This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Jam, sounds like your dad is in good hands and I hope you are able to take care of yourself. If you need to vent you know this is the place and it does help.
cmagnum, I agree with Shelia that I do not see how you do it but I guess if you don't who will. Double kudos to you.
Jam and Cmagum, I think what Jessb that, "we need to do what ever.." we can do to find peace to ease our mind.
well, i forgot what i was going to say for the mnl just pop in asking me same question about what pair of pants she should wear even though she is wearing both pair! But she seems to not know where the other pair of pants. I just told her they were on her ass. Now she wants a pair of scizzors and you know that not going to happen. She thinks her pants are too long. I got get her out of her frustrated mood so we will have a somewhat nice day. : 0
Jam ~ Prayers for Target's procedure.
Ladee ~ Everything going well with your son?
I'm watching the sun come up--my signal that I'd better get my ass into bed.
Notlike..yaay for dad and hope your 'went' feet don't give you a cold!
Prayers cmag.
Vivian glad you are feeling some better. This wonderful thread just makes things easier. Would have been nuttier than I am.
Dad did have a decent day yesterday but he has slept pretty god so maybe today will be better. Still trying to climb out of black hole..am doing some better thanks to my wonderful hubby..
seeme.....yep, 4 little incisions to get that thing out, then there will be a button and mesh to fix the hernia and he should be as good as new.....Yesterday the doctor walked to the waiting room and said "well Dr. _____, haven't seen you in years".....Target doesn't remember him well, but apparently he used to be a physical therapist and years ago Target's Dad had an accident and this guy was his therapist.....he commented about wanting to go to medical school and Target's Dad told him he would make a phone call.....the guy was accepted into medical school and now he is the surgeon. Small world!
notlike....hurrah for Dad!!!!!!!!!! So glad to hear the news.........is there any other way to make a cake these days? I'm guilty of that too....just don't have the inclination to make one from scratch. And isn't it a sad state when we perfectly understand what "went feet" are?
ladee......hope you have a good day....I know you will be tired when you finally make it home and then hopefully can get some good and much needed rest over the weekend.
Wishing you all a wonderful day!
Notlike, What an awesome blessing for your dad, please give him a tight hug for me and tell him I am so excited he is doing so great.... I know you are happy, if that is even the word to express how you are feeling, that dad is on his way to being healthy again....
Sorry you had 'went' feet yesterday. hope you don't get sick, think of all the fun you'll miss, taking care of folks at work, then coming home and taking care of folks... I am doing the same thing right now, not enough hours in the day, right...
Vickie Vic, hope the clouds are lifting a little for you, I know you are having a really bad time right now.... just know you are loved and deeply appreciated for the position you are in...
Sorry if I'm not addressing everyone... even after I read, I don't remember what I read... when you only have a few brain cells that still fire, and some of them are making a sputtering noise, well, you make do with what you have.... love to everyone...
Thanks everyone for your prayers and support.
I am going to grow the best beans with the cowpatie to fertilize them! You are all too funny.
Dad's labs came back - NO malignant cells. Amen. That's one parent out of the cancer woods, praise God. He is so happy. It's good to see.
I made a spice cake (box mix - it's a work night after all!), and re-arranged the vase of flowers. Managed to salvage 3 blooms into a little vase. So we'll get another day or two out of them. I caught an awful chill driving home in the rain. My feet were went (darn Crocs) and the window fogged up every time I turned up the heat. Headed for a pile of blankets and my book.
Good night, and better tomorrows.
Ladee-I know my happy thing for today. I get the cow pattie! Finally! Yeah!
Hope everyone is having a good day.
Wishing everyone a beautiful and peace-filled day........hugs to all!!
I'm STILL chuckling about ASG's missing WD-40......BWAHAHAHAHAHA
Hubby is home and we avoided rush hour traffice by eating out during that time. Good to me.......he has been home almost 24 hrs and he is almost on my last nerve. When you have married 40 years, it doesn't take long.
Target actually ate some mac and cheese tonight.....first food in about 2 weeks. I think the Nexium is helping to calm his stomach. I'm hoping they will get him into surgery as quickly as possible. When he starts to feel better and eat again he should start cooking again....woohoo!!!
Hope everyone is having a good evening.............
Sorry they put him off for another day, but maybe all the bloodwork results will be back by then.... prayers for his grumpy old ass....and for you having to put up with him, but he will be feeling better soon...scairy thought huh???
New posters, you have landed as close to NIRVANA as your going to get.... everyone here understands what you are saying, how you feel, how you want to run away, and all the other stuff... you are not alone... so hope we see ya'll again soon....
Poor Sonny, who is going to go pick him up??? Anyone else want to take a shift answering that question over and over and over again.....that is when I start to feel like Chatty Cathy Caregiver, pull the string and I'll just repeat and repeat.....
Son was asleep when I went to check on him, he had his stitches and staples out today, so know he is exhausted, first time he has been out of the house in two weeks, and that was the ride home from the hospital....hope they took xrays so he could see how much it is healing... thank God for workmens comp... a stack of bills came in today from the hospital.... I wonder if they charged him extra for all the fits he threw....
Hope everyone had something interesting happen today, or funny, or just plain dumb.... If I take myself too seriously I would loose what little mind I have left....
Love ya'll, more later... gonna go check on the kid, the 42 old kid!!!!!
ASG-Glad she focused on something else today.Maybe you could tape shows on how to be nice to your caregiver/family, and play them repeatedly?!?
Jam-bummer on no appointment today. Hugs for tomorrow.
Ladee-Hugs, prayers, and blessings. I know things are hard for you right now, being pulled in two directions, and at it 24/7. Maybe we should all call ourselves the Energizer Bunnies, because we keep going, and going, and going.
Welcome to the new posters. Good to have you here. Hugs.
I am getting off the computer soon. I got new library books today, my sis sent me a book, and I have alot of bubble bath to use. Wish me luck...I'm not off duty yet - the parents are still awake.
Goodnight, and better tomorrows.
Kim......doesn't it seem like the antenna come up when you come home? Sometimes no matter what kind of medication they are on nothing helps and they holler. Have you talked with Dad's doctor to see what kind of suggestion he might have? It's also possible Dad's mental status may decline to the point where you can safely place him........sending a hug and wishes for earphones.......
ASG......Target isn't a baby at all when it comes to illness......in fact he rather resembles the southend of a northbound mule....:)