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Well my sis and dad have gone to get dads throat stretched this morning. They just left at 12:00. But sis called me this morning at home and asked me if i had seen dad cough up any blood and i told her no. Except for the day before yesterday he coughed up a tiny bit, more like strecked mucus. She said that he had been coughing up blood and that he said that he had been coughing up blood for a few days. While i have been here with him i haven't seen him cough up any blood unless he is doing it after i leave in the afternoons and he is here by his self. So i get here this morning to get him ready for his surgery and i find the bloody paper towels in his trash can by his chair and some in his bathroom. Then he told sis that his coughed up a mouthful yesterday or the day before. I told sis that she needed to tell the nurse or his dr today when she carries him to the hospital. She said that she would. We will see. But she will not find out anything cause she does not even see the dr after dad has his procedure done. I will let ya'll know what i find out. Love and hugs stormyyy
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Brandy you can't win with the gifts-do what I do give up I gave Mom fruit from Edible something and the first year she raved about and loved it the next year nothing but complaints I finally called my sister and asked her to take some of the blank fruit and she even said I should have done such and such and there are tenents in her building on food stamps-they would have loved getting some of the fruit-not I send her gift cards to Olive Garden every year-my husband was the same with gifts-I would ask him what he wanted -nothing then after the holiday he would say you know what I thought you would get me-----I finally said I asked you why did you not say it in the beginningwhat hapen to thank so much for-----instead of all the drama.
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Thank God we are not alone.... reading your post Austin, and I'm thinking, what the hell is she talking about???? Then read Notlikes post..... nowwwwww I understand, fly strips.... lord my brain is about to give up on me... have to make lists then forget where I put them....
And now that I understand Austin, I'll sure give it some thought..... tomorrow when her lips are moving , I'll just picture fly strips in place and doing thier job..... lol....
I have a hat, but have no idea where it is..... lol, it might even be on my head.... lord, is this day over yet????? love ya'll....
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Thank you notlike. I needed that. Brandy.
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Stormy-hey, this isn't a fashion show and looks don't count. Good for you for finding a way to make it better for him. And is this high school you're sending Connor to? LOL. Seriously, group the stuff together, and work on the different similar concepts. Not every child will know them all in the fall. And not knowing doesn't mean someone isn't smart - the smart part is learning how to learn. Hugs.
Ladee - I've heard that HIPPA started, in part, so caregivers wouldn't talk about patients in the halls and elevators, where family could hear. That's a good thing, but most of the rest of the law is junk, I think. Wow! What a way to set Marie straight! I'm, glad it gave you a nice rest of the day. Could you tape those speeches so I could use them on Mom??? You are a dangerous woman around fly paper. Don't buy any more unless you buy a hat first! :) Hugs.
Austin - thanks for my laugh today, I needed it. I could see Marie with her fly paper "ear muffs."
Brandy-that is an awful situation. The entire deck (mom and sis) is stacked against you. Why not just make her a card and have a short visit? It would save money, and if it's enough for you, so what if it's not enough for her. It doesn't sound like anything would be enough anyway, so why put yourself out just to get stepped on like that? In my DONM newsletter, one of the topics was about if someone is going to be unhappy, why does it always have to be us? If whatever you do won't be right, then skip it and do what makes you feel good. It won't change her, but it will make you feel better. I am going to try it myself this year, so we can compare notes! LOL Mom says she doesn't want anything. We are getting pizza from our favorite local place, so we don't have to cook. But that's it. My sister refuses to buy her anything if she doesn't want it, so I am going to do the same. I won't ever get her the perfect gift, so I am done trying and hurting myself.Think about it....hugs.
Well, I knew it couldn't last. The nice Mom has left the building. They saw deer in the yard today, and she got all mad at Dad because he told me first. And they did some "cleaning" today. Out of all the normal cleaning things that could be done around here, she chose to clean my un-painted, white, kitchen door. With bleach. Oh, I feel so much better! It must have bothered her so much that it had fingerprints and scuff marks on it! It looks so much better now! Gag me.
I told her it was bright and shiny, but I refused to say thank you. I've tried modeling good behavior around her. It doesn't work, so I give up.
Not my best day. Rough at work, then home. I'm glad I checked in on the site and got a chance to laugh. And hopefully post a helpful comment or two.
Goodnight, and better tomorrows.
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Good luck with that ...they are doing the same thing here in at the public schools here besides knowing sight words and counting to hundred. They even held my daughter back another yr because she wasn't sociable enough but now she is very sociable and only missed so much because she had real bad hay fever and tonight is her next dose of allergy medication. I do not see it working yet on her but it seems to be helping her slightly and grateful she is on small dosage and the other good news is my friend made it to phoenix.
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Hi everyone, sorry I haven't been in touch with you all for a long time. My excuses are that I went back to work parttime and I am exhausted when I come home from work, I go straight to bed. Mom is about the same, still has dementia only worse by the day. Mother's Day is coming up and I dread it so much. I put a lot of effort into buying her a nice Mom's day gift. Then when I give it to her she is prone to say, "I don't like those things." If I don't put much effort into it she says, "I already have five of those and I don't want this one." If I get her flowers, sister one ups me and gets a huge bouquet that impresses mom more. We have 2 floral shops in this town and sister will only allow flowers from a certain floral place in mom's home. Sister won't let her have chocolate or candy, so that's out. Mom doesn't want a gift cert. or lotions. Sister also says I don't try hard enough to do things right and what is wrong with me.

Then there is going out to eat on moms day. Sister always takes her out and I am not invited. If I want to take Mom out, mom says she would rather go with my sister. We live in a very small village with only one acceptable restaurant. If I see them eating in this rest, sister will not invite me to their table. (it is so hurtful, you just don't know)!! Ditto Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter. Please advice me on what to do with this dysf family and my sister. My way is to give her a gift of my choice, even if it is choc and give it on Saturday and not take her out on moms day. SOS
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Hey everyone sorry i haven't been in touch today but dads computer was down and i couldn't get on there. Well connor's orientation at his new school was today for kindergarden. And when hubby and i got home I told him that we are in trouble he said, "Why?" and i asked have you looked at the words on this paper that they want connor to be able to recongize when he starts in aug? He said no. Check out the words: Equivalent, counting backwards, attribute, beneath, most popular, different,describe, seventh, equation, combination, rectangular prism, and triangular prism, cylinder, combination, and trapezoid. And these are just a few of them. There are over two hundred words they want them to recognize. I thought they were going to be teaching them ball, cat, hat, dog, sky words like that. I will never be able to get this child to recognize all these words. Something else to stress about. This is all i needed. I hope he is going to be smart in school like his daddy cause did not do all that well in school. And he is already starting with I don't want to go to big school!!!! We sure got our work cut out for us!!! Love and hugs to you all. Stormyyy
Ladee- I sure am going to need that counseling when he starts school... UGH....
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He helps with housework and other light weight stuff . He also spends time with the kids and usually lets me sleep in. He can manage their meals for me sometimes...sometimes for the better or worse he is there for me.
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Burned, what are your husbands health problems that stop him from helping you out with all you have on your shoulders?. It seems like you are doing everything by yourself. Can he at least be helping you with phone calls or letter writing that doesn't require being physical? This would be alot of help for you while you are running around doing all the errands!!
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Take one day at a time. Pray. God will listen and intervene.
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Ladee it could have been worse you have been stuck to Mairie for hours listening to her whining -could you by mistake stick one on her ear to ear for about 6 hrs-now you have something to whine about.
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Hey everyone, Wondering has not forgotten you all, just been busy and exhausted all the time. Just try to sleep when I can. You all are still in my prayers daily. Take care and hopefully I can keep in touch better than I have been doing. God bless.
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Forgot to share the "fly strip" adventure with ya'll... Flies are horrible here, everyone complaining... went to the store to get spray, didn't even know they made the 'fly strips' anymore but got a box of them... no time at all one of them was full, had put it by the front window, another one by the door... came in yesterday and the wind caught the one by the door and it was a scene for a Steven King novel...... it got caught on my scrubs , on my back, up my arm and in my hair.... and that shit is STICKY!!!!! I thought I was going to have to go get my neighbor to help me get that damned thing off me.....
then last night as I am lowering the blind on the window, the new one I had put up got in my hair as I bent over.... I know I pulled hair out by the roots getting that damned thing off my head..... washed my hair and went to bed.... just can't keep a good caregiver down, no matter the circumstances..... love ya'll
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See Stormy as worn out and burned out as you are... you took the time to come up with an idea that helped ease your dad's pain and discomfort.... we don't have to be 'close' to someone to do what needs to be done... I am not close to Marie, but do what I have to do... Sonny, him I love... but I am as burned out as the rest of you as I am taking care of three, Marie, Sonny and my son....so maybe part of the temporary solution is being able to laugh.... at ourself, at them, the situations, and like Notlike said, we aren't bad people, we are just tired people....it just is what it is Stormy, but again, I am going to suggest you get some counseling.... no one in the family has to know if you don't want them to.... but take some of that energy you are burning up in resentment and get some help understanding your feelings and possibly how to change how you feel about it.... this job is hard enough without resenting it.... so hope you at least consider an old ladies experiance and at least think about counseling....
Notlike, knowing there are ways around the HIPPA law doesn't even help does it... I don't even know the facts of why that law was passed, but I know it can be a caregivers nightmare....
When I went in yesterday, asked Marie how she was feeling...She got the shot in her hip and had been feeling much better Fri when I left.... she immediatly started whining... oh I don't know..... and I am beyond tired, so I proceded to give her a 10 minute lecture on gratitude, getting old hurts, and put a smile on that face.... Lord, just not in the mood for whining when it is only a means to an end of getting attention.... I told her my back and leg hurts everyday, everyday Marie, and here I am.... so suck it up and have a good day..... I insist on it..... turned around and went to help Sonny get dressed... she was in a good mood the rest of the day.... If I didn't believe there is a special place in Heaven for caregivers I would just walk the hell away.....
love and respect to you all today....hugs across the miles...
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I wanted to tell ya'll something today when i was at dads i started on his neck (cleaning it) about 11:30 and finally got through at 3:00. Well he has got a place on his lower neck where his trach is digging into his neck almost causing a cut so i had to figure out something to put under there that would protect it and a padding for it too and something that would stay from the constant wiping he does from all the wiping that he does on his lower neck, chest area. So i got drain sponges for either side of his neck then i taped two of them together with bandades so it was long like a kotex pad and wedged it under his trach and then i taped that part to the pads on either side of his neck. When i got through i walked in the kitchen and then went back in the den and it was all i could do not to bust out laughing at how his neck look. His neck looked like a mummy from all the pads and bandades. But hell it worked and it stayed put. And it took the pressure off of the cut it was making on his chest. Thought i would give ya'll a little funny story. Love ya'll stormyyy
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Stormy, Vic, Loyal, Lildeb - I refuse to believe we are bad people or sinners for sometimes wanting the struggle to end. Caregiving is hard on us, and growing old and dying is hard on our charges. Hugs to you all, and know I am right there with you.
Burned-Hold your head up and lay it out for those people. You constantly talk about your family on this site. If that's neglected, they need another definition! Prayers and hugs to you.
Jam-enjoy your break! I, for one, promise not to be good while you are gone :)
Ladee-Wouldn't Washington sing a different tune if we could do that?!? I love the thought of showing them what life is like for so many of us in this country. The other day I got a call from the hospital billing office. It was for my Dad, and she wouldn't talk to me. Said that the billing office didn't have the POA paperwork. Well, it's in his hospital chart and was even signed there! Like I have time to call medical records and have them send a pencil pusher a copy? I have filled out so many OK to Discuss forms, apart from the POA, for insurance, pharmacy, ect, that I really don't want to fill out any more. Whoever wrote the HIPPA law should be responsible for doing this for us! I gave her the house number to call Dad, and she never even called. What BS.
Things are quiet here. Mom's been good, which is almost scary. No doctors to see, either, until mid-May. Maybe they will plant the bean seeds this week.
Goodnight, and better tomorrows.
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Vic- thank you for your advice. I am glad that i am not the only one that has these feelings, it makes me feel like maybe i'm not crazy or going that way after all. I wish that our brother would take some of the load off of me and my sister but he and dad do not get along and he has already said that he is not baby sitting him. He just stays one night a week for my sister to go home. And my nephew stays a night here and there for her, but we have to pay him to stay. Hell i would pay him whatever to get to go home. I do not know how my sister is doing it. Staying there with him night after night. And she is not on any antidepressants!!!! Vic, i would love to have more time away from dads house but i do not spend near the amount that my sister spends with him and i feel that i just can't do that to her. I am just staying with him for her. Me and my sister are the only ones that know all about his trach care. We already feel like our brother has let us down by not taking on more time to stay with dad, and I know how that feels. I just can't do that to my sister. I would feel like i would be leaving her to handle all of it. And that would not be fair to her. Nothing about any of this is fair; to any of us. But i will be spending less time with dad once connor starts school cause i will have to leave at 2:00 to go pick him up from school. He starts the end of August. So maybe things will be better by then, we can always hope, right? Much love and hugs to you Vic. Stormyy
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Burned- I am sorry you are still having problems with the cps. I honestly do not know how you are doing all that you do without losing it. Having to take care of your husband and kids. Without any help from your family or his. I wish i could offer some advice to you but i don't think i would know where to start. Just know that i think that you are a very strong woman for being able to take all this on by yourself. Hugs and prayers to you. Stormyyy
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Stormy..I have had the same thoughts and I struggle with them same as you. Hang in there girlie..maybe you and sis and brother can sit down and make a new schedule out. You spending less time there for awhile...something to think about.
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Loyal and lil deb thank you so much for not judging me, it means alot too that ya'll understand my feelings. I think it would be this bad if i had a better relationship with my dad but we just never bonded like that unlike me and my mom. We were so close. She was my best friend and i could tell her anything and she was always so understanding and loving. She was the sweetest and most caring mother anyone could ask for. I miss her so much!!!!
Loyal- On the situation with the potato salad and the pickles. This is what i would do: I would have someone to make me a gallon of potato salad and i would go to sam's club and buy a gigantic jar of pickles and set both of them in front of your mom and say " Have at it Mom" and let her eat til her heart was content. Maybe that would give you a break for awhile..... Thank you Loyal for the laugh. It's been awhile since i have had one of those. Love and hugs stormyyy
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I wasn't trying to be unreasonable...i just been sick and i couldnt do it anymore. Anyone ever feel like that and btw my spouse is still reasonable minded to make rational decisions.
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Finally got my husband out of the house on his own...i just blew up at him and asking him why do i have to constantly do the errands. You got a power chair get outside besides ur appt..Ill give ya whatever money u need....just for once I want a break from the errand running. I want to have peace n quiet but still doesnt change the fact that CPS has us in their system. I still have to take my daughter to her appt today and get her cleaned up; besides myself. I do not get that they say my children are neglected ...my children get all the attention in the world. Still this is one to tick me off still...any advice for my family.
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I meant that I should know that she would keep asking because of my mnl. duh.
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Stormy, no one here or at least I don't think you are terrible for praying for God to take him home. Only you know what 'you are really going through socially, psychological and mentally.' I done the same thing when we were at the hospital with my husband's dad. He had went through so many surgies for cancer due to smoking and in the hospital he was just spitting up blood through a tube. He would stop breathing and everyone would cry and then he would start breathing and everyone would tell him to fight it. It was very hard on the family watching this go on and on. I finally just prayed and later found out that another family member had prayed for the God to take him home. Within a few minuets he went home. So never thank that again please, for you are only human. I am sorry you are going through such a time .

Loyalty, I had no idea that even if you kept making your mom her favorite dish that she would continue to ask for more and forget that she just ate it. My mnl does forget what she ate as well. If nothing else try to look at that at least she loves your cooking and I hope that puts a little smile on your face. ; )
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Stormy, I don't think harshly of you as I have the same feelings toward mom. I love her to death but this resentment is eating away at me and I also pray for fogiveness. I have listened almost non stop in between her naps for four days and at time nights, on how she wants potato salad and a pickle. Even if I give her more she will continue. I really hear your cry for help as I am crying too. Hugs, Loyalty
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Thanks Ladee I really do appreciate your concern. I cried myself to sleep last night and to some i know this sounds terrible of me, but i prayed to God to just take him home. I told him i know that it was wrong for me to ask this of him and i am sorry for having these thoughts and i knew it was a sin. And i feel like i am a terrible person, like i have failed everyone. Especially dad. Cause i just don't care anymore mainly about him. I don't really see him as a father, just a burden. God how could it have come to this. How does one come to grips with a feeling like this, how can they think like that about their own father. I never wanted this, to feel like this about him, but i do. I wish to God i could change it and have ask him to change my feeling towards him but that has not happened. Ya'll please do not think harshly of me cause i really don't know what i would do without ya'lls help to vent to or for ya'll advice and just concern for me. I have no one i can talk to except my husband about some of my feelings but i have not told him about my feelings towards dad. I love all of ya'll for being my friends and for just being here for me. I feel so lucky i have found all of you. All my love Stormyyy....
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Ladee ~ That's quite an image. "Tomorrow is another day."
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Stormy , your body is saying what you won't let your mouth say.... I am going to pray that you get the courage to talk to someone, anyone, to teach you how to tell you family you can't do this anymore.... prayers for you....
In my quite time this morning I was thinking of all of you as individuals, the load you are carrying, the 'no time outs', and all the things that each of us feel collectivley.... it helps me everyday to know that I am not alone... that at the end of the day, I get to come on here and tell ya'll about my day, good or bad.... that I have a safe place to share... that I can get just get stupid sometimes and it's ok....
One of these days we are going to make arrangements for our charges, and march on Washington.... can't you just see us all, we'd look like that scene from Gone With the Wind at the train station, all the wounded, some of us walking with limps because our backs hurt, some of leaning on each other for a quick nap, some of us saying, "in a minute' over and over again... the collective deep sighs could change the atmospeheric conditions, and cranky, OMG, most of us cranky.... now someone would listen to us, because you aren't going to get that many tired women in a group and some one not hear what we would have to say......WE NEED HELP HERE... we are saving you billions of dollars every year and we are invisible to the masses.... the average person walking down the street has no idea what we do everyday and most of the night....
If we ever decide to have a revolution, it will get someones attention... surely there would be one day that we weren't all tired at the same time... and if we had to we could get our elders to do the talking, can't you see the look on the governments faces having 20 million elders asking what time is it and who's coming to pick us up all at the same time.... yeah, let's bring em with us.... leave em all there for an hour, we'd go get coffee... think there would be some changes then????? Something for us to think about.... love and appreciate what each and every one of you do on a daily and nightly basis..... hugs across the miles.....
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Well my anxiety level is at a all time high today, I forgot to take my antidepressant this morning and now i am over here at dads. I got to get outta here!!! Got to get to them. I don't know why i am so anxious today. Last night i got a terrible sinus and tension headache and i took meds for them but it has not helped and i took some more today and i still have it. Lord if he ever quits coughing and goes to sleep i am leaving him a note and telling him i had to go. We have been leaving him here some by his self. Lord let this headache go away, let him go to sleep and let me get out of this house!!!!!! Stormyyyy
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