The Caregiver... How are YOU doing today?

I am 71 yrs. old, my mom is going to be 95. She has been living with me for a year. She refuses to get out of bed, wears depends, even then wets the bed. She forgets things within 15 min. and calls for the same thing over and over. I get so depressed, her heart is strong. Is it wrong for me to want her to just let go, I feel so bad for the resentment I feel toward her. How much longer can I go on without injuring my mental and physical health. Gal

allshesgot ~ Alan has the piggy appetite thing, too. He'd eat every minute of the day if I'd let him, and one glass of milk will never do when you can drink the whole gallon at once. (Of course he'd treat vodka the same way before the strokes. :)) I think it is due to two things. Sometimes they forget they've just eaten, and I think the disease has taken the part of the brain that signals "enough".

starri33 ~ Thanks for the tip about the duct tape residue. Now I need one to keep the ligature marks from showing from the handcuffs. Alan so pissed me off today. Let me preface by saying that my granddaughter, who lives in Wisconsin, is planning her wedding, and she's been here in Chi with me this weekend. We've been up until the wee hours of the morning designing invitations (I'm making them) and her bouquet (she's making it). When I finally layed my head on the pillow, I asked Alan to please stay in bed, so I could get a little shuteye. He's in a hospital bed with rails, but he's figured out how to get out. I should have known better. I just nodded off when I was jarred awake by a pain in my chest with the shooting pain in the arm and jaw. Oh, oh. I chewed an aspirin, and it subsided within a few minutes. I chose to not do the ER thing. I tried to tell Alan I needed him to let me rest a few minutes. His response was to ask if he could have a fried egg sandwich and milk. I did doze off, an woke to the smell of cooking. Now, there's two things Alan's not supposed to touch in the kitchen. One is the frig, because he'll invariably spill the gallon of milk, eat something inappropriately, like downing a quart of flavored coffee cream, or leaving the frig door open. So what did I find when I when into the kitchen? The frig door open and milk spilled all over the floor and pride and joy new wood kitchen table. What else did I find? About a stick of burned butter in a skillet on the stove and a broken egg on the counter. And a buttered English muffin stuck inside the FoodSaver (he's determined that it's the toaster.) Definitely need to cuff him to the bedrails. He's the one everyone's worried about stroking out, but I've been saying right along that HE'S going to give ME a heart attack or stroke.

Ladee and seemeride ~ They know me here at the dark side--all my friends are here. Maybe it's a good name for our group. The Dark Side.

While I've been clicking away here, Alan went into the bedroom to get socks and shoes so he could go to his dad's (who's been dead nigh on 30 years). I think he crawled back into bed. Should I venture another attempt at a few minutes with my eyes closed?

Ladee, You brought home more rocks? I must have missed something. Are you a rockhound like me?

Seeme, the visual of you letting that boob down the black hole for Vickie Vic is priceless.. if that doesn't help her out, nothing will...
Back in my wild days, and when I rode Harleys, I let many a person take a look a the old boobs... gave many a truck driver a boob shot... now, it would just look like the cartoon character Maxine with those things flapping over my shoulders like a cape.....So let's keep these thing covered so Homeland Security doesn't come to our house and question us about trying to make people blind.....!!!!!! I sooooo love the dark side, I prefer is as a matter of fact.... things make sense to me here....

Brought home more rocks today, was going to call it a day, but stopped one more time and hit the mother load.... just what I needed, to not think of anything, spend quite time with God, and sweat because of the sun beating down on me... first time in awhile I've been 'good' tired in a long time.....
And then to check in here and see Seeme entertaining us all... thanks Seeme Sue, I can always count on you.... love and hugs....

Couldn't even remember how you were supposed to be feeling, Stormy............oh, yeah.....RESTED

ASG......I thought you were going to lead Auntie to the lake.........kept remembering about Jam's pond.........and my mil lives on a lake......hhuuuummmmmmm.

Stormy, glad you are home safe and sound and that you had such a good time. Do you feel reted yet? Or do you need a vacation from your vacation?

Notlike....I thought you gave Sheila a good answer to the calmness,numbness she feels. I remember it well. I thought at the time that I was on overload, couldn't take just one more thing going wrong with mom..........

Yesterday I worked outside.......I'm staying in today while the n'oreaster goes by. No bad wind yet. My bra chafed me yesterday, so be glad I am staying in, or you would see things not fit for human eyes..........boobs flopping in 25 mph winds......cause I'm not putting a bra on today if the pope came to the door!!!! Could toss one down the hole to Vickie.....help her climb out..........OH, OH....going to the dark side..........................

Good Morning all, Ladee glad to hear that the son is doing better, bummer on the melt down, but it helps sometimes, reality sets in and can be little overwhelming. I remember that show. The Honeymooners. Ralph, Alice and I believe their last name was Cramdon. or something like that.. Loved his buddy too.

Jam, glad that target is getting better, like one of the ladies said, good luck in taking care of the doctor..lol..

Stormy, so glad you had a good time on your vacation. Sounds like you made memories that Conner will cherish forever..

Sheila, goo be gone works well for removing duct tape residue.. ice or alcohol will work as well.

It's a beautiful day here, sun is up, no wind..Hooray, got to have a fire last night in the fire ring, reminded me of home. Fire in the wood stove, and sometimes out in the yard in the burning barrel, or just in a area set aside for that kinda thing.

Something about the flames and the embers glowing that helps to calm me.. Did have to play "Fireman Faire" as I told Glenn last night, Their having this cool bike ride (something like 180 miles) here in TX, it's for MS.. some of the riders were staying here at the park, one group decided to have a fire in the fire ring, and then went to bed with it still burning. After the summer fires they had last year, I wasn't going to bed with it still going, so 11pm or so, I was traipsing across the park with a bucket to put water in and put out the fire.

Hugs and Peaceful Sundays to all and h\Happy Earth Day.

ASG, only one thing kept going thru my mind while I was reading your post... a long long time ago there was a show called The Honeymooners, when Ralph would get mad at his wife, he say, " To the moon Alice, to the moon" as he was acting like he was going to hit her. That is all I could think of...and of course this show would be banned nowadays, but back in the day, it was ok... so, To The Moon Auntie, to the moon, and leave our ASG alone or talk nice to her or get out.... ok, I feel better now... I know so many of us here would be telling her it's not OK to talk to me or my kids that way..... but ya gotta do what ya gotta do sweetie, you are really starting to sound burned out, I pray she changes her mind about the trip, so you and your family can have a good time, you can relax and watch the kids play and swim, and you can have hot dogs over the camp fire.. I only fuss because I love ya, don't worry, I know I am powerless here, but as long as I've known you, you haven't sounded this tired... hope you get that break, and then a few more before summer ends... nothing is written in stone you only get to go one time... hell, let her pout, at least she isn't talking...you know I am just being protective.... love and hugs to you sweetie....

MOrning everyone. Didnt get to catch up with all the post but saw that Ladees son seems to be holding it. Glad the melt down wasnt severe. Stormy...loved the recap of your vacation. I bet that was really fun. Maybe you got a little rest despite all the excitment. One of my sons is a toy story nut to. Its crazy how expensive the toys are for that character. Hes very popular. Well we dropped the camping bomb on auntie, she said she wanted to go??? Suprised but o.k. fil thinks when it comes to it she will changed her mind. He thinks she was just entertaining the idea for our benifit. I figure if nothing else we live close enough to the lake, we could take her with for the day, i could bring her back home at bedtime, then she could get up have her fav reasturant bring her breakfast, then we could be back home in the afternoon. I would sooo enjoy just one night away from the bedtime routine..but hey I will take what I can get. Maybe it would do her some good to do something differnt for a change. Had to get hubby up this morning very early, and what do you know she slept in till almost six o, clock. Her blood sugar was low 59, so i made her some eggs and sausage. She got up really early yesterday and ordered breakfast from the reasturant at 6:30 in the morning. For anyone who dont know, sat. is our sleep in day, I refuse to give that up, until she just cant get dressed or care for herself anymore, and its a constant batttle with her cause she always orders breakfast to get me up outta bed at like 7:30(yes i know thats late for many but i'm always to bed late, and up early so thats me and the kids sleep catch up day) I try to let the kids sleep s late as they will and she likes to wake the whole house up. Anyways, I was so angry that she had woke everyone up by having that man bring that food so early, I refused to get up. I figured if I got up like she wanted, she would just order that early the next time. So I got up, told the kids in front of her to go back to bed if they wanted and i went back to bed. He wound up not bringing it till almost eight. she ate breakfast by herself in the dining room instead of taking it to her dining area, I could here her in there complaining that she wasnt going to order it anymore. Lord I hope not. You know what, I slept till almost 10. When I got up, she was so angry she came out and wouldnt speak to me. She brought her leftovers from supper the night before in, looks and me and hands it to my daughter and asks her to warm it up. I'm like are you hungry again already? Shes like no, but im used to eating at this time so I figured I better go through the motions. When I went in later, she gave me the trash from her first breakfast. Turns out, she ate her usual when she got up, then ordered that had it at eight, then at ten had lunch that she normally eats at 11:00. Mid way through the afternoon she came back out wanting something to eat again. Then had a cow cause there was an empty ice cream container on the counter.She claimed the kids ate it all and she didnt get any. Hubby reminded her that she ate it with us, last weekend(she had 4 bowels of ice cream in one afternoon) and that there was very little left. And that he had been the one to polish off the rest. I continued to hear about it until bedtime. I cant believe how much she acts worse than my kids sometimes. She also claimed to fil that she never gets dessert. fil says really, hmmm thats strange, I always see you in here, eating it when she makes it. Truth is, I rarely ever make dessert. It comes all those years of hubby struggling with his weight. We just dont kee[ a whole lot of sweets in the house. Which is fine. My kids rarely ask for any. We will make cookies/brownies on occasion. Or buy Ice cream on the weekends soemtimes and always take some to her if she isnt out. Other than that, our mealtimes consist of the meal. I have ghram crackers, animal crakers, that the kids have to snack on. She is a diabetic and isnt supossed to have all that junk anyways all the time. She has become obsessed with food, and sweets. Im so glad she is eating better, but jeesh. She is literally hungry all the time. And I can feel it in my back when I put her to bed now. I bet shes put on 10lbs. She goes into the kitchen and anything on the counter she puts some in her mouth and some in her basket and goes back to her room. Its just so outta character for her. Se was telling me yesterday that she wants to put cheese bread and sandwich stuff in her room, because the kids eat up all the bread in the kitchen. Shes never liked sandwiches, but o.k. I think its a good idea. well im rambling now, guess i will get started on the laundry. I hope everyone has a wonderful, rest filled Sunday.

What fun Stormy, love your FB pics... loved the look on Conners face with Pooh and Tegar.... those are my favs....so much to see and do , glad you had a great time.... thought about you while you were gone and was hoping it was a great time for all of you... welcome home....hugs...

OK NOW FOR THE DISNEY DETAILS.....................................
We got to disney world sunday morning about 11 and thank the lord our room was ready cause check in wasn't until 3 and we were all wore out. The drive going there was longer to me than the drive coming back. But after we got our stuff in the room we went to the magic kingdom park. And they were having a parade with lilo and stitch, mickey and minnie, the chipmunks, and donald duck. Connor was so excited and he really liked the castle he thought that was awesome ( his words). And we went on a buzz lightyear ride and you shot at targets and connor loved that we had to ride that one twice!!! We looked in some shops and then it was time to go eat after that we went back to the room to rest for awhile before the fireworks show at magic kingdom that night. And it was beautiful to see how they can change the colors of the castle. After the fireworks were over the park closed so it was back to the room to crash and burn..........
Day 2 we went to epcot and i really liked this park alot to do there. We rode this ride that was called mission space and it was like you were really going into outer space the whole astronaut thing. First i saw clouds, then the moon, stars, the planet earth, then planet mars, then it was like you were landing on mars. It is hard to explain but it was so real like. Connor liked that one so much we had to ride that one twice too. At this park he got to meet and take his picture with daisy. We went into a shop and bought him a mickey mouse hat but of course it had to have toy story on it... Then we went to a restaurant that was called t-rex. This place was wild the rooms changed colors from red,pink, blue, white and it was like the room was made from ice. Icicles hanging from the ceiling, dino skelton on the wall. We all enjoyed eating there and the food was really good. Then we went into a lego store and connor got to build his own lego men 3 of them for $10.00. That was a really neat store too. We rode some more rides then it was time for fireworks show at epcot that night and this one was over the water which was really cool and pretty.
Day 3 we went to hollywood studios this was my least favorite park there wasn't alot to do there. Just alot of walking around a looking at stuff and how movies are made. There was one ride that was a toy story ride that you got to shoot at targets and connor liked that but it was just not one of my favorite parks. We kept thinking we would run into something that connor could really enjoy but it was not at that park. They did have 2 other rides but connor was too small for them, they were like big roller coasters.
Day 4 we went back to the magic kingdom and connor saw a play with nemo and friends and then another play with a talking turtle named crush. They both were really cute, he got to see dolphins swimming in the tanks and taking commands from the instructor. We got to see different kinds of fish in these huge tanks. Then he got to meet jessie and get his picture taken with her. We were waiting in line and woody was up there too but he left and he didn't come back so connor didn't get to get his picture taken with him. I hated it for him cause he really wanted to meet woody. Then we rode on the dumbo ride, and it's a small world ride and the last was splash mountain and he loved that one. Mom was a little worried i'll have to say. This was his first roller coaster and i was holding on to him for dear life. I had my arms bracing in front of him. And he loved the part about getting wet!!!!
Day 5 we went back to epcot and got his picture taken with mickey, minnie, pluto, donald duck, and goofy. We bought him a few toys and some gifts to bring back home and then we came back to the resort and went swimming some before going out to eat. Then we just went back to the room to relax and get ready for our long, long, long drive back home for the following day. It was a great vacation!!!! Hugs to all. I hope you all enjoy reading our little adventure......... Stormyyyy

Ok this is unbelievable right and ur gonna laugh...trust me. A fellow member of the community went to the manager to complain about roaches and etc found within the store while shopping. This is the only major market place in town and the store owner banned her from there. All there is left is go to Gila bend or family dollar or dollar general which doesn't leave much to desire in perishables n goods etc. Me, I have been bummed out dealing with taxes still keep getting rejected and renewing Hubby's LTC and prepping for temp guests for about a month before they move into their own place. It has been a rough month and my daughter fell asleep before supper...not feeling well just allergies acting up on her. I mean cmon besides report to them to the corporation and the health dept...what else would you do against the only store in town banning you from feeding ur family...How would u protest that and this young mom has more kids than me....

Ladee- glad to hear that your son is doing some better, I know he must have a long road to recovery, but he will make it with you and god by his side. He has a wonderful mother in you and i know he already knows this. Make sure you take care of yourself during all of this. Hugs to you!!!!
Jam- how is target doing? Hugs to you too!!!!
Still trying to play catch up on the posts so bear with me. I am thinking of you all and i hope everyone is dealing with their caregiving life the best way possible.
Welcome to the newbies, this is a great site and great friends!!!!!
Thank you for all of the welcome back comments!!!!!! Hugs stormyyyy

Ladee, I have a gratitude journal that I write everyday, even the little things mean a lot. Its good to hear that you do that too. Keep letting us know about your life. Hugs to you.

Sheila, I know about the repetivness,(SP), Ruth used to start at about 2 every afternoon, " what time is it",, then we would progress to " who is coming to pick us up" until bed time... there were nights I felt like there were peices of sandpaper being rubbed together in my brain... I would be almost in tears, That was the begining of my feeling like Chatty Cathy Caregiver, just pull the string in my back and I would repeat the answers, over and over and over again.... redirection never worked... so I'd hand my head in my hands and answer until bedtime.... and no one will know about the tape unless you say something ..... I think I'd try sticking the tape in my ears first..... then.... well, gotta do what ya gotta do.....just make sure all the sticky crap is off his mouth before you have to call the HUNKS....
Brandy, son is improving... he had a minor meltdown yesterday, but considering everything he has been thru, that was pretty mild... so he knows he has a long road ahead of him with that messed up leg....Hopefully him and God will have long talks and son won't have to continue down the road he was on... he was not drinking, but has alcohol related seizures... it's when he stops drinking suddenly tha the has the seizures... I add to my gratitude list everyday that he wasn't killed and that no one else was hurt.....He;s been in a better mood than I have seen him in a long time... so, it's up to him and God....and thanks for asking, means alot to me.... hugs to you....

Welcome PCVS and jessb39! Glad you found us. Sometimes that numb/calm feeling comes from too much stress, when you just can't take anymore. I think it gives your spirit a chance to rest. Hugs.
Ladee-I will hug Dad for you. Please give yourself a hug back, and one from me! Glad son is healing. He is so lucky to have a mother like you! All the people you care for and about are lucky to have you, me included. Hoping you get some rest this weekend.
lildeb-So what you're telling us is not to send your mnl any pants to shorten? LOL I found out today my Mom is making quilts for me, sis, and my nieces, with swatches from the scrub tops and other things she's made us. My neighbor is helping her. Wow.
Vic and Cmag-sending you ladders to help get out of the black hole. Prayers and Hugs.
Vivian-Vic's right, swollen legs are a sign of something not right going on. It's worth getting it checked out. You might try the internet for assisted floor lifts - ways to help her up without hurting yourself. Or if you can, talk to an OT (Occupational Therapist). My sister is one, and knows many ways to do this. She even taught the nurses I work with a thing or two when I had her come do a training seminar!
Jam-Blessings to you and Target. Glad things went well. More prayers coming for continued healing and less whining (him - not you-you're allowed!).
Okay Stormy - spill it! We want to hear all about Mickey World! Glad you had a good time :)
Mom's MRI came back with no new tumors. She is very happy. We go again in three months.
I haven't caught a cold, so the blankets must have done the trick. Thanks for your concern :)
Hubby and son leave tomorrow for Michigan for work. They will be back the next day, but in a few weeks, they go again for 2-3 weeks. I am not looking forward to being alone here with the parents. Thank goodness work understands, so I can leave if I need to.
Goodnight, and better tomorrows.

I have a bad back already. Alan's affinity for the floor has really done it in. He has this one thing where he rolls off the couch, and his brain can't get the messages to his limbs to tell them what to do to get up. That and leg tremors where his leg just goes out from under him. I just finished three months chiropractic sessions, and it's aching already. I'm not even trying to get him up anymore. I'm on a first name basis with the studs in the Fire Department, so the problem does have its perks.

And the repetitiveness. Ai-yi-yi. Without exaggeration I can tell you that he asked for a fried egg sandwich and glass of milk (separately) AT LEAST 200 times yesterday. Ya think they'd arrest me for elder abuse if I duct taped his mouth?

Glad your son seems to be moving along well in the right direction, Ladee. Your good nature through it all puts me to shame, but it's also an inspiration.

Ladee, How is your son?

Jam good luck taking care of your doc-if he is fussing you know he is on the way to getting better-can you threaten him to take him back to the hospital? just kidding

Jam glad to hear that you and target are home, even if he is whining, guess whining means their ok..lol, Ladee hope you are getting some rest, I am sure if you get some decent sleep, a couple more of those brain cells will spark again.

Stormy welcome home, Hello to everyone I have missed and welcome to the newcomers. Beyond Hubby and myself, no one to take care of at the moment, hubby is actually enough aggravation for 5..

Good Morning!!!!

Thank you all for your good wishes......I kept them with us yesterday. Finally got home around 7pm, got Target situated in his "spot", inhaled a pizza and went to bed. Today has been a day of extreme pain and whining........oh yeah, Target is whining too...:) Hoping now he will take a nap and I can get something done around the house. Every day can only go up from here.

I have read the back posts and will respond back later.....just wanted to let you all know how much I appreciate you and I'm keeping up with your daily trials.

Hugs and Happy Trails,
Jam

Today I am tired and sad but I am perhaps also feeling somewhat numb because I'm also feeling oddly calm. My mother has advanced Alzheimers but I am lucky in that she is not angry or violent. Stubborn occasionally, but otherwise as sweet a human being as she ever was. I haven't gotten her up yet, today as family was over last night and she went to bed late. Ah well. time to get going.

Welcome home Stormy we want details.

Hey Everyone, I'm Backkkkkkkkkkkkk
We got in a few hours ago, and we all had a wonderful time in disney world. We hated to come back but especially hated that 9 hour drive. I hope everyone has had a good week while i have been gone.
Jam, I see where Target is in the hospital, I hope he is doing good and recovering from surgery. Well i will try to catch up on some of the posts tomorrow and write back some more. Much love and hugs to all Stormyyyyyy

Hey Seeme, Moms blood pressure is just a little high, heart rate is good. I think she might have fell asleep on the toilet. Its happened before. You are right about taking her when in doubt. She decided again she didn't need to go. We will see what tomorrow brings. I'm so tired right now I just want to go to bed. So thats what I'm going to do. I really do appreciate everyones advice and concern. I do hope Jam and Target are ok. I'm sure she just has her hands full. Sweet Dreams to all. Vivian

Sure wish we'd hear from Jam.

I talked to my mil today for 45 min.......no, she talked to me.....when she could find the right words. We did get one thing straight. The ALF is permanent and not just for 6 mos. Now she has to think it over again. Blink, blink, ya think??????????

Vivian, when in doubt, take her to ER. Sometimes they just CAN'T make up their minds. After not taking my mom a couple of times, I relieved myself of the burden of trying to diagnose and fix everything myself. I'm not a doctor, and I don't know it all....hell, even doctors have a license to PRACTICE medicine. Then you can relieve yourself of the guilt you may feel if something really was wrong. And she fell....was it a drop in blood pressure? Take her in and let them decide. Please make it easier on yourself.

Thanks Vic, I'm doing everything you said. She does have heart problems, she developed CHF last Oct. I try to watch everything like a hawk, she went to bathroom so much yesterday I can't understand why they swelled so much. She didn't get any extra salt either. I wonder if the furosemide creates dehydration and then causes retention. She fell at 7:30 am and then at 7:30 pm says she might want to go the ER and have it looked at. She can't make up her mind. She says there is nothing they can do for a broken toe. We tried her foot brace to see if the extra support would help but it didn't work. So far extra big tennis shoes seem to be helping. I frazzled trying to figure out what she wants. Its hard being the youngest child and trying to let her make the decisions, I should have just taken her this morning. I'll be checking back later. Vivian

Sheila, thanks for asking about my son... he is doing much better. Got his stitches and staples out that was holding him together.... I know he is feeling better because he is hungry every time I go check on him... will go see the Ortho doc, the start PT... he has a ways to go, but workmens comp is picking up the bills and paying for the Dr.s... so a huge load off of him.... The hospital bill was over 100,00 dollars... that was for only four days.... Took alot to put ol' Humpty Dumpty back together again...again, thanks for asking... and how was your day???? anything interesting???
Viv, glad you had someone there to help you, have picked up too many people off the floor by myself, one of the reasons my back hurts all the time... get those swollen legs of mom's looked at real soon, that is not a good sign and let us know...
Vic, thought about you today when I snapped at Sonny... I'm not in a black hole, but am way too tired.... didn't have much patients with the game of "let's see how many times he can ask the same question.." Not him, it was me, so when I say I understand, I really do...
Hope we hear from Jam soon about Target... I'll just think no news is good news...

Ok, gotta go check on the broken child.... then i am coming home, putting jammies on, and passing out... love ya'll....

Vivian I know what you mean..hope Mom is ok and don't let the swelling in the legs get bad. Make her keep them up if you have a recliner..swelling may mean heart or kidney problems..please take care. Glad your nephew was there. Have had to lift dad by my self several time and it sure ain't easy!