignity. I'm torn, becuz i know it will require everything i have mentally n emotionally to make this wrk. Anyway,,i'm taking mom to lunch today to discuss the plans and see how serious she is about all this.
So much for the short version..Any thoughts? Hugs..have a good day, all..
Stormy hope you got some relief from your burn :-)
Good mornin Vic :-)
Hello Ladee :-)
Mornin Cattails :-)
Seeme hope you got some rest :-)
Sorry missed some ppl but hoping you all have a great day!!!!
Mom's lung scan was good. No new tumors, and the ones she had have shrunk. I guess she will outlive me at this rate :)
Hubby and son will be home tomorrow night! Whew! I can't wait!
Goodnight, and better tomorrows.
Stormy, sounds like you are reaching a point where you aren't being 'guilted' into giving up what is important to you So many of us reach this point in our own time and in our own way....just do what is right for you and your family. None of us know what is right for another person, we can support thier decisions tho.... so let us know how things go with this.... it's been building for a long time now....
hugs
I HAVE FURBABIES !!!!!!!!!!!!! Born today between 4:30 am till she finished at noon.........don't know how many of which sex, but the breeder said my babies are healthy. More to follow................................
g
Tired already this morning, not gonna be a smiley face day I can tell, sure hope M is in a descent mood, just don't feel like biting my tongue today.... Been thinking more and more about early retirement.... will still have to work, but can sure cut back on some hours.....gotta get moving, not even dressed yet... love ya'll.... later.
I see there are a lot of new posters, and I hope to know you soon. Let me catch up. And thanks for all the good thoughts and prayers sent my way from the oldies. I was stuck with no internet access. I've been in a hoarder's house for a week. I want to throw everything out that I have in my own house. Later.............
Bilmo, try to stop worrying about how you sound... if you get carried away admin will contact you...After some of the posts I've read on this sight lately, your comment wasn't about a 'thang' so don't worry...
Edgar, good suggestions from tbaily and bilmo, just give her some space....how old is she and where would she go????Give us some more info and we'll see what else we can do to help.... hugs...
Austin traffic is a BITCH and now so am I.... later... hugs across the miles, I'll get caught up later.....Not Austin that posts here, Austin Texas... just didn't want anyone to misunderstand....lol
I agree with bilmo maybe you should back off Maybe she will realize how much she needs you..Maybe..Don't blame yourself is right We all do the best we can . You are just like your mom Not Perfect..
Cattails..thanku for your kind words about dad. I'm just feeling so alone..no kids in my life,at present, an empty house filled with memories of happier days, drawings on the walls from when my kids were little and thought i was the best mom ever. Now...just silence and the thoughts that occupy my head 24/7..Dangerous.. hope you have a good day...hugs
Cattails if anybody don't like your post then maybe they don't like the truth because thats all you are about I like that you help alot of people all over this site. I'm just happy when someone answers or talks back to me some days feels like only conversation Ive had with a adult...
The hard thing for newbies, is that threads have some 'running jokes' and unless the new person asks what we are talking about, which you are more than welcome to do, we don't usually take the time to explain, too many people come and go...I guess we could start putting post reference numbers and folks would know....this is where you've got to put yourself out there so we get to know you... and glad you are posting with us.... you too Cattails, Do I need to start putting your name in caps, so you'll see that I'm talking to you!!!! lol...
I think admin is no longer sending notifications... I have YOU on favorites, takes me right to this thread, go to 'last' comments and work my way back... a bit of a hassle if i'm in a hurry, but all other questions and discussions are on the left side of the page so I can click into any conversation going.... I think the volume of people on this sight would make it impossible for notifications....so ya'll keep posting, we'll get to know ya, just need to read and get an idea of who is who...
Sons surgery today.... will let ya'll know something this evening.....
hugs across the miles to you all....
I count my blessings because he is not in pain and he does not have the demons of dementia. My heart goes out to all of you who take care of those that suffer from that disease and, most of all, like each of you, my heart goes out to those who are afflicted with this nightmare of AZ.
Billmo: I've had that problem too. I just go to my wall and click on newsthread, then I get a list of what's been going on.
I've posted a number of times on this thread, but never received a response or comment. I hope I'm not sending the wrong vibes.
Cattails.
and I'm sure they would call 911 if you tried to EXPLAIN about the burger... normal people are clueless that this stuff happens every day in our world... made sense to us.... sorta sad now that I think about it...lol....
I wish I could share S with you for awhile... he was in a great mood today, so sweet, and when I was fixing breakfast, I heard him ask M if that 'lady' was still here, i walked in the living room and his face lit up.... I sat down next to him and he said, "I missed you".... I almost started crying... gave him lots of hugs today. I can walk out of the room and back in and he doesn't remember I was there a second ago...and like you, I HATE this disease....
If you decide to go into the burger business, I have someone I want you to send a bomb burger to..... sweep the floor..... I DON'T THINK SO.......
Thanks for the prayers for son, i'll let him know you are praying for him....I'm not so worried about this surgery as I am the one on his leg.... having to break the bone, take out the plate and all the pins and screws and start over... bless his heart, I just can't imagine.... but one day at a time.... one thing at a time....
Forgot to tell ya'll that Workmens comp has assinged him his own RN to go to all Dr's appts, ect with him... because of the original hospital stay and them sending him home with an arm broken in two places.... He as had that to deal with all these weeks while Workmen's comp was getting all thier asses in gear and doing the tons of paperwork... no big deal to them, they didn't have a broken arm that hadn't been fixed.... I still can not wrap my mind around the fact this even happened, much less he hasn't complained of too much pain... Ya'll would be hearing me from WHEREVER you live.....
So hope tomorrow is better Beck.... i'll be thinking of you and everyone tomorrow.... love and hgus....
Ladee..my prayers are with you tomorrow with your sons surgery. I hope all goes well. Stay strong..we need you around here...you and that bald-ass bird you call a profile pic..lol
Notlike...come on..let's go to lunch..i promise i'll take the first bite out of the burger just to make sure you're safe...afterall...i'm the one lookin for the "big bang" with pickles n onions on a sesame seed bun...hahahaha Sleep well ladies..hugs