This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Wondering.....welcome to our place..pull up a chair, make yourself at home and tell us all about it. You will find lots of hugs, support, love and whatever else you may need to get you through this rough time. Let's see if we can take your mind off of things for a while and put a smile on your face.
Taking Target to surgeon tomorrow for checkup.....he continues to get better everyday.
Hope everyone is having a good day or as good as possible......
Disclaimer: Connor has beautiful red hair stormy.....:) and I have a daughter with classic red hair and blue eyes.....and my Grandpa had red hair.......
beck-AMEN! And welcome to the sub-club here for those of us who are taking care of both parents at the same time. We all have our own situations - raising kids, other family, ect - but many of the trials are the same. And we all need a vacation! LOL Hugs, and bless you for what you are doing.
burned-glad things are looking up. Yeah! You just keep on keeping it together...you amaze me!
Jam-Peek-a-Boo! We know you are there. And so glad for it. Sending hugs to you, and Target to keep feeling better.
Austin-I love being non-normal! I don't remember what normal felt like. LOL I have lots of quotes and signs around the house, including one that says The Only Thing Normal Around Here is the Setting on the Dryer. Which is terrible, because our dryer doesn't even have a normal setting! LOL
mis-Hi! Glad to see you stop by. Miss you. Hugs.
Ladee-Argh! for you and your son. Get a laywer. Who knows what problems your son will face because of these mistakes? You don't want to sign off too early on anything, and worker's comp might not want to pay if there's been errors. Please protect yourselves. And you are right about rock collecting being addictive. I waited 2 weeks to pick up the first one, and had to stop myself from grabbing another today:) Hugs and prayers.
Well, I didn't spend the day with my stomach in knots, because the morning slid right into being a MONDAY. Huuby's sick, running a temp, and refuses to see a doctor. Work was a bear - sometimes, co-workers can ruin your day. Mom was her unpleasant, rude self. I was told how I should be arranging my outdoor decorations, because "they would look better." You know how something can be said nicely, or said rudely? She picks the rude way. Lord only knows why. And she's out of a med, which she started on a tiraide about the nurse not asking her about it at the last visit. I know where this goes - she fired one doc down south and was asked to leave by another. So I had to remind her that I asked her, in the doctor's office, if she had enough, and she said she did. And this was after the rudeness. Not fun. My sis emailed me she had a crying spell and breakdown at work today. And one of my dogs is limping something awful-might be hip dysplasia. I am going to go now and harvest my food in Cafe World, then wait for it to be Tuesday. Thanks for letting me vent.
Goodnight, and better tomorrows.
Ya'll want the good news or the bad news about son??? There is NO good news... first let me say that I am so disgusted with the Dr. in Bryan, J will have to have another surgery on his broken leg . The Dr. in Bryan has the plate and pins in such a way as the patella is two inches above where it should be and the tibia and femur are growing together.... so it will have to be fixed or he won't walk.... AND he has a BROKEN ARM!!!!!! His right arm is broken in two places, is not healing, so will also have to have surgery to put a plate in to mend the bones together.... And J tried to tell the Dr's that something was wrong with his right arm....and yes he was a butt while in the hospital, but I TRIED on more than occasion to tell them he had to have meds for alchohol withdrawals... I am not condoning his behavior in any way, beleive me,but this is not looking good for the Dr. or the hospital... Uh, ya don't send someone home with a broken arm that was never even looked at...regardless of the patients behavior.... So in some ways he is having to start all over.... and we did talk about a lawyer on the way home.... so that has been my day, and I have to go to work early tomorrow, sorry I didn't address eveyone, just tired, again.... love you all, and Wondering, there are many here who will help, I promise, some great women on this thread.....
Hi mis........nice to see you here!
Severe storms roared through here last night.....over 6 hours without power....thank goodness for generators! Computer withdrawal and healing husbands can get ugly....:) Saturday it was 90 degrees, today is 70...go figure.
Hope seeme is already at her destination and is not driving into any of these storms.....prayers for a safe trip.
Sending out wishes for a good week for all of you......and an angel to help lighten your load.
Prayers for all for a good day. Dad goes to get his ear cleaned out today...never did tell you guys that we can't find one of he's hearing aids...guess in went in the trash with the poop..will get a new mold today
Hope everyone has a blessed day and Brandy and I will have knotted stomachs all day.... love ya'lll
Welcome to the new posters. Glad that you are here. This site has certainly help me to keep my sanity over the last few yrs while my hubby and I took care of his grandma. We lost her this yr, but I still come back to see how everyone is doing. It's like family here and we all understand each other.
Beck, I like to think it is the new normal.
Ladee, my stomach drops too, goes into a knot and seizes up. Such a good site.
Jam- It's good to hear from you. I am glad that Target is doing better and on the way to recovery. Sorry to hear that the col is declining. I hope you are taking care of yourself. Much love to you!!!
Ladee- I am right there with you about dreading tomorrow (MONDAY'S) UGH!!!! Love and hugs stormyyy
Beck, if being sane is part of being with the group we are all screwed!!!!!! So am happy to say it is not a requirement.... and what you are feeling is normal, what you will come to refer to as your 'new normal', none of us here are NORMAL, what ever that means.... too many sleepless nights, too much angst from not having family participation.... too much hearing the same thing over and over... so yes, tears are part of this, grief, sadness, anger, powerlessness... it's all part of the territory.... but ya know what...... we do have each other... and just knowing someone else really understands gets us a little further down the road.....one suggestion I am going to make, is not to look at yourself as a mess... you are human, being torn in many directions, if we already knew how to do this we wouldn't need each other....and if you are mess, then that means I'm a mess and I ain't havin' no part of that....lol......so keep coming here, telling us how you feel, and we'll all move forward thru the fog.....hugs to you...
Ok, I've had plenty of rest this weekend, and my stomach still drops when I think about tomorrow, let's see, can we all say BURN OUT!!!!!!!!!
love ya'll and hugs across the miles....
I'm here....reading and following all of you....don't think for one minute I'm not here! Just needing a "brain rest"......everything here is good.....I have the meaning of my bubble tucked away in my heart....thank you notlike.....Target is healing, walking on his own, fixed a meal for himself yesterday, sleeping and back to being the person he used to be before he got sick.....been a while since I've seen him. The col just continues to be confused....doesn't recognize her own granddaughters..
Welcome to all the new posters.......come back and tell us stories..........we need someone new to make fun of......hugs and angels to all of you!!!!!
Beck- I am very sorry you are having to go through this with your father. I know your heart is breaking. But hopefully the good memories you have and are making will replace the pain that you are feeling. My heart goes out to you!!! Much love and hugs to you Stormyyy. And welcome to the caregiver crew.....
So, you keep coming here, and you let us know when you are grieving, it is not only the long goodbye, but we loose them twice.... but at least here you will get support, love, laughter, hugs and prayers... and advice if you need it.... just ask...
So many hurting people here, and we get together to lighten each others load... I have been here for a long while... not much surprises me anymore, and you will not be judged... we all have our sad days, our mad days, our tired days, and our silly days,,, it's ok to laugh too, it makes things a little easier... so keep coming back and letting us know how you are... Everyone of us will relate in some way... hugs across the miles to you, and as Jam would say, we'll keep the light on for ya.....