This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Stormy-thanks, but after hubby being off/reduced hours for the last two months, I can't afford a padded room! Strictly budget plywood for me LOL You know I will keep coming here, because here is where I find love and caring. And I hope you get answers, even good news, at Dad's appt. Hugs.
slk-you are an amazing woman for doing what you're doing. Please keep coming to the site and venting. This is a fantastic (cyber) place.
golfgirl-hugs to you for handling what you are dealing with. The aides probably think your Mom is playing an attention game, but are also trying to do their jobs and be there for her. Since they're trying different things - waiting vs. leaving - I'd say they are concerned and not ignoring her. Stormy's right - find out what she wants them to do and see how close they can come to what she asks. Constantly transfering a non-weight bearing person like that can get dangerous. Each transfer puts strain on the staff, and risks her damaging what is supposed to be healing. Maybe that needs to be explained to her...for her own good she needs to make peace with the bathroom issue.
I bought Mom a Mother's Day card today. It's not a gift, so it doesn't count in my No Gift plan. Just a generic, 99 cent card. She likes deep, wordy cards, but Halmark doesn't make a card for everything - like the one I need for an ungrateful mother who wants to be treated like a queen. I haven't seen that one on the shelf! LOL
Goodnight, and better tomorrows.
welcome new posters..... SLK, sorry to hear about your husbands health issues and how tied down you are... there is no explaining the ways of folks who will some day be on the receiving end of 'no visitors'....so hope you at least come here and visit, make some new friends, talk about what's bothering you, and even have a laugh now and then.....
golfgirl, and with that many trips to the bathroom you are considering bringing her home???? and her attitude, yep, keep those visits short.. I personally, from my own day to day experiance, soooooo tired of gripy, self absorbed, critical, angry, elders....
How about we all march on Washing with this lot of happy campers, leave them on the White House lawn, no I D. and we all go have a nice dinner somewhere. it will take the authorities a while to find all of us, but we will get some respite, and if we're lucky we'll go to jail..... no bad ass inmate in thier right mind would mess with a tired caregiver.. yah uh huh!!!!!!!
Jam, the next time the col calls wanting to come home, let her know she is getting to move in with M.... I think that would be a great arrangement, but don't count on me being there... after her saying today to arrange my son's surgery around her appts.... the decision was made right then.. I start looking for a new job tomorrow...may have to stay there thru j's surgeries, but will have something on the horizon to look forward to... it won't be long and S will be in a NH, so they would get rid of me anyway.... so I choose to empower myself and get out of there..... feel like a weight has been lifted.... we do what we have to do sometimes, and then we have to make other choices, to keep our sanity.... and yes Jam, the problem child did not pick up her purse and walk out.... as bad as I wanted to... I don't owe that woman ANYTHING..... Will warn the daughter that an ad will be in the paper.. and M reads the paper too, and I don't even care......what is going to do, get rude and ugly... OH MY !!!!!
Later, love ya'll. hugs across the miles....
Now i have a question for all of ya'll: How do i get my 5 yr old to quit crying because i used the last 3 drops of his bubble bath soap in his bath water?!?!?! UGH. Let me go deal with this screaming youngin. Lord be with me.....
I admit it is a crazy way to get attention but i think some of our elders would go at any cost to get any attention from anybody. Something to think about maybe. Hugs to you! Love, Stormyy
Not- I hope you will be able to stay sane for the next two weeks while your hubby and son are away. We don't want them to come back home to "MOM" in a padded room, now do we? lol. Hugs to you. Come back and chat with us anytime u need to in those two weeks.
Ladee- How dare Marie even think that you would put her needs above your own son's. She must be crazy. And i probably would have laughed right in her face if she would have suggested something so absurb. I think she might have won the title for "Crazy Ole' Lady". Whatcha think?????? Love ya. Stormyy
Slk- Welcome aboard sweetie. I am so sorry you are having such a time dealing with your husband in the nursing home. At least if you knew some one else was visiting him you would not feel like you had to go there all the time. I hope you get some rest soon. Much love to you. Stormyyy
I visited my mom today at the rehab center. My mom is 90. She fell and broke her femor and has a pin in her knee and two pins in her fractured hip. She hates where she is. Hates the center, the aides, the food, bingo, word games, the room (to sunny), etc. She wants to go home! Well, she's non weight bearing for 8 weeks and we have three more to go! Then who knows!
My visits with her are getting shorter and shorter! I don't think she really wants me there. When she first arrived I'd stay most of the afternoon to ensure she was getting good care. I believe that her care is as good or better than she would get an any rehab center.
My mom has an obsession with the bathroom. She goes constantly. The aides put her on the toilet, wipe her, use vasoline and oitment, put her back to bed and within 5 minutes they are having to repeat the same thing. Now they are putting her on the toilet and asking that when she is finished, she ring the bell and they will return to get her. According to her, they leave her too long. Today, she said she begain shaking and her teeth began to chatter. Last time she said, I can't believe these aides have enough nerve to stand at the bathroom door and wait for me to go???????????? I just don't know what to believe her!!!! Anyone want to shed some light?
ladee..........Problem child extraordinaire!!!!!!!!! What's the problem that you won't schedule your son's life around M? I can just hear the things that were flying through your brain......:)
Just got a phone call from the col......the NH has her incarcerated. Dammit! Those terrible people! She doesn't know where "home" is but she wants to share a house with us since she shared her house with us.....oh really? I reminded her that Target and I have always lived here after we married, but that didn't penetrate any further than any other thought. She is so confused.....all I could think was "there are no more drugs".....:)
Hope everyone is having a great day................hugs to all!!!!!
Ok, ya'll can all have a great laugh at my expense today, I get so tired of letting my guard down with M and then get blindsided.... the day started with her telling me I needed to see about scheduling my son's surgeries around HER dr . visits.... believe it or not, I did not say one word, just kept doing what i was doing, but inside my head was pure hysterical laughter and me saying,,, I DON'T THINK SO!!!!!, then before lunch was over she was blasting me over some stupid beans,,, sound familiar Notlike... I'm telling you, they are kin to each other.... and then some other hateful words that I didn't even listen to.....
My son is well over 21 and will schedule his surgeries as HE sees fit, and M be damned.... he has an untended to broken arm they sent him home from the hospital with, and will need another surgery on his leg.... so , ask me if I give a flying F**k when her appt;s are.... that's a new low, even for her....
And today Viv, I am an angry bird..... !!!!! lol and CRS, M keeps the tv loud also, won't even turn it down when HH is there. sometimes I just go outside so I can think....and I really understand your feelings of tired of being needed Wondering.... I am so tired , so burned out, and don't even have time right now to look for another job....
Beck, you always have such positive things to say, there are days I read you and think "oh whatever" and then other times it resonates with me... so don't stop saying positive things, for some of us, we have to read it a couple of times for it to soak in....
Vic, hope you enjoy your time with Hubby and am so happy to hear you are getting an extra day every week now.....
Stormy, let us know what is going on with Dad...
I know I missed someone, still mad, I'll write more later... Lord Bless the caregivers, and the ones like me with a mouth and an attitude..... please help me keep my mouth SHUT..... love ya'll, hugs.
Viv-hope you have a better day!!!
Austin and Crs- I just bought me another pair of my headphones for my tv. Otherwise, I would not be able to hear a thing with connor running around hollering. I love them headphones to death can't live without them. I just wish dad would wear his but he won't. It's a wonder i have any hearing left at all.
Ladee- how r u doing today? Is marie worrying you yet? Hugs.
Jam- Thank you i think connor has beautiful red hair too!!! Hubby's mom had red hair and cliff's hair was real red when he was younger. My mom's brother had red hair too. So connor is getting it from both sides of the family. My mom always wanted one of her children to have red hair but we all had brown hair then i was the one that had the red head sadly 2 years after my mom passed away. She would have loved him and his red hair. Hugs Stormyyy
beck-So nice you had those moments with your Mom! There are bright rays of sunshine doing what we do. And I've found that talking to myself in public keeps people away, and gives me some alone time and peace! LOL Hugs.
burned-hugs to you, super mama!
Ladee-I picked up another rock today. This could be the start of something...:)
Jam-you are too funny! And at least in my fb games, I can actually complete goals. Unlike my real housework, shopping, yardwork, ect. LOL Hugs.
Hubby and son leave this weekend for two weeks working in Michigan. That means I will be alone with the parents! I will have to make this site my home page if I am to stay sane. :)
Goodnight, and better tomorrow.
CRS. My roof is leaking too, but no big deal, it does that everytime it rains, the spot is getting bigger tho, guess I need a bigger bucket...hope things were fixed for you today...
Viv, lots of posts out there, so hope if the government is tagging our stuff, they'll read how much we need help..... blink blink ya think....
Just got my computer back after the rain storm... be back later...
love ya Jamaroonie
Hope everyone is having a good day......I'm playing dog groomer today...:)