The Caregiver... How are YOU doing today?

Today is another one of my depressed too much, despite meds, type days. I'm getting tired of everyone wanting me to stay in touch more when I just don't feel up to it. My dad claims that I've not been in touch with him much these past two years and wonders why. He does not seem to get it that my depression drains my energy from doing so. I know he is 87, but some days I feel about that old myself. I look around my life as a whole and all I see is responsibility, responsibility, much of which I'm just not up to getting done as of late. I realize that my mother in the nursing home would like to hear from me and have me visit her more, but that takes a lot out of me too. I'm so low that I'm buying more frozen meals to eat because I'm just not that up to cooking like I was. I've not cleaned my house in weeks and very seldom remember to take a shower, much less brush my teeth, but I do take the trash and recycleables out, buy groceries, pay bills, drive my wife around to various doctors and occasionally cut the grass on the riding lawn more, but overall this yard is a mess compared to how I usually have it in the Spring. Sorry if I sound too much like a big baby today, but I do not represent that phrase for I'm just depressed and tired of being down more than I'm up with up not being very high. I hope others are having a better day.

Thanks Jam, I appreciate the information. I guess I was misinformed. There are so many rumors out there. Is target as big as a baby as all men are? Ive polished my Floor today and they look so pretty. I read a new article on here called "caregivers that Kill" oooh sounds like a horror film. It was an interesting article. I didnt realize that was such a big problem. I'm sure you will see more of that kinda thing, as the older population grows. Ive had a lot of elderly background and still I struggle with caregiving. I have the reputation of being a very patient loving person, but still I struggle. So i can see how someone who has a lot thrown on them, with no idea like a spouse, who has no patience and no access to information like the kind on these sites could have an extremely hard time. Pair the emotional issues with someone who already has mental ones, and yep you probably have a recipe for disaster. I do feel very fortunate to have some background in this. i think the Alz. Association is tackling some of this. When auntie had her recert. for the senior program, they interviewed me to as a caregiver. The lady said it was a new thing(for our townt least) to Identify elderly who may have dementia, and caregivers who may be overwhelmed so they could give them help. Part of the program allows for respite, The alz. association sets it up and pays for it if you qualify. All of the questions on the survey were about caregiver burden and stress. It was exciting to see it. to relieve stress I have learned that exercise works well, a sense of humor, and a whole lotta venting:) Works wonders for me. I took anti-deppressants through the winter but have gone off them now. They are expensive. But i feel like I got through the hole I was in with them, and am better now. Today...knock on wood we are in a good mood, i have patience, she has her head about her today, and its so much easier. I know with the Lords help I will get through this. Some days it feels like Im hanging on by my teeth, then the next we sail through the day with not a problem in site. I wish all caregivers a pleasant day today.

Surgeon cancelled today.....go tomorrow at 1130. Apparently she had an emergency to see to this morning.

ASG.....okay going to try this one more time. The 5 yr look-back law was put in place for those people who get their impaired relative to sign over assets, spend those on themselves and then put the relative in a home expecting the government to pay the tab. If you will Google Medicaid/5-yr look back you will find all the information needed. It even explains how and when they might be ineligible due to excess funds for a certain period of time. As for the check that Aunt wrote to you, you have proof that you forwarded on the money so you're safe. Whatever she spent on daily living or gifts, food etc is of no concern. You might consider writing a "care givers" contract...you both sign and she pays you monthly for her care. That is only fair, after all you are taking care of her. It would be no different than if she hired a non-family member to care for her. For purposes of explanation let's say Aunt signs over her accounts and other assets to you......you are writing checks and paying for more groceries than she can eat, writing checks for vacations, or even large sums of cash to yourself, you buy a car, then you put Aunt in a NH and apply for Medicaid.....you will have to show receipts that all those checks were for Aunt and her only......if you can't then you have to pay the money back. Never in a million years would you fit that scenario, but unfortunately there are a lot who do and their loved ones need protected. So stop worrying and if the time comes when Aunt must go into the NH and do it under Medicaid, all will be well.

Morning dllynn and welcome! I see that you have good reasons to feel overwhelmed....your plate is indeed full. Glad to hear Mom is in remission and we know she is being cared for daily, so that is one thing less to worry you. And now that MIL is also placed you can turn your attention to yourself first, then hubby. I don't see his age mentioned, but since he is retired is he not helping with anything because he doesn't want to or doesn't know how? I don't know what he did prior to retirement, but perhaps he needs to exercise his brain with some activities. It's not unusual to forget things as we age.....heck I find myself standing in a doorway wondering what in the heck I'm after......and I'm 58! That's normal and nothing to be alarmed about. When I look around and wonder who's house I'm in.....then it's time to worry. Has your husband seen his doctor for a checkup? Maybe it's time and then you can mention your concerns and see what the doc has to say. And if you aren't taking some type of anti-depressant it may be time for that, just to get you through this rough time. It's nothing to be ashamed about....most of us here are currently or have used in the past. Maybe you can make a list of things your husband can do during the day to help you out. If you're worrying about his memory maybe start with house cleaning or laundry instead of bill paying. If he is okay with driving, then have him be the chauffeur for doctor appts. Or grocery shop with a list. Feel free to come here when you have the need to vent and let it all out.....we have lots of hugs to share!

How am I doing? I think I am a bit frightened and depressed. We have had my Mom in ALF for about 2.5 years. She has COPD, dementia, kidney disease and in remission from lung cancer for 2 years. My MIL, 94, just moved in to ALF with what we think is dementia and breat cancer. Over the last 4 week since we have moved my MIL, I have watched my husband forget things that in the past he wouldnot have forgotten. I am worried that either I am to sensitive, since I have been watching our Mom's with dementia or that maybe something is starting with my husband.
I work part time, my husband is retired, yet I do just about all of the house work, pay the bills, take care of my mom's bills, do the laundry for both mom's, go to all of their Dr's appt and more. I'm not sure that I can take on one more person. I also help out my daughter and grandson when called.
Yesterday I got really angry with my husband, for his lack of help. Good thing I was at work and I could not show my anger to him. So on the drive back home, I was trying to figure out why I was angry, and I think it is that I am both frightened and depressed about what if he is in the 1st stages of dementia.
So that is where I am at today.

Good Morning!

Guess what happened to the long post I had written??????????????????????

notlike............yippee!!!!!! glad for Dad! Will write more later about beans....:)
ASG......you're fine about the money and please stop making yourself nuts about it. Will write more later............

Target has an appt with a surgeon this morning.....that is why I don't have time to write more now...........but will later after we get home.

Sending love and hugs and angels to watch over all of you!!!!!!!!!

ASG, no I didn't think you were offfended, I just wanted you to know that you are an exceptional young woman and that I do understand you situation and the position you are in... and that I have nothing but praise for the way you handle things.... and yes we can love someone and not like them at the same time... just wish it was different for you... hugs and love..
Notlike, happy to hear dad's good news, bout time you got some of that...and know he is very releived too... hugs to him... and we want pics of those damned beans in that damned bowl... you holding it and smiling.... oh yeah, we'll take caregiver justice where ever we can get it.....
Marie thought she was going to go down that "ugly road to nowhere" yesterday and I nipped that in the bud right away... my mind is stretched from my job to my son... I am tired TOO, and MY back hurts TOO, and I am an inch from going postal.....I just sat and looked at her with all the things I wanted to say running thru my head, don't know what she saw on my face, but it turned her around..... I AM NOT IN THE MOOD FOR STUPID......This day hasn't even started yet , and I have a long work week... my nephew, the only one I like, stepped up yesterday, and is going to take son to get his stitches and staples out today, so a major load off my shoulders, as I have to work a split shift today....I am so blessed, and I never forget that...
Will end this by telling ya'll I can only find one house slipper, so I put one foot in it, get it warm, then put my other foot in it, get it warm, then switch.... never underestimate the caregivers ability to problem solve.... and yes, I have socks, but would have to walk three feet to get them.... love ya'll, have a blessed day...

So much going on and I’m tired of being the one to make all the decisions. I’m afraid if I make the wrong one it’s all on me. Mom twisted her back Sat. night she’s been in a lot of pain. I was hoping to bring her home, to MO for a visit and see her friends. I don’t know what to do. I need to go to MO whether she can go or not and I know it will crush her if she can’t see her home and friends. I’m sure it will be her last time. She agreed to have hospice yesterday!!! I’m so relived and hope they can help with some of the decisions. So for the last 3 days she needed hands on help getting out of bed, using the bathroom and just plain moving at all. I had been taking her out to breakfast most days and last night she asked me if we could go out today for breakfast. I don’t know what she’s thinking; she can’t even get off the toilet by herself. How in the world does she think she could go to breakfast? The problem is her mind thinks she can do things but her body just can’t. It must to frustrating for her.

we've misteriously been outta WD-40 for the last eight months now:)

oh yeah...and about the alarm....squeaking walker wheels work good to:)

Thank you Ladee, and i know you are standing by me and not against me. I didnt mean for my post to sound like I got offended. I didnt. im just real good about rambling on and on and on when I start Lol. I wouldnt put all thsi mess on here if I wanted everything to seem perfect:) I hope this stuff helps someone else along the way. This is a crazy reality. We all have struggles, and storys. Maybe there is that one person out there, who is in the spot i was in a couple years ago, tying to figure out if they can care for an elderly plus children, and see the challenges me and other younger people called the sandwich generation faces, and at least get more info than I had. Have them let YOU go to the doctor with them, and get a clear picture of their problems before a crisis descision is made. Plan for all things financial ahead of time. Ive been a cargiver by profession for years, had more classes and experience than I can count. Even been a caregiver to my mil, (although at the time didnt reconize it as that) helped some of the other elderly aunt in laws along the way. But nothing prepared me for this. The problem is after the descision was made,money paid out, boards nailed up, there is no easy back button. Its hard to unravel a situation once its done. Well im sending prayers to everyone tonight. And no, i dont expect you to like her. I dont anymore a lot of the time, I love her very very much. But have a real hard time enjoying her company.

Jam, my biggest concern is auntie wrote one of the last larger checks to us, then had us pay him. Halfway through the building process she thought she was dieing and wanted to make sure we didnt get stuck with the bill(her financials were not in good order) So she wrote the final chck to the tune of 20 k to us, then when it was over she had survived we wrote the check to him. It was in our account for about 3 weeks. How would that efffect it? So your saying we wouldnt have to pay any money back? Why do people warn to keep recipts? This is interesting information. I hope Target gets better. Are they going to remove it? how is col? I hope you have a nice week. Thanks for the information. Notlike...yeah i let her know that not everything she watches on t.v. happens to everyone who watches it. I told fil and hubby about it, fil says she was watching a talk show yesterday a.m. when he was in there that was talking about something similar but not to that degree. Today she was obessed about jelly and cheese. She wanted me to slice her off some. I told her that wouldnt be good for her bowel movments. She wanted a chunk off a block of velvetta. now im just rambling, so i better get off of here. We had her bath tonight and she accually took the wash rag and washed herself. I was shocked. Then she told me goodnight she loved me, shes never said that to me before. It made me feel so guilty for complaining telling dirty details on here. IVenting really does help. i was able to let go of the subject. I hope everyone has a good night and gets plenty of rest. im gonna do some research.

ASG, I totally get why you have her there, I completely honor the love and compassion you have as a woman, a mom, a wife, and a caregiver.... I hope what all Jam explained eases you out some about any paying back that you thought you may have to do... I am so totally selfish when I stand next to you... I am not as tender hearted as you are, I used to be, and life has left me somewhat jaded.... but you know I get protective over you and the kids, especially the kids... and what nonsense that was coming out of her mouth about your son.....!!!!!Like Notlike said, hopefully she will forget about this....And God forbid she say anthing to your son or him overhear any of this.... if so, make sure you start that post with LADEE DO NOT READ THIS... because I will come to your house and personally throw her against the wall until she sticks.....It is a f'd up situation for sure, and I have nothing but praise and respect for what you do, but I don't have to like her and the things she says and does.... I'd have to put an alarm on her door, so when the kids hear it they can RUN... and I know you take a lot of time explaining things to your kids, I tell you all the time what a great mom you are, and I know everyone agrees with me... and in the end, that's whay matters... but I do get passionate about thinking one of the kids is catching her wrath.... and I know you protect them.... they will either grow up with so much compassion and understanding of the world we live in, or all be in therapy.... I'll pray for the first one.....
And I am glad to see you posting more, we miss you here.... and you always make me laugh..... some of use, "blink blink ya think" all the time now... I am just an old lady that loves who I love, I never mean to imply you aren't handling things, you are doing an excellant job with some crappy circumstances.....I know you are tired, burned out, need more time with your kids, and on and on..... Just know you are loved, deeply appreciated, and set a very high standard for the rest of us.... love and lots and lots of hugs.....

Good News! Dad's cysto was clean - no visible cancer. I can 1/2 way breathe now. We have to wait for the lab results, but it was wonderful to get some good news. And that's about all I was going to write until I started reading posts.So here goes:
TxSouth-crying can be healthy and a great stress releiver. Hugs.
Jam-Blessings to you and Target. Please let us know how he is doing. So glad it's fixable. Hugs.
Ladee-I will run if I see anyone named Jack! I was laughing so hard! Actually, I'll grab my Mickey Mouse ears and flyswatter, and get" 7 with one blow". And I live on the dark side-must be why I am so normal. LOL
Seeme-I wasn't done laughing at Ladee's post before I read yours...I almost fell off my chair! When I serve those beans later this summer, in a bowl, I will have a very hard time keeping my mouth shut, or at least not laughing out loud in front of her. Oh, but I will be smiling on the inside! And sorry for your family's loss. Hugs.
ASG-Oh Dear, what a mess Auntie is making. Please tell her straight up that not every boy is like that, and your son especially. Her own fears are spreading, and you don't want your son to catch that. My Mom raised us to be afraid of everything - neighbors, strangers, being out after dark,...the list goes on and on. Either to be afraid or think we were superior to others, but that's a different issue. Don't let her fill your head with that foolishness. Maybe she will forget about it? It might be the best thing. Living with someone who is nice then nasty is so hard. Hugs. I am a kidney (dialysis) nurse. I've learned alot about the brain, lungs, and bladder cancer since my parents got here. I do know that the doctors can tell you what the book says, but don't always have the experience of living with someone who is ill. It is great to have validation, but as a caregiver, you know what is going on, whatever the reason. And what is typical, or normal, or expected for one can be totally different in another person. Even if it's not "severe" enough atrophy to make one doctor think it's a cause, another doctor with different experiences might tell you it is. And bottom line, you know what you see. Hugs again.
I just heard Mom yelling at Dad because her sweatshirts are wrinkled. He didn't put them on the top of the basket all nice and neat. "It's your job, you should do it right", "You choose to do it the wrong way" "I'm mad." Well, who didn't put away her clothes yesterday when he did them? And who does her laundry for her anyway? My God, doesn't she realize what she sounds like? I do - that's why I'm NotLikeMom.
Goodnight, and better tomorrows.

ASG...........the look-back period of 5 years only is concerned with assets that your Aunt would transfer to you. Any monies that she spent aren't counted....the government can't tell anyone how or on whom to spend their money. In other words, let's say Aunt has $50,000 in a savings acct and wants to leave that to you, not spend it on the NH, so she transfers the money into your account. Then she goes into the NH and applies for Medicaid.......they look back and during that 5-yr period they see the transfer....Aunt becomes ineligible for a certain number of months......it's an equation they use. The money she spent building her apartment was for her home, you would not be expected to pay it back. The same as for meals, gifts, etc. She can also pay you a monthly stipend for her care that is not expected to be paid back. How you spend the money is your business. The best way to protect one's assets is to place everything in an Irrevocable Trust, then NOT place the person in a NH for the 5 yr period, then they can go into the NH under Medicaid and the assets are still there and not earmarked for repayment. Don't you just love all the red tape?

Thank you ladee. I agree this isnt the best situation for us and the kids. What saves us is she has her own space. If she shared our living space, it would unmanagable. I have no other choice. She already spent all that money on building the place onto our house. She only has enough money left to last a few months in a nh. Then they will try to put her on state aid, they will see the money she spent and we will have to try to pay it all back. We dont have money like that. Now that hubby has his own buisness its a little better, but we are in even more debt right now from gettting that started. she has spent rediculous amounts of money at a reasturant, ive never kept tabs on that stuff. For almost a year she continued getting food from there for her and us, 40+ dollars a wack every tuesday night and a lot of weekend mornings. I didnt want to tell her she couldnt. i didnt know she had that kind of problems, or that she was so low on money or I would have insisted earlier she stop. She told me the people was so good to over the years she didnt want to stop getting food from them. I figured if she liked it that well ok. She insisted on buying for everyone, wouldnt let me buy my own. How do I explainthat to them? Without sounding llike we somehow took advantage of her. They would make me pay that back to. i used to think wow, i wish she would pay me what she spends on that stuff. That would go so far in paying the giagantic light bill. She used to call it treating the kids. At the time I thought well, their grandma my mom takes them to mcds. So I let her do it. I didnt know she was squandering her s.s check on it. That money could have been put away to help her replenish some of the money she lost caring for her hsuband. Basically she was using very poor judgment. She blows a lot of money everyweek on snacks and expensive cat food. My father in law did recentley talk her into giving me a little money at the first of the month. I use it to pay for my car(the one I purchased when i was working), but she dosnt know that. He told he we were having a hard time paying the light bill. We were paying the light bill, but I was this close to losing my car and couldnt go back to work. So that has help realive my stress some. At least I dont feel trapped, not being able to go to work so much. Plus she knows who she is and where she is at. When she tried to go to the nh for therapy, It was a horrible experience for her and me both. After working in them for so long, and seeing them stick her in that wheel chair, and her pee her pants(shes not incont) It broke my heart. She was screaming to leave and I didnt have the heart to make her stay. The ol caregiver mentalitiy kicked in and as much as I detested and I mean absoulutley hated to bring her home, i couldnt stand to leave her there. The Girl had already talked her into coming home(i could still smack that girl for that). So the best thing I know to do is ride it out for the next 3 years and 5 months. Try to explain why she was giving me the money every month for the other. And I don't allow her to spend money on us like that. And hope they dont still want money from me when that time comes. Maybe at some point in the game she will need therapy for something minor and I will get a little respite. Hubby was telling me tonight, he thinks she started changing before she moved by us in '03. that wasnt long after i joined the family. He says the difference he sees in her is astonishing. He says she was the domonate spouse, but they were very, non-confrontational people. He said when someone would do anybody wrong, she would simply say, there is a reason, God will handle it. Give him a big hug and go on. She would tell him, to never use an angry word with anyone, because you never knew what they were dealing with at home. He said she WAS the cuddley grandma type. I never saw her like that, but she wasnt mean either. She used to keep chocalate popcycles in her freezer and when she would see my oldest son(the one she picks on now) out playing in the yard, she would call him to her house and give him opne. She would make speacial trips to the store to buy them for him only. So you see, its so hard for me to just get her outta here. AS much as I pray and pray some days, if it came down to it, I dont think I could handle putting her somewhere. Unless shes jsut outta her mind and incont. at that time . If it wasnt for her behavior thsi would work better. Maybe by that time, she will have more of a need for a facility. Or not. My luck she will be the exact same way, and will still refuse nh care. But by that time she cant hold her apt. over my head. I hate to talk like that. It sounds like such a great situation for her. She has her own apt. With a live in caregiver, something many people would love to have. And we her family, are doing what we are supposed to do, take care of her ourselfs. Its the dementia thing throwing a wrentch in it. I plan on talking to her about seeing a neuro the next time she brings up her memory problems. My biggest fear is tha they will slow it down for 6 months or years to the exact spot she has been in with her behavior. Sounds mean. i wish we would have cauught it earlier.

Evening everyone......I see where some of you are having great days and some not so great......I have been reading all the posts and keeping up, just haven't taken the time to post back. Wanted to explain that Target hasn't been feeling well for about 4 mo and I just reached my limit last week. You know what they say about doctors being their own patient......anyway, got him into the doctor today. He has been afraid that he would be facing something life-ending and it turns out that he has a non-functioning gall bladder. Today has been very stressful for both of us and I can honestly say I'm exhausted. My prayers have been answered that the problem is fixable.

So, didn't want anyone to think I haven't been paying attention. I appreciate all the concern over the weekend with the storms....it was scary for a while. I will try to get caught up with answering everyone in the next day or two...sending hugs and good wishes to all of you!

ASG, I have nothing sane or compassionate to say about this.... you know how I feel about her being there with the kids and this young man tries so hard.... so will say nothing, but I love you, love your kids, and hope someone on here gives you some feedback you can use.... hugs to you and your son...

Ladeeda...its o.k. to share your balogna sanwich with your cat...just please dont lick up yesterdays pudding form the table after the cat has walked all over it after visiting the litter box. I love balogna, think I will have that for luch. You ever fry it up with some eggs?? yummy! It a heart attack waiting to happen I'm sure but so good.

THIS POST MAY BE DISTURBING TO SOME, SO PLEASE SKIP PAST IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TOWARDS CERTAIN MATTERS NOT FOR VIRGIN EARS. Auntie wanted to have a talk with me last night ,she wanted to CLUE me in that my son(the one she picks on, one kid I have who goes outta his way to TRY to please her) she thinks is at the age where he might try to hav sex with his sisters! That I need to watch him closley around them. That it goes on all the time but people just don't know about it. My jaw is still bruised from hitting the table. I say but auntie hes a 10 year old boy, he's not been had a permiscuis (sp) enviroment, all that boy thinks about is fishing, and his strawberry plants. Yeah, but they know more than you think they know. probably...but not that. Is he loud sometimes?yep Does he get into trouble, yep but not to much, has he ever done anything that would make you think that? No. But they talk about it on t.v. so much she says. and i saw him come out of his bedroom in his underware(boxer shorts) this morning. Ummm sleeps in them, well he shouldn't she says! (He was headed to the bathroom to get dressed) She had this look on her face as she spoke about it, like he was some kinda pediphile! II think she believes its real. I said, I dont think that at all. I'm sure it does happen and its so unfortunate but there is no reason to think he has that problem. I'm embarrassed to even write abou it. I thought maybe someone else had gone through this. This isnt the first time she has picked up a story from t.v. and applied it to life. What one earth do I do. She kept giving him really dirty looks all eve. yesterday.

Seemer bahaha....hmmm what great Ideas:) Notlike..I bet you hav a lot of knowledge about those brain scans, one of the nurses at the hospital told me they did a cat scan on auntie the last time(more recent than the mri) and told me she didnt see anything that wasnt normal age related, and she didnt see anything that showed any new strokes. But from what I have read moderate amounts of brain atrophy, moderate amounts of white matter changes and a diagnoses of small vessel disease is not normal age related. Its common, but not normal. Pair that with the increasing problems I was having with her, her primary didnt even seem interested in talking about her memory problems,. I Just knew it had to be more. I would read things on this website from other people that hit dead on. The vascular doctor was the one that finally aknowleged a problem. Asprin is all we can do, according to him. I dont even think she picked up on what he was telling me. It helps though to have validation. I'd love love love to take her to a neuro and get specifics on how severe, how long, yada yada...but she isnt interested. This website has helped me out so much. If it wasnt for this place, I probably woulda kicked her out a long time ago for being a $%^**, when I thought there wasnt anything wrong, it made it so hard to handle. Because you feel like, I don't have to take this abuse, why do I have to put up with that? Your not gonna treat me that way! Knowing there is a reason beyond her control is the only wasy I can deal with it. Putting her in the place of the victim of a disease makes me way more compassonate. But still I have many days that it just seems so unfair. What did I get myself into? Was I nuts???Yes I was...would knowing she had dementia have made a diffrence? probably...would I still have done it anyways, im not sure. I would have never chose to move someone with dementia in my home with my kids...then again how would I have have said no? She was like a second mom to hubby, or a grandmother. But knowledge isa power.

Ladee, I LOVE it when you go to the dark side.......as long as I can keep up..........
Notlike......let mom get her own f'n seeds. Take her to Walmart or Target and ramble through the seed packets......just like you to not use the right bowl OR find the right seeds, huh? Or tell her the seeds are IN the bowl and let her figure it out.

Gonna take a shower and do last minute chores before I go to the airport this afternoon. Everyone behave.......or just don't get caught!!!!

You know you are a caregiver when you have a bolagna sandwich for breakfast...AND have to share it with the cat... always sharing sharing sharing, nothing just for US...
Vic, glad dads meds are working, better for him and you... Sorry you and mom are just together too much.... and sometimes we get so tired we just don't care.... but still keep our mouth shut because we are too tired to say "sorry" one more time.... hang in there, enjoy your time with hubby....
Viv, sounds like you are starting to see a tiny light at the end of the tunnel.... as the anti's kick in you'll feel better and things won't seem so overwhelming, and I figured it up, I am 427 in dog years... hell, no wonder I'm tired and everything hurts...You'll find the words for what you need to say to that woman... and of course she is going to get upset, most parasites do when you unsuck them from your life.... just do what is right for you, that is part of taking your life back... emotional vampires, that's what I call them....
Notlike, you would think that someone that thrives on drama as much as your mom does, she could find something more interesting than F'n beans... good Lord, I'd go get every kind of bean seed there was.... NOW ARE YOU HAPPY??? I do appreciate that you are looking like a looney everytime you go to the store for bean seeds... I would run like a jackrabbit if the salesmans name is JACK....( Jack and the Beanstalk for all of those too tired to get it)
I feel myself heading to the 'dark side', when I can not deal with one more day of someone saying my name or calling me mom, this is where Jam says I am the problem child of the thread... Oh hell yes, let's get this party goin'.....
TxSG, good to see you back... as you can see, today is pretty much all about ME, ME , ME.... getting way too tired....
Love ya'll, sorry if I didn't mention someone, catch ya later.... love, hugs and angels...

Been a day on the phone. Hubby said mil is doing better after sleeping all day. He made plan B to get to the airport. Can't wait till he gets home. Then I had to call my uncle.....the only one left on my dad's side. Uncle had to pull the plug on my aunt today......his wife........the 6th anniversary of my dad's death.....so he is having a rough time. Doesn't look like we will make it to the funeral. I just can't ask it of hubby to drive to St. Louis when he gets off the plane after driving to Maine last week. We are going there in 2 weeks anyway to bury my parents' ashes.

I hope everyone has a restful evening.......angels to all.....

Nice to see everyone here, lil behind time, kinda like that around here, by the time I get around to thinking I'm going to check in with all you-I'm ready to close my eyes-LOL...Thanks for this thread-so true. Can't remember the last time someone asked how I was doing-my sisn law does-shes a love. I hope all you are doing well, I had a nice crying spell today & fell a little relieved now. Sometimes you just have to. Nite all.

ASG-Thank you, thank you! I read your post three times, and will go back and read it again. I'm a nurse - there isn't a bodily fluid that I haven't been covered with - I can do that all day, but putting up with a 73 year old toddler drives me right up the wall. I know it's primarily her personality, and she passed the cognative tests, but I am going to re-read her brains cans for vascular issues. I wouldn't doubt it's part of it. I love this site because other than my sis, no one else really "gets' it. Hugs.
Vic-love to hear Dad's improving. I'm glad the med is working. Do you need a trip to the laundry room? I'll mix the drinks...:) Hugs.
Burned - you amaze me, lady. You keep alot together. I'd send you dolphins if I could. Hugs. Here's my real life joke: Hubby, son, and I were standing by the raised garden beds they made. The edges have little plastic loops on them, and it's like popping bubble wrap to pull them off. So we're all standing there, relieving stress, and hubby says, "Family vacation, 2012." Have I mentioned that I love that man?
Vivian-sounds like each day is getting better for you. Keep coming here and venting with us. Jam's right, in that it would be great if the neighbor would help you, but if not, you need to do what's best for you. Blessings and hugs. Enjoy your company later this week!
Ladee-Miss you...hope all is as well as can be. Did you get outside today with Sonny? Hugs.
Mom got a Graduation certificate for finishing radiation today. She still isn't eating alot. I'll be with her next week when they weigh her, so we'll see then. And I bought more bean seeds today, but still not the right kind. These had better be the best beans ever grown, because they are a pain the in the you-know-what to find!
Goodnight, and better tomorrows.

I'm back, I took the dog for a walk at the park before I bought groceries, she is going to be 13 in July, I think that is 91 in dog years. She is really slowing down, but overall is still in pretty good shape. She has gotten to the point she is not eating dog food, dry or canned. I've given up and started making her a plate of whatever we are having cause I don't want her to starve. Got most of the groceries put away, but had to make supper. I pulled a bunch of stuff out of the fridge that went bad while I was feeling so miserable. I really hate to waste food, its just like throwing money in the trash, I feel so guilty. I'm really dragging right now, but always feel better after coming here and sharing. I've been told to journal but never could seem to make myself do it, this feels kind of like a replacement, and I like that I get responses. Seeme, it was JAM that suggested my friend to sit with mom, but I'm going to take Notlike's advice and tell her the truth. I've been afraid to say it because I just can't seem to find the right words. I thought in the past when I let her know how rough I was feeling that she would take a hint but she didn't. Seems something I've said in the last week or so has kept her at bay. Her whole family has been good to us, Dad and brother helped me alot a couple of years ago do some updating of the house and practically worked for free. Enough about that. Seeme, I hope your headache is gone by now, sinus problems are the worst. I'm wondering where Oliva went, I've been thinking of her. I hope Stormy is having a wonderful time at Disney. Ladee, I love to read whatever you post, youve got a great sense of humor. Vic, glad to see you today. Allshesgot, your hands are so full, when I read posts like yours, it really helps put things in perspective for me. Mom pretty much can't walk. She used to try with the walker until she got the powerchair, then she gave up. She won't even use it to go 10 steps to the toilet. I just wish she wasn't so comfortable in her room, she eats all her meals in there, pretty much sits in her recliner all day. She has picked up drawing again which I'm glad about cause she will get lost in time doing it. We've got an appt tomarrow at the co-ag clinic to see how the blood thinners are doing and then one on Wed. too. The heart Dr. sent papers in the mail to go to the hosp. and do a test for one of her meds. My Aunt and Uncle are going to come on Thurs. Well I've got to go, Mom says she is hungry!!! She just ate 2 hours ago. I've been rambling along anyway. Thanks! I hope everyone has a good night and an even better tomarrow. If I don't respond to a lot of you, its because I don't know what to say, but I feel for everyone on here. Blessing and much respect to you all!

well....I got stuff i needed to fix the walls and my son's bedroom and the landlord wants me to return the paint i bought ...when I do not trust the paint in his shed and how old it is. I am not risking lead in this trailer I live in for who knows how long but hubby is pleased with the supplies....gives em something to do whilst i do more cleaning. I finally gave the state my final paystub for this month...so hopefully they will do what is right and give me my food stamps. I work and get paid looking after my husband so I totally hate the bungholes in administrative offices....they make more money than us regular folk and then ppl got to look down on others for food stamps etc. its not a matter of entitlement ...its a matter of feed considering how much past administrations have screwed folks over and then this person in office doesn't know what he is doing. Well I got 2 more things to take care hubby's LTC by the 20th to fax it and his appt with the therapist this wk. I have been in a blue funk ...so disinterested in things but trying to keep my chin up is like floundering in water trying to swim with the sharks and when i rather float with the dolphins...they rarely bite. Personally I am glad things are slowly improving just takes time and its the first yr of managing everything for the family. Someone tell a dirty joke I need a real good laugh :) laughter is the best medicine for the soul and the heart.

Hi all.. Have to catch up on posts..pray you are having a good hour or two. Wish I was on vaca with stormy...hope she and family have the best time ever. Dad is a little more limber stated feeding himself a bit..yaay.. Me and mom aren't getting along..or I probably should say..I am not getting along with her... Just try to stay out of the way and be as nice as I can..really hard as all I want to do is leave for awhile. God bless all you wonderful caregivers..you all are my angels.

Poor hubby is getting a really good tast of his mom. Seems they were on the way into town this morning, only to find out that it is Patriot's Day and only the states of Mass and Maine celebrate it. Which means a lot of offices are closed. No blood tests today. Besides, she couldn't remember what she was going into town for, didn't know where she was going. Hubby just took her back to the house and put her to bed. She wouldn't rest yesterday at all, just kept puttering around cleaning up mouse poop with her bare hands. Hubby got rid of her recliner and was working on getting rid of the couch. Seems she may have incontinence to the point the furniture is ruined......could be the dog, just don't know. Can't count on her taking him to the airport tomorrow, so he has to get a taxi. It is at least 20 miles......mostly over back country roads.

ASG....maybe auntie has lasted so long BECAUSE you are caring for her. I can tell you do a wonderful job..........maybe TOO good??? jk And the sweets on the grocery list won't go away. Seems they just want sweets. Same with mom and mil here.

Viv....try the neighbor out. Just for an hour ot two. See how she does. Maybe she will turn out to be your angel. Or she won't come back....either way, you get a couple hours out of the house. Very good suggestion. Who said that?

Austin....you are ssssssooooooo right about taking time to get to the new normal......whatever it is.

I have a splitting sinus pressure headache, and I just woke up from a nap with it. Gonna rain tomorrow. The wind is up and blowing brick dust everywhere.....wha, wha, wha.............gonna leave if all I can do is whine............ttyl