This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Starri-You go, Girl! Abuse is sometimes so easy to take and hard to stop. Hugs.
Seeme - Amen for you!
Vivian - Hugs to you. You have alot on your plate.
Vic-you sound as tired as I feel, and I'm not even doing the physical care you are. I wish we could send all the parents on a trip, and you and I could get a vacation. Hugs.
I slept 8 hours last night, and I am still exhausted today. Too much stress, I think. Spending all those hours with Mom is enough alone to wear me out. Other than her being happy that her cancer isn't growing, there wasn't much nice for the day. Dad needs to move around more and get circulation in his leg, so she was harping on him for that. She thinks she's funny, but she's not. We stopped at the bookstore and she bought herself a crossword puzzle book, and left me to pay for Dad's book. I don't think she even thought about me having to pay for him. More like she wasn't even considering buying him anything. Dad and I ate before we left because she said she would just skip lunch with all the appointments we had. Of course, we had extra time and she got a nice lunch out, while we got snacks. And when we were setting up her next round of appointments, she's agreeing with everything the scheduler is offering, before I've even had a chance to check the master calander or consider my having to leave work. When I tried to talk to her about it later, her comment was I should have told her sooner not to do that. Yikes! I didn't know she was going to do that - how could I have said something before??? That's Mom - she is never wrong and I am never right.
I need to put more distance between me and Mom. Just let her do what she's gonna do, and not try and spend time with her or have anything nice with her. It's not worth the effort. I got no thank you from her for being with them all day yesterday - there's no acknowledgement that I am doing my best to help and be there for her. Not that I expect it, but while she still can say it, it would be nice to hear.
I'll be watching Dad's leg and I need to call the doctor in a week with an update. He is a good doc. Wrote a whole letter, explaining the lab results, and sent it to the computer charting, as well as having his nurse call to let me know it was there. We are blessed with excellent, caring doctors.
On the upside, I have finally found the right bean seeds! Can't wait to plant them. I will be smiling smuggly all summer while they grow. :)
Better get back to work. Hope everyone has a good day.
Glad to hear tests, etc are coming back and looking good for some of you.
I'm doing a drive-by this morning to let you all know I'm thinking of you.......I hear my name being hollered again!!!! Going to be a long day.................................
Hugs to all!
Don't know how he got it but hope it goes away soon.. All night he was calling Tory Tory ...every time I got up he looked at me and said huh? Oh well ...today we have to clean for the cleaning lady..arghhhh guess I better fold bed linens ...
Vic.....wish you could sleep for a week. Please don't hurt yourself with dad. There is no greater drain on your energy than going to a doctor's office. Why is that?
Stormy...for some reason I thought dad was almost bedridden. Starri did make a couple of good suggestions. I like the unplu the stove one.....even my mil only uses the microwave. While hubby was in Maine, she boiled a pan of water dry on the stove. He did all the cooking. Why hasn't he been placed??
I have watched DWTS with a hot rag on my left eye.......gotta a f'n sty starting. First one ever. I thought it was just pink eye from dust the past weeks with the brickwork being done, but noooooo.......ttyl......
Burned....wishing you a good visit with your daughter. If you ever slow down, you won't know what to do with yourself.
Mom is apparently going to live forever.
So tired - will catch up on posts tomorrow. All day of driving back and forth and waiting for docs - I need some zzzzz's.
Goodnight, and better tomorrows.
Burned ~ I've come a long way baby. There was a time when I had to have my house spotless when even friends or my adult children stopped by. Now that so much of my time is invested into caring for Alan, my daughter and granddaughter and their husbands stopped by yesterday, and I had to literally push the clutter on the table to the center to allow them to sit coffee cups in front of them--and there were three days' dishes in the sink. And, guess what, the sun came up today. If people don't realize you have priorities, f**k 'em. I think it was Jam that recommends a warm tub and bubbles. Make that bath bubbles AND champagne bubbles!
Jam ~ Oh, my, I remember those days from hell. Oh, yeah, because one of them was just last week. We're just too old for this crap.
Starri33 ~ You are so right about not saving things for special occasions. I used to be like that, but a bout with cancer and my husband's strokes, among several other issues that make my life sound like a soap opera, have pointed out with alarming clarity that every day is special.
Dad had to see hematologist today..his RBC was down so he got a procrit shot. Hope it perks him up some. He is just miserable all the way around. Am tired...just from the 4 hours of getting him in and out of car..sitting and waiting and in and out of car again. Glad we are back home and settled..now if he would just poop I would be really happy! Hahahaha
The microwave is safe up to a point, Toasters are semi safe. Jam, I am glad to hear that things seem to be settling down for you, how's the back doing?
Ladee this get together didn't work as either of us had imagined.. but the Lord apparently had other ideas., personally I haven't figured out what they are yet, but I learned the hard way a long time ago not to argue with him, there is a reason for all this. Even if it was getting to meet you on the side of the road..rofl.. It could be for me to finally really stand up to hubby and tell him no the world doesn't revolve around him, I admit it, I'm a people pleaser and most of the time, he gets what he wants, well this time he ain't getting it. How does you and I having lunch somewhere Saturday sound? Joe can stay home, Glenn can stay home or take his butt for a ride..somewhere and you and I can find us a table back in a corner, have a wonderful lunch and then sit there for a couple of hours just talking.
Ladies and Gentlemen remember no matter what the illness no matter what the relationship, you do not have to take abuse in any way shape or form, and talking to you like crap qualifies as abuse.
Since losing my mom, it's dawning on me more and more that I have been allowing myself to be treated as someone's servant, family or hubby... I've realized I am entitled to a life, to what I want for a change and by God I am going to take it.
Hugs and Prayers for all to have a peaceful and restful day.
Someone is my household is going crazy and I'm thinking it might very well be me!!!!! Yesterday was like a day in a science fiction movie...........I'm getting ready to call the vet and take my doggie in when she wakes up, crawls out of her bed, stretches and walks in the other room like she didn't have a care in the world!!!!!!! I took her outside and she wanders around the yard exactly like she has done for months.........I'm thinking all those prayers from you wonderful friends must have done the job! I'm telling you that the night before last this dog exhibited every single sign of a full-blown grand mal seizure! She has gone back to sleeping a lot......she has been out now for over 12 hrs......so maybe that is a sign she is fading away. I definitely am going to call the vet today to get their opinion and decide to go ahead and do the deed anyway or wait to see if she has another "spell". I apologize for not posting earlier yesterday....had my hands full. But it would appear that Target gets a little better each hour. After not being able to get him up yesterday morning by myself, the rest of the day didn't go too badly. He is able to help stand and pivot to a chair with rollers.....and away we go!!! And he ate dinner!!!!!!!! The first time in 4 months........ate a stuffed pepper, some crackers, then a cup of mandarin oranges, then asked for some mac and cheese. No nausea or even gagging........we are on the road to recovery.....and I love you all for your prayers and good wishes. I have kept you all in my heart and you have helped me to keep my mind in a safe place.
The col called again yesterday and said she was "in outer space here in this care center".......demanding to be brought home, telling me she can do everything for herself so there is no reason she can't come home. I explained again how neither one of us are physically able to lift her and she said "I have friends who will do those things" ......oh yeah, tell me their names and I will call them for you...."oh, you know, the mister of the black dog"........WHAT?????? Gotta love Alzheimer's and Seroquel.....lol
stormy.........Dad has some form of dementia or he wouldn't do the things he does or talk the way he does. Even in their dementia, the elderly don't like to be told what to do by a "kid". Dad left the peas on the stove simply because he forgot them, no other reason, but all the reason in the world for him to not be left alone now. None of you would be able to live with the guilt of walking out on Dad only to have something happen because he truly isn't capable of caring for himself any longer. Would your sister be receptive to placing Dad? Maybe it's time for that. It's not a sign of failure when it comes to placement.....it's a sign that you love him enough to want the best care possible. It gives you and your siblings your lives back, and still gives you the opportunity to interact with Dad but in a better way. Once the stress is gone from the hands-on daily care you begin to enjoy Dad's company more. Hugs to you!!!!!!
burned.....good luck with the doctor....sounds like you have your hands full!!!
Hope everyone has a good day.....thinking of you!!!!
Burned - prayers to you and for the health of your family. I hope you get to stop for a moment today, close your eyes, and just BE. Hugs.
More later...
Give me ya'lls opinion on this, am i wrong???
Zoey-I actually called my Mom mean and nasty once. Yes, I am still alive, but slightly scortched from her burning look. LOL What she did was throw it back at me and whine that I had called her vile names. So much for her gettign the point. Welcome, and keep coming back.
Jam-my sympathies for your day and the sadness of loosing a beloved dog. My Rebel, Tiny, and Magenta say wolf, too and send you peace. No sympathies for Target, though! LOL I don't know which is worse, sick husbands or sick medical people - you poor dear have both!
ASG-I can hear that smack all the way here! LMAO
Stormy - Sounds like we both had the ride of our lives. If we wind up in hell (which would be terribly unfair), I bet it's an endless round of Splash Mountain! Sometime, I'll tell about my Zip Line disaster. I would rather have been in hell!
Burned - you need to get a sign like mine "Sorry you weren't here yesterday when my house was clean." Fools 'em every time! Hugs.
I lost it a bit earlier today. Stressing over Dad. We see the doctor tomorrow at 9 AM. Now I loose a whole day of work instead of half. Mom sees the doctor in the PM. And Monday seems to be the day I finally think of witty comebacks to all the nasty things Mom said to me over the weekend. What a waste. But hubby's home now, and I feel much better after checking in with everyone. Here, the laughs are worth more than gold.
Ladee-I read back through my posts and try to correct my awful typing, but the misspelled words really are more fun. Just once, I am going to send something without editing. And I'm sure you all will still know what I am saying!
Goodnight, and better tomorrows.
I think the mnl got up on wrong side of the bed ah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
all day long, ah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think I feel a bit better, at least tommorrow is a whole new fresh day.