This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
So something for us to 'ponder' today, may give a little flash of insight to our guilt and feeling like failures or allowing others the power to try and make us feel like failures...not so, I don't give to others as I do my children....
Was reading others posts today and came across something I have to borrow, some of you may already know it, but this is the first time I've seen it....LLAMP.....laughing like a mental patient..... have to start using this one.....
Hope everyone had a good Mothers Day, but personally glad all the fan fare is over.... love you all, hugs and angels...
Notlike, glad to know mom didn't set your card on fire, and really nice that you got a card from your son.... my son has been so isolated with the broken bones, he doesn't have a clue today is Mothers Day, so that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it...... I have cleaned and napped today, then thought about work tomorrow and felt tired all over again... hopefully my sons surgeires will be soon so the sooner I can get out of there and away from M.... sorry Notlike, you don't get to quit yours.... love to you all.
Ladee-thank you. Honesty is hard, especially when it's something you don't like. The day turned out alright...mostly quiet, and I did give her my card without getting yelled at. I also got a great card from my son, so that made my day.
Has anyone heard from seeme?
Goodnight, and better tomorrows.
crs-Belated Happy Anniversary to you! Sounds like you had a nice dinner out. And good news from the hospital, too, well at least not terrible news. Hugs.
Jam-As I was reading your post, I wondered if you've ever asked the Col what crime she commited to get incarcerated? Just my mental dark laugh for the morning. Enjoy your picnic. Hugs.
beck-please send the coffee instructions to Ladee :) I think she needs them, badly! LOL Can't wait to see your artisitc expressions. Hugs.
burned-Wouldn't it be nice if pot roast solved all our problems???? Hope you enjoyed yours. Hugs.
Lindasue-Welcome! Blessings to you - you are a busy woman. Hugs.
I woke up this morning to a mess made by a dog, and a sick son. Then odd words from Mom. If I read one more HMD post on fb I will puke. I am hoping that all the bad stuff is out of the way for today now. My mil passed away twenty years ago, before my son turned one year old. It threw my husband into a tailspin that lasted over 10 years. I didn't have a nice mother's day until my son was almost in his teens. And now I am trying very hard not to resent my Mom for being here and ruining the day all over again. For once, I will be happy to see Monday. Crabby today, can you tell?
crs..........won the COW PATTIE....yes, it's an honor!
The dogs woke me up at 6 am....darn those built-in alarm clocks.....so I will sit here and drink coffee and listen to the world wake up, then go have lunch with the col. Hoping it's not too windy out so that we can take her out to the area they built over a little pond for a picnic. She will enjoy the fresh air and sunshine and I won't have to worry about her trying to kill herself by pulling weeds! I still look at her door sometimes when I walk outside expecting her to try to come outside and do yard work. One of these days I will tell those that haven't heard it the story of the laser and the col.......we still almost hurt ourselves laughing about it.
Sending good wishes for a wonderful day for all of you!
Happy Trails.....................
Since Jam is the Mother Hen, does that mean we can call her the 'Old Biddy" ??? Guess we or I should say 'I' need to get permission first..... love ya Jamaroonie....
Beck, if you do draw that poster, use it as your pic, God knows there are days we all need the instructions for the coffee pot.....
I need to put sticky notes on my cabinet that I use to put my coffee supplies in... ran out of fliters... as I was going to sleep yesterday I though, " please God let there be some raggedy old filters up there somewhere".... Got up and sure 'nuff, there were a few, flat as pancakes.... fixed the pot, sat down at the computer to get caught up....when the coffee pot stopped, went to get a cup..... and had not put COFFEE in there.... OHHHHH NOOOOO, A WASTED FILTER.... funny how caregiving changes your priorties..... love ya'll ttyl
I'm off to go to dad's house and drain their swimming pool...thank God my husband is helping! Hope everyone has a good day...
Later, ladies....hugs
Happy Anniversary CRS, and I hope you will forgive me if I forget and call you CPR.....
Need to go check on Son then hit the road.... love ya'll have a day, if not a good one... hugs and angels....
Happy Anniversary crs!
Haven't heard anymore from seeme....maybe later on or ladee has heard something.
Didn't get our daily phone call from the col yesterday....the day before she was talking with Target and told him that a former aquaintance from years ago had just shown up at the NH......as far as I know he is no longer among the living.......she's been shopping with her husband....so when she says she is visiting with her daughter, then we will know the downhill journey has started. She is very easily redirected away from the demanding to come home these days, although each conversation starts with "I'm incarcerated here and these people won't let me out"........
I'm thinking ladee needs a chicken butt warmer for her avatar....................
Hope everyone has a glorious day filled with at least one nap...........
Happy Early Mother's day everyone.