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And Stormy - try dish soap. It's mild and makes bubles, too.
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Ladee-I love the Aunt M label! Too funny! Remember, those of us with bean issues need to stay away from the beanstalk. :) I totally understand about how Aunt M expected your life to revolve around hers...I see it every day. Usually, I have to remind myself to murmur something, or nod or whatever, because I am so frozen in place from the shock of hearing someone actually talk that way. It takes a few seconds to realize I really did hear what I thought I did. Hugs.
Stormy-thanks, but after hubby being off/reduced hours for the last two months, I can't afford a padded room! Strictly budget plywood for me LOL You know I will keep coming here, because here is where I find love and caring. And I hope you get answers, even good news, at Dad's appt. Hugs.
slk-you are an amazing woman for doing what you're doing. Please keep coming to the site and venting. This is a fantastic (cyber) place.
golfgirl-hugs to you for handling what you are dealing with. The aides probably think your Mom is playing an attention game, but are also trying to do their jobs and be there for her. Since they're trying different things - waiting vs. leaving - I'd say they are concerned and not ignoring her. Stormy's right - find out what she wants them to do and see how close they can come to what she asks. Constantly transfering a non-weight bearing person like that can get dangerous. Each transfer puts strain on the staff, and risks her damaging what is supposed to be healing. Maybe that needs to be explained to her...for her own good she needs to make peace with the bathroom issue.
I bought Mom a Mother's Day card today. It's not a gift, so it doesn't count in my No Gift plan. Just a generic, 99 cent card. She likes deep, wordy cards, but Halmark doesn't make a card for everything - like the one I need for an ungrateful mother who wants to be treated like a queen. I haven't seen that one on the shelf! LOL
Goodnight, and better tomorrows.
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Stormy, I know without a doubt you would not like my answer....
welcome new posters..... SLK, sorry to hear about your husbands health issues and how tied down you are... there is no explaining the ways of folks who will some day be on the receiving end of 'no visitors'....so hope you at least come here and visit, make some new friends, talk about what's bothering you, and even have a laugh now and then.....
golfgirl, and with that many trips to the bathroom you are considering bringing her home???? and her attitude, yep, keep those visits short.. I personally, from my own day to day experiance, soooooo tired of gripy, self absorbed, critical, angry, elders....
How about we all march on Washing with this lot of happy campers, leave them on the White House lawn, no I D. and we all go have a nice dinner somewhere. it will take the authorities a while to find all of us, but we will get some respite, and if we're lucky we'll go to jail..... no bad ass inmate in thier right mind would mess with a tired caregiver.. yah uh huh!!!!!!!
Jam, the next time the col calls wanting to come home, let her know she is getting to move in with M.... I think that would be a great arrangement, but don't count on me being there... after her saying today to arrange my son's surgery around her appts.... the decision was made right then.. I start looking for a new job tomorrow...may have to stay there thru j's surgeries, but will have something on the horizon to look forward to... it won't be long and S will be in a NH, so they would get rid of me anyway.... so I choose to empower myself and get out of there..... feel like a weight has been lifted.... we do what we have to do sometimes, and then we have to make other choices, to keep our sanity.... and yes Jam, the problem child did not pick up her purse and walk out.... as bad as I wanted to... I don't owe that woman ANYTHING..... Will warn the daughter that an ad will be in the paper.. and M reads the paper too, and I don't even care......what is going to do, get rude and ugly... OH MY !!!!!
Later, love ya'll. hugs across the miles....
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Golfgirl- Well i guess that explains it. The colon cancer and the bathroom problems that is. I would have to ask mom what do you want the aides to do when you go to the bathroom? Leave you there? At least that way you will know what she expects out of them while she is using the bathroom and when she gets through. Hugs to you. Stormyyy
Now i have a question for all of ya'll: How do i get my 5 yr old to quit crying because i used the last 3 drops of his bubble bath soap in his bath water?!?!?! UGH. Let me go deal with this screaming youngin. Lord be with me.....
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Hi Stormy! Yes, they know for sure! Mom had colon cancer 7 yrs. ago. She's been like that since then. She would never go back for a follow up colonoscopy so we just don't know what's there! What can I say????? The nurses believe it is an obsession with the bathroom!! Can't say I disagree. She hates the aides and complains when they wait for her to use the bathroom. Also, she hates when they put her on the toliet and tell her to ring the bell when she is finished!! Today I asked if she wanted a private sitter - hey why not, we're made of money, right! Thought it might give the aides a break as well. Not a good idea according to the nurses. Seems they don't want anyone but staff to transfer her in case she falls. What to do! Oh too - she's been on two rounds of antibiotic for a UTI - I think we can rule that out!!
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Golfgirl-Hello and good to see u here. Does anyone know for sure that your mom is using the bathroom this much? If she is then i would say she needed to see someone at the center (a doctor) about her going to the bathroom soo much. Or is she just telling everyone that she has to go to the bathroom for the attention.....
I admit it is a crazy way to get attention but i think some of our elders would go at any cost to get any attention from anybody. Something to think about maybe. Hugs to you! Love, Stormyy
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Beck-I hear you loud and clear and i certainly understand your feelings. I am there too. There are times when dad asks me to do things for him that i know that he could do his self. Feeling needed all the time is exhausing.... hugs.
Not- I hope you will be able to stay sane for the next two weeks while your hubby and son are away. We don't want them to come back home to "MOM" in a padded room, now do we? lol. Hugs to you. Come back and chat with us anytime u need to in those two weeks.
Ladee- How dare Marie even think that you would put her needs above your own son's. She must be crazy. And i probably would have laughed right in her face if she would have suggested something so absurb. I think she might have won the title for "Crazy Ole' Lady". Whatcha think?????? Love ya. Stormyy
Slk- Welcome aboard sweetie. I am so sorry you are having such a time dealing with your husband in the nursing home. At least if you knew some one else was visiting him you would not feel like you had to go there all the time. I hope you get some rest soon. Much love to you. Stormyyy
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Good thoughts to everyone today! I must admit I began reading this thread with post #1 who talked about her mom's enema. I had to laugh when I read her description - not a funny situation but, after all, if we didn't laugh, we'd all be crying right?

I visited my mom today at the rehab center. My mom is 90. She fell and broke her femor and has a pin in her knee and two pins in her fractured hip. She hates where she is. Hates the center, the aides, the food, bingo, word games, the room (to sunny), etc. She wants to go home! Well, she's non weight bearing for 8 weeks and we have three more to go! Then who knows!

My visits with her are getting shorter and shorter! I don't think she really wants me there. When she first arrived I'd stay most of the afternoon to ensure she was getting good care. I believe that her care is as good or better than she would get an any rehab center.

My mom has an obsession with the bathroom. She goes constantly. The aides put her on the toilet, wipe her, use vasoline and oitment, put her back to bed and within 5 minutes they are having to repeat the same thing. Now they are putting her on the toilet and asking that when she is finished, she ring the bell and they will return to get her. According to her, they leave her too long. Today, she said she begain shaking and her teeth began to chatter. Last time she said, I can't believe these aides have enough nerve to stand at the bathroom door and wait for me to go???????????? I just don't know what to believe her!!!! Anyone want to shed some light?
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Welcome slk.....and the first thing I want to do is give you a great big ol' hug......you need one. You ask questions that the rest of us have asked countless times before and we will only learn the answers when our tour of duty on this earth is over. Doesn't make it any easier to bear does it? So sorry to hear about your husband's health....I think it makes a difference when it's a spouse instead of a parent we are dealing with. Placing him in a NH may not have been what you really wanted to do but considering his health that was a very loving thing to do. Why does no one else visit? I think it's because people are uncomfortable, don't know what to say and don't know how to form a new relationship with your husband's current health status. If Medicaid is covering the cost of the NH, what would you have "shorted" them on? Try calling SS Administration and see if you are eligible for any kind of benefits now, based on your husband's past earnings. For things that need to be done around the house, perhaps a neighbor who might be willing to "trade" for work done? Maybe a pot of spaghetti for a lawn mowing? Or watching children while mom and dad go out? Just some thoughts to help you financially.....with the economy the way it is, we have to be very inventive when it comes to finances. Come back and visit with us....someone is always home and we'll leave the light on for you!

ladee..........Problem child extraordinaire!!!!!!!!! What's the problem that you won't schedule your son's life around M? I can just hear the things that were flying through your brain......:)

Just got a phone call from the col......the NH has her incarcerated. Dammit! Those terrible people! She doesn't know where "home" is but she wants to share a house with us since she shared her house with us.....oh really? I reminded her that Target and I have always lived here after we married, but that didn't penetrate any further than any other thought. She is so confused.....all I could think was "there are no more drugs".....:)

Hope everyone is having a great day................hugs to all!!!!!
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I'm feeling pretty low today. My husband had a massive stroke 2 1/2 yr ago at age 61. He's in nursing home since 2 mo after the stroke. But I go see him about 3x week. He's been in and out of the hospital several times these last 3 months. Last week he had to have a kidney removed. The first year after he had the stroke I was there every day. I still work and trying to manage the house, laundry, yard care. Had to get him on Medicaid to help pay for the nursing home. Got him on SS Disability after 6 months but that goes to the nursing home as well as his retirement check. I have had several large expenses lately that I've had to use som of his retirement money to pay for car repairs and for a tree service to cut some branches that were cracking off in a wind storm and threatening to fall on my house. I'm having to live on only my income now. I don't have extra money. Had to short the nursing home and now they are threatening to take action to collect the money. No one goes to see him but me. I feel guilty for having them do eveything they could to him after the stroke. He doesn't like living like this and now I'm wishing he'd die. He's paralyzed and has speech problems from the stroke. It's like everyone has forgotten him. They ask me how he is etc. But no one wants to take the time to see him. Most never even went to see him at all, since the stroke. I don't have a life. I just exsist and go through the motions of work, run to see him and go home. I'm so down today. Why does God make us go through this crap? He's a good man and doesn't deserve to go through what all he has gone through for 2 1/2 yrs.
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Since M and Notlikes Mom are so much alike, I think I will start calling M, Notlike's Aunt M.... yeah, I like that, it is important that we share the misery...
Ok, ya'll can all have a great laugh at my expense today, I get so tired of letting my guard down with M and then get blindsided.... the day started with her telling me I needed to see about scheduling my son's surgeries around HER dr . visits.... believe it or not, I did not say one word, just kept doing what i was doing, but inside my head was pure hysterical laughter and me saying,,, I DON'T THINK SO!!!!!, then before lunch was over she was blasting me over some stupid beans,,, sound familiar Notlike... I'm telling you, they are kin to each other.... and then some other hateful words that I didn't even listen to.....
My son is well over 21 and will schedule his surgeries as HE sees fit, and M be damned.... he has an untended to broken arm they sent him home from the hospital with, and will need another surgery on his leg.... so , ask me if I give a flying F**k when her appt;s are.... that's a new low, even for her....
And today Viv, I am an angry bird..... !!!!! lol and CRS, M keeps the tv loud also, won't even turn it down when HH is there. sometimes I just go outside so I can think....and I really understand your feelings of tired of being needed Wondering.... I am so tired , so burned out, and don't even have time right now to look for another job....
Beck, you always have such positive things to say, there are days I read you and think "oh whatever" and then other times it resonates with me... so don't stop saying positive things, for some of us, we have to read it a couple of times for it to soak in....
Vic, hope you enjoy your time with Hubby and am so happy to hear you are getting an extra day every week now.....
Stormy, let us know what is going on with Dad...
I know I missed someone, still mad, I'll write more later... Lord Bless the caregivers, and the ones like me with a mouth and an attitude..... please help me keep my mouth SHUT..... love ya'll, hugs.
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Just to let ya'll know i called the nurse today to find out if she had ever got dads results back from the biopsy and she said that dad had a appt for may22. So in other words we got to wait til then to found out anything. And dad has a appt with the ear,nose and throat dr on may 17th. He was the one that found dads tumor on his thyroid. So that's all i know for now. Wait and see game yet again......... Love and hugs stormyyy
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Wondering..all I can say to your recent post is..DITTO!! I completely feel where you're coming from and there are days that getting out of bed just seems impossible, and answering 1 more phone call is daunting. I can so relate to the feeling of "tired of being needed"...at least under our circumstances. Most of the time, I think we all love to feel needed, but this is need of a different kind completely. On average, I get 12-15 phone calls a day from my Dad. He must know my where abouts at every moment or he panics. When the phone rings, my blood pressure escalates and my heart starts racing. I hate feeling this way day after day. Most days feel hopeless, and I have to struggle to get through. I know that there are blessings in all adversity, but sometimes I just don't have the strength or energy to find them. I have to take Dad to yet, another, dr. appt. I am dreading it as I do most all of them. It requires more patience than I possess. What more can I say...this "caregiver" life is draining and lonely, but I keep reminding myself that when all is said and done..I did my best..I will have no regret that I didn't do all that I could for my Dad. You're doing all you can for your mother-in-law. I believe it takes a special person to do this job, and that is what you are..even when you don't feel it. Stay strong..keep venting..it's good for all of us. I'll be thinking of you as well as all the ladies. Blessings and huge hugs..
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Wondering- I know how u feel. Me too!!!
Viv-hope you have a better day!!!
Austin and Crs- I just bought me another pair of my headphones for my tv. Otherwise, I would not be able to hear a thing with connor running around hollering. I love them headphones to death can't live without them. I just wish dad would wear his but he won't. It's a wonder i have any hearing left at all.
Ladee- how r u doing today? Is marie worrying you yet? Hugs.
Jam- Thank you i think connor has beautiful red hair too!!! Hubby's mom had red hair and cliff's hair was real red when he was younger. My mom's brother had red hair too. So connor is getting it from both sides of the family. My mom always wanted one of her children to have red hair but we all had brown hair then i was the one that had the red head sadly 2 years after my mom passed away. She would have loved him and his red hair. Hugs Stormyyy
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Wondering here, taking care of a 93 year old mother in law every takes evert fiber of my body,soul heart,nerves and everything else. I do realize that there others struggling more than me. I just have to vent with someone that is not in this house and is willing to listen and not critize me for what I say or feel. I am tired physically and mentally and just tired of being needed all the time and at the same time I feel guilty for having those feelings. What else am I suppose to do and feel. Some days I am hanging on to the knot at the end of the rope. Thanks for the ear and for the caring. This site is wonderful. God bless.
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Could you get her those things she coud put in her ears so only she gets the sound.
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An hour of total silence would be nice..granny turns the tv up so loud!!
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I think I need to check out Angry Birds!
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Vivian-Isn't it something how people who do not do daily caregiving think they have the right to judge? Of course, we mix things up, they mix things up, we are all human. I find it's better just to smile and try to move on to a solution. I'm glad the prilosec worked and you didn't have to sit in ER again. I found it hillarious that one of the Top Ten aps for caregivers was Angry Birds, to play while you sit in waiting rooms. I've finished 3 of the 4 games! LOL Hugs.
beck-So nice you had those moments with your Mom! There are bright rays of sunshine doing what we do. And I've found that talking to myself in public keeps people away, and gives me some alone time and peace! LOL Hugs.
burned-hugs to you, super mama!
Ladee-I picked up another rock today. This could be the start of something...:)
Jam-you are too funny! And at least in my fb games, I can actually complete goals. Unlike my real housework, shopping, yardwork, ect. LOL Hugs.
Hubby and son leave this weekend for two weeks working in Michigan. That means I will be alone with the parents! I will have to make this site my home page if I am to stay sane. :)
Goodnight, and better tomorrow.
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Hello All, I have had a very frustrating day. We went to the Dr. for a follow up to mom's last to ER visits, and they tell us we were supposed to be there yesterday. She kept saying the Dr. never works on Tues. I called and some young girl made the appt. and told me the 8th. I wrote it down. the 7th doesn't sound anywhere remotely like the 8th. I know I wasn't wrong. Anyway mom was experiencing acid reflux, but she was sure something else was wrong and said we should go to the ER. I asked if a nurse could take her BP, so they did and it was pretty normal for her 141/60 her heart rate was 50 which it has been for awhile. The nurse called the Dr and said we should go to the ER. Well I just spent 6 hrs. in the ER a week ago when her BP was 211/90 they gave her a pill and sent her home. We left and I got her some prilosec then ran some errands to kill some time to see if it worked. By the time I was finished she said she felt much better so we came home. We have an eye appt Thurs for her blurry vision complaints and next Tues she sees her cardioligist. I have noticed I get pretty upset internally when I'm made to feel I've dropped the ball in my caregiving duties. I couldn't even remember the date when I signed the papers when we left the Dr's office. I know it wasn't my screw up. Anyway all is well now, but I'm still aggrivated. I just took the dog for a walk and mom was sound asleep when I came back. Ladee, I just want you know I've been thinking of you and your son, and the horrible predicament that he is in and going through. Its just dreadful! Really makes my problems so small in comparison. May God surround you with his Angels. Beck, thank again for your hug, and I hope the talk you had with your mother strengthens her as she faces the challenges ahead of you both. I just needed to let this out and this is my only safe place. Love and Blessings to all. Vivian P.S. Jam I'm glad to see you back, and Burned I'm happy CPS finally saw how things really are.
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I am understanding my husband better., However, he is in danger of falling so we got him a walker that has a seat and breaks. But he doesn't use it. I nicely remind him about his medicine/walker. I get better each time about not "jumping" on him about not doing something. He is pleasant, melancholy and enjoys watching tv. I don't have alot of the problems yet that these others do. He's 81.
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If talking to yourself anywhere is a problem for those around me, all they have to do in join in on the conversation, all voices welcome....
CRS. My roof is leaking too, but no big deal, it does that everytime it rains, the spot is getting bigger tho, guess I need a bigger bucket...hope things were fixed for you today...
Viv, lots of posts out there, so hope if the government is tagging our stuff, they'll read how much we need help..... blink blink ya think....
Just got my computer back after the rain storm... be back later...
love ya Jamaroonie
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Ooops...I meant "careGIVER"..I'm losin it
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O dear Vivian..lol...i feel your pain. There are many posting out in the cosmos that i have spent time and deep emotion in constructing...Keep typing till it wrks!!!! I've had sometime to myself today,although I have had 8 phone calls from Dad since my day began. He's having one of those days. I just planted a beautiful garden, so I've spent my day enjoying it and playing with my beloved dog..Lily..Ahh..the simple things in life take on a new meaning when you're a caretaker.. I do need to be more aware,though, of the fact that I talk to myself in public waaay too much! Anyway, enjoy the rest of your day,friends...Hugs and more hugs
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Oh my stars!!!!!!!!!!! I just lost a post that I spilled my guts out for the last 15 minutes. Maybe cosmos trying to stop me. Now I'm really pissed. I'll be back later. arrrrrg.
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Thnx Jam things are looking better :-)
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crs.....sounds like you may need more than one tub of that Calgon!!! Hope you get everything repaired and life can get back to normal.....sending good wishes and angels armed with wrenches to help!

Hope everyone is having a good day......I'm playing dog groomer today...:)
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Wow..crazy day yesterday the ac went out after lunch, thats ok it wasnt terribly hot. Yesterday evenin around 7:30 my son says uhmm momma water is pouring out the ceiling...omg like a faucet..hubby got water cleaned up (thanks my love)...today we have dr appts and ac and plumber coming....calgone take me away..hopefully things will be better todsy :-)
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Hello ladies...thinking of you all and praying u find your blessing today..hugs
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Today has been ok day except for the last 3 days straight my husband has had 3 major break thru seizures I forgot i needed to fax my time sheet today so i have to pay dollar tomorrow to fax from radio shack. I still have bills to pay here soon and then order the tax software and finally send that blasted thing. I still keep rejected on my returns which is bogus on side note CPS is still continuing their bogus investigation but they were pleased. It has been very busy wknd and start of another wk so i pray we all have some blessings in disguise or maybe angels in disguises..Lord knows everyone needs some pressure off their backs and my friends are enjoying it. The children already call me mamma beside my own lol...so I am an auntie and another momma :) Gnight and sleep well ...Peace N God bless...
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